Are you lonely??

[Kempus]

Just a question guys!

Just wanna find out if i'm the only one out there that aint feeling a tad lonely. Do a job i really enjoy, go to some great places, see the world, earn a good wage.
But why cant i keep in a relationship and why do i spend more time texting my friends than actually seeing them and when making new friends why do they only stay that way for the length of the trip?
Just think i've reached my first low point in aviation after flying for a year and well, is it just me or does it come with the territory?

kempus

[redfred]

Im agreeing with you 100% kempus only been flying myself a few months and i think its hard to change the person you are, if your not the over zealous drinking party animal it is difficult to occupy yrself when yr away and if you have personal problems its the worst job in the world but if things are hunky then its the best, i think you should give it a bash and if it doesn't suit you then move on as i reckon you either love the job or hate it.

[Tart with the cart]

yep it can be quite lonely, I imagine long haul is worse.

Personally, I can't wait to get out of the cabin-crewing, I'm engaged and I want to see more of my fiance!

[flapsforty]

Kempus the answer is not simple.
But it's definitely NOT only you.
I don't think I know anyone in our job who hasn't gone through what you describe.
Some consolation there perhaps eh?

Smart of you to ask the question by the way; many people get stuck in feeling miserable and lonely in our job and always thinking they're the only ones suffering from what looks on the outside like the perfect lifestyle.
Ackowledging that it ain't so easy is the first step on the way to making it better.
Good onya! :ok:

[worldwidelad]

I know what you mean kinda......

It's lonely when there isn't anyone on the crew that wants to hang out, or even anyone that you click with. It's definitely a lifestyle. I find when I'm home that I just want to chill out at home and so I find it a real effort to keep in touch with friends.

[crash_1983]

Ive been doing cabin crew for a few weeks, and although i love the job, Yeah for sure its lonely, im in the process of looking for somewhere to live near LGW, as i live an hour away at the min, and as 99% of my friends are in the 9-5 routine of life, its boring and lonely.

So i can tottally agree with what your saying, But there are lows and there are highs, and things ALWAYS get better!

[Kempus]

Hi folks!

Thanks for your replies! I'm glad, well maybe not glad, i'm not the only one who feels this way.

I made the move down from Scotland 6 months ago with a girl in the same job. We never saw each other, one thing lead to another and we're no longer together. Its only since then that i realised how lonely this job is and without having any kind of constant, may it be a partner, family or friends i feel desperately like a nomad!

You know what they say about moving to the smoke, just another number!

Anywho, its hard for people to understand who dont know what its like so thats why i turned to you guys! Lets hope flying at 40,000ft isn't the only high i get in a job that i do enjoy. Dont want this to be a feel sorry for me thread but nice to have something to talk about!

:uhoh:

[redfred]

Sorry bout yr relationship when you just start to see somebody its a real drag to be away and you just want to be with them I definately know what you mean there and night stops is all you want, im just gonna see how it goes for a bit pass my probabation and get out of LH asap

[qfmike737]

The whole industry is set like a "days of our lives" relationships constantly changing so many different factors involved.

I guess that when you do shiftwork or travel...a common negative is being lonely. Also when you come back from your layover in Paris....your closest friends think you have been on holiday. You just want to sleep and they expect you to be alive and out!

[ozskipper]

A mate of mine went through similiar issues - he's not a huge party animal so he uses the time while away to study. Bought himself a little laptop and has finished his second degree. Ii think also studied another language as well while away, so now he gets more cash for being a language speaker....

This avenue kinda helps with the boredom, but doesn't really fix the loneliness.... although you can use the internet while away! :O :E

[sixmilehighclub]

I used to fly, but missed my friends as our work patterns overlapped. When I gave it up I then found all my friends moving abroad or coupling off, leaving me on my lonesome!!

Looking back, there used to be small groups of crew going out locally, and if free you'd join them. Some couldn't understand why they felt lonely after going out so much. I took a step back and realised that most of the people I socialised with weren't great friends but just great aquaintances. You get pulled into the lifestyle and feel a part of a big family, but when it boils down to it they are not always there for support and socialising, just like your 9-5 friends arent about at 2 in the morning to talk to after a $hite day.

I missed flying when I left, and longed to be back in the cabin, its taken me 3 years to get back in, but I've made it back! My current life is boring now anyway!!

Ever heard of AIDS (airline induced divorce syndrome)? I think starting a relationship when you are already flying means at least both people know what to expect. The hardest test on a relationship is when already established then one partner goes flying. If youre strong together, you'll survive!

Six
:ok:

[homesick rae]

Been in the industry 20 years and I actually resigned from a VIP job that paid great money, because I was bored!! I was the only CC member and the flight deck were older and would go out for the odd meal occasionally or play golf. Back in Saudi on the compound, although a lot to do, I was just fed up!! So I resigned...even though I have done a similar job since...maybe because I am now a bit older...I was fine. Kempus we all go through it...I am happily married now with a wee one and still enjoying the industry!!

(But hey, imagine how Berti Vogts feels right now eh?)

[Anti-ice]

The trouble is - its a very selfish job!

We desert everybody when we go off on a trip, and then expect everyone to 'play' when we come home.

My life improved 100% when i left longhaul to goto shorthaul....
Though i do many more hours , i stay 'in touch' with my life, partner,family,friends etc.......

I'm also now getting really fed-up :D of longhaul pals who suddenly 'arrive' home, and expect to be entertained or arrange things for you while they have their 'small window' of opportunity to do so before they ****** off again.
But i've got my pal 'CallerID' to sort that one out!:D :D :D

It's what you make of it, but if friends/partners aren't very understanding or annoyed by your 'flitting' in & out , you may be in for a bumpy ride,even with both feet on the ground!

[Kempus]

it gets worse, like a spiral of descent. i've been put down so much i cant take it no more! how can someone you care for so much make you wanna crawl into a corner and die!

I'm sorry but i is now starting to get depressed! this aint good and i really dont want my work to find out!

[exmax]

check yr PM Kempus.

[Kempus]

Hey folks!

Just wanna say thanks for all the advice an that! just taking this break up maybe a bit too personal, well not really any other way you can take it is there!

Dont think i'll ever understand women, you bend over backwards to do anything for them cos she's "your babe" but then when you think everything is great, guess what it aint!

dam! :{

[qfmike737]

When I first started in the travel industry I had no idea on how to keep sane and or not be lonely (keeping sane was more of my case). Fortunately I met a couple of friends who were able to give me some advice on how to maintain your well being whilst in the industry.

Create sanity packs: These packs are up to date magazines and publications of things you like to read. It could be aviation news, horses. It's gotta one of those things with pictures or things you just can't put down and HAVE to read over. Or if you are just like me...get the hot news from Hello or Who Weekly etc!!! These are great to pass time when you have to wait and I find they give me great ideas on what to do if you get more spare time on a layover. See that movie that just had a great review! You dont bother anyone reading and it connects you with the outside world with things you might like.

Exercise: When you look good you feel great. Get to the gym at least 3 times a week damnit! Go on and use that hotel gym!
(get that hair cut/style u always wanted or just try something new! Publications that often show information on how to avoid being depressed say to get a haircut try something new"

Diet: Every shiftworker knows how to have a very good or a very bad diet. Scraping by on black coffee and guarana drinks is just not my style. Take that apple and pear with you! Dried fruits are great if you get the nibbles. Make sure you drink plenty of water and dont drink too much booze. Everyone knows that alcohol is a depressant...it'll become your only friend! Like totally SHAME!!!!

Get to know where fellow shiftwork folks are and what times they are working. It makes a big difference when you actually make the effort each month to say hello and find out when they're working and where they are. There most likely going to be bored and lonely as well. Thanks to the information we have SMS and MMS. You dont need to wake anyone for them to get the message! We now even have 3G services. If you really really miss your buddies you might like to try video conversations. So you're never completely alone!

Laptop: Laptop + Internet means you can go onto sites like this when you got some time to kill...obviously at this second i must be extremely bored! HAHAHAHA But seriously a laptop and internet are now a ESSENTIAL to my wellbeing. It also means you can send emails and it's nice getting emails :-)

Don't forget Teddy: From the latest in technology tools to the simplest and more primitive forms....Kids like to carry their little teddy or toy with them wherever they go. Some of us may still know of people who still carry their own pillow or baby blanket with them wherevery they go. If this makes u sleep better and feel less lonely...Why not use it if you can? (dont try stuffing big blankets in a cabin bag it aint gonna work)


What is it that makes you lonely? Is it the emptiness of something incomplete that you feel from within? Like a lead weight resting on your guts dragging your heart down? Is it the need to just be around others and have company? There isn't one type of loneliness and knowing exactly what your type is might make it easier for you resolve and even prevent before it happens.

Many have said "everyone is lonely" I guess this is probably true with the statistics showing increased drug abuse/suicide and cases of depression. But then there are just people who have really nothing to worry about.

"the i'm bored i've got nothing to do and everyone is out having fun" this this is just to me is soooooo lack of organisation. You should have planned something.

[sixmilehighclub]

Hey Kempus

Sorry to hear whats happened. My friend says theres several stages a man goes through when he breaks up with someone. The first is to feel confused and bewildered, the last is to go to a strip club with your mates. I'd skip the middle stages and go straight to the end...!!

When things go unexpectedly wrong with women, ask her exactly what you arent doing. If shes worth it, she'll tell you so you can put it right. Don't sweep it under the carpet, it will rear its ugly head again later.

Us women are a funny breed, but so are you men!! The book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, does have some truth in it! That will keep you busy for a bit!

When women say nothing is wrong, but pout at the same time, we want you to make the effort to show you care and listen to whats bothering us. If men say theres nothing wrong, you mean there is actually nothing wrong!

If we get in after work and we are annoyed, we want to talk about it for about an hour, want tyou to comment and agree. Whereas you guys want to think it over, deal with it yourselves and only consult us if you really need to. Of course we want to worry about you the same way we want to be worried about during a crisis, hence why we keep asking you whats wrong!!

When a woman asks how your day was and you say it was just ok, you mean it was just ok, nothing eventful. A woman can perceive this as you keeping something from her and not involving her in your life. Simply extend your answer to something like 'average day really, pretty boring, but no hiccups for a change'.

If you have had a $hite day, tell her you'll talk to her when you have worked it out in your head yourself. If shes worth it she'll understand.

When we say we dont mind you calling off a date to go out with a mate, we dont really mean it, but want to please you. Compromise to keep us and yourself happy.

On the phone, men say what they want in less than a minute then hang up. A woman on the other end of the phone may find this abrupt, and take it personally. We like to talk about nothing! Even if I am calling a freind to arrange what time to pick her up later, we still talk for half an hour!!

But then if all the above was true, and I know what I'm talking about, why the hell am I still single??!! Hmmmm....

SWF, Blonde, 28, WLTM male with own hair and teeth, GSOH........previous boyfriends need not apply.


:ok:

[Kempus]

Hi!

Just wanna say thanks again for the advice! I know deal with it an that are probs the best things to do but wish it was that easy!

Sixmilehigh, fantastic idea! dont know why i didn't think of it!

SWM 24, Nice smile and blue eyes :8 WLTM female who does all those things you read about! :D

kempus

[JimboUK2004]

Holy Mackerel

sixmilehighclub, I sound like your ideal match, I also sound like a woman - especially hearing the way you percieved men's attitudes!

1st of all - people, sorry about this, I know this is PPRUNE, and u expect technical answers that are related to aviation, but let me be different for a moment! WOMAN! Woman, may think they are in a league of ther own - well they are! BUT, they also think they know how a man's mind work's - they do - to an extent! BUT (that's another BIG but!), not all men are like that, and also, not all woman are like you eplained!
Since I sound like a woman (after the way you talked) then bring it on! Hence....

Male, Mousey Blonde hair (my own), own teeth (white), 24, WLTM female with laid back approach to life, loves not to b*tch, doesn't give a $hit, doesn't think that men are all the same, oh and V.GSOH.

....Yet to meet one of them - guess I'll have to put up with the good 'ord dreams for now!

Hmph!

:hmm:

P.S. No it alls need not reply! :cool:

[flyjetboy]

I have gone through this in the past , and it aint no fun i have to say. But then i resigned myself to the fact that being lonely went with the job esp when friends were flying different flights as other crew were the only people i mixed with since moving to london, i was renting a room which was no biggerthan a matchbox which got me down even more.
Then i met someone who i now live with who used to fly but gave it up i think that makes all the difference if you lucky to have someone to come home to, to vent your spleen so to speak.
The point is there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[gallie girl]

maybe regional is an option? less overnights shorter flights... i found this a better lifestyle!!!!

[qfcabin]

qfmike, are you actually cabin crew?

[ANA777Master]

My heart breaks for those who are lonely, since I have experienced it in one of the worst ways before. Just remember and believe that things will get better if you want them/try for them to. Learn to enjoy your own company too. You are special.

Best regards.:O

[qfmike737]

QFcabin I think you could find out by asking me nicely or you could take the time to read my previous posts on my current status.


People can get lonely in other jobs...being out at sea, teaching oversease in another country or working on trains.

You've always been critical with me. it's ok you can say you dont like me...but it'd be nice if you knew me first.

[Trolleydolley]

Hi have also been in the industry for 20 years. In the beginning i used to come home everyday and cry whilst i was on the course then i promised my sister that i would fly for the first summer. Which was a nightmare. I was your worlds worst nightmare!!
I then went on to fly for 20 years have been in 6 airlines ranging from commercial to charter to VIP and working for a royal family. I have abwsolutely loved it have made may freinds and aquaintances. (But unfortunately, didnt give up the career for anyone so subsequently have bocome too old to settle and have children) No fault but my own. But do you know what i still have that passion for flying. and would encourage any youngster to pursue a carrier in cabin crew.
Chin up and go and grab the world by the horns enjoy every moment of it and try and make someones day be it passengers or another crew member.
Have fun
and lots of luck

[Twin Star]

No, I don't feel lonly.
Personally I never would change my job with any 9 am to 5 pm office place or something like this. Couldn't bear it any longer ...

Of course if e.g. you have personal problems and need the warmth of a family or good friends it can be the worst job when you are always away, night flights and so on. On the other side if life goes good and you can enjoy this highlife it can be the best job. I think which one is applicable for you depends on the person you are.


Love it or leave it is probably the best advice but think twice over your decision to avoid what sixmilehighclub realized.


Good luck!

[sixmilehighclub]

TrolleyDolley - Great message! Its good to hear from people who have had a great time flying over the years. Bet you have some great stories to tell! You're never too old to settle, who knows, you may even find one of those acquaintances comes back to haunt you one day soon?!

Kempus - Hope things are feeling better for you now, maybe you might just enjoy being single for a while!! (made it to any clubs yet? lol)

Jimbo - Bligh! Seems you are a little frustrated with my comments (which were based on documented years of research between couples and singles used for relationship guidance and actually published by a MAN who specialises in relationship psychology).

And no, I dont know it all, I never pretend I do. But enough has happened in my life to be able to relate to others problems and I try to help where I can. So if I insulted you, I apologise. Would have been nice to hear your advice on the original post though.

[fourplay]

Bless! that's a really beautiful post...there is someone for everyone out there.
And they will come and go from our lives when they are ment to.

Relationships can be very difficult to master and some of us are not real good at them...20kg of excess luggage from the previous will do it everytime.

I am down to a small carry on whilst my ex will tell you I have the entire right forward section of the A330-300 cargo hold to contend with....:p :p :p

NEXT...next please, excuse me...you there with the cute arse.
now serving No.69...step forward thank you.
HELLooW...WELCOME I'M BORD
:oh: :oh: :oh: :oh: :oh: :oh:

[richterscale10]

TrolleyDolley

Your never too old to find the right person and settle down. I have been in the aviation industry for over twenty years now - have worked for both commercial and private operators over in the UK and the USA - and have been in some rocky relationships.......due to my flying schedules if I am honest!
But I am now re-married to someone ten years younger than myself, have four children and am still flying......and that is certainly something I did not believe ten years ago would ever happen...........

Happy Flying!

[Sky_hi!]

I am just going through a break up with a man who is a pilot and generally more focused on his career (and the next pretty blonde that comes along....) than little old me :{

But never mind thats ok because I figure if you can't beat them, join them!!! I have just applied for Virgin Blue :E

[apaddyinuk]

Hey Kempus....
Look, dont feel bad cos I know exactly how you feel!!!
I lived in the Middle East working for an airline down there for two years, we lived in company accomodation so all the male crew where in the one building and it was great to an extent because all the Irish lived in this building and there was always someone around and both of my flat mates i got on really well with so there was always something happening and was hard to get lonely down there...but then of course....when you came home fromwork, you were never really getting away from work!!!

But then I moved to the UK so i could get away from the middle east thing and was feeling a tad homesick for european life again but now for the first time in my life I actually feel a tad lonely! All my mates are either in Dublin or the Middle East and londons a very difficult place to get a social life going when youve been dropped in it and because im flying longhaul, Im never around for the good nights out!!! But its all part and parcel of the job, I know soon I can move and commute from Dublin so things will pick up!
So hang in there, it all falls into place eventually!!! :ok: