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Ric Capucho
5th Apr 2004, 09:36
'Ello All,

Wot's all thi' stuff 'bout modern fiction author's fashion fer writin' in t' vernacular?

I know writers 'ave bin writin' in this way since James Joyce wrote Ulysses, and 'specially since Lady Chatterly got 'er knickers off, bu' lately every buggah's a' it.

Ian Banks' Feersum Endjinn is a spectular example. Almos' unreadable, yeah?


tony draper
5th Apr 2004, 10:34
oooh one liked that book Ulysses,especialy the bit where he killed the big one eyed Monotaur to get the golden fleece then rescued Rapunzel from the tower by her hair.
Kirk Douglas wannit?


Ric Capucho
5th Apr 2004, 10:57
Ahhh... Kirk Douglas.

The Vikings was a great film, it was. What with that horn bellowing "Aaaaaooooouuuuu-ahhh, aaaaooouuuu-ahh". Ravishing and pillaging, party tricks with flying axes, pit of wolves for chucking prisoners of war into. Ohhhh, that was a great film.

Wasn't it him who gets 'buried' on a viking longship at the end, at night, with his viking chums firing flaming arrows at it? Made my scalp creep to see it...

"Aaaaaooooouuuuu-ahhh, aaaaooouuuu-ahh".

...flaming arrows streaming into it, and sometimes fizzing into the water. His noble white face in the flames, as he goes to his pagan gods.

I'm guessing that viking undertakers used to rub their hands with glee every time some noble man popped his horns. "Erik, Erik, we've got us an urgent order... Lord Ranulf Ranulfsen's just snuffed it (Odin rest his soul) and they need a 40 foot coffin, with keel, mast, sail, oars and everything.... oh, and about 1,000 arrows, and plenty of pitch. Got that?"

Now that's a bloody good funeral. Must have that entered into my last will and testiment, although I'm unsure where my wife'll find a longship. Flaming arrows shouldn't be a problem in the land of William Tell. Just load it to the gunnels with apples, and Bob's yer uncle.

The other films I remember him in were, er.... hmm.


5th Apr 2004, 11:47
......once made a fake phone call telling a mate that I was from English Heritage and had just ordered the immediate cessation of all building activity on his new house as we had just discovered the remains of a Viking Longboat buried on his plot. He was quite concerned until I reminded him that we are at least a 100 or so miles from the coast!

Ric Capucho
5th Apr 2004, 13:30
Hmm, looks like Mr 'a is dum' (IFTB in drag) means to continue to vote every thread I create down to a '1'.

Looks like I have a stalker.


One shall lock up one's bunnies, and hide the larger pans. One shall attach a small mirror to a broom handle and check the underside of my car every morning. One shall scowl over one's shoulder on dark nights, and avoid beret-wearing strangers. One shall check behind one's shower curtain.

One can never be too careful.

One is prepared.

One has seen many thriller movies.


tony draper
5th Apr 2004, 13:39
One has never been able to figure out how to award those star thingies, otherwise ones highly esteemed TRRRBATPSOIT would require a wide screen monitor to view.
Is one allowed to vote for ones own thread Mr Ric?, one would venture to suggest that goodself would have looked into this possibility.


Ric Capucho
5th Apr 2004, 13:58
One may vote for oneself, Mr Dum? Well, I never. An Englishman would never have discovered that.

Was that you skulking on my balcony last night?


Ric Capucho
5th Apr 2004, 20:39
(Later... shhh... whisper...)

I'm here waiting for Mr A is Dum to arrive again. He's been stalking me, you know. I've left a blind slightly open, and a window ajar. The balcony's still empty, but who knows. It's dark outside, and, apart from accidentally shooting the neighbour's cat, all is quiet. The best thing about Switzerland is that crossbows are freely available. Sell 'em in the newsagents. Anyways, one is ready for the worst now.

Come, little froggie, come...


p.s. It's a shame about the cat, but c'est la guerre.

The Invisible Cat
5th Apr 2004, 21:20
Mr Capucho

None of my business, but I don't think that Mr a is dum is one of them bl**dy froggies.
Just see how he reacted when one called him "mijnheer" this morning on TRRBATPSOI (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=1281487#post1281487)

One thinks he is one of them cloggies, rather. Still some johnny foreigner, however.

6th Apr 2004, 05:22
Are we still allowed to shoot furriners with our Longbows? Theres lots of em you know, so no-one would miss a few every now and again.

Thats why we bred the Welsh apparently, made em small so that hitting em was more difficult which made the full size furriners easy targets. Of course finding them was a chore, however once we made them sing whenever they were near a valley it got things going nicely.

In fact, if you think about it, a GUA-8 is merely a modern version of a longbow.... Any luck with the bidding thus far Drapes?

tony draper
6th Apr 2004, 08:38
Tiz a nightmare Chaffers,aparently they want me to have a stout cupboard to lock it away in when I am not using it Drapes remembers the good old days when a ten bob gun licence from the corner post office would have covered one for ownership of that item, and a letter from a local farmer stating you had permission to shoot over his land allowed you unlimited amunition.
Gave Bagnal and Kirkwoods ones local gunsmith a ring and stock depleted uranium rounds in all calibers, so no probs there.

Guns don't kill people, its the bullets that kill people.

6th Apr 2004, 09:01
You know, Drapes, I think you've just invented an effective anti-NRA slogan. I suspect you will receive massive fan mail from politically correct vegetarian liberals. Written on recycled paper.

To refer to the start of the thread, Russell Hoban's novel 'Riddley Walker' was written in a vernacular that the writer invented for a post-nuclear war England.

Ric Capucho
6th Apr 2004, 09:02
Mr A is Dum is indeed a citizen of that large country just over the English Channel. One notes that he has changed his profile recently to disguise his froggie origins. Still, we must forgive him that, simply because the world would be a dismal place without burgundy wine or brie cheese.

Mr Chaffers,
You will find copious amount of good English yew in Bramall Park, and the plains of Cheshire are full of sinew on the hoof. Send a message to the good squires of Stockport: The serfs must set aside their scythes, and called to arms. Allocate each man a longbow, 20 arrows, a helmet, and a potato. And then off they must march, down to the southern coast, and thence through the Chunnel. Tell your men to shoot any southerners who stand in their way. Tell your men that anyone they meet south of Macclesfield is either a southerner, or a frenchie.

Or a welshman.

Herr D,
Without a gun, you'd have to chuck a bullet pretty hard to kill someone.


6th Apr 2004, 09:05

I'm sure you do not need reminding, my little hooded one, that the potato is an American invention.

You are south of Macclesfield. Does that make you a grenouille?

Ric Capucho
6th Apr 2004, 09:09
...as are tomatoes, marijuana, cocaine and rap music.

But we must not be distracted; first the french must be subjugated. We can resolve our little colonial rebellion later. It's gone on long enough, but we can wait a little longer.


6th Apr 2004, 09:13
What do you intend to name your war? All the good names have gone, like the Thirty Years War, the Hundred Years War and the War of Jenkins' Ear.

Ric Capucho
6th Apr 2004, 09:19
I was thinking of calling it the Norman Reconquest of France. The troops will call it 'Norman' for short.


6th Apr 2004, 09:33
Norman Tebbitt, Norman Major, Norman Cook (well Quentin really): all just 'so last century'.

I suggest a more 'now' name for your war.

Seeing as 'Brooklyn' and 'Brittney' are taken, how about 'Yonkers'?

We could focus-group it.

Ric Capucho
6th Apr 2004, 09:40
I suppose we could call it the 48 Hour War, and then spend another 25 years 'clearing up', 'containing insurgents', and 'implementing an interim democratically elected body'.

All the rage, these days, it seems.


tony draper
6th Apr 2004, 10:02
ooh! tha was very cutting Mr Ric.

May one hint at something new? we have 320 perfectly servicable Trident 2's,giving a total of err about 1000 warheads, if we don't use em soon the gunpower in the rockets will prolly go stale.


The Invisible Cat
6th Apr 2004, 10:17
Mr Ric

On thunk you are mistaken, the a is dum fellow is indeed living in Froggyland, but he has said more than once that he is a cloggy, last time was here (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=1233430#post1233430).

One has also seen his previous avatar posting in that dutch idiom, which none of them froggies could spell properly

Still, that doesn't make him a better foreigner, all those EUstanis are all the same. Maybe those Tridents should be aimed a bit wider than due sarf.


Ric Capucho
6th Apr 2004, 11:05
A is Dum's a cloggie? Not a frenchie?

Hmm, one shall soon resolve this:

Oi! Mr A is Dum! Yoohoo! Do you own a caravan? Have you ever been on a caravan holiday? Does your father's car have a tow-bar?


6th Apr 2004, 11:16
Umm, perhaps he flies a Cessna.

tony draper
6th Apr 2004, 11:20
Nothing wrong with owning a Caravan,one has one.
Incidently tiz the only Caravan in the UK that had a Flypast (perhaps one should say overflight, and a very low overflight at that) by Tornado F3'S arranged for it, those chaps on the mil forum are not all ogres.
Mind you it scared small white hound witless, and it takes a lot to do that.

Ric Capucho
6th Apr 2004, 12:30
Ahh, but Herr D, a mere British caravaner is naught compared to this.

Throw a stone anywhere on mainland Europe, on a summer's morn, and it'll likely bounce off the roof of a Dutch caravan. Failing that, it'll be a Dutch caravanette. The Dutch, fearful that their prolific caravaning will attract the attention of their fellow foreigners, have taken to disguising themselves as French, German or even (hah!) Swiss, by sticking the labels for said country upon the backs of their vehicle.

But few, if any, are fooled for long.

What Swiss would tow a white box 1,000km across Europe, park it in a fieldful of other white boxes, setup a barbecue, and then cook a family dinner for seventeen, all the while admiring the wondrous view of, erm, the arse ends of an endless row of white caravans. Also, caravaners invariably speak dutch to each other, or failing that, double-dutch. They also drink heineken beer, and wear wooden shoes, so I rest my case.

I hope this helps.


p.s. The few Dutch caravaners who are not actually Dutch, are, of course, Flemish Belgians. All Belgians are a bit weird, but at least eat plenty of chips, so that's alright.

Ric Capucho
6th Apr 2004, 12:43
Bloody hell, I'm being stalked by a Phlegmish Belgian!


tony draper
6th Apr 2004, 12:45
True Mr Ric, tiz axiomatic, yer foreigner is a strange cove, it was ever thus, they would prolly be much happier is we still owned them.


Send Clowns
6th Apr 2004, 12:51

We must avoid The Netherlands in our rampages, or launches, perhaps even invite them along (those Royal Dutch Marines are a fine bunch by the accounts of the Royal Marines), they are decent people who get on well with the English. Likewise the Scandanavians and the Bavarians (Trident accuracy should have no problem with northern Germany, leaving the south intact). Belgians are fair game, even the Flemish. The remainder of Europe is in dire need of conquering, though. Northern Europe against the rest, last one to the mediterranean is a poof!

6th Apr 2004, 13:15
Send Clowns

Guess I know why you are so nice with the Dutch, nevertheless, I'd like to remind you that some moderators here are neither Dutch nor English, si vous voyez ce que je veux dire :E :E

6th Apr 2004, 13:17
My dear Cappuchino,

You have omitted one very important detail. These snail-like caravans always hunt in pairs.

That's right. When there's one creeping down the slow lane of the motorweg/autobahn/autoroute/autobunn/autostrada, there's always another. Lying callously in wait for a 40-tonne artic, which then has to veer into the fast lane in order not to get its tyres dirty.

As to the question of Mr is Dum's nationality, the Cheshire Cat is apparently almost right. So, does Cloggij really mean Dutch? Or is he an excitable Fleming? How can we tell? Does he like chocolate or uncooked herring? Or is he one of those rare Walloons who also speak Dutch? We have a right to know.

Ric Capucho
6th Apr 2004, 13:29
Nonsense, Send Clowns, absolute nonsense.

The Lowlands have ever been the battleground of Europe, and ever thus it shall be. We shall send our British Expeditionary Force there, dig in, and generally take stock. We need to biff the French, but it might be more pragmatic to give the Teutons a good kicking again.

Been a while.

After that, we take France, and then the two peninsulars. And then... the world.

Trust me, fellow Brits, for am I not an expert Risk player? I'll nip from Southern Europe to North Africa, and then capture the continent of Africa and South America in a wink of an eye, then up to North America. And Asia via the back door.

Then back for tea and medals.


p.s. Mr 42, judging by the snot, our Mr Dum's a Flem.

6th Apr 2004, 13:32
Talking of longboats, how come The Cat is not on Proot's longboat??:confused:

Ric Capucho
6th Apr 2004, 13:34
Erm, wot?


6th Apr 2004, 13:45
I have a friend who reckons he is a good Risk player. I asked one of his playing partners - his daughter actually - what his secret was.

She replied that unless father was allowed to win, he would go off in a sulk.

Fellow players, remind you of anyone here?

PS, isn't it peninsulae?

Ric Capucho
6th Apr 2004, 14:00


6th Apr 2004, 14:08
My point exactly.

And furthermore, in Risk don't the French have their own rules (http://www.aardwolfgames.com/rules/risk/index63.pdf)?

6th Apr 2004, 14:08
Keep up, Ric!

The Cat obviously missed the boat. But then so would I if Proot was the captain!

Hope this helps.:p :p

Send Clowns
6th Apr 2004, 14:30
Je voie, M. Bre, mais, non ce n'etait pas pour Mme Forty seulement. J'aime tous les Nederlandais qui j'ai connait, surtout une de mes petites amies. Mais les Francais - on doit quel q'un a qui a rire.

Apologies for my French, it has been a while. In case I totally screwed it up, I was trying to say "I see, Mr Bre, but no, it was not only for Mrs Forty. I like all the Dutch people I have known, especially one of my [former] girlfriends. But the French - one needs someone to laugh at". They are also good in a fight, so my RM friends tell me, so handy to have along if we want to be at the south coast for the summer :E

6th Apr 2004, 14:38
So Mr Clowns from Ringworm, 'one needs someone to laugh at'.

Is this a challenge?

There is an old froggy saying, "Celui qui dit 'on', c'est un con."

Ric Capucho
6th Apr 2004, 22:00
Well, Mr Dum... Flemish? Dutch? Caravan?


Ric Capucho
7th Apr 2004, 08:21
Hmm, just had my wrists slapped by Mum. Got to be a good boy from now on.

Sorry, Flapper. :-(

Anyways, all these "What does the world think of..." threads have got me thinking. One day, when we're all dressed in silver space-suits, have anti-gravity machines, spell-checkers really work, and our great great great great great grand children are deliberating between a holiday in Bognor Regis or some ocean planet around Vega, won't all this nation state stuff look a bit daft?

I mean, until one thousand years ago, most of England was a patchwork quilt of tribal lands, none of which would have anything nice to say about t'other. They cut each other dead at parties, and wouldn't let their kids play together. Not much has changed, but at least England's one biggish country now, apart from Yorkshire, which is a desert planet unto itself.

A lot of people are getting excited about Federal Europe, and, no doubts, their forebears got equally hot under the collar about Federal England. Just wait until Federal Earth comes about.

And I'm pretty sure it will.

And then certain Earthlings will get all grumpy about a Federal Solar System. Fair enough, because I predict Martian settlers'll be boorish and uncultured. Wouldn't let one of my kids near 'em.


7th Apr 2004, 09:00
I'm not so sure, Capucinella old chum,

I see you made reference to your thread in which you beat your breast and wailed that the future of flying cars, meals in a pill and purple wigs has not come about as promised.

