View Full Version : Unsolicited phone calls

Arm out the window
22nd Aug 2001, 06:14
Some turkey rang up our place the other night just as we were having dinner.

Me: 'Hello'

Unknown person on the line: 'Hello, I'm Doris from Plonkerhead Insurance consultants, and I'd like to talk to you about our range of...'

Me (interrupting the spiel):'Look, it's 7.30 at night and we're having dinner, I don't appreciate being called at home by people trying to sell me things when I haven't asked them to.'

Her: 'Well, this isn't selling, it's...'

Me: 'Look, I'm not interested, and I think it's rude to do what you're doing.'

Her: 'You have and attitude problem!' (Hangs up)

Damn right I've got an attitude problem! It's that I don't like bastards ringing me up out of the blue to try and sell me crap that I don't need or want.

I use the firm but (sort of) polite method - what do you do? Abuse must be satisfying. :)

22nd Aug 2001, 06:24
Position phone next to stereo set to play exerpts from "Bat out of Hell" at serious volume, at a moment's notice.

But, remember, sometimes there are just struggling human beings on the other end of the line. Saying "I'm not interested" should do it.

edited for , what the hell was that? Did you see that?

[ 22 August 2001: Message edited by: Rollingthunder ]

22nd Aug 2001, 06:54
My folks had the same problem out here in Oz, when organisations kept calling between 1830 and 1930 at night. I guess they know you'll be in but take no consideration to the fact that the reason you are in is because you are trying to feed you family, cook dinner, watch telly after flying pax all day etc etc... but my mum finally lost it with one. He called up trying to sell cheaper phone call rates and when asked if interested mum just simply stated "NO" quite firmly and when asked why not she basically stated all the above reasons.

I think this is an example of firm but not rude. Although I can't blame people for wanting to put their hand down the phone line and rip out their throats. :mad:

It annoys the hell out of me too but I generally just say "NO" as soon as they say "Im so and so from 'we are big bastards'" and leave it at that.

:mad: :mad: :mad:

22nd Aug 2001, 07:06
last time i played dumb
they go hello may i speak to the householder
i go what?
they go can i please talk to the householder
so i go ohhhhhhhkaaaaay
they were like you have a nice day goodbye
next i think i will try me no understand the engalish :p

Craig Pollard
22nd Aug 2001, 08:12
I think the best responses are from Seinfeld:

"Are you interested in cheap life insurance"

"yes" and hangs up.

or the other classic,

"Look it's not really convenient right now, how about you give me your home phone number and I'll call you back later"

"What, you don't like being called at home?, well neither do I" hangs up. ;)

22nd Aug 2001, 08:21
Simply lay the phone down and let the person on the other end go on with the sales pitch while you eat your dinner. This costs sales person a most important currency...Time.


henry crun
22nd Aug 2001, 08:27
One that has worked for me is to adopt your best childlike voice and say " mummy and daddy arn't in, I'm here all alone"

Tricky Woo
22nd Aug 2001, 10:44
Hi All,

A bit of background: I was desperately trying to sell a car, and had received no calls since placing the advert. This was the second week I'd been advertising, too.


Phone(8:30pm): "Ring-ring. Ring-ring."

TW(Breathless): "Hello"?

Girl(Sexy voice): "Oh hello, I believe that you're selling a car".

TW(Brghtening): "Yes I am".

Girl(Calm): "Is it still available"?

TW(Eager): "Yes. Would you be interested"?

Girl: "Actually, I work for a Autocar magazine, and we can GUARANTEE a quick sale for you".

TW(Deflated): "What? Er...er..."

Girl: "And all at the BARGAIN price of only 15 per week".

TW(Speechless): "Er... what... er".

Girl: "Would YOU be interested in a QUICK sale, sir"?

TW: "Er".

Girl: "We REALLY think that this is an offer you SHOULD seriously consider, sir".

TW(Rallying his forces): "That depends... what sort of underwear are you wearing"?

Girl: "What did you say, sir"?

TW(Back on form): "Well, most telephone sales girls wear cheap and nasty underwear, in my experience. I find that the more honest and successful girls wear taut, white panties that show off their..."

Phone: "Click".


A most pleasing end to that particular conversation.


22nd Aug 2001, 10:55
'Hello, can I speak to Mr. Radeng?'

Radeng. 'That's me'

'I'm from BT and I'm calling to offer a special package. For security purposes, could you confirm the telephone number you're speaking from?'

Radeng: 'You mean you don't know what number you called? How do I know you're really BT? What's my customer account number?'

'We can't tell you that for security reasons'.

Radeng: 'Sound to me like you're a crook running a scam. Bye'

Radeng picks up phone again, calls operator and reports attempts at criminal activity. Asks if police should be informed. Rapidly connected to supervisor, then to supervisors' supervisor, and assured it won't happen again, and please don't bother the police.

[ 22 August 2001: Message edited by: radeng ]

22nd Aug 2001, 11:38
Sales Person: "Hi - can I interest you in {xyz}..."

G: "Oh, I'm really glad you called. I don't need any xyz's just now but boy, have I got a deal for you... So happens I'm selling my car - I can just see you in it; it's just your colour. OK, there's a few dents and a little bit of rust but it's only done 150,000 miles ! I bet you're glad you called when you did ! Just send me the money ...."

SP usually long gone by now :D

Wile E. Coyote
22nd Aug 2001, 11:40
I put the handset next to my parrot's cage. She'll talk to the phonedroid all day saying Helloooo" and "yeessss" but the phonedroid soon figures that something is wrong when my parrot says "good girl!" and "don't bite, ow!"

Wile E. Coyote, genius!

22nd Aug 2001, 11:54
A whistle is a good thing to keep next to the phone. They wont be making very many phonecalls afterwards :o)

A good one for Jehovahs Witnesse (<-Not sure on spelling), is to leave them at the door and tell them you will be back just as soon as you have finished sacrificing the goat...

Still need a response to the numerous guys who turn up offering to tarmac my driveway.... :rolleyes:

You want it when?
22nd Aug 2001, 12:14
Tricky Woo - I'm trying to sell a car at the moment and the only interest is from firms with lots of buyers - 40 (to 80) and an almost guaranteed sale. I've offered them 150 if I sell it through them but they don't seem so sure of there buyers when the risk is with them.

Two methods I've used:
Useless Sales type - "I'd like to talk to you about double glazing"
"Cool, OK"
20 mins of chat - and then they close...
Me - "Oh sorry, I don't want to buy any just chat about it"

I once bought a conservatory - but only if they managed to complete the base build up to the 3rd floor flat that I had.

Go on, they are only making a living but it is fun to wind them up! :D

22nd Aug 2001, 15:24
Just lying in a nice hot bath, Sunday morning after a heavy Saturday night. Enjoying the peace and relaxing, whilst minding my own business. Then the bl**dy phone goes. After leaving it to ring for a few minutes, and its not going away, curse vehmently, and traipse up the hall dripping water. Having the place to myself at the time didn't bother picking up a towel or anything else, after all, it's only the phone.

Despite the extended ringing, the person is still on the other end - its my friend from about 4 doors down, who kindy tells me that the Jehovas are on their way around and that I might like to be 'out' After giving him a sarcastic 'thanks' and plonking the receiver back into the cradle, saunter back towards my nice hot bath, more than a tad pi**ed orf. Passing the front door, the bell goes, so I whip it open, still dripping, and glower a 'yes - what do you want' at the two young(ish) female JW's standing there. They coughed, mumbled something, and scuttled off - and since then have never been troubled by them or their cronies again!

Your mileage may vary!

22nd Aug 2001, 15:56
I told the JW that we were cathode followers (shows how long I've been in electronics!)

They've never been back.

22nd Aug 2001, 17:41
Some standard replies-

"Money's a little tight since I've been laid off"

"Do you take food stamps?"

"Yes, but will it make my life better?"

"Is it good for the environment?"

"Boy, the anger management classes have really helped, thanks for testing me...."

"Oh dear, my mothers been ill, why she had most of her colon out- bunches of tumors...(on and on)...

"Actually, no we are paying 2 cents a minute long distance-can you beat that?"

"Where are you calling from? Oh, Detroit, lovely city, have you ever eaten at...(on and on).

"Please don't call back right away, I'm negotiating with the police."

For in person calls with any religous entity-I keep a cigarette (I'm a non-smoker) and a beer at the ready- you can usually see them coming down the street. Although, to be fair, it might backfire-"You know, if we can turn this guy and get him to the church, think of the credit we'd get- he's like the Everest of missionary work!"


22nd Aug 2001, 17:46
I love goofing up the telemarketers, It's fun!

Phone rings;
Me; "Hello"
TM(Telemarketer);"Hello May I speak to Mr. flyin."
(I think all have a little fun and pretend that there are more than one Mr. Flyin in this house Hee, Hee)
Me; "Which Mr. Flyin are you looking for?"
TM; (long pause) "Uh Mr Flyin Senior?"
Me; "O.K. Hang on"
Me;(loudly without covering phone) "GRANDPA...TELEPHONE!"
Then proceed to act like elderly man who is hard of hearing until TM get frustrated and hangs up!!! :D

Charlie Foxtrot India
22nd Aug 2001, 19:13
They're easy to pick because they always ask if I'm MRS Foxtrot India. So I tell them that's my mum, and she's lives overseas, here's her number...
One time I left them talking, went and hung out the washing, did some housework, mowed the lawn... Over half an hour later went to hang up the phone, and the TM was STILL yakking on about raffle tickets. :rolleyes:
To be fair one of our students is telemarketing to try and make some dosh to pay for flying and says it is the worst job imaginable and the pay is [email protected] Surprisingly, not many of them choose to be telemarketers for a career, they are usually backpackers etc desperate for some dollars and are ripped off horribly.
Doesn't mean you have to buy their insulation though! :p

22nd Aug 2001, 19:22
this is my conversation:


Me:Hi, yes i'd like one Meat Feast, and one Cheese&tomato pizza, with a botttle of diet coke

Person:hangs up

Or this:


Me: The cops are all over the place, you gotta get me out quick! If they find me, they'll find the bodies!!

Person hangs up

My favourite:

Stick the end of the vacuum cleaner up to the receiver, works every time!

tony draper
22nd Aug 2001, 19:53
I just don't pick up the phone if its one of those calls.

22nd Aug 2001, 23:32
Theres this MP3 file floating about (it might be on www.fugly.com, (http://www.fugly.com,) but im not sure) abouot someone getting really abusive towards a telemarketer person from BT. i can understand why :rolleyes:

Send Clowns
23rd Aug 2001, 00:05
The one bugging me at the moment is my bedroom line - almost exclusively for PPRuNeing, but one person knows the number, and she qualifies for a specially affectionate, saucy, or even indecent 'hello'. Very irritatingly some revolting little company is distributing this number (ex-directory now) as someone else's, though I have had it for nearly a year. Bugs the #### out of me, but the female telesales get a bit of a shock, sometimes :eek:

23rd Aug 2001, 08:05
I have to own up to having done telesales for a week...for "Olan Mills Photographic Studios" whilst on skool holidays many moons ago.

We had huge phone books which had to be gone through methodically, and had to read the sales pitch from a poster in a cubicle.

It was so boring that we couldn't be arsed to so it properly, so would hunt for annoyed punters, :mad: then give the numbers to each other to wind up. Lack of supervision meant for some great arguements, usually ending with no end of threats etc.

Fortunately caller display wasn't around then :D Foolish nwo I've been on the receiving end, but hey - you're only young once :D

23rd Aug 2001, 08:47
Flatmate of mine a number of years ago, was doing religious studies at uni and had a copy of the Koran for some paper. One Saturday morning the Jehovahs Witness turned up and he answered the door, conversation went along the lines of;

Flatmate: "may I help you"
JH: "we're frm the JH and were wondering if you had some time to talk about God, blah blah blah"
F: "Most certainly, won't you come in"

In they all came and imagine the looks on their faces when they saw the Koran on the dining room table.

I have never seen the JH come up with so many excuses as to why they had to leave. It took them over 30 mins to get out of the house and we were never bugged again.

(edited for grammar - I can't read)

[ 23 August 2001: Message edited by: clutchcargo ]

23rd Aug 2001, 11:27

A cathode follower eh??? is that with forward or reverse grid bias


23rd Aug 2001, 11:52

reverse grid bias, of course. I'm not kinky!

But I did explain to them that we were Low mu cathode followers, not the High mu sect. :rolleyes:

28th Aug 2001, 15:16
Saw this on a sit-com once.

Main character carries an air-horn around all day. Everyone asks him "what is that?" to which the reply is "It's my air-horn." It happens several times throughout the show, with no explanation given as to why he is carrying around an air-horn. At the end of the episode, the phone rings...

Main character blows said air-horn into handset, then says "no, I don't want to change my long distance carrier"

Seems like a good idea to me.

You want it when?
28th Aug 2001, 15:31
Flying Circus - these people are only doing a job, telling them to bog-off or just hanging up is acceptable - but to risk rupturing their ear drum becuase you can't be bothered to go ex-directory or to opt out is plain crazy.

Remember that they have call lists, and the house-holder / bill payer may be held responsible in todays "sue/libel" society.

Bad advice my friend.

Feeton Terrafirma
28th Aug 2001, 16:33
Me: Oh yes please! I really need to change phone companies because they just told me the're going to cut it off tomorrow. Just because I won't pay the outragous bill they sent me last year. I didn't know it cost that much to call overseas for 4 hours! How much do you charge for a 4 hour ca...........

The're gone by then! :)

Doctor Cruces
28th Aug 2001, 21:30
A friend of mine was repeatedly bothered by the same double glazing firm. Not just occasionally but about twice a month for over a year. He repeatedly told them that he had double glazing already and was happy with it.

Eventually he agreed to them sending someone round. Happy salesman arrives at the front door a few days later and introduces homself as Johnny Hardsell from Wonderful Double Glazing or somesuch, whereupon my pal tells him that he doesn't want double glazing.

Mr Hardsell is now most unimpressed as he has now to drive eighty miles back home and is really pi$$ed off at being dragged away on a wild goose chase when he could have been ripping a pensioner off or something.

Pal says words to the effect of that if his telesales people had believed last year when he said that he didn't want double glazing, already had double glazing (nice too, everest I think) and then not subsequently phoned him twice a month since then, then he would not be standing here now. He asked him if he would kindly pass on to his company these words. He tells me that his front gate was vibrating for nearly an hour after the salesman slammed it on his way out.

On the upside, he received no more calls from this company. Maybe we should all play this fun sounding game as an alternative to T.V.

Doc C.

31st Aug 2001, 07:33
Friend of mine kept finding his fax macine would be out of paper due to unsolicited fax-mail, mostly from same company.

After many phone calls without success (in fact the junk fax mail actually increased) he decided to take maters into his own hands.

Feeding the faxmail into the machine and taping the ends together, he sent it back to the company it originated from. 2 hours later he finally received a call from the company asking him to stop sending the fax.
Since then he has never received any unsolicited fax-mail.

:D :D