View Full Version : Can't Tell

25th Nov 2001, 07:10
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were destroyed in a fire. Thus we will never know for whom the Tells bowled.

25th Nov 2001, 07:20
After successfully cloning himself, a guy found that his new "twin" was somewhat fond of using extremely bad language in all sorts of inappropriate situations.

One day, after his girlfriend had been on the receiving end of some particularly abusive language, the guy punched the clone very hard causing him to fall over the balcony rail to his death.

He was charged with making an obscene clone fall.


25th Nov 2001, 07:27
Ill never forget how Liz the singer of our discotheque made Gloria slimmer with these tons of pork.

25th Nov 2001, 08:24
Has anyone heard about the Buddhist monk who refused Novocaine during some root canal work? He wanted to trandscend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their latest tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. "Why," they asked as they moved off.
"Because," he replied, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." :o

Four Seven Eleven
25th Nov 2001, 09:52
The King of Tonga, who lived in the biggest grass hut on the island, heard of an imminent invasion by Maori warriors. As the Tongan throne - a magnificent piece of carved stone - was the symbol of the Tongan monarchy, he decided to hide it above the rafters of his hut, to avoid it falling into the hands of the invaders.

The Maoris attacked, and entered the king's hut, demanding to know where the throne was. The king held out, refusing to reveal its location. Unfortunately, the weight of the thone was too much for the flimsy rafters in the grass hut, and it came crashing through the ceiling, falling into view of the invsading Maoris.

The moral of the story?

People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones

25th Nov 2001, 11:14
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed doubts the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these who needs enemas?"

Four Seven Eleven
25th Nov 2001, 12:39
The manager of a theatre in the Bay of Biscay area of Spain decided, for reasons of economy, to close all of the doors but one, thus forcing patrons to crowd into a narrow corridor at the end of the show.

Unforunately, a fire broke out, leading to horrendous casualties.

The moral of the story?

Never put all your Basques into one exit

25th Nov 2001, 12:52
For over 1000 years, the current abbott of a remote monastery would greet his charges daily by singing "Good morning, monks", to which the adoring monks would sing in reply, "Good morning, Abbott".

One day after the abbott's traditional greeting, everybody was shocked to hear one lone voice in the responding chorus sing "Good evening, Abbott".

After a brief stunned silence the Abbott drew himself to his full height and sang accusingly;
"Some monk chanted evening" :mad:

25th Nov 2001, 14:18
:D ...

A man rushed into his doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

25th Nov 2001, 22:23
Another guy went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doctor, I keep dreamimg that I'm a deck of cards."

"Just take a seat in the waiting room and I'll deal with you in a minute." :D

25th Nov 2001, 22:42
Psychiatrist: "Now tell me please Mr Nutter - how long have you had this delusion that you are an over-ripe plum ?"


Psychiatrist: "Mr Nutter ?.."

Patient: "..zzzzzz"

Psychiatrist: "Mr Nutter....... ?"

Patient: "..zz <SNORE> ....zzzzzzzz"

Psychiatrist: (to assistant) "I say .... he's dropped off !"

26th Nov 2001, 00:23
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local official, who apologized saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

26th Nov 2001, 06:12
A local gent entered a pun contest in the local paper. He sent in 10 different puns, hoping that at least one of them would win. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did. :eek: