View Full Version : Digress here...

Tricky Woo
21st Aug 2001, 14:56
Hi All,

I've recently noticed an alarming trend towards disruptive digressions. Perfectly interesting, informative threads are being ruined by a selfish minority. I won't bother saying who the transgressors are, as we already know, don't we. Bastards.

Therefore, in the theory that such people require a 'lightning rod' for their digressions, I've decided to create this thread. Digress away, folks.

Some ground rules: More than two consecutive posts on the same subject matter will not be tolerated. Every post must contain at least two totally unrelated subjects.

On a related matter, I find it appalling how many people have been taken in by those scandalous ostrich farming schemes. Although such schemes have trailed off, of late, huge sums of small investor's life savings have been squandered by unscrupulous con-men. Something should be done.


[ 21 August 2001: Message edited by: Tricky Woo ]

21st Aug 2001, 15:21
Something was done!

You want it when?
21st Aug 2001, 15:25
Have you seen the price of car tyres at the moment? All I want are some 225/70 R16s, not a big tyre - but they want to charge me £150 per corner. I mean for pete sake (not you PilotPete) all I need are round and black ones.

21st Aug 2001, 15:30
"all I need are round and black ones."

Ahh yes, my favorite wine gums are the black ones.

However I do find those A4 ring binders very dangerous.

Kermit 180
21st Aug 2001, 15:34
Hate those three ring ones when youve got a standard two-hole page. And did you notice that the quality and length of HB pencils these days is getting poorer and shorter?

Kerms :eek:

21st Aug 2001, 15:36
And on the subject, I paid £1.50 for a ball-point pen the other day! I remember when you could get a BIC for 14p.

What can you get for 14p now, huh? Not even 14 penny-sweets, coz no one sells penny sweets any more!


21st Aug 2001, 15:49
I'm spending £25/month on high speed internet access and I still can't read it any quicker.
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

21st Aug 2001, 15:53
When teenagers have been educated using only the metric system, why do they trade cannabis in ounces?

Why does it take two-and-a-half tons of 4 x 4 to transport an eight stone mum and a three stone kid to school?

21st Aug 2001, 15:58
To digress,
My work colleague has painted his garden shed! He describes tt as "Glowing a pleasing cedar gold."
He has also attached a gutter due to the recent inclement weather.
I couldn't handle the pressure of life in St. Albans I must say.

21st Aug 2001, 16:01
And what has any of that got to do with the price of fish?
What wouldn't I give for a steak and kidney pie!

21st Aug 2001, 16:01
Sorry rover2701 I must disagree, it is not true that butter is of the same quality these days, just look at the number of cracked paving slabs.

Tricky Woo
21st Aug 2001, 16:02
See? You've all got the hang of it already. Makes me proud to be a Jet Blaster.

TW (sniff)

tony draper
21st Aug 2001, 16:15
After he got back to his feet the silly bugger just ran away.

Biggles Flies Undone
21st Aug 2001, 16:30
Running away never solved anything.

Crosswords – now there’s something to solve!

21st Aug 2001, 16:33
If you want to solve anything, how about solving this country's appalling tax system?

(edited for appalling spelling)

[ 21 August 2001: Message edited by: Foyl ]

biggles mate
21st Aug 2001, 16:48
tax problems were never solved by shooting rabbits?????????? :confused: :confused: :eek:

Feeton Terrafirma
21st Aug 2001, 17:04
150 pound tyres? My new ones are much lighter and thats in kg's too, but they cost almost $2000 for 4 off 235-40 x 18

Worst still is the cost of fire wood lately. just as well I have enuf for the rest of the year.

BTW, my garden shed has not arrived yet, are you sure you ordered it?

tony draper
21st Aug 2001, 17:04
Cowboy Films?, the guy gets on his horse he is wearing kecks, buckskin shirt,stetson, peacemaker on his hip, blanket roll behind saddle, couple of dinky saddle bags, mebbeee a winchester in a scabard on the saddle,
When he camps for the night he's got a bloody big coffee pot, huge frying pan about two foot across, were does he keep that stuff??eh?, what?,hmmm?. ;)

And another thing, Draper didn't read all the rules.

[ 21 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

tony draper
21st Aug 2001, 17:09
So I just said, "I'm not interested in whips missus", I pulled on my trouser's gave her the money, made my excuses and left.

"Well constable" I said,"I simply have never come across instant marmalade before"

[ 21 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Stiff Lil' Fingers
21st Aug 2001, 17:13
What do you call a Welshman who keeps changing the subject?

21st Aug 2001, 17:18
Have you seen those new metal lamp posts?

I prefer them to the old concrete ones.....

tony draper
21st Aug 2001, 17:21
The bloody fool, one of them was both the same,tsk tsk tsk.

So he shouted across the court, "and I put it to you, you'r F*ckin honour, that you'r a raddled old pedarast"
Well, even the Judge had to laugh.

[ 21 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

21st Aug 2001, 17:33
don't you hate it when you find a new group of friends and then one of your old friends comes along, gets into the group through you and then everyone likes them better :(

I'd rather
21st Aug 2001, 17:38
Has anyone filled in their tax return yet? I think it's due in by the end of September and I always seem to end up doing it the day before.

Why can't they put more people on the checkout at B&Q in Beckton. The queues are shocking, whatever time you go.

Feeton Terrafirma
21st Aug 2001, 17:39
I have a waterfall on my desk. I have to top up the water twice a week. It must be the wood heater that causes the water to vanish.

Still can't get over the cost of 4 bluddy tyres!

21st Aug 2001, 18:25
And whilst we are talking about paving slabs, what is it with the UK TV companies and Saturday night TV??? huh??? Full of intellectually challenged idiots trying their best to make fools of themselves and, above all, an insult to my intelligence! Nuke the lot I say, what about you Tricky???


21st Aug 2001, 19:07
And now for something completely different - well perhaps not.

Why did the silly bugger in the Secret Life of Us tell his wife that he'd slept with the barman.

21st Aug 2001, 19:12
I agree, Biggles - cross words only lead to bigger arguments, so we need to solve them early.

By the way, did anyone see "The Bill" special on Sunday?

tony draper
21st Aug 2001, 19:17

Hagbard the Amateur
21st Aug 2001, 19:46
Is a bear catholic?

Does the Pope 5hit in the woods?

Tricky Woo
21st Aug 2001, 20:06
The Starwars' Light-Sabre - A Most Dubious Weapon Indeed.

Like all the kids from round my way, I used to use a long piece of plastic pipe as a mock light-sabre. Well, we all did, didn't we? Anyway, the point is that after trying to beat the s**t out of each other using clever "feel-the-force" type light-sabre thrusts and parries, we all came to the conclusion that the real article is very likely to be a sodding menance.

It's just not a practical proposition, you see?

How many times did a cunning slice result in a thwack against my own hand? How many times did it hit my own leg? Once, after a particularly vigorous attempt to decapitate my little brother, (only partially successful, which came as a disappointment), I smacked myself in the bum.

Of course, Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker went right up in our estimations from then on. It's just not as bloody easy as it looks.

No wonder the bloke that played Luke was such a rubbish actor; they probably killed dozens during rehearsals. Explains that ugly bird that played the Princess as well.

Mark my words, someone will 'ave their eye out wi' one of them light-sabres, one day.


p.s. You should hear what I have to say about Star Trek phasers.

21st Aug 2001, 20:22
Why did star trek phasers never damage the surrounding walls, furniture and other effects? If fired at rocks they heated them up for hours.

Where has the concrete milkman gone - how do you steal something that heavy from the middle of a field.

Tricky Woo
21st Aug 2001, 21:00
I'm still a bit worried about this eagle/tortoise thing. Nt much can be done, I suppose.

Anyone here ever been hit by a meteorite? Now THAT would be a bit unlucky.


21st Aug 2001, 21:45
Too right, TW - you can't get a decent cheese scone anywhere these days.

