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Loki
12th Apr 2004, 19:08
Was driving this afternoon in the company of Mrs Loki. I was incensed by the sign in the rear window of the Fiat Multipla in front "Baby on board". What the F**k am I supposed to do about that?" I roared. Mrs Loki suggests that we have a sign saying "curmudgeonly old git on board" affixed to our rear window.

Another sign which confuses me is "show dogs in transit". I haven`t got any dogs to display , or a Transit in which to put them (I drive a Peugeot).

What about "I slow down for horses" So do I, but I don`t see the need to tell anyone about it, it`s common sense after all...or is it just some supercilious tw*t telling the world he/she is in some way superior?

Rant over.

419
12th Apr 2004, 19:26
Loki,
The original purpose of the "baby on board" signs was so that if the vehicle was involved in a crash, the emergency services would look for a baby in the wreckage.
The problem is now that so many cars have the signs, even when there are no infants in there, that they are usually totally ignored.

419

Ozzy
12th Apr 2004, 19:27
"This bus stops at all railroad crossings" - that's just asking fer feckin trouble, I'd keep going mate lest a train sneak up on yer.

Ozzy

ratsarrse
13th Apr 2004, 09:38
I to despise those Baby On Board signs. And don't get me started on those Jesus fish things. As soon as you see one of those on a car, you know that you're never going to go faster than 45mph unless you force them off the road as soon as possible.

Even worse are the 'Tiny Person On Board' variant of the baby signs. Why are you telling me this? Why should I give a **** that your foul spawn is in the back of your badly driven vehicle?

Now that I have vented my irritation, I can go about my day in perfect serenity. The therapeutic power of Proon.

Grainger
13th Apr 2004, 09:47
If that were the case 419, the sticker would be near the driver side door - the first place the rescue services would look - and not on the back window where it could be wiped out by a rear end shunt.

Perhaps its in the back window to warn me to drive carefully ? But there's no need for a sign telling me to be careful when all I'm trying to do is not to hit the other vehicles anyway.

Which leaves us with ra's "foul spawn" theory - presumably the sticker is put in the back window by proud parents - although why anyone should feel smug about their procreative activities when there's six billion on the planet already is beyond me . . .

Gainesy
13th Apr 2004, 10:15
On a horse box:

Horses

Yeh? No shit Sherlock?:confused:

TamedBill
13th Apr 2004, 10:20
I thought the 'baby on board' signs were there to encourage people to consider not parking too close to someone who has to wrestle a baby in and out of a car seat...that all

Onan the Clumsy
13th Apr 2004, 13:36
I thought the 'baby on board' signs were there to encourage people to consider not parking too close to someone who has to wrestle a baby in and out of a car seat...that all So if I went up to Home Depot, could I use a sign that said "Long piece of wood on board"? :*

Slim20
13th Apr 2004, 13:41
Has anyone ever called one of those "How's my Driving? signs you see on the back of trucks?

My neighbour has a good variation on it saying "How's my driving? If you don't like it, F___ off!" on his white van. (and yes, it does have ladders on the roof)

radeng
13th Apr 2004, 14:08
Seen in California as a bumper sticker


'No baby on board - you can hit me!'

Usually 'Baby on Board' means

'Warning - Idiot Driving'

Ozzy
13th Apr 2004, 14:09
Saw this a while back:

"How's My Driving?
Call 1-800-EATSHIT":uhoh: :E

Ozzy

airship
13th Apr 2004, 14:30
CAUTION - SLOW VEHICLE (on trucks)
CAUTION - LONG VEHICLE (on trucks anywhere else but Australia)
CAUTION - ROADTRAIN (in Australia)
L (on anything not driving erratically)
60 80 90 (on European trucks doing 110km/h)
"PRIVATE YACHT - NO ENTRY" (on anything which is obviously a yacht)

Big Tudor
13th Apr 2004, 14:45
Motorway matrix signs lit up, can't make out what it says cause it's foggy. Squint, blink, rub eyes, becoming clearer, yes there it is.
FOG
Oh, thanks for the warning. There was me thinking that me eyes weren't working properly!

Or the other favourite on UK motorways.
Queue. Caution.
That's really reassuring when I've been sat in the fekkin' queue for 2 miles! :mad:

pulse1
13th Apr 2004, 14:47
"Baby on Board" stickers should be placed on the windscreen immediately in front of the driver. They are the ones who should be taking the most care.

Evening Star
13th Apr 2004, 15:21
Once saw a very preganant woman wearing a t-shirt printed with a 'baby on board' sign. Vey cool.

Tempted to make and sell 'Baby in Boot' stickers. Imagine they would sell like hot cakes!

BUMPFF
13th Apr 2004, 20:06
Motorway speed advisory signs that read "40" when all traffic is stopped.

And those that display "End" as the traffic starts to slow down for the next bottleneck.

autosync
13th Apr 2004, 20:23
Asked on a driving test what would I do if Mr fog came in, I thought to myself what a patronizing little git. So I said I would gently put my foot down on little Ms break and turn on Mr foglights,
Needless to say he wasn't impressed and said
"Sir, I meant Mist or Fog"

Around most of the U.S the most prevelant sticker on cars is the "My son is an honour student at ........"
But down around the deep south in redneck territory, the sticker of choice is "My son can kick S*** out of your honour student"

Funny when you see it!

419
13th Apr 2004, 20:31
Well Auto... Did you pass the driving test?

The one that really winds me up is
"roadworks, for the next 5 miles. Delays possible" on the M25.

What's this "possible" crap.
Roadworks on the M25 = definitely major delays.

autosync
13th Apr 2004, 20:40
I think the final nail in the coffin was when I was asked,
Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?

A: What for? He can't see my license plate number

Rhodie
13th Apr 2004, 20:42
Best one was on a Rolls Royce...

"[email protected] the Poor"

Brave owner, I thought..... :ouch:

LGS6753
13th Apr 2004, 22:10
One that you don't see very often but should be much more widespread is:

Hoot louder - driver asleep.

Hansard
13th Apr 2004, 22:19
ratsarrse

On the subject of those fish stickers, saw a car plastered with them and another on the rear proclaiming "Woman driver - just as well God is in control"

Grainger
13th Apr 2004, 22:27
Always thought the "My other car is a Porsche" sticker - usually on a clapped out mini - was a bit naff.

Until the day I saw a Porsche bearing the sticker "My other car is a Porsche". Cool.

ShyTorque
13th Apr 2004, 22:43
"Keep back, demon braker on board"

"My other car is even worse"

"Keep back - Arguing teenagers distracting driver"

"Keep back - I'm female, menopausal and I have a gun"

"Own the road? I don't even own this car"

"If you can read this and you're not in the Red Arrows - you're too darn close!"

grey_not_green
14th Apr 2004, 00:12
saw a bumper sticker next to one of those fish things saying:

Jesus is coming......Look busy....

CoodaShooda
14th Apr 2004, 01:18
"poorsh" on a VW Beetle, I thought was rather clever.

airship
The "road train" sign isn't really useless. The buggas can be up to 60 metres long so its nice to know what you're getting into before you pull out to overtake.

eal401
14th Apr 2004, 09:05
I love seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers. Usually seen when car carrying it overtakes you in a residential road, or screams past on the motorway at 100mph.

What it should say is "Baby on Board - Sh1te driver up front"

Hostie from Hell
14th Apr 2004, 09:29
Motorway signs on the M50 in Dublin....(the only motorway!)

HEED your SPEED

ARRIVE ALIVE

love it!

visibility3miles
14th Apr 2004, 18:56
Two of my favorite bumper stickers were:

My other car is a plane

My other car went up my nose
(spotted in California in the 1980s)

amanoffewwords
14th Apr 2004, 23:04
I'd like to have a sticker with "I don't give a sh*t about my car....or yours"... (preferably on a Humvee)



At the back of a courier bike "The bike in front of you is...gone"

ShyTorque
14th Apr 2004, 23:33
The sticker I have learned to HATE is the one that says:

KEEP YOUR DISTANCE!

This indicates that the driver is an old chap wearing a trilby hat, funny string-backed driving gloves and two deaf aids, in a ten year old Rover with water dripping out of the exhaust pipe. There is a tweed blanket on the rear parcel shelf.

He will drive everywhere at 35 mph, irrespective of speed limits (any faster and he can't focus on the road ahead, it's a while since he had his eyes tested). He never looks in his rear view mirror because then he can't focus ahead for a full minute afterwards.

He won't know you have been hoping to overtake for the past five minutes and definitely won't be pulling over to let you go by anyway. He fought in a world war, don't you know and has fully earned his right to drive just as he likes. No, he hasn't read the highway code, there was no such book when he bought his licence (no driving test either!) and he can't see why he should need to now.

Here's a roundabout, infernal things. Out of my way, I was here first! Just wait and see where I'm going, I don't know yet, I'm reading the road signs. DON'T you flash your lights at me, sonny!

Keep back, you young whippersnappers. :mad:

P.S. No, although I have tonight been accused of turning into Victor Meldrew, it's NOT me. Yet! :E