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Jerricho
14th Apr 2004, 05:31
As I am new to this part of the world, perhaps a few of the locals could aid/share in my mirth.

I have noticed with a great deal of advertising, especially in car ads, certain little warnings in smaller print in the corner of the screen. Ads involving cars doing tricky things have warnings like "Professional driver on closed course/road", "Do not try at home" etc. There is one KFC ad at the moment where everything is "magically" done by mothers, and one shot is of all the kiddies in the car and an invisible "Mother" driving the car................with the little caption of 'For demonstration only" down the bottom right.

Also, I had a quick flick though the owners manual for my new car, and it is explained at length the cruise control requires the driver to remain alert and still physically steer and drive the car. And in the Canadian version of the Highway Code, it actually states "that while pedestrians legally have the right of way, there is still the need to check for traffic as you will come off second best against a vehicle".

Are people round here really that thick?

finfly1
14th Apr 2004, 06:05
Yup......sadly, some are.

Heliport
14th Apr 2004, 07:05
Years ago, we'd have laughed at the idea of putting 'Warning! This coffee is hot' notices on hot coffee. ;)

But See here (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=120370).

StudentInDebt
14th Apr 2004, 12:39
I remember reading in the handbook of an american hire car I once drove that locking my keys inside the vehicle would render access difficult without specialist help.

timmcat
14th Apr 2004, 13:01
A product of the legendary 'Do not place your live poodle in this microwave oven' tale?

answer=42
14th Apr 2004, 13:59
TC
I placed a 'no poodles' sign on my first microwave. Didn't say anything about cats, though.

Huron Topp
14th Apr 2004, 14:03
Guess its the price we pay for having millions of lawyers with nothing better to do than sue everybody. But are we thick? Nah, only Winnipegers.:}

zarniwoop
14th Apr 2004, 14:17
Wonderful website here, with a great list of stupid warning labels. One of my favourites is from a bottle of champagne "Do not put in microwave"

http://www.dumbwarnings.com/

There is also a section for really stupid laws. For example, in Alaska it is illegal to push a moose out of a moving aeroplane.

Z

Jerricho
14th Apr 2004, 15:30
So it perfectly legal for the moose to pay for a tandem jump then?

Kolibear
14th Apr 2004, 15:49
Couple of weeks back I bought a new cover for our washing/drier/airer/thingie. You know what I mean, its it he back garden, has three arms on it all connected by a length of rope. You've probably got one too but I can't think of the techy name for it.

Anyway, the cover is a tube of polythene, cut to length and one end heat-sealed closed. Its a 21st cutting-edge high performance bit of kit. At least I think it must be, for not only did it come with instructions, but the instructions included a helpline number too. :p

Jerricho
14th Apr 2004, 15:52
has three arms on it all connected by a length of rope. You've probably got one too but I can't think of the techy name for it.

Gallows?

The Invisible Man
14th Apr 2004, 16:11
is of all the kiddies in the car and an invisible "Mother" driving the car..

I knew she had a second income...:mad:

Boss Raptor
14th Apr 2004, 18:53
I like those cheapo ads on American tv 'Joe's local attorneys at law - hi I am Joe...' or 'Crazy eddies wild wild west discount hifi centre - hi i am crazy eddie' etc. - and when I am staying with my sister I make a point of visiting said persons to meet Joe or Eddie...hours of cheap endless fun...

..and why do Americans call Nissan cars 'Neeesarrn' or call aluminium 'alloominum'?! :uhoh:

Jerricho
14th Apr 2004, 18:59
Oh BR, we could play that game for ages (infact, we have haven't we ;) )

Rich Lee
14th Apr 2004, 19:19
Mr. Jerrico

You watch American television?

Jerricho
14th Apr 2004, 19:27
Yeah.............it's good for a giggle or two. It's not so much the programs, but some of the adverts.

I tried watching NASCAR and some Drag Racing the other day. Can anybody really tell me they understand what the commentators are saying. They're not actually relaying any information, they're just making noise come out of their mouths, with the occasional sponsor name thrown in to pay the bills, then continue. And I have never seen so many "info-mercials" for fitness equipment/weight loss programs etc, being endorsed by semi-famous celebs. And one person who keeps popping up is Oprah. She has endorsed so many of these things. Now, am I the only one that can put 2 and 2 together and come up with the fact that if she tries one, then another, then another, then another............they mustn't work otherwise she wouldn't have needed try something else!?!?!?

I'll not start on Realtor adverts. Or Reality Shows. I really should be studying...................

Rich Lee
14th Apr 2004, 19:34
Put down the remote and step away from the telly!

Boss Raptor
14th Apr 2004, 19:49
I met a 'Realtor' and an 'Educator' who were neighbours of my sis in Possum Lane, Norwalk CT

WTF is a realtor?... and apparently an educator is a teacher! :confused:

PS apparently NASCAR is for 'hicks' (whatever they may be) whilst Indy Cart is for the better classes so I am told (by Americans) :E

reynoldsno1
14th Apr 2004, 22:33
aluminium 'alloominum'?! It was originally called that by Sir Humphrey Davy (he of the miner's safety lamp) - an Englishman....

twilightsglow
15th Apr 2004, 04:56
WTF is a realtor?
They work in real estate. You know, selling houses. :)

The fine print and warning labels are for keeping stupid lawsuits at bay. You wouldn't believe how many morons here love to start lawsuits. I'm sure you heard of those fat people trying to sue McDonald's?:rolleyes:

I stopped watching tv entirely. I don't miss it.

Jerricho
15th Apr 2004, 13:15
People wanting to sue Macca's for 'making them fat'. That dude trying to sue an airline cause he got p*ssed on a flight and fell down. I wonder if I could sue TV networks for the garbage they broadcast? (Of course, I could always change the channel, turn the TV off, go for a walk, read a nice book, study like I should really be doing.............but I can't. I'm drawn to it. It's like a drug I can't seem to live without. Must resist.............)

KM-H
15th Apr 2004, 18:52
We've been living here in Texas for two years, and local TV still holds a strange fascination.

Will it ever get better ? Will Fox 4 start to hire presenters who can actually string more than two sentences together without getting confused? What kind of reality show will someone think of next?

And yet I sat with Mrs KM-H, riveted to the box throughout the whole of the programme that showed all the worst contestants from American Idol - and cringed/howled with laughter!!

(Although in fairness the only way I can carry a tune is with a bucket)

regards to all back home,

KM-H

pigboat
16th Apr 2004, 22:42
Jerricho, you stumbled cross the Red Green show yet? :D
Handyman corner, now there's something you wouldn't wanta try at home!
It's on the Comedy Channel every night at 18:30 and on the Holy Mother on Fridays at 21:00.
The bush pilot is a dead ringer for a friend of mine who's in charge of the tower at CYHU.:uhoh:

Jerricho
16th Apr 2004, 22:48
Comedy Central!?!?

I'm paying $21 plus tax for 30 channels of f*ck all. You think I really want to upgrade to the full package and pay extra for more f*ck all! ;)

Sorry about the language folks! I can't be more decriptive at the moment.

Huron Topp
17th Apr 2004, 01:09
Red Green is still on CBC http://www.cbc.ca/programguide/program/index.jsp?program=The+Red+Green+Show

Always have my Duct Tape on hand...don't leave home without it.

finfly1
17th Apr 2004, 01:23
The Red Green show truly cracked me up when it was broadcast on our public tv here. I miss it and would seriously consider paying extra to receive it again.

Where else could I learn to make a backhoe out of an old cadillac and some duct tape?

pigboat
17th Apr 2004, 03:25
Not Comedy Central, the Comedy Channel. I think it's affiliated with CanWest/Global. Check with yer cable company. Red Green, the Simpsons and South Park six days a week. All the good comedy specials from Hobo - George Carlin, Dennis Miller, stuff like that.

Loki
17th Apr 2004, 13:13
Had an e-mail from my chum in Alaska the other day. Seems he was off to his local cinema to see a special screening of British TV ads. Apparently the event was a sellout...to the extent that another two screenings were being scheduled. There can`t be a lot to do in Anchorage in early April methinks.

spork
17th Apr 2004, 14:38
I realised around the time of JR being shot that I was watching a lot of TV for the wrong reasons, ie: how awful it was, and being amused by that. I've never regretted cutting down my viewing to the absolute minimum.

And a realtor (estate agent) is a telephone sanitiser who failed the exam.

Loki
17th Apr 2004, 14:41
Spork:

Telephone sanitiser, would that be class "A" or "B"?

Huron Topp
17th Apr 2004, 16:07
Some other fine fare from the Frozen North would include Codco, This Hour has 22 Minutes and Kids in the Hall.

Even though us Canucks are seen as being boring and polite, the truth comes out in these types of shows. We're actually all degenerates in sheep's clothing.:ok:

Ozzy
17th Apr 2004, 16:19
Isn't Second City comedy troupe a feeder for SNL and the likes? Some very funny folks came out of there, except of course Martin Short, who is not funny.:hmm:

Ozzy

Huron Topp
17th Apr 2004, 16:47
Yep, Second City in Toronto was the farm-team for SC in Chicago. Most of the early SNLr's were Canucks as is the Producer whatshisname.

Rich Lee
17th Apr 2004, 17:23
I live in fear of Canadians. They want to dominate the world.

http://cwd.ptbcanadian.com/

Now do you believe me?

Cyclic Hotline
17th Apr 2004, 17:54
I am truly amazed that The Red Green Show has not made it into the mainstream TV world. I was quite shocked to see it on TV last week at 06:45 in the morning.:oh:

It is on many PBS stations in the US and I know it would be a great hit in the UK! :8

But Hockey?:yuk: All day every day. TV, radio, newspaper, every freakin conversation???

Of course the other great show on Canadian TV is Coronation Street! It is strategically placed so that if you are feeling miserable living in an Igloo in Yellowknife, or freezing your ass of in Winterpeg, that it will remind you that things are NOT really better at home in the UK! :ugh:

How long do you have to serve in your present location Jerricho?

Have you got your 50 gallon barrel of bug spray yet?:ok:

Jerricho
17th Apr 2004, 19:48
How long do you have to serve in your present location Jerricho?

You make it sound like I'm serving a sentence for bad behaviour!!!!

Wait wait, I have found something on the box that has totally changed my outlook on all this.............

COLLEGE CHEERLEADER CHAMPIONSHIPS!!

*Cracks open a beer* I'll get back to you guys later.............

Boss Raptor
17th Apr 2004, 19:55
the very word Cheerleader triggers off that rather interesting scene from the movie 'American Beauty' :ok: :ok:

Jerricho
17th Apr 2004, 23:28
*Several beers later*

Well now, I think that Cheerleading thing really makes up for all my previous bitching!!

Right, any other suggestionsfor things I should be keeping an eye out for?

Cyclic Hotline
17th Apr 2004, 23:54
Beach volleyball!

Most definitely Womens beach volleyball............

Huron Topp
18th Apr 2004, 01:27
Ferget about it! The FCC nazis will have that off the air shortly as well. Probably cheerleading too.

Rich, aha! You found us out...eh!? See, thats how we'll conquer the US, with our uncensored TV. Soon, all south of the 49th will have no choice but to tune into Canuckavision to get the "naked" truth.:ok:

Onan the Clumsy
18th Apr 2004, 04:42
Right, any other suggestionsfor things I should be keeping an eye out for? Yes: Figure Skating :ok:

...but you have to go back a couple of years, to the time before they realised what ...er... certain camera angles made available for later viewing (in slow motion) :O :E

BombayDuck
18th Apr 2004, 13:19
Saw a message on an Indian Navy ship's missile launcher - "THIS WAY UP" with an arrow pointing (thankfully) upwards...

Jerricho
18th Apr 2004, 16:14
Figure skating you say? Hmmm........ Lady's beach volleyball, yup concur with that one. Notice there is a underlying thread of fit ladies and sport here? There has got to be other things to watch (Like the good old Naked Darts, or that Stripper Stock reporter)

Actually, I forgot to mention this earlier. What the hell is this V-chip thingie in my TV? Is it going to send a couple of thousand volts through me if I subscribe to the Playboy channel, or start swearing at the TV when they decide to take that delightful show of Cheerleading Championships off the air? (I saw this in a movie once!)