View Full Version : Mounties seeking testicle thieves.....

Cyclic Hotline
15th Aug 2001, 02:56
Replica Bison Testicles the Focus of Crime Spree

EDMONTON, Alberta (Reuters) - Police in this Canadian city where the world athletic championships ended last weekend appealed to the public on Tuesday to help them crack a crime spree involving the theft of several replica bison testicles.

Edmonton police charged two men on Tuesday after they were caught red-handed with testicles removed from the life-size replica of a bison, one of several colorfully painted statues placed throughout the western city for the 2001 World Championships in Athletics.

However, 19 other fiberglass bison had their testicles severed between Friday and Monday, and the case remains unsolved, police spokesman Dean Parthenis said.

The two men caught with the imitation genital glands have been charged with one count each of mischief, but are not currently suspects in the vandalism of the other bison, Parthenis said.

"As far as we're concerned, the one case has been solved but the other 19 are unsolved, so whether or not we have another person out there, or a group of people, or copycats, we don't know," he said.

The two suspects were collared in south Edmonton early Friday, after local residents told officers of the vandalism. A few minutes later, the two men, both in their early 20s, were found with the testicles, a fire extinguisher and a cloth. Parthenis said he did not know the significance of the other two items.

"It's a bizarre case," he said. "I mean, the whole scenario surrounding all the other 19 bison -- why anyone would want to walk off with testicles from a replica bison is beyond anyone's comprehension."

Many of the statues, painted in colors representing various countries, were to be sold following the two-week athletic championships, with the proceeds going to charity.

Their value will drop considerably if they are rendered less than anatomically correct, Parthenis said.

tony draper
15th Aug 2001, 02:59
Does anybody know the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison?.

You can't wash you face in a Buffalo. ;)

15th Aug 2001, 06:01
As they said in Deadmonton. "Let the punishment fit the crime".

15th Aug 2001, 06:43
First, moose racks in Toronto, now Buffalo knackers in Edmonton. I see a pattern developing here. :eek:
Mr. D, always thought Bison was the second largest city in New York State.

henry crun
15th Aug 2001, 09:18
It would take a lot of balls to commit that sort of crime. ;)

15th Aug 2001, 12:09
What a load of [email protected]@cks!


15th Aug 2001, 13:12
Perhaps the good folk of Edmonton should follow the lead of Rockhampton, here in Oz. Advertising itself as the heart of cattle country, Rocky has several life sized concrete models scattered around the town, all very obviously male. The poor animals had their nuts nicked so often the council eventually bowed to the inevitable, made them easily removable without damaging the superstructure, and budgeted for several hundred sets to be made and painted per year.

Some council worker presumably has "Check bulls' testicles daily and replace if necessary" written into his duty statement.

:) :)

15th Aug 2001, 23:34
tony draper,

Of course you can tell the difference between a bision and a buffalo. The bisons have but one hump over their shoulders, while the buffalo have two. Just like dromedaries and camels. Raised in North Dakota, I should know. Or was it no humps and a lesser hump?

15th Aug 2001, 23:43
What is it with cattle (imitation) and local authorities?

Concrete cows in Milton Keynes seems to be the best the UK can offer....unless any Ppruner knows better.

15th Aug 2001, 23:47
Don't you know that the Mounties always get their man(hood) :rolleyes:

tony draper
16th Aug 2001, 00:47
Nah Mr Latvia calling, it was a play on words those southern fops in my country would pronounce Wash Basin, as Wash Bison,
Obtuse limey humour.
This strange pronunciation they practice is due to them being conquered by the French in 1066,
Whereas we in the North refused to give in to that ill mannered French lout Willam, and continued to pronounce Basin in the correct manner. ;)

[ 15 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

16th Aug 2001, 02:31
Tony Draper:

According to my dickshunnery, basin is derived from a Latin word i.e bachinus so it is possible that the French (bless em) may well be the culprits responsible for its use in modern English.

Nothing wrong with pronouncing it either way, said by one who thinks a creche is a traffic accident in Knightsbridge.

tony draper
16th Aug 2001, 03:11
Well Mr Loki, like that American vice president, Draper has never visited Lataninia so I do not speak the language.
Re those French invaders, they were I'm reliably informed were actualy Norsemen, ie from normandy, so Englishmen can sleep peacefully in their beds knowing we were not actualy defeated by the French but by descendents of Norsemen,fine stout fellows.
Thank you for the information Draper has a great and childlike curiosity on all matters, and is always greatful for data.
At present I am reading about the England Scotland borderers and the great time they had for centuries killing each other and stealing cattle, boy did they know how to have fun in those days.
If Hollywood ever discover's the Border Reivers we will clean up here.

Last night a wind from Lammermoor came roaring up the glen,
With the tramp of trooping horses and the laugh of reckless men,
And struck a mailed fist on the gate and cried in rebel glee,
Come forth!come forth ,my borderer and ride the march with me,
I said ,Oh! wind of Lammermoor, the nights to dark to ride,
And all the men who fill the glen are ghosts of men that died!,
The floods are down in Bowmont Burn,the moss is fetlock-deep,
Go back wild Wind of Lammermoor,
to Lauderdale-and sleep!

Boy!, stirring stuff you must admit, makes one wish to take down the old Claymore from the chimney breast, rush out into the street and put Frenchmen to the sword. ;)

[ 15 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

henry crun
16th Aug 2001, 03:55
Mr D: re your reference to the Norsemen of Normandy. You have probably read Vol 1 of WSC's History of the English Speaking Peoples but if not it is well worth finding.
Those Norsemen were right tearaways, Ireland, Scotland, France, Russia, America, and of course, England just to name a few. You name it and they were there.

[ 15 August 2001: Message edited by: henry crun ]

tony draper
16th Aug 2001, 04:05
Yeh we had a spot of bother with those chaps up here, they redecorated the Monastery on Holy Island, and did a bit of refurbishment at old St Beads gaff at Monkwearmouth.
Naughty scallywags, mind you, once we hired Alfred as king they didn't fare so well, we gave them a good scudding, so they took off for pastures new, and easier pickings, ie France, a few of them settled in my neck of the woods though, we told them if they behaved they could stay, lots of viking place names up here, and the Geordie accent has quite a few viking words.

PS, a perfect demonstration of chaos theory as applied to conversation this thread, we begin talking Bollox,and after many diversions Draper finishes up talking Bollox agai---as usual.
;) ;)
PPS, Is it nomal for a chimney to have breasts?.

[ 15 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

16th Aug 2001, 14:24
Mr D, are you reading/have you read "Steel Bonnets" by George Macdonald Fraser (he of "Flashman" fame)? Fascinating book about the Reivers.

The word "blackmail" came from those times, (lit. "black meal", grain to be left at the gate or else...), they were running protection rackets centuries before Al Capone, and they gave us the word "bereaved".

Incidentally if you know anybody called "Maharg", they were from these times. The Graham clan was one of the worst offenders, so the authorities shipped them off to Ireland saying that they'd given them some land, but when the Grahams tried to get back, they wouldn't let them in, so they reversed their name and tricked their way back in!

tony draper
16th Aug 2001, 14:41
Roger that Mr Eric, the list of scallywag border families is quite large.
Nixon. supprise supprise.
Munro's, my mothers family.

The book I am reading at present is (The Border Reivers) by Godfrey Watson.
Another very good one is (The Moss Troopers) can't remember the author, twas a library book.
Absolutly hilarious accounts of border violence and mayhem, that area made the wild west look pretty tame,and it was completely without law for centuries until the uniting of the kingdoms.
Hmmm makes one wonder if it will all happen again if we give them Jocks their freedom. ;) ;)

You want it when?
16th Aug 2001, 15:28
TD - How about the Gillespies? Having fallen down more times than I can remember in the Castle (AKA the middle) in Bamburgh and more recently proppped up the Brown Bear in Berwick - I must admit to being half based from that neck of the woods - which half you ask, well the beer half of course.

tony draper
16th Aug 2001, 15:59
A little known fact is that Bamburgh, one of Draper all time favorite places, used to be the Capital City of a very large portion of England once. ;)
I was just thinking, those Jocks haven't asked for Berwick back for a while now.
Still recovering from the sore heads we gave them last time I expect. ;)

You want it when?
16th Aug 2001, 16:03
Probably more worried that this time we will actually give it back :D

henry crun
17th Aug 2001, 03:38
Mr D: one of my sisters married a Bell from Northumberland, does that make me a scalliwag by association ?.

21st Aug 2001, 18:18
Perhaps the aliens have taken to mutilating replica cattle... :eek: