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hamusandtahini
3rd May 2004, 08:31
"She had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, the power of speech."
George Barnard Shaw.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
Maria Carey.

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
Charles de Gaulle.

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
Rich Cook.

"What's another word for thesaurus?"
Steven Wright

Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales"
Stephen Hawking (A Brief History of Time).

"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
Paul Merton. :ok:

"There are three reasons why lawyers are replacing rats as laboratory research animals. One is that they are plentiful, another is that lab assistants don't get so attached to them and the third is that they will do things that you just can't get rats to do."
Blanche Knott.

We didn't actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure."
Keith Davis.

"We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate."
Kin Hubbard

Jerricho
3rd May 2004, 12:34
"Scattered showers my ass..........." - Noah

I know, I know..........not original, been done before! Where's the list again?

SSC
3rd May 2004, 12:47
The Definition of A Gentleman:

"A man who knows how to play the piano-accordion.......but chooses not to..."
.... Oscar Wilde (I think)

DishMan
3rd May 2004, 12:53
OK it's been posted before but I love it:

Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”

Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

:)

BlueDiamond
3rd May 2004, 13:07
"I don't suppose it's raining?"

Joan of Arc

separator
3rd May 2004, 13:16
Monica Lewinsky:

"Close......but that's no cigar"

sep

IRRenewal
3rd May 2004, 15:03
"There are 10 kind of people. Those who understand binairy and those who don't."

silly walks
3rd May 2004, 15:53
"Work, the curse of the drinking classes"
Oscar Wilde

"Do not misunderestimate me"
George Dubya

"I see no need for personal computers as only 10 of them will be sold worldwide"
The CEO of IBM when Apple launched the 1st pc

"Doh !!"
Homer

:p :p :p

The Filth
3rd May 2004, 16:00
"Honestly..."
"My honourable friend laughs at me, but..."
"Labour is the party of law and order in Britain today. Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime."
"Ask me my three priorities for Government, and I tell you: education, education and education."
"There are literally thousands of sites. As I was told in Iraq, information is coming in the entire time, but it is only now that the Iraq survey group has been put together that a dedicated team of people, which includes former UN inspectors, scientists and experts, will be able to go in and do the job properly."
"As I have said throughout, I have no doubt that they will find the clearest possible evidence of Saddam's weapons of mass destruction."
"I have absolutely no doubt at all that we will find evidence of weapons of mass destruction programmes."




Tony Bliar, MP for Texas (North)

Gainesy
3rd May 2004, 17:23
"When are you going to finish [insert household job] ?!? Well??"

Her Indoors.:uhoh: :{

amanoffewwords
3rd May 2004, 17:47
To do is to be - Socrates

To be is to do - Sartre

Do-be-do-be-do - Sinatra

EyesToTheSkies
3rd May 2004, 18:30
"Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."

maxman
3rd May 2004, 19:10
When flying a light aircraft, you will reach the scene of the accident, 30 minutes before the Paramedics.:(

lineboy_nz
3rd May 2004, 19:10
"I think Ian raised some very good points tonight and i think that everybody should do as he says"
-Anon

None of the above
3rd May 2004, 19:44
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

-- Albert Einstein

seacue
3rd May 2004, 19:53
Two hi-tech "laws":
-------------------------

Any product you can actually get delivered is obsolete.

Hurry up and buy now before the price goes down.


And what I should get as a PPRuNe signature:
--------------------------------------------

Sometimes I think I'm indecisive, but I'm not really sure.


All by ME!

SC


Leaving no nit unpicked (sometimes).

henry crun
3rd May 2004, 23:15
Fewer things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. Mark Twain

Jerricho
4th May 2004, 00:45
Fewer things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a M.I.L. - Jerricho.

Desert Nomad
4th May 2004, 04:43
"Alchohol: The cause of and solution to all of life's problems" - Homer Simpson

mazzy1026
4th May 2004, 12:50
"Damm you impestuous woman - youv'e impeded my plans to take over this world since the day I escaped from your wretched womb" - Stewie Griffin - Family Guy.

QC: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
PETER GRIFFIN: Yeah I swear................yer barsterrrrd

Family Guy

Stockpicker
4th May 2004, 13:00
Have I got this one right? another Churchill goodie:

Nancy Astor "Sir, if you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee"

WC: "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

Also, just about anything by Dorothy Parker, including

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised"

fritzi
4th May 2004, 13:24
I never let my schooling interfere with my education. -Mark Twain

Kolibear
4th May 2004, 13:28
"Ignorance is invincible"

timzsta
4th May 2004, 19:08
"Indecision is the basis of flexibility" - timzsta.

Not exactly the correct quote, but :

"I am sure that there was no underhand or duplicitous behavoir on behalf of the government in relation to the circumstances surrounding the death of Dr David Kelly. The government acted in the manner it did or else it would have left itself open, at a later date, to being accused of a cover up" - Lord Hutton.

"We all know Bush is an idiot, what's Blair's excuse" - news trailer on BBC Radio 5 Live.

"If they hadn't have scored the equaliser we would have won the game" - Ron Atkinson, former football pundit.

"I am a great believer, in that to win the game, you have to score one more goal then the opposition"

"Midshipman xxxxxxxxx lets his Essex background clearly show, but he has demonstrated on occasion that he is not a total wideboy" - opening lines of my first report as a Midshipman.

"During WW2 we built two huge great mulberyy harbours and a sixty mile long oil pipeline inside of a year. We towed them accross the English Channel in half a gale in the face of the enemy. Not to long ago it took us five years to build a tent in Greenwhich" - timzsta's old man on the Millenium Dome.

BUMPFF
4th May 2004, 19:45
"I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member."

Son, whether you get married or stay single you're doing the wrong thing."

Groucho Marx
--------------------------------------------
"How do you like children?" "Fried."

"Golf? A good walk spoiled."

W.C. Fields.

chaulks
4th May 2004, 20:03
He who is not high, is low..........Confuxious

mini
4th May 2004, 21:48
"What the f**k was that"


Mayor of Hiroshima and many others since

EDDNHopper
4th May 2004, 22:42
"All art is quite useless."
(Oscar Wilde)


Unfortunately, the next one only works in German, and thus needs some explanation, which sort of spoils the quote:
The German "Weltanschauung" literally means something along the lines of "a look at the world". :8

So Alexander von Humboldt (*1789) once said: "Die gefährlichste Weltanschauung ist die derjenigen, die die Welt nie angeschaut haben."

"The most dangerous Weltanschauung ( 'look at the world' ) is the one by people who never looked at world." - or more freely: "The most dangerous outlook on life is the one by people who never looked at life".


"How do I know what I´m thinking before I´ve heard what I am saying?"
(unknown)

Grandpa
4th May 2004, 22:44
"He who learned to die, he forgot how to be a slave"
(translation of "désapprendre" is not easy)

tony draper
4th May 2004, 23:46
Always thought Panco Villas last words were great,

"This is terrible, tell them I said something"



:rolleyes:

EDDNHopper
4th May 2004, 23:53
And of course:

"Frailty, thy name is woman!"
(Shakespeare, Hamlet, I, ii)

separator
5th May 2004, 07:24
"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him." -Mark Twain

sep

Jerrichos MIL
5th May 2004, 14:07
With thanks to Rowan Atkinson, I raise my cigarette in honour of his insight and genious :ok:

''As far as I'm concerned, my daughter could not have chosen a more delightful, charming, witty, responsible, wealthy, let's not deny it, well-placed, good-looking and fertile young man than Captain PPRuNe as her husband. And I therefore ask the question "Why the hell did she marry Jerricho instead?"... because Jerricho is a sort of man we used to describe at school as a complete prick! If I may use a gardening simile here, if his entire family may be likened to a compost heap (and I think they can) then Jerricho is the biggest weed growing out of it. I think he's a sort of man people emigrate to avoid. I remember the first time I met Jerricho, I said to my husband (he's the lovely man propping of that old lush of a father of his) either this man is suffering from serious brain damage or the new vacuum cleaner's just arrived. As for his family, they are quite simply the most intolerable herd of steaming social animals that I have ever had the misfortune of turning my nose up to. I spurn you as I would spurn a rabid dog.''

:hmm: