View Full Version : Perks of being over 45

18th Mar 2002, 15:43
The Perks of Being Over 45.... .. .1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.. .2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.. .3. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.. .4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?". .5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.. .6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.. .7. Things you buy now won't wear out.. .8. You can live without sex but not without glasses.. .9. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.. .10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.. .11. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it.. .12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.. .13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.. .14. You sing along with 'piped' music.. .15. Your eyes won't get much worse.. .16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.. . . . <small>[ 18 March 2002, 10:44: Message edited by: ATRIXO ]</small>

18th Mar 2002, 17:14
There is a better perk being over sixty - weeks are made up of Saturdays and Sundays.. .. .You can go Scottish Country Dancing and make a complete prat of yourself without caring.. .. .Try Morris Dancing without embarrasment. .. .Give an octopus a blow job or play bagpipes. .. .Drink without worrying about lost brain cells - you ain't got none left. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" /> . .. .Like looking at nubile chapesses and then wonder why! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="confused.gif" /> . .. .Sit in the corner of the room dribbling and muttering "I do not believe it". .. .Visit your friends at work and laugh. .. .Shop when it is quiet.. .. .Start to use 888 on teletext. .. .Dribble dribble mutter mutter what was I doing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="confused.gif" />

18th Mar 2002, 18:44
My sister's daughters think I'm a great role model ("You had sex in CARS when you were our age? Oh God, I must try that ....").. .. .Their mother was not amused when forced to confess that she too once indulged in vehicular fornication.

18th Mar 2002, 19:53
This should be a fairly short thread.

19th Mar 2002, 00:23
Why Bino? No politics or religion (so far)!. .. .PP - that reminds me of a time many years ago when I had just managed to get comfortable in the back seat of a mini (!) parked on a lane which was terminated by a fence surrounding RAE Thurleigh -- when the MOD Poleeze arrived ... Luckily the windows were well steamed up giving us just about enough time to tuck one or two pieces of anatomy back where they belonged ... Oops!

19th Mar 2002, 00:33
I can break wind in public and not care.. .. .People of the female persuasion almost expect me to leer at them.. .. .I can tell all my younger colleagues how small my mortgage is.. .. .Annoying people is now an art form and not an inevitability.

19th Mar 2002, 01:38
Can live without sex? Nope!. .. .Can live without glasses? Yep!. .. .Just go for the ugly ones, it solves both problems! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> . .. .After my last medical, the doc told me I have 6/5 vision. I think he probably meant I could see something at 6 o'clock that I started looking for at 5 o'clock.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />. . . . <small>[ 18 March 2002, 20:41: Message edited by: ShyTorque ]</small>

19th Mar 2002, 03:11
Odd though! I find I get propositioned more now from the 'late twenty's plus' ladies than I ever did when at that age myself. Is it because they think we have money? Aeroplanes? Sophistication? Charm? Intellect? Maturity? Wives? Grey hair? or are simply that we are like their daddies? . .The eyes? I think the 'ayes' may have it! Contact lenses...fine if you can remember where you put them...

19th Mar 2002, 05:24
You can watch repeats of 'Morse' without remembering the ending.

19th Mar 2002, 05:54
ATRIXO:. .. .On behalf of all the 40's plus guys here, advise where all late 20's + ladies who chat you up are located soonest please!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

Gunner B12
19th Mar 2002, 12:49
Can someone please inform Sean Connerey of these facts. Being 45 myself he is the inspiration that keeps me going. Unfortunately I think he also got my share of good looks so thank God the wife hasn't given up on me.. .. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

19th Mar 2002, 18:44
Scran. .How about the usual places? Work, friends, the food hall at Harvey Nic's, (worked for Jeffrey). If you are really desperate the Female site of the Daily Mail is positvely buzzing; so I am told.. .Mind you after the good publicity in today's 'Times' about older men being better lovers, you should be inundated!

20th Mar 2002, 04:02
Perks of being UNDER 45 (but over 40):. .. .* Your not older than your 25 year-old girlfriends father. .. .* You still might have hair on your head. .. .* Nostril and earhole-hairs are still managable. .. .* Your not classed in the "silly old [email protected]" catagorey yet. .. .* You can still sexualy satisfy an 18 yo.. .. .* With enough gym-work you can still be referred to as "a hunk". .. .* You dont p!ss off younger babes as often by saying "Im too old for that sh!t"

20th Mar 2002, 04:50
If Sean Connery is still only 45 then I'm doing great at nearly 46!. .. .I still have enough teeth to grin with, lots of hair on top, and not enough grey ones to use that Grecian 2000 stuff yet.. .. .My arms, legs and other essential parts are all working fine for the twice yearly MOT test. (Some of them work too well but need a little TLC, just like a classic car, to get them started. Once they're going, they can go along at a fair old pace all day long).. .. .I can even run (no, not down my leg)! I don't fart or dribble yet and my six-pack stomach is more like a party seven.. .. .Is it possible that young ladies might like to make an old man very happy?. .. .Just thought I'd ask, before I forget why I'm asking! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

20th Mar 2002, 05:08
A problem I'm beginning to discover is when you meet and fancy both of a mother/daughter combo, which do you make a play for? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> (Quiet, Slash - I know YOUR answer! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> )

20th Mar 2002, 05:26
HugM,. .. .Ask 'em if Granny will be along later... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />. . . . <small>[ 20 March 2002, 00:26: Message edited by: ShyTorque ]</small>

Gunner B12
20th Mar 2002, 06:59
HugMonster . .. .Both! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> . .. .Some years back a local ladies health club used to put on a trip to a health club in Birmingham (I lived in Manchester at the time). If you were one of the lucky blokes you got invited along. I say lucky as the venue was "mixed costume optional". A friend of mine begged me to get him on the trip and as he was of the male model type appearance the ladies agreed. anyway to cut a long story short I walked into the shower to find him somewhat occupied with a mother and daughter both at the same time.. .. .Always quite envious of him from then on.. .. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

20th Mar 2002, 07:02
If it works right, some serious seniority becomes high stand-by priories.. .Some respect...although that is not contingent on age or position. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

20th Mar 2002, 21:18
Whats a party seven? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" />

Moritz Suter
20th Mar 2002, 22:56
Don't s'pose its a problem that regularly presents itself, eh Huggy?. .Got a good line on Viagra if it helps...burying the hatchet, and all that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

Lima Tambo
21st Mar 2002, 03:44
Nice to see you back Moritz! Good holiday I trust?. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="cool.gif" />

21st Mar 2002, 05:44
A party seven is a bit like a Zeppelin full of beer. One big beer can instead of six small ones in a pack. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

Moritz Suter
21st Mar 2002, 09:01
Mr. Tango!. .. .What a delight....taa very mooch for the welcome. Took longer than I thought for the bail hearing actually, but these things are sent to try us. Did spend an engaging couple of days in a cell with a 300 pound latino jelly wrestler who like to be called Cindy, though. Most intriguing.. .God Bless AAmerica.

Moritz Suter
22nd Mar 2002, 06:08
..and by the way, perhaps you, like myself, had no idea what could be done with prison issued lubricant!. .Yours in education!!!

Lima Tambo
22nd Mar 2002, 14:41
Indeed! It brings a tear to my eye even now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" /> . .Still far better a night with Cindy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" /> than with the chap in one of HM's longterm hostelries who likes to crack open heads like a boiled egg and eat the brains with a teaspoon!. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" /> . . Perhaps they ought to get Lloyd Grossman in to improve the food.. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />