View Full Version : Texan Weddings

22nd Apr 2004, 21:34
Yo, guys, in a few weeks, phnuff is off to Houston to go to a wedding. I have never actually been to an American wedding before and I was wondering is there are any big 'don'ts' that need to be borne in mind. I mean things which lay outside of the 'don't get off with the bride or her mother' and 'dont question the IQ of Dubya''

22nd Apr 2004, 21:38
Never been to a US wedding meself but reckon that you can assume that getting off with the bride is a no no just about anywhere...


22nd Apr 2004, 21:41
At Texan social gatherings, and especially nuptle ones, it is considered good manners to ridicule the current administration's policies and inform them of how Europe views the USA. Everyone gets to do this once in their life.:E :E

Another good topic of conversation is to discuss the benefits of North Carolina Pulled Pork over BBQ Beef Brisket:E


22nd Apr 2004, 21:41
Don't mention the war.

22nd Apr 2004, 21:42
"Tex-ass" you say? Well first of all, don't call it that when your in tex-ass :)

Second, make sure you wear a cowboy hat :E

22nd Apr 2004, 22:49
So, how about extolling the virtues of vegetarianism?

Or wearing a little French flag (of course, without Frances proxy war with the Brits,, there would be no US)

23rd Apr 2004, 00:50
Does this mean we can start with the "The only things that come from Texas are steers and queers...........and I don't see any horns" quotes?

Or redneck jokes?

If you mow your front yard and find a car, you might be a red neck.

If you go to a family reunion to find yourself a new girlfriend, you might be a red neck.

If you have ever given your freind sexual marital advice concerning his wife... because you knew what she liked... you might be a red-neck.

If your wife suspects that you may have legally changed her name to... "shut-up"... you might be a red-neck

If the sole reason you bought your mobile home was because you thought it would stay cleaner... being off the ground... you might be a red-neck

If you do not understand why your girlfriend left you when you told her you were... getting married... you might be a red-neck

(sorry, just trying to avoid doing some serious work)

23rd Apr 2004, 08:26
Bear in mind that a lot of my countrymen go around all tooled up, so take a withdrawn approach to any traffic disputes that may arise. Knocking on strange doors can also be hazardous.

Generally, I think you will find us to be very welcoming to anyone with a foreign accent. If you keep the conversation on anodyne topics such as driving on the wrong side of the road or going to France through a big concrete-lined hole ('Do tell!'), how many palaces the Queen has or how many Corgis ('Whut's that?'), how you can get McDonalds in your country too... if you stick to this sort of thing you should have a very nice time, whomever you are speaking to.

After a few drinks you may find some of the natives wishing to engage you in serious political debate... That is about the time that jet-lag hits, when you may need to go off and lie down for a while. On the other hand, we are not all knuckle-draggers, even Texans. You might be pleasantly surprised to find people who understand other cultures. Or you might find yourself among very simple folk who believe that the USA is the centre of the known universe.

There is one thing: if your hosts mention the word 'Amway' then you will be suffering the torments of the damned, no two ways about it, for as long as it takes to be told about the benefits of belonging to the great Amway family, bringing the benefits of Amway products to the world at large. You have been warned!

23rd Apr 2004, 09:14
Amway - oh I am very aquainted with Amway. A company I worked for (in the uk), had a plague of Amway members and in the end, the company banned any mention of it. One guy even got marked down by his boss on his annual review for refusing to take up the bosses kind offer to share in the opportunity.
I remember flying into Stapleford to meet a customer with the intention of taking him flying and while sitting outside, he dragged out Amway membership stuff and tried to enlist me. He never got to fly and I never had a more rewarding take off !!

Oh yes, I understand terms like Texicans and wetbacks can lead to interesting discussions !!

I think when I get to Houston, it'll be attendance at the wedding for the minimum time without being rude, and then wander off to the Richmond arms to drink some real beer.

Anyone know if Weiser Airpark up 290 still does rentals?

23rd Apr 2004, 10:00
Texan Weddings? They're the ones where everyone sits at the same side of the church aren't they? :p

Only jokin folks, you'll love it phnuff

23rd Apr 2004, 15:35
People get married in Texas?:E

23rd Apr 2004, 19:40
I have been to 2 Texan weddings. One very smart, the fairly other casual.

Dont say you prefer lamb to beef, and dont take the pi$$ out of Lone Star beer. Fishing, hunting and guns are always good Texan conversation topics.


23rd Apr 2004, 21:37
And whatever you do, DON'T mention the University of Oklahoma Football team.:E

The Invisible Man
23rd Apr 2004, 21:41
Carolina Pulled Pork

That classic Texan film:E

23rd Apr 2004, 21:41
oh yea - thats a very important point :)

And better not talk about their own team too - you might upset them :}

Huron Topp
24th Apr 2004, 00:03
Don't forget that when the band asks for requests, you get them to play the Dixie Chicks.:}

24th Apr 2004, 04:40
LOL Con Pilot :D (BOOMER SOONER !! :cool: )

Ahhhhh, Phnuff, the Richmond Arms ... brings back good memories. We went there a few times when we lived in Houston.

In all honesty, though, US weddings are no big deal. The formality of the ceremony will probably depend on the specific venue, but you should be just fine.

Enjoy Houston! You sound like you know the place; did you live there before? I'm not too familiar with 290 and the rest of the NW side of the city; I lived in the opposite part (Clear Lake area).

Black Fly
24th Apr 2004, 06:48
Purchase a large caliber handgun and a bottle of Tequila (the good stuff). Drink and shoot and have fun.....but don't shoot the bride or groom or paranymph.

24th Apr 2004, 10:09
McD - I know Houston reasonably well - I worked for a company which had offices there and ended up with a team there - near the Galleria. This meant visits roughly every 6 weeks for about 2 and a half years. T'was fun at first, but dragged after a while. Its actualy the daughter of an old team member who is getting married so I must have done something right to have stayed friends.
I used to stay most of the time at the Doubletree near the Galleria and managed to get the hotel minivan to drop me off and pick me up from the Richmond Arms. Good place for guiness and food.

Clearlake - if my memory serves me well, that NASA land. Were you anthing to do with them ?