Not talking about those stupid things with a bit of cheese blobbed on top of an ordinary scone (yukk) - but a proper one, freshly baked, with the butter all melted and a nice strong cup of coffee.... :)

[Edited after reading the first post]
Anyway, what is the right insult for someone that doesn't read the instructions properly before posting ? :o

[ 21 August 2001: Message edited by: Grainger ]

21st Aug 2001, 22:02
So remember the accident a few years back when a plane went off the end of the runway at Northolt and smacked into a van ?

So the next day there's a picture in the epaper of the bloke standing there looking at his van which has been sliced in half with a jet aircraft stuck in the middle of it, with the caption:

"The luckiest driver in Britain !"

5hit - I'd hate to be the _un_luckiest :eek:

Which reminds me - why _do_ you have to press 'Start' to switch your computer _off_ :confused:

21st Aug 2001, 22:05
Yeee-haaaa ! I'm now officially a Lost Cause :D :D

Whatever you do, don't drink five pints of Old Speckled Hen - not after what happened last time :o

21st Aug 2001, 22:06
Why are wrong numbers never engaged?

tony draper
21st Aug 2001, 22:09
More camera's to go up, good oh!, we'll get control of you folks wandering about at random eventually.

A good thrashing thats what this country needs, it never did us any harm.

21st Aug 2001, 23:21
Yeh, that's right - just look how draper's turned out - a role model to us all. Thrash the lot of 'em I say. Ooo-er a nation of drapers :eek:

tony draper
21st Aug 2001, 23:52
Draper could solve the crime and indisipline problems in this country without camera's.
My, err group, has already applied to the lottery commision for funds to purchase two million rounds of 9mm parabelum. ;)

oops almost forgot, if you are involved in Law enforcement , security work or just a S M
addict, don't buy Chinese handcuffs, they are a load of sh*te.

[ 21 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

22nd Aug 2001, 00:13
Crosswords? I can't think of the word and that makes me cross.

Tricky Woo
22nd Aug 2001, 01:40
There are a number of places in Zuerich where one can purchase a Chinese girl in handcuffs. Handy if you're ever caught short, I reckon. I find it unlikely that one would be disappointed with the quality of the product, but I'll bow down to your superior experience.

Just found out that the Turkish are still refusing to acknowledge their trouncing at Lepanto.


tony draper
22nd Aug 2001, 02:08
Draper is a little worried about those two in the Hell and Damnation forum.
They have been awfly quiet for the last two weeks,one thinks that perhaps the authorites should break in and check their status.
Can perhaps we arrange for another pervert to take a food parcel in or some such. ;)

22nd Aug 2001, 02:26
I suspect the pope is wearing nappies (diapers) these days.

Adge Cutler
22nd Aug 2001, 02:35
I was taken to supermarkets for the express purpose of receiving a slapped arse

Some things never change

spud's on the job
22nd Aug 2001, 02:37
am I the only scarecrow on this site?

tony draper
22nd Aug 2001, 02:39
I once fell 120 feet off a crane and through a roof. :(

Hagbard the Amateur
22nd Aug 2001, 02:54
And why did my jet-ski fail to pass safely through the container ship?

Evening Star
22nd Aug 2001, 02:54
How was the roof?

[Honest, only joking :) ]

tony draper
22nd Aug 2001, 03:06
Very hard, have you people any idea just how difficult it is to type, when your fingers are made out of ectoplasm. ;)

22nd Aug 2001, 05:00
Quality control, thats why.

22nd Aug 2001, 05:48
Nice to see Mr.Draper get a piece of that GBP97mil to be invested in CCTV in the UK. Will that make it the most watched nation in the World? How big a piece?

When we were children, we could find a world in a patch of grass. Have we grown older or has the grass become emptier?

But, I digress.

22nd Aug 2001, 05:48
tony draper.... sounds bad.....I fell through a roof once too.....any way I digress
is it just me or is it getting harder to find a good honest to god steak in this country? :p

Arm out the window
22nd Aug 2001, 07:19
Hey Spud, is it true that Bob's getting it on with Wendy?


22nd Aug 2001, 07:46
i really hate it how the cars around here have a tendancy not to indicate when they are going to turn the coner, i go to cross the road at an intersection thinking that the car wants to go straight ahead because it isn't indicating that it is gonna turn.
so then the car turns and of course the driver gives you a look like it is all your fault that they nearly hit you. like i am supposed to be able to read their farking minds! :mad:
but then i guess they probably don't have brains anyway :rolleyes:

22nd Aug 2001, 07:56
All matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. We are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.

Mmmmm mushrooms.

Tricky Woo
22nd Aug 2001, 11:21
I walked to work this morning. Might walk home tonight if the weather bears up.


tony draper
22nd Aug 2001, 11:23
If you people stopped being naughty all the time we wouldn't need all these bloody camera's.
Its all this dammed rock n roll music I blame.

You all need a good flogging and a haircut.

Dammm! My soft boiled egg burst in the pan
I hate it when that happen's. :(

[ 22 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Kermit 180
22nd Aug 2001, 11:37
Welcome to the Draper Hilton.

Anyway the weather was great today, a bit of rain but a few patches of sun too.


22nd Aug 2001, 11:45
Hear hear. I can't stand Goats either. Good for the odd plumbing job round the house, right enough.

Kaptin M
22nd Aug 2001, 11:51
On my way to work this morning thinking about the crappy weather at the destination, and I saw this cute little chick with the shortest mini skirt get into an old Wolseley, the same as the first car I ever bought. Was it a goer - and cheap too, but that was before decimal currency came in and helped put prices through the roof, just like that bloody metric system - wheras once you could buy a pint of milk, everything's now in litre containers...ahhh fresh milk - I remember when i was a kid, going to the farm and buying milk straight from the farmer - Mum always made Dad buy a large jar of fresh cream, then we'd take it home, soak a piece of fresh bread with, put a sprinkle of sugar on top....mmm was THAT ever good...
...but I digress..

biggles mate
22nd Aug 2001, 13:16
Could someone please tell what these green pills are for

And Elvis is working at K Mart in brisbane[oz] :D :D :eek: :eek:

Stiff Lil' Fingers
22nd Aug 2001, 13:25
Just exactly how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

You want it when?
22nd Aug 2001, 13:27
So what was the best thing before sliced bread then?

biggles mate
22nd Aug 2001, 13:32
What would happen if the woodchuck was a greeny then he would have to chuck recycled stuff,
.Why is asports wagon called a sports wagon?i'm bugged if I can play cricket of footy in it :eek: ;)

22nd Aug 2001, 13:38
To be or not to be? If I am not to be, what the bloody hell am I doing here. If I am to be , what am I doing wasting my time here? :confused: :confused: :confused:

22nd Aug 2001, 14:08
Roofus, the way I heard it, you climbed down off the roof with a ladder very thoughtfully provided by the householder ;)

If you stand on a particular part of the South East coast of England I'm told there is no land between you and the North Pole.

22nd Aug 2001, 14:17
Can't type, got mince in my eye.
My Granny's old oak wooden chest has mysteriously vanished into the bargain.

22nd Aug 2001, 15:09
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my the wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under tha affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get. :confused:

:D :p :D :p :D

22nd Aug 2001, 15:14
My dad built a rather nifty coffee table once. I fell on it and it broke.
He wasn't happy and neither was I.

22nd Aug 2001, 15:22
I like marmite & sugar on my toast, mind you they didn't play very well & that clouds looks ominous.

tony draper
22nd Aug 2001, 15:35
You can't actually go anywhere you know, before you get there, you have to go halfway there, before you get halfway there you have to get halfway to halfway there, and so on ad infinitum.

Huh ,don't think I'll bother , just sit here drink my cup of tea and eat my sausage roll.

Draper used to run Guanno from Christmas island and Naru to the Vegamite factory in Aussy one time, oh! sorry you said marmite.

[ 22 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

22nd Aug 2001, 16:53
Am I sad or what for sitting here reading all this mediocrity.

The men in white coats have come to take me away ha, ha, he, he. To the happy home!!!!!
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Tricky Woo
22nd Aug 2001, 16:53
Herr Draper is talking bird s**t again.


22nd Aug 2001, 17:55
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask:

'Where have I gone wrong?' :confused:

Then a voice says to me:

'This is going to take more than one night.' :rolleyes:

[ 22 August 2001: Message edited by: Should that plane be there? ]

22nd Aug 2001, 17:58
To digress,
I've just come back from the pub. It was nice there. One of my colleagues is now 'popping out briefly'.
I bet he's going to the pub.

22nd Aug 2001, 18:03
Well, isn't it a lovley day?

Nicer than yesterday.

And the day before.

Oh, and I wonder what canned frog would taste like??

22nd Aug 2001, 18:11
How many frogs could you get in a can anyway? Wouldnt they suffocate? :confused:

Why is a badger called a badger? Did it badger someone alot? Was it badgering people so much it deserved to be called a badger, like all the time? No, i didnt think so! Maybe it produces badges? Who knows? Who cares ? What am i talking about? Wouldnt its paws be too big to open the badge pins?

Sorry, was i rambling.....? :o

[ 22 August 2001: Message edited by: Should that plane be there? ]

22nd Aug 2001, 18:45
I was just thinking: should the age of puberty be lowered? On another subject has anyone else noticed how the extra sunlight during daylight saving fades the paint on your car?

22nd Aug 2001, 18:56
Talking of animals, STPBT, do you like beavers? Nice animals beavers....

Mr Draper has a broken pilot, how is he Mr Draper??? Sorry I digress a little...


22nd Aug 2001, 19:16
Beavers? An acquired taste beaver. I always find the hairs stick in my teeth though. (Can i say that?)

Cant trust the bu99ers though, never ask one to lay your carpet. Proper cowboys!

Was someone complaining about expensive tyres before? Why dont you just buy 2 and cut them in half, so you have 4 thinner tyres?

do i have to think of everything round here?

Sorry....................................................... .............i digress. :p

tony draper
22nd Aug 2001, 19:35
Why isn't there a animal called a Mook?, perfectly good name for a large quadraped,
Beats the sh*t out of Gnu, if I was a Gnu, I'd rather be called a Mook, ;)

Elephants have four knee's, like Humans,except we only have two.

Tricky Woo
22nd Aug 2001, 21:06
Does anyone here trust the 'memory' feature of a fax machine? Or can ever remember if you have to dial '0' for an outside line before you dial the fax number? Are the few fax machines that take the paper with the writing facing up in anyway acceptable?

I'm afraid that anyone answering these questions would fall foul of the digression rules, so you'll just have to think about 'em.

I took my tie off today 'cos the air-conditioning in Zürich is none existent.


I'd rather
22nd Aug 2001, 21:16
Digressing slightly from the main thrust of Tricky's Post, does anyone else automatically dial 9 for an outside line when they're at home? (and wonder why the call's not connected).

I still haven't filled in my tax return.

You want it when?
22nd Aug 2001, 21:20
I digress...

But why don't we have 13, 28 day months? It would save a fortune on calendar printing and solve a lot of those tricky IT problems?

Tricky Woo
22nd Aug 2001, 21:34
There's a lot to be said for an entirely fresh look at this whole date-time business. The whole thing is ripe for decimalisation, IMHO. Here's my proposal:

100 seconds per minute.
100 minutes per hour.
10 hours per day.
10 days per week.
10 weeks per month.
10 months per year.

This works out at 100,000,000 'New Seconds' per year, as against 31,536,000 'Old Seconds'. But that's alright, as we can simply make set the exchange rate between Old and New seconds as 0.31536. We can also invent a new unit of time known as the '½ Second' specifically to confuse little old ladies.

Hopefully, companies won't abuse the decimalisation of time by increasing their hourly charge rates, as this would be inflationary. Bastards.

To avoid confusion, we need to ensure that there's an interim period where all watches and clocks have two dials.

Should be ok.

I reckon that this will spell the end for the digital watch manufacturers, as they're unlikely to be able to reprogram their quartz widgets in time. Never wanted to drive a Swatch car anyway. Silly little things.


Adge Cutler
22nd Aug 2001, 23:17
Someone, when interviewing Lord Bath (Owner of Longleat House) asked him how many lions he had, and he replied:-

"We've got seven, and one of them's a tiger"

My stereo keeps crackling, I shouldn't have set it on fire :rolleyes:

[ 22 August 2001: Message edited by: Adge Cutler ]

Gash Handlin
22nd Aug 2001, 23:51
Anyone noticed we've left religion alone for weeks now?? There is no god, there's that sorted out, that'll give em something to think about

on the other hand I've got four fingers and a thumb

tony draper
23rd Aug 2001, 00:02
Another strange thing, today will be yesterday, tommorrow.

And another thing I drove past Stonehenge about ten years, my brother drove past the other day and he says its still not bloody finished, big stones lying all over the place.
dammed council worker's all sitting drinking tea probably.

23rd Aug 2001, 00:08
"Now is the winner of our discotheque, made Gloria slimmer by a ton of pork"

Just testing

Tricky Woo
23rd Aug 2001, 00:47
Something strange seems to have happened to my posts count. Serves me right for trying to unsettle the applecart with my date-time reformation. They've gone and banned the Base-10 system now. That'll teach me.

My Coca Cola is getting warm.


23rd Aug 2001, 01:02
Why does the car that leaps out from a side road on to a main road in front of you never accelerate but always decelerates?

and..why do I keep thinking I hear Concorde on her approach to 27...grrrrrrrrrr my neighbours must think I am nuts as I leap to my feet run to the kitchen and half lean out of the window to look up!!!!

and..I am so happy to have found a real butchers so now the joint I put in the oven is the same size when it is cooked!!


tony draper
23rd Aug 2001, 01:06
I make it 47 oclock on Blairday the 97th of dectober Mr Woo.
My watch may be wrong, its a Port Said one.

23rd Aug 2001, 01:27
I'd join in, but I never digress.

biggles mate
23rd Aug 2001, 01:33
Pre take off passenger briefing
(CAO 20.11.14)
..Shut up,strap in and hang on !!!! :eek: :eek:
... .....
Is the Pacific Ocean realy peacefull or is that just a lie to make you feel good.

I felt good the other day then she slapt me o well :D :D

23rd Aug 2001, 02:01
Well done, TW - you're gonna beat draper's written movie sound effects as fastest to 100 posts by miles !

Obsessed with statistics ? Me ?

Anyone else noticed that they turned the UBB code back on ?

:cool: :cool: :cool: :cool:

tony draper
23rd Aug 2001, 03:02
Indeed, 65 hrs 6 mins for Draper to reach the century.

Not that I'm counting you understand ;)

One has to point out though, that digression is a much wider subject then the movie sound effect, one also has to point out, that thread only attracted the most talented, gifted and creative of poster's.
Some right hobbledyhoys posted on this thread, sniff!
Not that Draper wishes to detract from Mr Woo's triumph

[ 22 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

23rd Aug 2001, 05:09
I resemble that remark.

When we were 17, we used to go, at night, to the closest public point we could get to on the centre-line of the active approach. We laid back on the bonnets(hoods)of the cars and watched and listened to the aircraft fly over us at about 150 feet.Plenty loud ususally,(mostly DC-8's), but a few seconds after the aircraft had passed, there followed the most unearthly sound, almost as if the air was trying to catch-up to the aircraft. The audio version of the northern lights.Then we would kicked out by the cops. Bastards.

[ 23 August 2001: Message edited by: Rollingthunder ]

Tricky Woo
23rd Aug 2001, 05:23
Herr Draper,

Sweat, bitch.


23rd Aug 2001, 05:41

Stevie Nicks is 53, No!!!

23rd Aug 2001, 05:59
I have a friend who loves the smell of home cooking. The other day his house burnt down, and you could smell his home cooking all over town.

I spent the entire month of January camping once. I called it the winter of my discontent. But I digress.

23rd Aug 2001, 11:37
[email protected]@er, the dog just threw up...he's not really called [email protected]@er.

Tricky Woo
23rd Aug 2001, 12:10
There's a local Canton law here in Zürich that means that all air-conditioning units must be licenced. In reality, it's almost impossible to get approval for a new air-con unit, even in a brand spanking new building. That's a bitch, seeing as the average Zürich office is heaving with people, PC's, laser printers, and sundry other heat generating devices. Plus it seems to get fairly hot here for 5 months a year.

The result? Well, 95% of Zürich is sweating mega-buckets as I type this digression.

You would think the remaining 5% are feeling smug, huh? Well, the same law expressly forbids any air-con unit to reduce the temperature by more than about six degrees. So on days like last friday, when it was around 34 degrees, the only air-con office in this bastard organisation was still a sodding sauna.


For some reason, the Swiss never get colds and flu in the summer. I wonder why that is? Maybe this second part isn't a digression at all? How humiliating.

Just to be on the safe side, I thought I'd share with you that my 9:00am meeting has been delayed until 9:30am.


You want it when?
23rd Aug 2001, 12:20
TW find an excuse to visit the machine room - lovely chillers and forced air handling holding a cool 19.6c, but I digress,

If the vessel with the pestle is the brew that is true,
And the chalice from the palace will bear you no malice,

What is the price of Spam?

tony draper
23rd Aug 2001, 12:47
Enjoy it while you may Mr Woo,You will find the glory quickly fades,people will stop asking for your autograph, invitations to the palace cease coming thru the letter box.
Soon breakfast television will not ask for your opinion on all and sundry.

sic transit gloria mundi. err, I think ;)

23rd Aug 2001, 12:53
... and there I was thinking that the pellet with the poison was in the flagon with the dragon .... :confused:

23rd Aug 2001, 13:00
"The time has come " the Walruss said "to speak of other things". Right then I'm off home to have a feed and a beer or two, any one want one?? :D

23rd Aug 2001, 13:46
I thought the walrus said:

'I am he, as you are he, as you are me, as we are all together'

But if i am he and you are he, how can you be me? And who is he and why are we all together? Is there a party or something? Why havent i been invited?

I like partys...

I'd rather
23rd Aug 2001, 14:30
Tricky, what's happened to your post count? Is it stuck? is someone maliciously holding you back from the next category?

maybe sinister machinations on the part of Herr Draper?

The people in the flat opposite have the most dreadful taste in curtains.

23rd Aug 2001, 14:40
I still think something has been done!

23rd Aug 2001, 15:29
Hot from the wires.
Inward investment into the eurozone increased sharply in the second quarter. Indeed the euro zone attracted some 19.8 billion euros of capital.
But I digress.

23rd Aug 2001, 15:41
Rum Cake Recipe:

1 or 2 bottle rum
1 cup butter
1 teaspoon sugar
2 large eggs
1 cup dried fruit
baking powder
1 teaspoon soda
lemon juice
brown sugar

Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality.
Good, isn't it? Now go ahead.

Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.
Check the rum again. It must be just right.
To be sue rum is of the highest quality, pour one level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.

With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again.
Meanwhile, make sue that the rum is of the finest quality.
Try another cup. Open second bottle if necessary.

Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high.
If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it lose with a drewscriver.
Sample the rum again, checking for tonscisticity.
Next sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (it really doesn't matter.)
Sample the rum again.

Sift + pint of lemon juice.
Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts.
Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or what ever color you can find.
Wix mel.
Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees.
Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake.
Check the rum again, and bo to ged.

shorry i digreshed..... :confused:

23rd Aug 2001, 15:45
on a lighter note:

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, much like the brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.

The slowest buffalo are the sick and weak so they die off first, making it possible for the herd to move at a faster pace. Like the buffalo, the weak, slow brain cells are the ones that are killed off by excessive beer drinking and socializing, making the brain operate faster.

The moral of the story: Drink more beer, it will make you smarter.

Sorry....................................................... ................................................(dramatic pause).......................I digress.

tony draper
23rd Aug 2001, 16:00
Our entire universe is contained within a black hole,

There is only one electron in the entire universe, but its everywhere at once.