View Full Version : Bollocks.

Tricky Woo
29th Nov 2001, 21:14
Oh bollocks.

tony draper
29th Nov 2001, 22:26
Thats very enigmatic. :confused:

29th Nov 2001, 22:35
Tricky Woo - my lil furry Pekinese friend, wassup?


29th Nov 2001, 23:14
Dangly bits?

or a highly philosophical remark?

Gash Handlin
30th Nov 2001, 00:51
Can one assume that mr Woo has lit a cancer stick????

tony draper
30th Nov 2001, 01:22
Aha!Mr H, Draper thinks you have it, of course, a ciggy has been lit,a mixture of self loathing coupled with glorious relief.
HUMF! a complete lack of moral fibre and self disipline obviously :(

Tricky Woo
30th Nov 2001, 14:42
No relapse.

Something else.


Hersham Boy
30th Nov 2001, 14:43
Dr Woo

I entirely mirror your feelings. It just sums this week up, really.

On the subject of fags, Crack, Cocaine, Heroin, Opium, LSD or anything else you might want to drink, sniff, inject or smoke, I firmly believe that we all need a minimum of 2 vices to keep us sane. If you give up smoking, you'll only need to start/re-start something else.

Select your two from the following list:

Excessive masturbation
Fingernail biting

Errr... did I say 2? I meant 6. Or 8, even.


30th Nov 2001, 15:09
You could also add my favorite pastime - takes you mind off the ciggies :eek: :confused:

Tricky Woo
30th Nov 2001, 15:17
Not sure what 'furtling' it.

tony draper
30th Nov 2001, 15:23
I believe its similar to oofaling, only its legal between consentng adults now, of the same sex of course. ;)

30th Nov 2001, 15:40

Since you must be a miserable old git at the moment giving up the weed - been there and done that several months ago, I'll explain.

It is a sexual pecadillo of the artistic variety involving much practise to perfect. It requires a photograph and a pair of scissors wielded in a deft and carefree manner - Edward Scissorhands would excell at this opening manoeuvre. The scissors are then used in an artistically interprative way upon one area of the photograph, being one of the following, the legs, the naughty bit area or the bumpy things or anything else that takes your fancy at that surreal moment.
Place the scissors carefully away in a locked drawer - to prevent serious injury, place your hand behind said photo and manoeuvre it to replicate that which is missing. I've lost the exact name of the encyclopaedia that describes this wonderful hobby for the moment but I'll get it tomorrow. :eek: :eek: :confused:

Tricky Woo
30th Nov 2001, 15:55
Hmm, not sure if furtling is quite my cup of tea. Wanton destruction of perfectly good pornography is to be avoided at all costs. I disapprove.


gravity victim
30th Nov 2001, 17:03
Is furtling related to felching by any chanc?

Four Seven Eleven
30th Nov 2001, 17:33
But we digress. Mr Woo, tell us about your bollocks............

30th Nov 2001, 17:35
I thought that felching was the act of sticking different coloured merkins on said photographs - one only per photo, of course :eek: :eek:
It is OK Tricky, you can unstick the merkin afterwards, so it won't spoil your collection :D :D :D

I Am Ugly
30th Nov 2001, 17:46

30th Nov 2001, 19:12
"and the ref is going to his pocket and bringing out the cards, but which one is he going to use?"

gravity victim
30th Nov 2001, 19:55
Felching flash update;

The office know-all assures me that felching is not unconnected with the misuse of small furry rodents for self-gratification, in a manner that would command the unwelcome attention of RSPCA, Constabulary etc should such activity come to their attention. :eek:

Probably better to keep smoking.

30th Nov 2001, 23:55

"The act of extracting bodily fluids from an orifice said fluids having been placed there by a person other than the felchee".

Puts me right off me porridge.

1st Dec 2001, 01:33
Ahhhhh so its a posh word for a fanny fart then!

As opposed to Feltzing which is the art of stuffing boiled eggs into ones gob until one looks like Elvis. (For our foriegn/non digital TV brethren I am of course referring to the E4 advert for Banzai).

Anyway Mr Woo, what be it that Pisseth thou off??

1st Dec 2001, 03:04
Merkin. Pubic wig.

Common in the 19th century due to the ravages of a particularly onerous disease and some misplaced vanity.

See also: "Can Hieronymous Merkin ever forget Mercy Humpe and find true happiness?"

Mirkin About
1st Dec 2001, 16:12
Watch out, Watch out, Watch out, Watch out , there's a Mirkin About.

Just right for sticking to the ladies pubic area.

1st Dec 2001, 17:47
i came to this thread innocently, thinking that TW was referring to my old neighbours, Paddy and Mick O'Bollocks, when bugga me if the subject is hijacvked first towards furtling, a perfectly acceptable diversion, then on to felching, a subject only four people in the world, including dingducky, are game to ponder.

But whither the noble sport of Farnarkling, and it's undisputed world champion, Aussie Dave Sorensen?

1st Dec 2001, 17:50
Indeed, and what of the long lost art of nurdling?

Tricky Woo
3rd Dec 2001, 13:02
Cheered up a bit on Saturday, only to slide back into the pit of misery on Sunday.

Absolute bollocks, the lot of it.


3rd Dec 2001, 21:18
Chechez la femme

Tricky Woo
4th Dec 2001, 13:05
Spot on, Vel.

Never trust a woman with a round neck.