View Full Version : Stupid Products

Onan the Clumsy
21st Aug 2001, 20:09
Ok, Dustbin Powder.

Think about it, you bring it home from the shops and then you THROW IT IN THE DUSTBIN!

Why not just throw the cash in there and save yourself the trip?

Any others... :)

21st Aug 2001, 20:35
Walking in my door from work yesterday - 2 kids delivering free local papers - you know the sort "don't miss the WI display of advanced crocheting at the village hall next Sunday".

Arrowman "don't want them thanks".

2 kids "we've got to give them to you"

Arrowman "watch my lips - don't want them"

2 kids "we've been told to deliver them to you"

Arrowman stands by bin, opens bin, kids put paper in bin. Matter closed!!


21st Aug 2001, 20:50
Been in the same role Arrow, been known to say "if you insert that paper in my mailbox I will insert that paper in your rectum!". That works.

Routinely we deposit the junk paper directly in the recycler. Refuse to buy newspapers owing to the environmental cost.

Good thread though, it amazes me how much we are persuaded to buy stuff we don't need. A family game when watching TV is to rate each ad for whether we actually need the product. The approval is amazingly rare!!

21st Aug 2001, 20:51
And you wonder why they call you Victor then arrow? :D

[ 21 August 2001: Message edited by: Aeropig1 ]

Tricky Woo
21st Aug 2001, 21:12
Hi All,

Nothing touches QuakeWax when it comes to the most-stupid-product-ever-offered-in-the-UK award...

Apparently, no Californian kitchen cupboard would be complete without a box or six of QuakeWax. Why? It's a sort of blue-tack stuff used to secure ornaments firmly to shelves, in earthquake-prone areas. An absolute must anywhere near the San Andreas Fault.

So, would anyone like to tell me why QVC, (The Tacky Shopping Channel), chose to offer this product through their UK and German channels? Were they expecting another bombing campaign or something? Last time I heard, the UK depot in Scouseland still had twenty pallets worth (tens of thousands of boxes) of the stuff lying around unsold.

They did manage to sell two packets of the stuff, which worries me even more.

Thick QVC bastards.


21st Aug 2001, 21:25
Tricky: The reason why it didn't sell is because it got stuck to each other :D

21st Aug 2001, 23:43
nice cough for being THE QVC viewer :D
Is Zurich that dull?

tony draper
22nd Aug 2001, 00:13
I always thought that last sheet on a roll of toilet paper is pretty silly, why do they glue the edges together so its like a tube, you have to cut it it down lengthwise in order to use it, and its far too thick, and why is it a different color?. :(

[ 21 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

22nd Aug 2001, 00:54
Tony Draper:

I`m really worried about you

Tricky Woo
22nd Aug 2001, 01:43

Thank you.



Squawk 8888
22nd Aug 2001, 06:48
Stoooooopidest products I've seen: Something called "Fit", a chemical that allegedly removes the chemicals of fruit & veg. Another silly one making the rounds is a piece of plastic to attach to cellphones to block the radiation :rolleyes:. I guess the folks behind that one are banking on scaremongers in the press to do their selling for them. Finally there's the bicycle helmet, a $30 hunk of eggshell-thin plastic that causes more injuries than it allegedly prevents.

22nd Aug 2001, 07:19
i saw a product in a magazine once. i hope that they were joking but it is probably american and real :p
it was weight loss dirt, apparently you sprinkle it over your food so you don't want to eat it! :rolleyes:

22nd Aug 2001, 13:12
Why would it make you not want to eat the food Ding? It's just dirt. :p

22nd Aug 2001, 13:22
OK I don't know if this could be classified as a product, but what about those little stickers they are now fond of putting on fruit...you know, the ones that say "APPLE" on an apple and so forth..I am just waiting to see what they do with a bunch of grapes..

I'd rather
22nd Aug 2001, 13:34
Orange tic tacs.

You want it when?
22nd Aug 2001, 13:42
Those mirror / bendy glass things for putting in the back of 4x4 / People Carriers to allow you to see how close you are to the car behind when parking. Also for use of Mrs YWIW to ensure she is doing over 10mph before she hits my Stag. (sniffs quietly)

22nd Aug 2001, 13:53
I've taken a little time to mull over the last-bit-of-the-toilet-roll problem, and I think I have cracked it.

Leave off the last two sheets; they are unusable anyway.

22nd Aug 2001, 15:52
An American colleague of mine loves picking up useless items and I'm looking at one right now which he has produced from his drawer.
The Vision 2000 Electric Egg Scrambler. It needs no batteries (errm, you plug it in) and is effectively a curved needle fixed on top of a motor.
Insert the pin into an egg and switch it on. Hey Presto, scrambled egg within the shell!
I quote, "Makes scrambled eggs, omelettes, French toast, breaded meats and vegetables look and taste better or you get your money back!"
I won't tell you about the Popiel Nut Gun and the Smokeless Ashtray he posesses.

Squawk 8888
22nd Aug 2001, 18:12
Decaffeinated coffee, non-alcoholic beer and ultra-light cigarettes. Why would anyone bother?

22nd Aug 2001, 18:25
In Stuff magazine (UK) they have a thing called Battery Boost. It's a plastic bettery case with a metal bit at either end, it holds AAA bateries but is oversized to A or AA (the bigger ones) so you can use a small batery for not very long in a big toy. Not sure if that makes sense, see P40 anyway.


22nd Aug 2001, 18:37
And just what is wrong with Orange Tic Tacs?
Super Mint Tic Tacs, now they are stupid!

I'd rather
22nd Aug 2001, 21:21
Orange tic tacs were sent here by the devil. They are disgusting. Nearly as bad as orange smarties. Or green fruit pastilles.

(sorry, I'm not a nutter really)

22nd Aug 2001, 21:42
Squawk: Likewise mild cheddar cheese :rolleyes:

I think the reason for decaffeinated coffee is that caffeine is used for some medications. Once you've extracted the caffeine you used to have to throw the (now useless) beans away. Until some marketing geezer came up with the brainwave of selling it for extra. Genius !

Skimmed milk works the same way. You skim all the stuff off to make powdered milk and used to throw away the watery yuk that was left. Until they figured you could sell it to slimmers. <sigh>

22nd Aug 2001, 21:46
And why do some people put water or ice in their whisky :mad:

Some poor s0d goes to all that trouble to distill it just so someone can put the water back :confused: Never mind that you just paid all that excise duty, let's water it down again :rolleyes:

I'll drink mine as nature intended, thank you...

22nd Aug 2001, 22:05
not as bad as people who put soda water or ( dare I say it ) ginger ale in decent whiskies ( prob makes american ones taste bearable though !)

23rd Aug 2001, 00:23
"Polo Holes"

So small, you cant eat less than one at a time, but so damn strong, if you put more than one in your mouth, you cant taste anything but mint for the next 3 weeks :confused:

23rd Aug 2001, 05:43
Caffiene free Diet Coke?????
:confused: :confused:

May as well drink water, and from the tap its nearly free. :cool:

Arm out the window
23rd Aug 2001, 07:32
One good reason for putting water in whisky is to avoid having the world's worst hangover, such as the one I had in northern Scotland on New Years Day 1985.

23rd Aug 2001, 08:48
"Giant Polos"


Tricky Woo
23rd Aug 2001, 12:13
Alcohol-free beer.


TW (confused)

23rd Aug 2001, 13:00
Arm: can't have been the world's worst hangover unless there was tequila involved... but sounds like a good effort nevertheless.

And Av, TW: I heard that because of global warming they are no longer going to be allowed to use carbon dioxide to fizz up the fizzy drinks - so now your Caffeine free environmentally friendly diet coke with no artifical colours or additives will be exactly that - a glass of water. Until someone comes up with the theory that water is bad for you.

Finally, you'll just be shelling out for an empty can...

23rd Aug 2001, 13:06
You could DROWN in water! Ban it! Think of the children, for gods sake.... ;)

(continued, Daily Mail, p.93-104)

Charlie Foxtrot India
23rd Aug 2001, 19:28
How about "safe paint" which you plaster on the walls and it supposedly kills germs?

No wonder kids are so unhealthy these days.

