View Full Version : Teaching a Chimp to fly

Onan the Clumsy
23rd Aug 2001, 22:41
I was working with my nephew the other day, (he's close to soloing a glider), and I heard myself say "You can teach a Chimp to fly"

Then I wondered...Could you?

I mean think about it: How would you comunicate, assuming you could find a headset that fitted properly? How would you praise him for a good landing? Wouldn't he just get tired of bananas? and do they eat the skin, or would they all end up rotten on the floor of the aircraft?

What do YOU think?

24th Aug 2001, 01:06

After rowing over the pond to the other side, I think you settled in the wrong state. These are the kind of questions George W. would pose at cabinet meetings, but then again you could have ended up in West Virginia, and to this very day, we would not have heard from Onan. I understand that they're about to put in phone service in W.Va.

Seriously, I have read surveys saying that monkeys prefer wearing Teletype brand headsets and as for the banana peels, they very carefully throw them out on the grass before landing. Kind of helps their skids.


Send Clowns
24th Aug 2001, 01:09
Well Latvia, since the US has a chimp in the White House ...

tony draper
24th Aug 2001, 01:19
Ha!I'll have you know,us chimps piloted most of the early American space craft, we were in space long before you talking monkeys.

Arm out the window
24th Aug 2001, 03:18
Yes, you can, I've done it.

24th Aug 2001, 03:39
They gave 'em Mercury Rockets.

I understand that there was a building full of Chimps somewhere in Texas - all originally trained for the space program (No, not Johnson Space Center).

They had to finally "retire" them a few months back. Apparently, they were a little "feisty" due to the electric shock treatment.

Now who says that there is a diference between pilots.......?

24th Aug 2001, 11:46
I consider myself living proof you can teach a monkey to fly but I'm a special breed of monkey closely related to the spanner and greese monkey.
Chimpanzee's on the other hand are recalsitrant smelly little bastards (and they bite to) I suggest the best way to get one to fly would be to open the aircraft door and chuck him out (fly you little bastard fly).

gravity victim
24th Aug 2001, 13:02
True 'flying primate' story:
I don't know about flying chimps, but in my foolish youth I ran a skydiving display team, the star of which was Sidney, the parachuting gorilla. (We did shows all over the country in the colours, bizarrely, of our sponsor the Milk Marketing Board.)

It would be explained to the crowd on the PA that it is very hard to persuade gorillas to skydive, as a) they don't like it at all and b)they are bloody strong. The technique, it was explained, was to blindfold Sidney before leading him into the 172, and despatch him by simultaneously booting him out, and whipping off the blindfold. A banana was tied to the ripcord handle, he would go for it instinctively, and the rest of the descent was a breeze due to vine-swinging skills, etc.

All this bulls*it went down very well and the highlight was the arrival of 'Sidney' (in expensive and realistic hired ape suit) in the arena, lots of chest-beating, carrying off girls and so forth.

And then one memorable day I got a knock on the door early in the morning, grim man on doorstep who announced himself as Inspector Vincent of the RSPCA. They had 'received a report from a member of the public' that I was involved in the possible mistreatment of a large protected primate, to wit a Gorilla, and this would be investigated with a view to prosecution for cruelty!

When I had picked myself up off the floor and dried my tears of mirth, I put him straight, and legged it round to the Daily Mirror, who ran a nice story and pic of Sidney, and even paid me 50 quid.

With hindsight, I should have told him to sod off, it was my gorilla and I would make it jump if I wanted, and seen how far we could have let the case progress... :D

Bobby Guzzler
24th Aug 2001, 16:40
Teaching a chimp to fly - I reckon they could do it!

Back at uni I did a course on classical conditioning, and we saw a video on the stuff they got up to!

The one thing you need to do though is start them smoking! The cheeky little bastards love the cancer sticks, and they'll do anything for them - plus it looks really funny!

(No RSPCA campaigners out there email me - I know its inhumane, but imagine them smoking away with their leather jackets, hats, and scarf's on - hee hee!) :D

25th Aug 2001, 02:35

So, don't keep us in suspense any longer. Did Sidney like to fly and jump, or was the Milk Board PR correct.

Did you have a personal relationship with Sid. Did you discuss your altitudes before jumping and did you instruct him on the use of the reserve chute in case the banana rip cord got fouled in some way.

Come on man? We're all eager to hear. How many jumps did Sid make?

Can you put him in the Guiness Book of Records as an ape/gorilla to make the most parachute jumps out of a plane? Etc. Etc.

This is good stuff. You're talking about my relatives and I'm in the process of peeling a banana to go with my beer. Ugh!

25th Aug 2001, 02:50
GV, a Para mate of mine told me stories of "Egbert, the Parachuting Monkey", "Pshaw", said I, but lo and behold... http://www.lima1.co.uk/page1.htm

25th Aug 2001, 03:20
More Chimps in aviation I say.

Can only be good for the salaries, since they don't work for peanuts.

25th Aug 2001, 15:28
That's not a parachuting monkey eric. That's Company Sgt Major Perkins of 2 Para. He may be a little fella but he's a really tough nut and if you upset him in the mess he p*sses in yer beer.

Through difficulties to the cinema

26th Aug 2001, 04:29
Ask any ATCO, he'll tell you he speaks to plenty each day! :D

26th Aug 2001, 12:35
Imagine "Harry" the gorilla taking flying lessons.

Ok Harry listen up, next time pull up more gently.... #@%^& Harry, Harry stop, don't be rude with your instructor now

27th Aug 2001, 20:24
"It is often said that a billion monkeys with typewriters would eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare. The Internet has shown that this is not true".


gravity victim
28th Aug 2001, 20:25

Sid says thanks for asking after him.

He did around 50 display jumps all round the UK, before hanging it up and retiring. His worst moment was being blown clear over the arena somewhere oop North, and landing in the middle of a grass-track motorbike race,causing utter chaos. He also crashed in downwind at Glasgow and dislocated his shoulder, to the vast amusement of the crowd.

Sid's big hate was rain, which made his fur weigh twice as much and made for heavy landings. He loved jumping from JetRangers, because he could shuffle along to the front of the skid and pull faces at the pilot through the canopy. Happy days...
:D :) :)