View Full Version : Planes and keys

cosmo kramer
23rd Aug 2001, 16:05
...Are there keys to a plane? Maybe that's what those delays are sometimes, when you're just sitting there at the gate. Maybe the pilot sits up there in the cockpit going, "Oh, I don't believe this. Dammit..I did it again." They tell you it's something mechanical because they don't want to come on the P.A. system, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to be delayed here on the ground for a while. I uh..Oh, God this is so embarrassing...I, I left the keys to the plane in my apartment. They're in this big ashtray by the front door. I'm sorry, I'll run back and get them."

23rd Aug 2001, 16:11
Warriors have keys. Bl**dy nearly dropped them into the left wing fuel tank once... :)

23rd Aug 2001, 16:20
On a Big Jet delay is never caused by loosing a key.

We always invent delay because we love airplanes and like to stay on board as long as we can even if it causes a lot of trouble for our customers. The bigger the delay the more fun we have. This gives us time to make up little stories for the reason of the delay like: "we've lost the keys"

23rd Aug 2001, 19:25
They do have keys. I was on a demo of BAeRJ and misplaced A/C keys. Red faces all round couldn't get in because locked all lower doors and tied all cabin doors together. Had to go back to hotel and find key. Never did it again. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

23rd Aug 2001, 19:53
Best ever excuse I heard was actually nothing to do with keys, but toilets.

My grandparents were due to fly from Tenerife South to London Gatwick. Boarded the plane on time, but were then informed that there would be a small delay due to a fault with one of the toilets. Delay turned out to 6 hours!

The flight was supposed to be 4 hours. So, basically, instead of 4 hours with one toilet out of operation, the whole plane-load of passengers had to sit there for 6 hours, with absolutely no bloody toilets at all!

Of course, once the toilet was fixed, the crew couldn't fly the aircraft back to London without exceeding their maximum number of hours on duty, so all the pax were bussed to a nearby hotel. The luggage was left on the plane, so it was a case of sleeping in your underwear, and no way to brush your teeth. (The thought of my grandad sleeping in his underwear was not pleasant!)

And the really incredible thing is that the ground crew at Gatwick didn't have a clue what was going on. I was sat there all night waiting for this flight! Until 1/2 hour after the plane was due in, it was officially expected on time. Then it was shown as being delayed by 1 hour, then by 2 hours, and so on, until around 8 hours after it was actually due, when we were told that it wouldn't be there until the next day! I can't believe that the crew at London weren't capable of phoning Tenerife. "Hi, did flight XXXX leave on time?" "Well, no actually, it's still sat on the apron, and the passengers have gone to a hotel for the night." "Ok, thank you!" But no, that didn't occur to anyone, did it?

Ok, rant mode off :D

Wouldn't the best thing be for the pilot to attach the aircraft keys to his car keys, so that he couldn't get to the airport without them?


23rd Aug 2001, 22:37
No keys for the Citabria -- Just a big silver button (like a doorbell, but more effective).

Actually keys have never been a problem for me, it was always headsets that I forgot... getting a far as getting started before shamefacedly shutting down and returning to the flight school.

No wonder my instructor hated me. :mad:

[ 23 August 2001: Message edited by: kabz ]

Onan the Clumsy
23rd Aug 2001, 22:54
Wouldn't the best thing be for the pilot to attach the aircraft keys to his car keys, so that he couldn't get to the airport without them?

Speaking as a mathematician, although on the face of it, this would seem to be a good idea, we should analyse it for complexity.

Firstly, he'd need a set of airplane keys to go with each of his car keys. I mean it's fine if he ALWAYS takes the Jag to the airport, but what about the day he uses his Ferrari, or rolls out the Humber Snipe?

Secondly, what if he flies a different aircraft? This is where the problem increases geometrically as he'd need to keep a key for every aircraft with every car key.

Thirdly, this assumes he's not flying a rented Skyhawk, which as we all know, needs THREE KEYS to get it started.

So, we now have this guy walking round with pockets full of keys that are ruining his suit, so he'll need a briefcase to carry them all in and as they're important, he should lock his briefcase...

...now what does he do wwith THAT key?

pax domina
23rd Aug 2001, 23:07
There's a thread on this same subject here:

24th Aug 2001, 00:49

This guy is definitely in need of a key man insurance. (No, I am not an insurance sales man)


24th Aug 2001, 01:05
I used to keep my keys on a length of elastic that ran along through the arms of my jacket and down into my pocket - like my gloves. The problem was when I changed my jacket. This has been solved by stapling the elastic directly into the skin on my arms and across my back. The infections are a bit of nuisance but I havent left home without them once in the last 2 years

tony draper
24th Aug 2001, 01:10
Why is it that if you keep two bunches of keys in your pocket, you always ,repeat always pull out the wrong bunch when you get to your front door?, In the interest of science I refused to put a key ring or something like thaton one bunch so I could identify by touch.
The count up to now is about 300 to one ,what happened to the law of averages?,is Draper exempt from this fundamental rule.

cosmo kramer
24th Aug 2001, 23:56
I'm shocked no one recognized it was a quote from Seinfeld. Where is your cultural background?? :D

27th Aug 2001, 23:57
Here's a cool fact about aeroplanes and keys: the Twin Otter and the 737 have the same locks!

Told you it was a cool fact. :cool:

tony draper
28th Aug 2001, 00:47
Very simple Draper has two houses, both have yale keys and similar dead lock keys :rolleyes:

28th Aug 2001, 01:03
"If you can start it, you can fly it!"

(or you can fail really really bad ....)

tony draper
28th Aug 2001, 01:12
Doesn't the 747 have a distributer one can remove for added security?. ;)

28th Aug 2001, 15:31
Cosmo, I'll have you know that I picked up on that immediatley, and was about to complain loudly. Then I read your username and decided that you had as much a right to it as anyone. :D

28th Aug 2001, 17:12
There is one thing worse than forgetting the keys for the Aircraft, and thats going home with the only set in your pocket, then getting a call at 6 am the next day from a colleague - whom you blast cause its your day off, your hungover and theres no way your coming in cause your on your 7th day! only to realize he's after the keys to the 182 and there still in your pocket.
Hmmm ******!