23rd Aug 2001, 20:03
Trickster, if I remember didn't the advert show a man drinking non-alcohol beer and then still able to fly the plane when the pilot took ill.

How about diet bottled water - exactly what did they take out.

Onan the Clumsy
23rd Aug 2001, 21:00
Sour Cream.

I can see it now, some poor [email protected] had a whole train full of cream that got stuck somewhere till it all whent bad. Facing financial ruin, he came up with the great idea...Let's market it.

The rest is history.

Squawk 8888
23rd Aug 2001, 21:42
Onan, that's sort of how sticky notes got invented. Some researcher at 3M trying to come up with a new glue, but it wouldn't stick to anything. He was ready to chuck it but the marketing boys had other ideas...

25th Aug 2001, 01:16
Squawk 8888,

I see where you're at. For years, Vauxhall marketed their cars on a similar theme. Hence their short-lived newspaper advert put out in the 1980s:

"Vauxhall - you've never driven anything like it!"

They were right, I never wanted to again, either.

IMHO, I think post-it notes were better.

ShyT :rolleyes:

25th Aug 2001, 02:42
How about the "Clapper", sold only on TV, which shows an old lady lying in bed with her TV and lights on. Next cut you see her clap her hands twice and the TV and lights go out.

What if she coughs twice. Same effect?

25th Aug 2001, 11:41
How's about the new paint for 4x4's... it looks like dirt, smears like dirt, yet it comes in a spray can and you can use it as convieniently as you like???? why don't they just take their plush big 4x4's that are usless for real 4x4 driving and drive down a dirt lane??? it is much cheaper
FB :rolleyes:

25th Aug 2001, 14:19
Saw a Hi Fi system in a store. Had a motion sensor that you opened the CD deck with by waving your hand in front of it. Only problem was it opened whenever anyone walked in front of it!!!!!

:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

25th Aug 2001, 16:57
The Ab-roller, Ab-buster, Ab-master, Ab-cruncher, Ab-blaster and Ab-whatever the f**k they'll think of next week.
Most people have a little fat over the abdominal muscles and if you don't lose that first you'll never see them, no mather how hard, firm or though they are.

Squawk 8888
25th Aug 2001, 23:26
LatviaCalling, that Clapper was used for a priceless gag on a TV sitcom. Hubby installs new stereo, the sort with the output rating published as richter scale instead of decibels, plugged into a Clapper. Leaning over next to speaker when wifey tries to get the kids' attention by clapping her hands :eek:

26th Aug 2001, 15:28
Canned air.

26th Aug 2001, 15:42
"Canned air"

- unless you are a deep sea diver.

26th Aug 2001, 16:12

What happens if the old lady farts?

26th Aug 2001, 17:27
On the "Lite Diet Caffine free Coke" theme, I seem to remember a few years ago there was a product on the market that WAS Caffine Free, Sugar Free, Colour Free "Cola". I could never really see the purpose, (or the Cola for that matter)

Back to the lollies, black jubes were sent by the devil, not orange Tic Tacs!!!

What happens if the Old Lady claps and f**rts at the same?

Slightly off the topic, this a stupid product with a good cause, just saw on BBC that they are starting a TV programme to help raise money for farmers affected by the F and M problems. It is a "reallity TV" type show, about a house full of pigs, its called Pig Brother :) :) :)

26th Aug 2001, 20:25
A while ao, wasnt there a product called "Clear" cola, which was a clear drink, like fizzy water, but tasted of cola?

:confused: :confused: :confused:

Just an other number
26th Aug 2001, 21:16
The story was that Gorbachov loved coke but didn't dare to be seen drinking it in public
so coke corp atlanta gave coke moscow a formula without the caramel colouring to produce the clear coke - tasted just like classic but no colour

26th Aug 2001, 22:17
So he got all the votes because the punters assumed it was vodka.

27th Aug 2001, 00:27
And how about bottles of water with added calcium...haven't they heard of milk? :confused:

27th Aug 2001, 01:20
My B&O stereo has that feature and it works just fine. Maybe what you saw was a cheap copy with a badly adjusted sensor. Visit your local Bang & Olufson pusher and see the real thing in action. Nothing but style and way cool too.

Anyway, worst product must be that electrical thingy you strap to your belly and supposedly you'll get the worlds greatest abdominal work-out "without the sweat" ... ehh, right !

27th Aug 2001, 06:45
A US condom and sex toy retailer has started marketing a brand of condoms featuring the Madonna's face on the package. To make matters even worse, this new line is called, "Madonna Condoms". The Material Girl is not amused.

27th Aug 2001, 15:56
Aeropig 1's profile reminded me of this - not quite a product unless you are a sign writer but....

"Nuclear Free Zone" signs.

Crawley had these dotted around for years: anybody know if they're still there?

1800m from the largest nuclear target in the Home Counties!

Onan the Clumsy
27th Aug 2001, 18:44
What about single ply toilet paper? You just end up doubling it over anyway. :rolleyes:

27th Aug 2001, 19:25
New European regulations to save water call for all new toilets to have a maximum flush of 7 litres, instead of the usual 9.

Result ? Material :eek: not efficiently disposed of with a single flush. Double flush required = 14 litres used instead of the previous 9.

Another victory for Brussels :rolleyes:

henry crun
28th Aug 2001, 05:00
Grainger: you have got to be kidding, if not my mind is well and truly boggled.

If this is an example of what they get up to in Brussels there must be a good opportunity to start an hilarious new thread on some of the stranger or more unlikely edicts from that place.

Please tell me it isn't true

Squawk 8888
28th Aug 2001, 06:41
Mr. crumm, I'm afraid that Brussels is just following Washington's lead on that one; the double-flush ritual has been going on in the US for years now. That 7-litre rule is just the tip of the iceberg I'm afraid- the regulations on energy efficiency and pollution controls are creating what's been dubbed the "jalopy effect" as new products become so expensive that people hang on to the old clunkers that pollute more and use more energy than a new product made without all the rules. It's all quite pointless when one considers that the arab oil embargo of 1973 did more to bring fuel-efficient cars on the market in a couple of years than the 25+ years of bureaucratic micromanagement that consumers have had to endure since.

29th Aug 2001, 21:21
dave barry wrote some funny stuff about us toilets and how people were smuggling in ones that had a bigger flush from canada! :cool:

29th Aug 2001, 21:32
Yep, Crawley still declares itself a Nuclear Free Zone. Anybody out there with a spare Bucket-of-Sunshine that could test it? (Just gimme a minute to close the curtains & find my ear defenders).

Bally Heck
30th Aug 2001, 01:24
Erm. Coca Cola, MacDonald's Hamburgers and Microsoft Windows. The world's three biggest con tricks. (Yet to be ratified by the Guinness Book of Records)

30th Aug 2001, 03:27
'Baby on board' car signs


Top Loadie
30th Aug 2001, 03:31
I seem to remember the Caffine Free, Sugar Free, Colour Free Coke was called "Tab" and it was in a silver can.
It was always fun hearing small children in newsagents asking for a tab!! :D :D

30th Aug 2001, 14:15

Yes, you're right, it was called Tab. They had some interesting advertising, with someone playing a record - you remember, those vinyl things that you could actually play backwards by turning them the wrong way with your hands. In the ad, someone played a pretty poor-sounding record. But then, when he played it backwards, it contained the hidden message: "Buy Tab Clear". "Suddenly, everything becomes clear" claimed the voiceover.....

I had a friend who used to buy it because he liked the taste of Cola, but was alergic to the colouring. Never knew anyone else who ever bought it, though.


[Eddited coz eye carnt spel]

[ 30 August 2001: Message edited by: FlyingForFun ]

Top Loadie
31st Aug 2001, 02:37
Vinyl records? I think my Dad told me stories about them when I was little
:rolleyes: :p :D
Who's record was it that got pulled because when you played it backwards it said "Worship the Devil!" or something?
Also, one of Robbie Williams' albums has two extra hidden tracks at the end of the CD. The problem is that after the last listed track, you have to leave the CD playing total silence for about 15 minutes before the hidden tracks start.
And the point of that is??

[ 30 August 2001: Message edited by: Top Loadie ]