Well, if you think technological advance is slow, political development is glacial.

100 years ago, some of the world's main trouble spots were the Middle East and the Balkans. And if you look at the eastern border of the enlarged 25-nation EU, it follows somewhat closely the eastern border of the Austro-Hungarian and German Empires (OK, exception for Finland and the Baltics).

Do we need a thread about 'What does the World think of the Holy Roman Empire'? About as much as a meal in a pill.

Ric Capucho
7th Apr 2004, 10:32
Well, perhaps political development may seem glacial, but the core countries of Europe seem to be generally democratic, stable, and at peace with one another.

One hundred years ago, we had two major world wars, the genocide of Jews, Gypsies and Poles, umpteen fascist states, and yet more communist states looming up on us.

Yep, we've made some progress in Europe, although I acknowledge that trouble in the Balkans make it seem like business as usual.

It's not.


7th Apr 2004, 20:17
It depends upon what you call a long time Ric, its only 60 years since Europe was tearing itself apart. In reality peace, rather than cold war, has only been a feature since 1989.

These are philosophical questions, though for world government to happen it would be necessary to have everyone reading from the same page. It dosn't even appear that the EU can agree on anything other than money issues, and even then there are those who find the need to cheat the system.

As for the world sharing a single philosophy, I doubt that the world has ever been more diverse. The major religions could battle through the aeons without result and great philosophers are no longer produced. When Francis Fukayama is considerded to be a philosopher it's easy to make the case that the intellectual discipline is in trouble.

Also the peace that was greatly due to collective security can break down into large scale wars, rather than smaller conflicts. Wars may no longer be due to sovereign pride though that dosn't mean that they will not happen. Only the dead have seen the end of war.

Ric Capucho
8th Apr 2004, 09:15
One has decided to stop referring oneself 'one', and will henceforth refer to oneself as 'we'.

They will notice. We will notice them noticing.

Perhaps, Mr Chaffers, but nevertheless in the last 60 years, we've seen Western Europe, at the very least, become a much safer place for we, er, Western Europeans. Prior to that, we were up to our necks in Verdun, Ypres, Spanish Civil War, German and Italian Fascist regimes, U-Boat War, Normandy Landings, Hamburg carpet bombings, joint invasion of Poland, Auschwitz et al, and few nasty adventures in North Africa.

The mess in the Basque region, Belfast, and a bomb or two under an Italian judges car, whilst bloody awful, are nowt compared to the carnage of the first half of the 20th Century.

We live in lucky times, and we can only thank the coming to senses of Europeans in general that my wee lad's been born in such times.

Been reading Plutarch lately. Apart from making me sound all learned, (which we are of course), Plutarch had a thing to say about the Ancient Greeks. Plutarch was a Greek himself, writing in times when the Greeks had been swallowed by the Roman Empire. He said (paraphrased) "Wot a bloody shame we Greeks spent up all our energy and culture kicking the sh1t out of each other. The Greeks are 'now' the cultural heart of Rome, but we could have been greater than Rome if we hadn't torn ourselves to pieces with petty squabbles".

Summarises my views on European civilisation and culture. We're the bee's knees of the world culturally, but we add up to little more than the modern equivalent of a collection of petty city states. A missed opportunity thus far, but it may not be too late for our children and grandchildren.


8th Apr 2004, 09:40
Gruezi mittenand Mr Capucho

I liked that post of yours, especially the comparison between Europe and the ancient Greek cities.

What worries me is that you might be viewed as anti-american by some who'd take your comparison one step further (not me, of course).

Ric Capucho
8th Apr 2004, 09:54
Are you likening the relationship between Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome, to the current relationship between Europe and the USA, Mr Bre?

Perish the thought.


Ric Capucho
4th May 2004, 09:25
Hi All,

As many of you lot know, the Capucho clan has increased by one with the arrival of my wee laddie Rafael, oft called 'Rafaello Picobello'.

Now, babies may only be small, but they come with a surprising amount of accessories, such as nappies, changing mat, feeding bottles, bottle heater, integrated babyfood steamer and zizzer, milk, food, colourful clothes, sun-hats, prams, roll-about-on-the-floor mats, sit-up-and-loll chairs, feeding wipes, ar5e wipes, mucky-nappy-disposal-units, cot, get-carried-by-papa-pouch, mosquito net, batteries, oxygen tent, car seat, and assorted stuffed toys, and brightly coloured hanging things to whack hard.

And that's just the barest minimum necessary to keep him alive for more than a minute or two. Imagine what we need for a weekend trip.

Soooooo, the Audi TT simply had to go.

It has been replaced by a smallish people-carrier, the Peugeot 307 SW, which is already proving to be the most sensible car I've ever bought. It looks good, goes ok, is fully loaded to the gills with all manner of gizmo, some of which defy the laws of physics as I understand them. It also swallows all the baby accoutrements, plus any adult luggage (I'm allowed one spare sock and a broken toothbrush these days) and my all-in-one telescope bag.

Really, Claudia's made up with it.

'Cos it's hers.

'Cos I'm hardly going to replace my Audi TT with a fcuking Peugeot people-carrier, am I?

I may now be a husband and father, but that doesn't mean I'm dead from the neck down, does it?

Sooooooo, that means that a similarly capacious transportation system is required for me me me. Hah hah hah hah!!!

Need summat big (must also be able to swallow the family freight), powerful (growl), and have enough 'presence' that I'll look back at it after I've locked it up in a car park.

You know what I mean.

Suggestions please...


4th May 2004, 09:54
I may now be a husband and father, but that doesn't mean I'm dead from the neck down, does it?

Yes it does.
Car-wise that is. :p

You're a pater familias now Ric, and a dead duck in the 'look at my car it's a symbol for my prowess in the sack' stakes.
No family car, however fancy, growly & imbued with presence, is gonna convince anyone, not even yourself, that the person driving it is anything hotter than a Dad.

........however, remembering the piccies of Claudia, your status as being dead from the neck down is only temporary. Normal operations will resume, unless you opt for a second impregnation of course.......

henry crun
4th May 2004, 09:55
Ric, the Telegraph today reports that in UK, "From birth to university, parents spend about £164,000 feeding, clothing and educating a child".

Of course, you being one of them gnomes of Zurich we hear so much about it might not bother you but if I were in your situation I would start saving money. :)

Ric Capucho
4th May 2004, 10:12
One is indeed being chased about the bedroom by one's wife, dearest Flapper, but one suspects that Claudia's dark side is craving for another impregnation.

One has tied a knot in it.

For now.

Anyways, methinks a fcuking big 4x4 monster with a V8 engine'd suit one's ego. Lot's of metal, power, pampering toys, with the added virtue that if that Swiss half-wit goes and parks in my spot yet again, I can push his car out of it, through the hedges and trees, and quite possibly up the slope, and over into the Limmat river down below. Not worried about fuel costs, as my mate George Bush is doing a fine job preserving our god-given right to guzzle up all the oil we want... erm, need.

But which 4x4 monster?

Porsche Cayenne's an eyesore, thank god, 'cos I couldn't afford it anyway. VW Touareg's too pricy for a VW. Sundry Vauxhall/Opels, Fords, Toyota's, and the rest of the riff-raff badges, are a bit too onion farmer for my refined tastes.

Hmm, Grand Cherokee any cop?


4th May 2004, 10:22
It should be made clear that Cayenne was the French equivalent of Australia :}
Anyone remembers Papillon (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070511/) ?

Ric Capucho
4th May 2004, 10:36
I remember Papillon well. How is he? Seen him lately?


4th May 2004, 10:39
Bre901 Yes certainly do, a brilliant film,excellent casting,really made you think that in France in those days it was a good idea NOT to be a criminal,coupled with the guilotine(excuse spelling)it was a good detterent.Only hope is they don't try a remake with that clot Gerald Depardieu in it!!

tony draper
4th May 2004, 10:51
Could one have not named the sprog after a good Brit airyplane Mr Ric?,Lancaster Capucho,or better still Spitfire Capucho has more of a ring to it.


4th May 2004, 10:52
Had a mate who sold his Grand Cherokee nearly new because it didn't have the pulling power needed for his (not so large) boat.

Probably also didn't have the pulling power needed.

Two of my neighbours now have Hummers (though one has not been spotted in a while). Please, please, please, no.

How about a nice Fiat Multipla with 4x4?

Ric Capucho
4th May 2004, 10:52
Would Concorde Capucho have been any better, Herr D?


4th May 2004, 11:27
Howsabout a Chevrolet Silverado? 6ltr V8, 4WD, six-seat crew cab with pick-up back. Use pick up bit as sandpit/paddling pool depending on sprog's mood.
And handy for pushing inconsiderate parkers into Oggin. Or just park on top of the bugga.:E

Ric Capucho
4th May 2004, 13:20
A Hummer could be interesting, I suppose, although I'd get annoyed with people trying to bazooka it on the way to work in the morning.

Got to go to the dentist soon. Scale and Polish Session (II of III). Me not likee dentists. Pure, Swiss, mountain-bred dentist tut-tutted at all the calcium deposits here, there and everywhere. He's got this utrasonic zizzer thing that makes my teeth hurt lake a basturd, but works like a charm. White teeth are appearing between the gaps.

Good stuff, ultrasound. Spotted me wee sprog in his womb, using ultrasound.

Should sell it in bottles.


4th May 2004, 13:27
Ric If ultrasound was in bottles maybe Britney Spears could market it with her song "Baby one more time!" ?

4th May 2004, 13:39
One muses that RC currently claims 25 of 59 posts on this thread, which my Windows calculator tells me is 42.3% of all posts.

I post this purely as the resident statistician, and as a matter of general interest. The only other Ppruner I could think of who could hope to approach this percentage would be Coconuts, the difference being that Mr Capucho says something different in each post. ;)

4th May 2004, 14:06

I'm afraid you failed to notice that you modified the result you were observing (Heisenberg anyone).
The ratio comes down to 41.6666666666666666 % if your post is taken into account.

Oops, what have I done :uhoh:, it's now 40.983607 %

4th May 2004, 15:03
One can only take into account time as it exists at the moment.

a is dum
4th May 2004, 15:43
I was noticed Bino, but being sworn to............... :rolleyes:

4th May 2004, 15:47
Surely it's time for Coconuts to reply?

If not, why not?

God, why do I ask to be flogged? :hmm:

4th May 2004, 16:04
Mr C

May I suggest the Toyota Land Cruiser.
Had them on hire when I was on Oz a couple of years back. Well good fun to drive. Comfortable - plenty of room and they don't flinch at towing things.

Then again, I had a little look at the Range Rover Vogue.
Range Rover (http://www.landrover.com/gb/en/Products/Range_Rover/default.htm)

Mmm :ok: that's a nice 4x4 too. You can get the "Autobiography" version and have it personalised..:cool: ..or they do quite a good Armoured range.....you choose if you wish to be protected from a simple 0.44 magnum round (three off into same window) or armour piercing. :hmm:

Ric Capucho
5th May 2004, 10:00
One's muse compells me to post prolifically, Mr Bins.

Words just come into my head, and my fingers start tapping... "Kill them, kill them, exterminate them all...", they say, but I found out during primary school that few want to read such things, so I just type out something like "One's muse compells me to..."

Bored with cars now; subject of the day is teeth.

Me went to the dentist yesterday afternoon for a scale and polish. The hygenist turned out to be a former Yugoslavian, but that's ok, 'cos she turned out to be an expert with a hammer and sickle. Anyways, the nice lady chips and scrapes all manner of stuff from behind, in front, between and underneath my teeth, most of which I'd swear I didn't eat. She had to empty her bucket two or three times; oh, how her neck strained and muscles bulged with the hard labour of it all.

Showed her tattoos off, a treat.

She had a thing or two to say about British dental hygiene, let me tell you, although I understand little of the Serbo-Croat tongue: "Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk!", she said winsomely. "Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk floss floss floss floss floss!", quoth she, from behind her perfect ex-communist teeth.

Well, she ran out of time, and had to have all her instruments hammered back into shape by the local blacksmith, so I had to go back again this morning for an 8am appointment (only in Switzerland) and now the job's a good un.

Me teeth are a bit wobbly now. Lost their foundations, they have. Reminds me of my old Alfasud Sprint 1.5 Veloce, after the local garage had taken all the rust off it. All the non-rusty parts sort of wobbled around too, before they inevitably fell off. Usually at embarrassing moments.

Hmm, back to cars.


tony draper
5th May 2004, 10:43
Watched that Legend of Sleepy Hollow last night, one fancies one's teeth filed to a point in the manner of that Hessian,of course the operation is much simplified if one can hold ones head in ones lap when deploying the file, one recomends a bastard file for the rough work, then finish off with a half round fine, then polish with a bit of wet and dry..
One imagines the headless chap having no end of trouble when gnawing on a bar of toffee though,to be a succesfull toffee hound one really needs a full set of flat molars.


Ric Capucho
5th May 2004, 11:44
Ahh, that Hessian bloke was just deeply misunderstood. Hard to keep a sense of balance with yer head in yer lap.

Just checked my appointment card, and I've still got four bloody fillings to come... starting tomorrow morning at 8:15am. I hate going to the bloody dentists. Will inform you all about my molar progress. At least the dentish bloke doesn't look like a shot-putter: quite pale and wimpy, really. Probably not strong enough to be a hygienist, so had to be content with being a lowly dentist instead.

Hope he's got steady hands.

All these 8am appointments are getting to me. Being a Manc, it takes me until 10am at least to recover from a hangover. 8am is for them early birds. And the Swiss.

A Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited V8 seems to be looming on the horizon. In black. Got 225bhp and 300lb/f of torque. Lots and lots of science fiction gizmos. Me likee likee. They cost CHF 74,000 new, but I can have a 2 year old for about CHF 35,000. That's about £14,000, which leaves me plenty of change for some of the other essentials of life: a KEF Instant Theater and a Philips 23" LCD flat telly. Heh heh heh.

Should keep me quiet.


Flip Flop Flyer
5th May 2004, 14:38
As Flapper pointed out, you're a family man now - seemingly one that will have to fund several small Cappucionettes if your Claudia is calling the shots. There is no way that you, a European resident, can be seen even dead in a Yank mobile, Jeep or not.

You need something that say's "Dad", but obviously in the most flattering of ways. You need something that'll last at least 2 sprogs, and you need something that has everything a family could ever ask for in a van and you need it to as safe as sitting in the vault of UBS. You would like it to be smart-ish and with enough pulling power to move the Matterhorn should the shade it casts not be to your liking.

Luckily for you, there are people out there who think about just you when they build cars. They are from Sweden, obviously, where caring for your family is an art form. The product they have on offer is the Volvo XC-90, and you will be fooling yourself not to give it a go. Comes with a Diesel engine too, and is probably the safest thing you can crash in, if that is your fancy.

Not too big, not too small. Drives like a real car and will last a lifetime. It's as environmentally friendly as any SUV will ever get, especially if you go for the Diesel. Looks are not too bad for a SUV, and it's a Volvo. What more can a moderne day man, with a growing family and an intimate relationship with his dentist, ask for?

Ric Capucho
5th May 2004, 15:20
Has it come this this? A Volvo? Have I now arrived at that time in life where man must consider buying a bloody Volvo?

It seems it has... 'cos I'm about to check them out...

Hope they've got one with a fcuking big engine.


Flip Flop Flyer
5th May 2004, 15:29
Yes, it has. But don't be sad, it's a very very nice motor.

Petrol engines: 2.5 Turbo with 210 horses or 2.9 Bi-Turbo with 272. The 2.5 comes with or without 4WD, the 2.9 is always with.

Diesel: Common-rail with 163 horses and more torque than you can shake a stick at.

Just for you: http://www.volvocars.com/

Ric Capucho
5th May 2004, 15:33
Hmm, had a butchers at this Volvo thingy, and I reckon it's a bit pricy for my blood. Looks ok, though.

Liked the look of the Touareg too, which is similar in price, it seems. Would have to sell my son on Ebay to afford even the V8 version of the Touareg, never mind the V10. Buggah. Ditto with the XC-90.

A 2nd hand Grand Cherokee now looks very likely.

And not a bloody Freelander.


5th May 2004, 15:40
Volvos: Made extra safe to protect you from other Volvo drivers. :ouch:

tony draper
5th May 2004, 16:14
Volvo's? they calls em Jewish Chariots round here.

Jewish chaps best friend dies ,so he phones the local paper to insert the news of his pals death in the local paper,

"A pound a word sir, smallest death notice message must be at least five words"says the girl in the newspaper office,

"Oy vay such expense" says the Jewish chap,

"Does sir wish five pounds worth then?"
says the lady.

"Very well already, I'll have five pounds worth"

"The message sir"

"Hymies dead, Volvo for sale"


5th May 2004, 16:22
Aaah, Volvos. Dashboard by Fisher-Price.

Ric Capucho
5th May 2004, 18:54
Ooerr, Herr D; did yer forget that our lord and master's a dead-sea clogger?

Yerrin ferrit now...


The Invisible Cat
5th May 2004, 20:58
One fears them automobile thingies.

One's late cousin once climbed under the bonnet of one of said horseless carriages for his last nap. :uhoh: :yuk:

tony draper
5th May 2004, 21:18
Hmmm perhaps it would be prudent to return to that post and substitute Swisser for the red sea pedestrian,as yer Hellvetian like yer Scotsman is famed for being exceedingly difficult to part from a buck.


Ric Capucho
6th May 2004, 11:05
Woe is me...

Just got back from the dentists after the first of my fillings. These days we get those nice white non-amalgam fillings shoved in, but bloody hell does it take a lot of sweat and tears. And time, lots and lots of time. The feeling's coming back to my left lowerside (not my left leg, silly, my gob) and I don't like what I can feel already.

My gob muscles feel like they've been stretched beyond their design limits. My chin keeps hitting my chest, and then rebounding upwards to meet my upper jaw with a loud clack.

Scares my co-workers, it does.

The Swiss are easily startled. Which seems a bit strange considering this is a country with no real threat of terrorism. Might be something to do with the fact that just about every adult male under 40 years of age (recently lowered to a youthful 38 years by my Vater-in-law) has a fcuking big gun hidden somewhere in their cellar. Seems to me the whole country has great potential for a people's revolution.

If I can ever persuade them.

Not sure what a Swiss prole would revolt over. Their flag's already red, mostly, and they've been a federation of local democracies for hundreds of years. Everyone looks well fed, (except for the Zürich girls who are, of course, malnutritioned enough to look tall, lean and elegant, even if their hair keeps falling out). The Swiss blokes are usually big buggahs due to their childhood diet of cheese, milk, cream, meat on hoof, horseflesh, bambiflesh, bunnyflesh, in fact anything with a heart beat.

Their economy is in dire straits, they tell us, and unemployment has breeched the 1% mark, so some Swiss are fainting in the streets. Their health system is marginally less crap that the rest of the world, but actually seems to work. Their streets are clean (said faintee wouldn't get his/her expensive coat dirty), trams run on time, trains and buses likewise. Everyone has an expensive German car. Or two expensive Italian cars, one for the morning, and one for the afternoon.

They have a fistful of some of the world's biggest multinational corporations, Nestlé, UBS, Credit Suisse, Zurich Financial, and that pharmaceutical outfit that's about to buy half of France.

Did I mention their girls are thin?

Fags and booze is cheap, although guzzling beer in a bar's expensive due to the insane property prices. Ditto restaurant food.


6th May 2004, 11:23
There is a joke about Swiss Revolutionary Movements adaptating Mao Ze Dong's famous phrase about power and guns.

"Le pouvoir est au bout du fusil, ... et le fusil est au bout du corridor, dans le placard"

"Power comes out of the barrel of a gun ... and the gun is at the end of the corridor, in the cupboard"

Bit funnier in French, I have to admit, because of the repetition of "au bout"

tony draper
6th May 2004, 11:36
Something Drapes suggested in a long ago post has come to pass, according to the BBC,by injecting stem cells from sprogs directly in to the gum after a tooth is extracted,brand new real teeth commence to grow,dammit why did one not patent the idea.
Don't worry Mr Ric should the situation in your adopted country become dire they can always fall back on all that gold those chaps sausage side deposited there fifty odd years ago,no doubt it is still hidden away all safe and snug.
A word of warning Mr Capucho, to date the tooth thing has only been tried on Rats, so you may be overcome with a desire to scurry about sewers and such.


Ric Capucho
6th May 2004, 11:49
I already work in a bank, Herr D.


Ric Capucho
14th May 2004, 19:12
One has a new job. One works soon in a new bank. One's new bank is a large American bank wot has a private banking operation in Zürich.

One's culture is many thousands of years old, apart from the Brit bit which is only two thousand.

Swiss culture is 400-600 years old, depending on when exactly their forebears scurried off into the mountains.

Yank culture is two weeks old.

One expects a clash of cultures.


14th May 2004, 19:19
Ms Invisible Cat:

Are you sure your cousin did not survive? One asks because one's brother, resident in the UK, heard unhappy noises from below the bonnet of the car. Investigation revealed cat that had come off second best to fan, fan-belt, etc. Immediate visit to vet. Some hundreds of pounds later, one's brother was, and still is, owner of a three-legged cat. The cousin and the three-legger may be one and the same.

tony draper
14th May 2004, 19:24
Could be worse Mr Ric ,it could be a Japanese bank, they would have you leaping about like silly persons excercising and shouting things like Banzi!! before you are chained to your desk every morning, also you would have to go about bowing to each other all the feckin time, and lastly yer don't wanna make a arse of any job they hand you, no siree, they keep those little short swords for a reason.


14th May 2004, 19:40
Or a German bank. Years ago I did business with one. We were breaking up late at night after many days of tough negotiation. There were three of them and three of us, standing around a table. One of our lot started picking the flysh*t out of the pepper, and undoing a week's good work. I tried to head him off, but he was impervious to sublety. In my right hand I was holding my key-ring.

Self-effacing chap though I am, I had had enough so I said: "Dammit, That's enough!" with perhaps a certain firmness of tone, and so saying I slammed my hand down on the table. The keys did make quite a clatter. Instantly the three from the Fatherland leapt to attention. They did not, I think, click heels, but they came close. I pretended not to notice.

tony draper
14th May 2004, 20:00
Gerome K Gerome, one of our most underated writers IMHO, wrote a very perceptive and humerous account of the German character in Three Men On A Bummel, long before the unpleasentness of 1914 as well.
One highly recomends the works of J K J, his gentle humour is timeless.


The Invisible Cat
14th May 2004, 20:18

It's Mr Invisible Cat :* :* :*
already been discussed some time ago in this forum (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=1191876#post1191876)

14th May 2004, 22:36
Sorry about that. Tragic how one misses the important stuff.

Ric Capucho
15th May 2004, 05:55
There's a small island somewhere between the coasts of ee-bah-gum and Ireland where most of the cats have three legs and no tail at all. Centuries of careful selective breeding have bred them to this state. A hell of a buggah, 'cos when their wee extremities get caught up in the fan-belts of racing TT motorbikes, then hundreds of pounds of vet bills later, yer left with a two legged cat wi' no tail.

Not good mousers, yer manx cat.

One hears the place fogs over whenever Brit royalty comes near the place. A bit like Manchester in reverse, where the skies always clear, even if the rain keeps coming down anyway.

Er, where were we?

Oh yeah, after a stint making miracles happen at Credit Suisse Germany, I came to rather like working with the Germans. Seems that it's a BIG country, and their original locale has a strong bearing on whether they have a pulse or not in that thickset neck of theirs. Bavaria (bottom right bit) is a sort of northern Austria, which is where you-know-who came from, and that explains much. Bottom left bits are catholic, and have bank holidays on Saturdays, which explains why they're always a bit resentful of the proddy bits. Top left is where Hamburg is, and they're a good laugh 'cos they're always a bit p1ssed, and their city (what's left of it after the Brits did a number on it) is a nice place. Same with the top middle. The rest is a mystery to me, apart from Frankfurt wot is somewhere in the middle-left. Sh1tty place, nice-ish people.

I helps this helps to dispell some misconceptions laid down by years of unkind stereotyping.


15th May 2004, 08:35
I know about Hamburg. It is the best. Anything more than 10 km from the Alster is Bavaria, or maybe Swabia, where they talk funny. Hannover is O K, though. Not as good as Hamburg, but gets commendation for effort. The Swiss talk funny too. Everyone who is not from Hamburg talks funny. Hamburg is the best.

tony draper
15th May 2004, 09:09
One was in Bremen once, but as is happening more and more often now, one cannot remember a single thing about ones visit to Bremen, ones dad spent quite a bit of time over in Germany as well, more "over" than in really.


Ric Capucho
17th May 2004, 10:56
My small wee lad's got a cold.

Of the common or garden variety.

It's Rafael's first ever cold, him being a mere four months and two weeks old, and I must say, he's taking to it like a duck to water. He makes a fantastic wheezing noise at night that a 40 year old docker would be proud of. He can cough now, and is also learning to sniff and swallow, just like any other healthy small boy.

Oh, and he's got the hang of groaning at his Mom, with a most convincing look of anguish on his wee fat face, and has thereby learned the important skill of making any woman within earshot look after yer. Of course, when she trundles off to the kitchen to find a bottle of fennel water/paper tissue/heart-bypass-machine/whatever, he looks at me and starts laughing and giggling.

Heh heh heh.

Of course we males are in a conspiracy of silence with regards to such things, so I go all serious again when Mom returns, and Rafael readopts his martyred look.

Me a proud father, of course, and somewhat biased, but I think I'm objective enough to recognise true greatness when I see it in my own son.


tony draper
17th May 2004, 11:03
That is natures plan Mr Ric,for sprogs to catch stuff when young and build up immunity, that is why Drapes generation enjoy such robust health, we caught things from playing in the back lanes among the muck and got the immunity building stuff over with at a early age.
The common cold is but a symbiote,in exchange for a warm place to stay for a few days and the odd bite to eat,Mr Cold takes our antibodies out on excercise as it were.


Ric Capucho
17th May 2004, 12:25
Aye, Herr D, but the common cold is but a poor substitute for the likes of smallpox, cholera and typhoid, from back in the good old days. One hardly gets the opportunity to build up a half decent immune system these days. Kids are so cosseted that we've a new generation growing up with asthma, hayfever, yuppie flu and the like, simply because they've never even seen dirt, or sniffed pollen-bearing air, never mind touched the stuff.

I suppose influenza keeps up on our toes, but I see that as a flu/immune system arms race, where the last bout simply builds you up for the next. Best not to miss a dose of flu, in case the next is a buggah and kills yer.

Trying to persuade the Capucho Frau to avoid sterilising everything before it gets near Rafael, but to no avail. I fear he'll be raised in a bug-free zone of Swiss sterility, dressed in white, with only the rustle of the wind going through Swiss trees to remind him of his biological heritage.

One shakes one's head in fear for our biological future. One can only imagine that when, for example, malaria returns to the putrid swamps of Liverpool, the natives of that fair city will drop like flies. Although they won't have to drop far, them spending most of their days laying about idly, anyway. Ditto dengue fever in Birmingham, and yellow fever in Southampton. Worse still, the citizens of London seem to think they've finally laid the spector of bubonic plague to rest for ever.


I tell yer, one chinese junk or two, and there'll be scurry of small brown rat feet, and the pling-pling-pling of disease bearing fleas. Then "ring-a-ring-a-roses" all over again.

Don't say I didn't warn anyone.

Ooo-ooo, and after the plague comes the great fire.


17th May 2004, 12:38
And Ricketts.

What's wrong with a good dose of Ricketts to bring your immune system up to full working order?

Ric Capucho
17th May 2004, 13:30
Ahh... ricketts, what a word to trigger all sorts of nostaligic memories: A Christmas Carol, Tiny Tim, etc etc.

Bloody hell, I'll bet the bottom's dropped out of the iron leg-braces industry, ever since ricketts has been eradicated around here. Never heard of a case, so I reckon it's one more of those poor sanitation-related diseases that's been chucked out of Europe. Or do they call it something else, something more politically correct? Old disease, new bottle.

Other diseases that'll appear on some sort of Esther Ranson programme for nostalgic reunions: german measles; whooping cough; cowpox; tuberculosis... whoops, scratch the last; it's making a comeback.

Good for Switzerland if TB becomes fashionable again.

Places like Davos, St.Moritz, Gstaad and Zermatt were famous TB sanitorium resorts for the rich and privileged of Europe, well before the Brits invented skiing as a sport. (That's troooooo, by the way, and guaranteed to pee-off the Swiss and Austrians, 'cos they know it full well). Yes, many a blue-blood toff cough his or her last into a beautifully starched white silk handkerchief, whilst peering through a sanitorium window at the high, pointy things, with snow on them.

Brit aristo (looking at the view): "Fine mountains, what?"

French aristo: "Oui, ce sont trés... Cough! Cough! Cough!"

Brit aristo: "Hard to walk across. They're devilish high, and those gaps in between are devilishly low. What? Hmm, and the bits in between are devilishly steep..."

French aristo: "Cough! Cough! Cough!"

Brit aristo: "Just need to think of a way...."

(suddenly, with a whoosh, some Swiss mountain peasant comes flying past the sanitorium window, with two smoothed off planks strapped to his feet, and a large cheese strapped to his back. A large shaggy dog with a barrel bounds down the hill after him. All this is accompanied with a ring of cow-bells, and shouts of "Hoi! Hoi! Hoi!". The peasant disappears down the mountain, and all falls quiet, apart from the russle of silk handkerchiefs, and the odd cough or six)

French aristo (frantically pointing at the skier): "COUGH! COUGH! COUGH!"

Brit aristo: "Speak up, old chap. What? Hmm... where was I? Ah yes, we just need a way to get across those mountains. Can't leave it to you bally foreigners to think of a way... we need a good method that a British gentleman can do."

French aristo (dejectedly): "Cough, cough, cough."

Brit aristo: "But not something we'll do well, mark me, a British gentleman is NEVER good at anything. That would simply not do..."

The average working TB victim obviously coughed out their lungs looking at some grim dockland area, or the same factory machine they'd stood in front of for twenty years. Oh, and their handkerchief was neither silk, nor crisply starched, but if I know the pride of the working classes, I'll bet my hat (not got one) they were clean and fresh.


17th May 2004, 14:31
Cough, choke, chortle.....
The Brits invented skiing?
Excuse me? :E
As everybody with an ounce of historical knowledge is aware of, the noble sport was deffo not invented by some batty Brit aristo but by lowly Sondre Norheim (http://www.sondrenorheim.com/sondre.htm) from Telemark Norway.

Shame on you Tricky; Frau Capucho should sterilise your brain while she's at it.

Ric Capucho
17th May 2004, 14:51

Typical Scandawegian revisionist nonsense. I find it highly unlikely that anyone with a girlish name like Sondre could ever invent skiing. More likely to spend his/her time knitting wooly jumpers for the butch lads to wear when they go out whaling.

Pah, I say!

And since when did you get all pro-Norwegian, Ms Flapper? Huh? Huh? Thought your Dutch/Hungarian blood was too hot and exotic to put up with their strange northern habits.

What I may allow is that your Sondre she-male invented competitive skiing. (shudder) No Brit would ever stoop so low as to get all competitive. That's why we are purposely crap at sports. Any Englishman caught actually practicing would be immediately labelled a cad and bounder and chucked out of the club.

So there you have it: the Brits invented crap skiing, and boy oh boy are we good at skiing crappily.


17th May 2004, 19:57
Brits invented crap skiing, and boy oh boy are we good at skiing crappily.

Can't argue with that, specially coming from the person who had to be medevaced by helicopter off a mole hill last year. :rolleyes:

17th May 2004, 20:16
From Google, but see also Hesketh Pearson's biography of ACD:
It seems odd to think of a time when people didn't ski in Switzerland. However when Conan Doyle arrived in Switzerland in 1893 with his first wife, Louise, that was the situation.
Conan Doyle and his wife moved to Davos Switzerland for his wife's health. Earlier that year Louise was diagnosed with tuberculosis. She was only given a few months to live. However Conan Doyle had heard that the climate of Switzerland was beneficial for tuberculosis patients. While it didn't cure the disease it helped Louise enormously. Instead of dying within a few months she lived until 1906.

Conan Doyle was always involved in sports. While at school he'd participated in many sports including cricket, hockey, swimming and boxing. So it was natural that he would look for similar recreation in Switzerland. Conan Doyle had seen skiing a few years earlier in Norway. He noted that the topography and climate of Switzerland was perfect for the sport. He sent away to Norway for some skis.

While he had seen skiing done in Norway he hadn't done much of it himself. Once his skis arrived in Davos he set about teaching himself the sport. He would later say, "On any man suffering from too much dignity, a course of skis would have a fine moral effect."

He was also able to find some local skiers, the Branger brothers. The brothers had been practicing skiing for about a year before Conan Doyle's arrival. However skiing seemed so odd to the locals that the brothers had actually taken to practicing after dark to avoid being mocked and teased by local townsfolk.

Once Conan Doyle mastered the basics he and the Branger brothers decided that they wanted to put skiing to the test. First they scaled the Jacobshorn, a 7,700-foot mountain. Conan Doyle was able to keep up with the more experienced skiers, but it was a challenging climb for him. He stated, "Whenever you think yourself absolutely secure it is all over with you."

Next the three men took a trip to Arosa, a nearby town that in the winter could only be reached by a long railroad trip. The Brangers had made this journey before and knew it to be a treacherous one. It involved crossing a pass of almost nine thousand feet in elevation and traversing some dangerous terrain. However the trip was not without enjoyment. Conan Doyle wrote about the descent into Arosa for The Strand. "But now we had a pleasure which boots can never give. For a third of a mile we shot along over gently dipping curves, skimming down into the valley without a motion of our feet. In that great untrodden waste, with snow-fields bounding our vision on every side and no marks of life save the tracks of chamois and of foxes, it was glorious to whizz along in this easy fashion."

Conan Doyle predicted, "the time will come when hundred of Englishmen will come to Switzerland for a skiing season." Due in part to his popularization of the sport, Conan Doyle was right.

tony draper
17th May 2004, 22:03
This will be one Englishman who won't be among em.
We Englishmen tend to tunnel thru em rather than climb up one side and down tother, after all we invented tunnels among other things.

Ric Capucho
17th May 2004, 22:41
Erm, twas wot I sed, the Brits brought skiing to Switzerland.

Strange to think I've skied on Jakobshorn a dozen or more times. And our old friend Conan Doyle the Barbarian had been up there before me. Davos and Arosa... but whom amongst us knows another alpine link to Conan Doyle, or rather one of his characters?

Time for that hungarwegian Flapper to eat her hat, methinks.


tony draper
17th May 2004, 22:48
Sherlock Holmes of course, "The Case of the Missing Alp"


18th May 2004, 07:38
Most enlightening Davaar. ;)

Tricky, to engage in bald faced lies about what you have said is not unusual on these forums. :p
Most people do however edit their previous post to reflect their revisionism.

Eat your own hat I say.

Ric Capucho
19th May 2004, 04:07
Only a cad, scoundrel and dutchman would edit his own posts to save face.

I'm only two of those things, so never would stoop so low...

Anyone wanna hear about my new internet sales company, wot I've been doing on the side?


19th May 2004, 09:53
Depends on what you're selling:hmm:

Ric Capucho
19th May 2004, 10:26
I'm not selling you lot anything, unless you're into astronomical equipment, which is highly unlikely.

Just thought you lot might be interested in the trials and tribulations of setting up an internet business floggin' stuff to the great unwashed. Of course yer average astronomer tends to be a bit cleaner under the fingernails than yer average oik.

Of course, if no one's interested, I'll lapse into a huff, and refuse to post... for a week or two, and then my enthusiasm will get the better of me, and I'll post a lengthy article on the matter anyway, so yer might as well say "yeah, we're interested" and save us all the bother.

Meanwhile, I'm off to the Alps for a few days of fun and frolics, so unlikely to communicate with any of yers anyway. Got to go to the dentist for my last fillings appointment, so me gob'll be hurting in about an hour or so, so probably too grumpy.

Will kick a small kitten, if I get the chance. Relieves the tension; especially in the ankle.


tony draper
19th May 2004, 10:54
In that business this it is necessary to have some qualified person to field test all the kit before you offer it to Joe Public, sort of give a independant view of it, feel free to call upon Drapes services Mr Ric.
Ones fee will be reasonable,, and the usual custom is to give the reviewer the kit when he has finished his reviewing of same, one shall expect a 8" Borg to be going on with.

Ric Capucho
25th May 2004, 10:08
No good sending you anything, Herr D, unless you've got a 2" hole in yer telescope diagonal to shove a bloody big 2" eyepiece into.

Hmm, where was I? Been a bit busy, I have.


Ric Capucho
2nd Jun 2004, 08:44
I had some relatives over from the UK last weekend, and their witty Mancunian ways made quite an impression.

One of them reacted to me crowing about how skilfully I'd fed my wee lad Rafael (and all without dropping him even once) by saying "Do yer wanna a medal, or wha'?" to the general mirth and merriment of the Swiss audience. It was new to them, you see, even if I've heard it a million times throughout m,y childhood. After an indulgent laugh (to show that I'm man enough to have the p1ss taken out of me) I suddenly had a strong pang of homesickness.

You see, it's been nearly two years since I've been in Manchester, although I can claim three short business trips to the United Soviet States of London, which I've never thought of as 'home' anyway. Yep, me was missing home, that god-awful heap of red bricks, black slate, endless roads and nasty shops, and very poor quality chinese food, that we like to call Manchester.

Now, don't get me wrong; I currently live in a nice village (Niederhasli) on the outskirts of a very nice city (Zürich) in a very beautiful country (I call it West Austria, for a laugh). The countryside all around Switzerland's a long way away from the British countryside, with has torn and tattered fertiliser sacks flapping on every bit of barbed wire fence, grafitti scrawled on blackened railway bridges, and leaves us an inability to distinguish between rubbish tips, gypsy caravan parks, and farmyards; all are a bloody mess.

Still, there are things that I miss, and some of them I miss badly.

I'll skip the usual lists, which'd easily turn this post into a sort of Food Oscars award speech, but primarily, I miss people: family (some of them, anyway); friends; even casual "Ello love" faces, such as that nice lady in a Didsbury newsagents. Well, then the list starts to grow, and pretty soon I'll be sobbing into my weissen-bier about a bus-driver I once had a brief chat to, and ain't seen since.

One thing about "bein' away" is that people's voices and accents start being so familiar, that they sort of tune themselves out when yer sitting on a tram or train or whatever. Any of you expats noticed how the no longer familiar accents of your original home hammer into your ears when you make a trip back to see yer dear old mum, or whatever?

And that's the rub, isn't it? That's the surprise: I badly miss the mentality of the bloody people. The same bloody people that drove me insane with frustration when I grew up there. Those people in one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world, who would get a nose-bleed just popping into the centre of Manchester to do a bit o' shoppin', never mind a trip on an aeroplane to Switzerland. The same people who'd rather die than pass over an 'Olland's Pie, or melt like a vampire in the face of garlic. "Ooh, that's wot them foreigners eat, ain't it?"

Well, small or big minded, there's something wonderful about chatting to someone from your own origins, with a sort of cultural telepathy operating, that can never happen otherwise.

And this morning? Well, I made the bed, rolled up the bedroom window shutters, and opened a window a crack. When duly informed, my wife says to me "Do you wanna a medal, or wha'?"

I could have burst into tears with pride.


tony draper
2nd Jun 2004, 09:13
Indeed that how all those scallywags on the Costa Del Crime come to grief Mr Ric,they have it made in the sunshine,loot safely laundered and stashed,local old bill bribed to keep toot forrem, then they begin to yen for a plate of jellied eels, a pint of wallop in the Blind Beggar,and thats it, next thing they know the Peelers is waiting at the borrom of the boarding ladder forrem.


2nd Jun 2004, 09:41
Know what yer mean Ric. Based in Cyprus for three years, great place mainly, but really missed long summer evenings and, really weird, sound of blackbirds singing. Had never been remotely interested in birds let alone birdsong, but heard a blackbird on a Beeb World service play and that made me realise that there are practically no song birds in Cyprus.

Ric Capucho
2nd Jun 2004, 22:04
That's the trouble with these foreigners, Mr Gainsey; during breaks from playing their tom-toms, they invariably scoff songbirds.


tony draper
2nd Jun 2004, 22:08
The chap across the way from me has a chimney that is prime Blackbird Real Estate, always one there singing his little head off, one loves the sound of blackbirds, never heard a Nightingale but yer humble Blackbird takes a lot of beating IMHO.


2nd Jun 2004, 23:22
Cup of char-o,

There's only one cure for your maladie. That's to get back to yer roots. Would only take a weekend, max three days. Then you'd remember why you left in the first place.

This cure is permanent and irreversable.

Ric Capucho
3rd Jun 2004, 08:07
A million years ago (well, about 17 years, but humour me) I got into a spot of financial bother. Interest rates had swung on me, and my hasty purchase of my first ever house had already wiped me out, so lord knew how I'd keep up the mortgage payments. Selling was a black option due to negative equity.

Buggahed, me.

So, I took very drastic steps... I rented out my house to my boss; moved in with my girlfriend; sold my car; bought a raincoat (this being Manchester, you understand). Yep, the belt was tightened.

Now, that particular girlfriend lived in the deepest, darkest corner that the fair city of Salford ever produced. To call it a slum would be a slur on true slums, and an undeserved compliment to that particular hole. Yep, it was truly hideous. But, my girlfriend was then at Salford University, and you know how it is... nearly all of Britain's urban students are forced to live in grime and squalor in order to 'teach 'em a thing or two about life', bless 'em.

So, one morning, your hero stepped out of the house for the first time, picked his way across the sodden newspapers, crushed coca cola cans, rusty prams, dead bodies, and broken glass, and stood at a not very pleasant bus stop, waiting for a notoriously unreliable bus... and waited... and waited...

As the brown rain-water dripped off my nose, and I was feeling very low ("How could this ever happen to a Romiley Boy? How much further can I descend into the pits?") a song-bird sparked up in a pathetic twiggy tree, that had somehow decided to grow in some nook, in the grafitti-scrawled brick wall behind the bus-stop. And that plucky little birdy was a sonic pleasure, let me tell you.

It tweeted, fluted, and cheered its way into a frenzy, then subsided again. Then, a Mahler moment, and a huge crescendo... and again a lull in the proceedings. Really, as I squinted upwards, looking for the 8 stone soprano, I was stunned to see a speckly little brown bird, looking a bit soggy from the rains.

Cheered me up, that birdy.

Forgotten all about it until I read Herr D's post about blackbirds.

I used to look forward to standing at that bus-stop, and listened and listened to that birdy for a month or two... and then life changed, I bought another car, and the daily trip across the rubbish tip to listen to my bus-stop crooner ended.

I hope he found another speckly brown birdy to have lots and lots of baby speckly brown birdies, 'cos the world's a better place for 'em.



tony draper
3rd Jun 2004, 08:44
Always amazes me how much sound energy these tiny critters can output, one tiny bird that must weight less than ones little finger produces positively ear splitting notes ,just as well they are so small and tend to sing high in the trees, otherwise local window glass would suffer, one is no ornithologist as you know so one has no idea as to its type,a small brown cove he is.


Ric Capucho
3rd Jun 2004, 08:53
Indeed, Herr D, their very smallness is a wonder, although it causes the scientifically-minded of us a few difficulties; tis a hardship to get a really close look at such small, sensitive and flitty creatures. The merest whiff of a human being or cat, and they're off to the treetops, where even the beadiest of human eyes can resolve little more than colour and general shape.

One finds that the most knowledgeable ornithologists are usually armed with a good telescope. Or an air-rifle.


p.s. Yer ready for the Venus Transit, Herr D? Got a solar filter?

tony draper
3rd Jun 2004, 09:08
Ones telescope is not as ambitious as yours apaturewise Mr Ric,one shall stop it down, and it came with a sort of bolt on white metal projector screen,one shall try that,not that we stand the slightest hope in hell of seeing anything,going by past experiences astronomy wise.
There is a particular type of cloud as yet unamed by science that only appears only during rare cosmic evens such as this transit, confoundocumulous they should be called
Anyway, what happened to those two comets that we were promised last year would be simultaniously gracing our May skies?,one has not kept current as they say.

Ric Capucho
3rd Jun 2004, 09:30
Hmm, yer need to protect those delicate Northern eyes of yours, Herr D.

Your solar finderscope sounds just the ticket, although one hears that using the shadow of your telescope (by making it as small and round as possible) is a cinch once yer get used to it. I had an experiment a week or so ago, and I very nearly peeped through the optical finder out of dumb habit. Amazing how one's brain becomes disengaged if in the least bit distracted.

Stopping down one's telescope as a cheap solar solution is rather unfashionable these days. There's some stuff called Baader Solar Film that sells for a few quid per sheet, that would be far safer. Comes with instructions on how to make a fullish aperture solar filter, and should be a mere bagatelle for one as gifted as your good self. Maybe a wee trawl on a discussion forum will cough up someone's off cut, 'cos those sheets are bloody huge; one wonders if Baader think the amatuer astronomy community is up to its neck in Mount Palomar sized telescopes.

I bought a premade Baader filter cell from Kendrick of Canada, as my homemade craft skills are somewhat sub-Val Singleton. Saw lots of sun-spots, and am most made up with it. Best view was at a mere 71x and 49x wasn't too shabby either, so yer don't need a top o' the range telescope to get a good view. Yer 80mm (that wot yer got, innit?) should work a treat.


tony draper
3rd Jun 2004, 11:36
First telescope one ever had was a 4 1/2 inch Newtonian,managed to project a huge solar image onto the bedroom ceiling,about three foot across it were, worked fine for about ten minutes then the eyepiece exploded.
Twas cheap Japanese tat anyway

Ric Capucho
3rd Jun 2004, 12:18
Even the cheapest of today's Chinee tat has multi-coated optics. Try doing eyepiece projection nowadays, and you'll see smoke... and then the eyepiece will probably explode too.

Full aperture's yer way.