View Full Version : Where would you put the nozzle...

16th Aug 2001, 15:23
if you were going to give the planet a ..uh..colonic..ok, enema. And why?

I'm talking about the absolute worst place you've ever been, weather the conditions be poverty, weather, redneck attitudes, or just too many darn people.

To start it out, it used to be Arkansas, simply because of local option dry counties where you can't have a beer after work. Then I started working in southern China 6 months a year. Has it all, poverty, corruption, families living in highway underpasses, dead people in the street every once in a while, and now no CNN

But the beer and food's cheap, the girls are friendly, and some good golf courses.

I'm sure some of you have had experiences that make my complainig seem insignificant.

I'd rather
16th Aug 2001, 16:40

Onan the Clumsy
16th Aug 2001, 17:53

JUST KIDDING - it was the other Onan remember? :D

16th Aug 2001, 20:40
Thamesmead, SE London.

Hang on, Penge, SE London.

Or maybe, New Cross, SE London.....

Oh well, anywhere in SE London gets my vote ;)

You want it when?
16th Aug 2001, 20:47
JAH - I almost agree on Lowell, Arkansaw (Sorry to resident population!)

However UK contenders
- Fochabers, Moray Firth
- Hatfield, Herts (may already have been done but no-one there noticed)

Zvantem, Brussels

Freehold, NJ, USA

The Guvnor
16th Aug 2001, 20:54
Lagos!! Or pretty much anywhere else in Africa, for that matter! :rolleyes: :eek: :rolleyes:

Gash Handlin
16th Aug 2001, 21:56
Kettering, PLEASE do it to Kettering

16th Aug 2001, 23:40
The centre of Oxford

You cant move there nowadays for beggars and drug addicts.

If anyone is planning to visit, my advice is DONT.

17th Aug 2001, 01:21
Swindon, the Capital of Wiltshire ;)

The centre of UK Inbreeding excellence. Only 2 good assets ever to come out of the place belong to Melinda Messenger.

They even built it near a motorway to facilitate fast escape! :D Worked there once for a year, never been back since and don't intend to....

with apologies,


17th Aug 2001, 02:25
Crawley - if sussex were the a**hole of the world then crawley is thirty miles up it :eek:

17th Aug 2001, 03:09

Does this mean you love living in Crawley? Just asking... :D


Islander Jock
17th Aug 2001, 06:42
Atyrau, Kazakhstan

17th Aug 2001, 10:40
Van Horn, Tx. The sort of place where in-breeding is the local hobby.
You even have to pay 10 bucks to obtain a licence to drink beer.

tony draper
17th Aug 2001, 10:44
Sunderland, centered right over that Stadium of Light. ;)

The Mistress
17th Aug 2001, 11:05
You lot have obviously never been to Rotherham :D

17th Aug 2001, 18:43
TM my dearest, I have an invitation to Rotherham for two weeks hence. Is there something I should know???


The Mistress
17th Aug 2001, 18:48
Ask your friends if they'll meet you in Sheffield instead :D

17th Aug 2001, 19:15
Rotherham? Well, yes...

Ah! Sheffield. Until the end of WW2 it was the city around which the world revolved. Anything which was manufactured in steel had its origins there and they made cutlery from the leftovers. It has progressively become the Independent Marxist Republic of South Yorkshire. In fact the old East Berlin was in better shape.

However, I digress. My vote would be to put the nozzle in at Modesto, CA, or LAX if it won't reach.

Don D Cake
17th Aug 2001, 19:35
The whole of Wales :p

Except the Millemium Stadium, we could use that to replace Wembley. Not that I care about Wembley, I'm sick of football already and the season hasn't started yet. And we don't need it for rugby because we've got Twickenham which has much nicer pubs nearby. And Lords is good for cricket so maybe it can be enemaed anyway.

Evening Star
17th Aug 2001, 19:47
Voting with TD on this, and say it must be Sunderland and the Stadium of 5hite. (And that is despite having been to Rotherham.)

[Edited because the system does not like my description of where the Mackums play football.]

[ 17 August 2001: Message edited by: Evening Star ]

Tricky Woo
17th Aug 2001, 21:51
Wakefield takes some beating, and believe me, if I had the chance I'd beat it to a mercilless death with a stick.

F**king s**thole.


Gash Handlin
17th Aug 2001, 22:03
I too would like to withdraw my first request and add weight to the anti-mackum campaign, stadium of ****e for the epicentre.

tony draper
17th Aug 2001, 22:43
Damm mackums, even had a air how this year. uppity gits, they'l be walkin round with shoes on their feet next. ;)

17th Aug 2001, 23:16
London. Except some of the better public houses. I work in London but chose to live in Slough, enough said.

18th Aug 2001, 02:11
Slough is one of mine - John Betjeman had it right.

Another is Harlow in Essex.

Port Talbot. Need I say more?

18th Aug 2001, 03:01
After Dark;

Elephant & Castle, SE London.

Newark, NJ.

and of course, Crawley.

18th Aug 2001, 09:21
Roebourne, in the N.W. of Western Australia.
Drive thru at speed with the doors locked. Don't even think about buying fuel.

18th Aug 2001, 13:39
I went to school in Slough, and can personally vouch for you being 100% correct. Betjeman was dead right.

[ 18 August 2001: Message edited by: Man-on-the-fence ]

compressor stall
18th Aug 2001, 15:09
Hooker Creek, Northern Tanami Desert, OZ

A notam was in effect for several months:
Numerous Plastic Bags Transiting Aerodrome.

18th Aug 2001, 17:58
For me it has to be that border town between India and Nepal where all the buses make a compulsory stop. you HAVE to stay the night. The accommodation is ... hard to describe. My bed was constantly moving - at least the surface was. David Attenborough once filmed a doco there and found 37 new spieces of cockroach... on one matress. The people were very nice. Oh they were so fu**ing nice... and friendly and helpful. Not.
But thats what happens when you live in a border town. A bit like Arkansas but not. Anyway, I never forgot that place. Whatever it was called. Its a good place to intsall a nozzel

Hagbard the Amateur
18th Aug 2001, 19:14
A precise (and well sealed) enema connection to the White House. Washington DC would make my day.

Oops, I did it again :D

[ 18 August 2001: Message edited by: Hagbard the Amateur ]

19th Aug 2001, 07:07
Hong Kong gets my vote. The most unpleasant soulless, money grubbing people in the world packed into the most unpleasant city. No-one has a granny there, they've all been sold into slavery...

Through difficulties to the cinema

19th Aug 2001, 20:02
Blacksheep I'd agree with you on Hong Kong, too many fricken people on one chunk of rock, but here in the Middle Kinkdom Hong Kong is where you go for good food, decent entertainment, and generally civilization (was there yesterday for a burger and a beer)