PDA

View Full Version : the new cow theory


dingducky
22nd Aug 2001, 14:14
i have been asked to start a thread on the new cow theory.
it comes from the book animal husbandry by laura zigman. i believe that it has just been made into a movie called someone like you starring ashley judd.
the new cow theory is based on that when a bull is shown a cow it will want to mate with it. but then it will no longer want that cow because it is now old cow and the bull wants new cow!
the theory applies this concept to men. it is why some men (the new cow men) will go from woman to woman, while others (the old cow men) will be happy to stay with one woman :)

bodger
22nd Aug 2001, 14:22
'ere mate be carefull,even I can't get away with calling the missus an old cow! :)

Bob Hawke
22nd Aug 2001, 16:11
I herd about this!

Biggles Flies Undone
22nd Aug 2001, 16:19
Is that what the press refer to as 'breaking moos'?

max_cont
22nd Aug 2001, 16:53
Dings, When I was a bullock, I fancied heifers. Now I'm a bull, I still fancy heifers.

Problem is, all I can catch is old cows. :D :D

Tricky Woo
22nd Aug 2001, 17:04
Ding,

We blokes usually like to mate repetitively with the same cow. The 'new cow' continues to be a 'new cow' for much longer than you think. Only after we've practiced every possible form of sexual perversion on said 'new cow', will she be recategorised as an 'old cow'.

I hope this restores your confidence in men.

TW

Throtlemonkey
22nd Aug 2001, 18:18
;) I suggest that the bull not wanting to mate with the cow again is because he can't remember the cows name, has gotten said cow pregnant and forgot to call her the next day, and so to avoid an embarrassing scene moves on to the next cow.

What I really want to know is who was it that discovered that tasty milk comes from cows, what the hell did he think he was doing ?

[ 22 August 2001: Message edited by: Throttlemonkey ]

RW-1
22nd Aug 2001, 18:31
Obviously it was an animalistic person with a nipple fetish ...

"Gee look how many on that cow!" :eek:

Mert
22nd Aug 2001, 19:58
I think Tricky Woo hit the nail squarely on the head that answer! Why is it that cows don't smell like leather anyhow?

Flap Sup
23rd Aug 2001, 01:27
Ding,

I think you'll have to explain with the story with sheep instead of cows, otherwise the kiwis wount understand.
FS

Rollingthunder
23rd Aug 2001, 04:51
Cow Tipping...now that would be a topic!

Out standing in his field.

pigboat
23rd Aug 2001, 07:28
Cow tipping? Ya gotta be pretty gullibull to believe that stuff.

dingducky
23rd Aug 2001, 07:43
flap sup
i am a kiwi and i understand it
but then i am a female some of the males might have differculty with the concept and i won't even start on the aussies :D

dingducky
23rd Aug 2001, 07:49
I thought it would be nice to have an excerpt from the book. so here is how it starts :)

If someone had asked me a year ago why I thought it was that men leave women and never come back, I would have said this:
New Cow.
New Cow is short for New-Cow theory, which is short for Old-Cow-New-Cow theory, which, of course is short for the sad, sorry truth that men leave women and never come back because all they really want is a New Cow.

The New-Cow theory was not my theory, though I renamed it and refined it for my own purposes. The seed of the New-Cow theory was culled from an article on male behavior that caught my eye, partly because it appeared in a highly reputable newspaper and not in a self-help book with a twenty-three-word title, and partly too, I think, because of the timing, which was about nine months after Ray had left me for no apparent reason and right after I found out that his no apparent reason had had a name all along:
New Cow.

The New-Cow theory was based on several seminal studies cited in the article on the mating preferences of the male cow.
First a bull was presented with a cow.
They mated.
When bull was presented with the same cow, to mate again, the bull wasn’t interested. He wanted New Cow and this was Old Cow.

At which point the same cow was brought in again, only this time researchers disguised her slightly-with a hat or a little dress. And again the bull refused to mate with her because he could tell that she wasn’t New Cow. She was just Old Cow dressed as New Cow.

Finally, realising the bull couldn’t be tricked visually, an ingenios ploy was implemented: the Old Cow was smeared with New-Cow scent. Smelling New Cow, the bull got up and crossed the barn to get a better look.
But he was no fool. This wasn’t New Cow.
This was Old Cow incognito.
Old Cow in sheep’s clothing.
Mutton dressed as lamb.

Craig Pollard
23rd Aug 2001, 09:05
Cows? My first missus always called me a dog. Fitting really, cause she's a total B****.

But Old or new they are still cows.
:D :D :D :D :p

golden_hands
23rd Aug 2001, 11:11
Why is it then, that bulls only like new cows? Some cows believe that once they have been mated by a bull that the bull becomes their property and they start mooing too much when the bull is heading for a new cow. This behaviour of old cows is very, very annoying for bulls. The duty of a strong healthy bull is to reproduce as many times as possible to pass his genes.

If old cows only could appreciate this! :o

max_cont
23rd Aug 2001, 23:25
[Sigh] So many many cows... so little time, I'll sleep later. :) :) :)

kabz
23rd Aug 2001, 23:28
A small but important tip, for any expectant fathers :

"Never 'mooooo' at a woman breastfeeding a baby."

Onan the Clumsy
23rd Aug 2001, 23:58
The New-Cow theory was based on several seminal studies cited in the article on the mating preferences of the male cow.


Seminal studies?

Onan the Clumsy
24th Aug 2001, 00:04
The bull has to continually find new cows because...


...he can't make a fist :D

tony draper
24th Aug 2001, 00:12
Or as miz Parker said, nowadays, bulls prefer other bulls. ;)

max_cont
24th Aug 2001, 00:36
Only if they know how to dance(while sober)...Can talk to cows and empathise and are immaculately dressed and according to cows... drop dead gorgeous :(

[ 23 August 2001: Message edited by: max_cont ]

gravity victim
24th Aug 2001, 00:54
Pull the udder one.. :D

airwave
24th Aug 2001, 02:31
Apart from being the biggest load of bullocks I have herd in this field, I cannot help but try to leather up the discussion by being udderly untethered. I know I am milking this thread and I will take the bull by the horns and ask for your continued (w)offal on this dairy contentious and some may say cowsome subject.
:p

Bob Hawke
24th Aug 2001, 05:26
Hey airwave, it's pasture bedtime.

Rollingthunder
24th Aug 2001, 05:55
Speaking of burgers...McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, Wimpy...all sad. The best burger is made at home. Why can I not get a decent burger on the road? Who knows Peperoncini? A nice cheese, mayo, bit of good mustard, thin slices (2) of tomato, of onion (one). Balanced, perfect? Do you want fries with that?

Bob Hawke
26th Aug 2001, 06:01
moooooo!

Feeton Terrafirma
26th Aug 2001, 06:29
Rollingthunder Please leave out the tomato and deliver 3 to me.

I have read and considered this new cow old cow theory with considerable effort and arrived at serveral conclusions. After much consideration of the possible consequences of exsposing those conclusions I have elected not to post in this thread. :eek:

ExSimGuy
26th Aug 2001, 10:43
Feeton,

Those "consequences" wouldn't be connected with Mrs. Feeton having access to the web would they? :)

Saw the movie on US99, LGW-PHL last Friday, the other day and had a good laugh. Reccommend it thoroughly. (It's on all US flights Europe-PHL for the rest of the month)

I can also reccommend the pilot who flew the landing - both landings were wonderfully smooth ;)

Feeton Terrafirma
26th Aug 2001, 15:39
ExSimGuy,

You're married to eh!

:cool: