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Eric
18th Aug 2001, 00:04
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur, would have a year to figure out the answer. If, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would have perplexed even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Since it was better than death, however, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody; the princess, the prostitutes, priests, the wise men, and the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high as the witch was famous for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price; the old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified, she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like a sewer and often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and to have to endure such a burden.

Gawain upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question;

What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The neighbouring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd been a witch, half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self. And the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.

Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?

What a cruel question! Gawain began to think of his predicament; During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night,in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do?

What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice

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Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

What is the moral of the story? The moral is that it doesn't matter if a woman is pretty or ugly, smart or dumb. Underneath it all, she's still a f*****g witch!!!

tony draper
18th Aug 2001, 00:31
King Arthur is very distraught when merlin tells him that Qwenevere has been puting it about during latest quest.
"What shall I do Merlin"? sighs the King.

"Seek out whelan smith the cunning metal worker sire".

So Arthur seeks out whelan who fashions him a chastity belt of solid gold, unbreakable, impossible to remove with only access holes for nessessary bodily functions and most cunning of all a small razor sharp guillotine, that will chop off anything that attempts to penetrate these holes.
The king returns to Camelot and forces the queen into this terrible garment.
Six weeks latter, before he leaves on another quest he summons his knights one by one into the throne room.

"Sir Gowain I must ask you to swear on your sword that you never have, or never will do anything immoral with the queen"

" I so swear on my holy sword sire" says Gowain.

"Sir Bedivere do you so swear"

"Indeed sire by the round table I so Swear"

"And you my most trusted and noble Sir Lancelot, do you also swear that your manhood will never go near our lady Queen"

"uuurfgghhhuuruuunmmfffffff ghhrruuummf grr"
;)

[ 17 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Onan the Clumsy
18th Aug 2001, 01:29
King Arthur goes off to the wars and leaves his lovely wife Guineivere locked in a chastity belt and entrusts the key to his most noble, most faithful knight, Sir Lancelot. with the instructions that if he should fall in battle, Sir Lancelot shall release the queen.

Two days later, King Arthur hears a horse approaching. It is Sir Lancelot, who kneels in front of th King saying "Sire, you gave me the wrong key"


...Fine says King Arthur, try it in C Major.

JetAgeHobo
19th Aug 2001, 20:34
So Prince Charles is walking along the beach, and spots this old oil lamp, picks it up and start to wipe it off. Out comes a Genie.

Genie says "Sir, I've been trapped in this lamp for ten thousand years, I'll grant you one wish, no matter what it is."

Charles thinks, and says "I'd like you to build a highway to North America (don't ask why you'll spoil the story).

Genie replys "Sir, that would be almost impossible, think of the logistics, the distance, the amount of Burger King rest areas needed.

Charles replies" OK then, I'd like to know all about women, what they want, what they think, what makes them truly happy.

Genie: You want that highway two lanes or four.

An oldie but a goodie.