View Full Version : Crewmember Sex Alert!

bugg smasher
14th Apr 2004, 23:04
This just in from the FAA, having sex all night, the night before a flight, may cause dangerous levels of fatigue that would render aircraft operation unsafe. To this end, the TSA is being supplied with a new device at all airport security checkpoints, able to detect even minute levels, in crewmembers who may have illegally engaged in layover madness.

The name for this clever new device is, tentatively, the ‘Penalyzer’, or the ‘Dick-ta-Phone’. The FAA is currently soliciting other suggestions from any and all interested parties.

14th Apr 2004, 23:53
Dear Sirs

Following recent news on pprune regarding a new FAA regulation, please accept my resignation.......

Hey does this count if the night before was with the captain???

What is this device exactly? A sniffer dog on heat?

15th Apr 2004, 11:22
I believe it's technically called "the moment when all the april fool emails float back up from the bottom of the net a couple of weeks later"

15th Apr 2004, 11:37
so presumably......

"Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the Captain speaking. As you may have guessed I didn't get any last night......."

15th Apr 2004, 14:29
Having sex all night! This is bullsh**.

Men just crap on about doing it all night.

The average man lasts about 11 minutes.

From my experience pilots certainly aren't better than the average man.

So I don't think the detectors will have much work at all.

15th Apr 2004, 14:49
How are they ever going to stop the fleet air arm from having sex all night? First they rule out Rum, next So*d*my.. they've only got the lash to keep them entertained before flying. Hoon had better sort out some gimp suits for them.

Biggles Flies Undone
15th Apr 2004, 14:54
Is the lash bit a new innovation? When I did my RNFS I was told that it was 'rum, bum & gramophone records'. (I didn't join....).

Gatfield - maybe it's just you? ;)

15th Apr 2004, 14:56
Gatfield is not having a good day. :(

(11 minutes? Does that include the bottle of wine beforehand?)

15th Apr 2004, 16:18
BFU, I believe the lash, was historically used for discipline (as used by William bligh on HMS Bounty but became a popular form of entertainment and in some cases pleasure. Reports are that the new aircraft carriers coming into service will have a whole room dedicated to these pursuits, including a 'bed of nails' and a 'mini-dungeon' to boot. Although rumour has it that the forthcoming defence review includes recommendations that the studded dog collars should be dropped to save money and the whips could be made of plastic instead of the proposed italian leather.

bugg smasher
15th Apr 2004, 22:51

Eleven minutes is plenty get get two bottles down, and a have a leisurely time of it at the workbench as well. No wham, bam, thank you ma'am for me. Noooo Sir.