View Full Version : Blokes (again)

22nd Mar 2002, 05:03
IT'S GREAT TO BE A BLOKE BECAUSE:. .. .My arse is never a factor in a job interview.. .My orgasms are real. Always.. .My last name stays put.. .The garage is all mine.. .Wedding plans take care of themselves.. .I never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.. .Car mechanics tell me the truth.. .I don't give a rat's arse if someone notices my new haircut.. .Hot wax never comes near my pubic area.. .Wrinkles add character.. .A few well placed one night stands add credibility, not leave me tarnished.. .I don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.. .People never glance at my chest when I'm talking to them.. .The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.. .New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle my feet.. .Porn movies are designed with me in mind.. .Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.. .My pals can be trusted never to trap me with "So, notice anything different?". .I can appreciate great sport.. .I can throw a ball more than 5 feet.. .One mood, ALL the damn time.. .A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.. .I can open all my own jars.. .Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob me blind.. .I can go to a public toilet without a support group.. .I can leave a hotel bed unmade.. .I can kill my own food.. .I get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.. .If someone forgets to invite me to something, he or she can still be my friend.. .If I'm 30 and single, nobody notices.. .Everything on my face stays its original colour.. .I can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.. .Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.. .I don't have to clean my flat if the meter reader is coming.. .I can sit in silence watching a footy game with my mate for hours. .without ever thinking "He must be mad at me.". .I don't mooch off other's desserts.. .I can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.. .If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, we just might. .become lifelong friends.. .I am not expected to know the names of more than five colours.. .I don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.. .I am unable to see wrinkles in my clothes.. .The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.. .I don't have to shave below my neck.. .One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.. .I can "do" my nails with a pocket-knife.. .Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December. .24th, in 45 minutes.. .The world is my urinal.

22nd Mar 2002, 06:04
Now now Cooda...to be politically correct, you should also post the other point of view...see below.... .. .Men Jokes. .. .Men are like department stores....their clothes should be half off.. .. .Men are like vacations....they never seem to last long enough. .. .Men are like computer....hard to figure out and never have enough memory. .. .Men are like chocolate bars....sweet, smooth, and usually head right for your hips. .. .Men are like coolers....load them with beer and you can take them anywhere. .. .Men are like coffee....the best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night. .. .Men are like horoscopes....they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong. .. .Men are like plungers....they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom. .. .Men are like cement...after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard. .. .Men are like laxatives...they irritates the sh*t out of you. .. .Men are like parking spots...all the good ones are already taken and what’s left is handicapped. .. .A man is like a snowstorm...you never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get, or how long it will last