View Full Version : Useless Appliances

3rd Apr 2004, 09:25
Mrs-Wolf-To-Be bought a juicer the other day; 200 bucks on a machine for turning otherwise innocent fruit and vegetables into slurry, which the Cubs will supposedly then consume with relish.

"Why don't we buy a home gym as well," suggests yours truly; "You know, the sort that has a treadmill and an exercycle and a weightbench thingy, and we can pay $900 for it, and use it twice, and then let it gather dust in the shed for three years, and then sell it for $100 in a garage sale."

"What a silly waste of money," replies my beloved.

"Exactly," says me.

Who else has invested in some equally useless waste of money, and how many different sorts of such machine are there?


Anthony Carn
3rd Apr 2004, 09:39
We've (I and various others) have bought a few appliances which were appalling value for money, awful quality (especially in the electrics) and with performance well below that advertised.

Vegetables and similar common items, of suitable size, texture and shape, operated manually, are just as good, if not better and much cheaper.

And, of course, the pork item, skillfully employed, still gives the best results.


3rd Apr 2004, 09:45
Mmm, does a quick mental stocktake of appliances whose sole function is dust gathering:

Bread maker - used twice
Toasted sandwich maker - used at least 4 times a year
Juicer - used three times
Mesh for the frying pan to stop it spitting fat around - used when I remember it's there
Kitchen knife set from famous Swedish store - crap knives, purely decorative
Exercise bike - visitng kids think it's fun.
Rowing machine - dismantled and in the shed
Air compressor - I will use it when the weather is warm enough to paint, honest....
Electric spraygun for external paintwork - used once, put more paint on the floor than the fence. Probably seized up by now.

A fairly standard list methinks

3rd Apr 2004, 10:12
Been off appliances since I saw the "Bass-o-matic" in action.

One really only needs a toaster...perhaps a coffee maker as well.

3rd Apr 2004, 11:08
Hey guys, I actually agree with you. There are heaps of little used devices in our garage. They get an occasional airing and are a wonderful way to waste money - things like a router, an arc welder and other exciting expensive toys.

3rd Apr 2004, 14:10
What about the frying machine that is supposed to make you lean and mean? You know, the one advertised by that big fat boxer. :p

Best rubbish items I saw up for sale were advertised on telly in Hong Kong a few years back. For example "The Suzanne Clip" that was a...er... metal clip that you could...er... clip onto things, such as shoes, or clothes, but I'm not sure why.

Introduced by a lady with a voice that was part Essex girl, part Kiwi and part thoroughbred Harpy. After much mirth and pi$$ taking about the advert, another voice was eventually dubbed onto the footage!

Anthony Carn, you are a naughty, naughty boy. Can't agree more. :E

3rd Apr 2004, 19:35
I should think that a Hot Water Heater is pretty pointless.

3rd Apr 2004, 19:53
I bought one of those battery powered paint rollers. The type that has a tank on a strap with a pump which pumps paint through a tube to the roller.

Works well if you can afford the physiotherapy afterwards due muscular damage caused by the relentless rolling with no real change of position or break!

Plus it takes about 30 minutes to clean properly!

But I do use my nasal hair trimmer all the time.

3rd Apr 2004, 20:22
Slow- Cooker, they work a treat especially for those tougher cuts of meat. Who is going to get up in the morning and prepare your evening meal though. Mine has been used less than a half dozen times in 30 years.

3rd Apr 2004, 20:29
What Emeril calls the "boat motor", a hand held, swiftly revolving blade that purees stuff. Used it exactly twice in 12 months. Give me the feckin blender anytime.


3rd Apr 2004, 21:32
Mine's a ice-cream machine :(

3rd Apr 2004, 23:23
Ah yes Flublue, the ice cream maker. Lots of faffing about to make four scoops of something that doesn't taste as good as Ben and Jerrys.

My electric screwdriver remains completely idle as well. Mind you, that is probably because I'd rather cut off my nipples with a Stanley knife than do DIY but I'm guessing it isn't very good anyway...

4th Apr 2004, 06:40
Treadmill - used a half dozen times. The real problem here is that it's in the basement, which has a very low ceiling. I can't run on it without hitting my head.

Bread maker - used once. My stepmother received it as a present, made one loaf of bread, stuck it in the closet and forgot about it. I make bread all the time, but by hand. Its always better that way. :)

4th Apr 2004, 13:09
Actually, they have one very good use: starting Pulse jets.

4th Apr 2004, 14:09
Anything powered by gas, in an all electric house!:D

3rd May 2004, 11:32
A month has passed, and The Juicer, following it's commissioning run, has now made a remarkable second appearance on the kitchen bench.

I was a tad suspicious; further investigations revealed a green, oblong box (unopened) in the garage.

Pictures and lettering on the box suggest that it contains a 2000-Watt combined leaf blower-sucker-mulcher. (it's autumn here.)

Mrs-Wolf-To-Be informed me that I didn't have to put it to work "tonight"....

After I finished laughing, I informed her that I was away to make a wee post....

3rd May 2004, 12:21
A Tip.

Don't use it to suck. They clog quite easily on small twigs.

1. Blow the leaves/ twigs into a heap.

2. Apply propellent of choice.

3. Ignite same.

4. Wander off to pub.

3rd May 2004, 12:40
(Carnsie.....nice to see you back :ok: )

Juicers, food processors, rice cooker, nifty high-tech corkscrews (discussed at length here before!), foot spas, ice cream maker, Peugeots..................

3rd May 2004, 12:48
Umm jerricho Mr Carn posted that on 3rd April. This is an old thread rejuvinated.....sorry to dissapoint you. :(

4th May 2004, 02:18
Might as well add to the resurrection...

I've got an electric can opener, never been used, still in the box. Bought it 'cuz everyone's gotta have one, no? Well I couldn't be ars*d to install it, then after a week or two realized the handy dandy human powered one was just fine for my needs...


4th May 2004, 02:58
Awwwww crap. Gotta stop posting after a couple of beers!

Useless Appliance = my eyesight.

4th May 2004, 03:18
Nobody's mentioned microwave ovens have they? Got a nice little electric one that browns things slowly. And, since that cat business, well....

4th May 2004, 10:55
A few from an incomplete list..........

Pressure washer (used 3 times, once per year, to clean patio)

Leaf sucker/blower (used twice and then only sucker bit after having to rake up leaves because blower bit useless)

Workbench (used 3 times in 10 years)

Posh drill (maybe a dozen times in 10 years)

Coffee filter machine (used 4 times, cafetiere better and easier. Went to car boot sale)

Sandwich maker (used half dozen times, to car boot sale)

Mind you when MadsLad was buying a new flat recently MadsMum set up a little project going round the local car boot sales buying stuff to equip it for him. Including a sandwich maker and a coffee filter machine. But hang on didn't we..............
:confused: I think I'll go have a lie down.

(I won't even mention thousands of books, most of which were only ever used once. And now sit there getting dusty).

4th May 2004, 12:10
We own a mixer/chopper/blender thing which still has all the different cutting discs in their original cellophane wrap. It's about ten years old I'd guess.

4th May 2004, 12:39
Sorry to diverge, but what was the "best thing" before sliced bread?

It must have been pretty [email protected] cos sliced bread has been the best thing since whatever it was, and sliced bread is pretty sh!te and all.

4th May 2004, 16:33
Somebody in my household bought an ice crusher (mid-winter) from the shopping channel as it was at a really low price, at which point I was heard to say..when the *&%$ do you have ice in drinks???:confused: :confused: :confused:

4th May 2004, 18:39
Electric carving knife - fantastic if you like slices of bone in your Sunday lunch.

Stick blender - just plain fantastic.

Jerrichos MIL
5th May 2004, 14:01
Alas not an appliance or maybe my daughter could take him back to the shop under the Trades Description Act, but useless .... oh yes, that's my dear Jerricho.

5th May 2004, 14:13
How is it that wives never seem to appreciate it when you buy the gadget.Men know they are useful if only once,you can bring them into conversation down the pub,and compare different models,but beware because someone has ALWAYS bought one cheaper than you!!
Personally always try to get to the post before all gadget catalogues are diverted to the bin by the wife.
Best gadget...Leaf hoover.

5th May 2004, 14:24
A seal thingy to reclose a bottle of wine, and keep it for tomorrow.

Never used it.

Never left any in the bottle.

Tim Inder
5th May 2004, 15:59
Very true.
On the same note:

Wine racks.


Oh, and wasps and ants as well (not strictly gadgets to us, I'll grant you, but somebody must've invented the beggars!)

The Invisible Cat
5th May 2004, 21:00
Battery operated mouse toy.

Real ones are much more fun
Especially on a persian rug. :}

5th May 2004, 23:04
The mobile phone that we bought MIL for Christmas.

She hasn't a clue how to use it, despite hours of lessons and it being programmed for her.

Rings up people she has never spoken to before and has meaningful conversations with them, so she says! Never manages to phone the correct person.

As we don't know who she has rung, we can't tell how successful she is, but no one will admit phoning her!:\

She blaims the phone...so it MUST be duff!:hmm:

6th May 2004, 00:02
minidisc player. could never be ar$$ed to spend ages putting the tracks on and editing stuff. Think i used it once when i went for a walk, i had to keep taking the headphones out when people spoke to me too, so i gave up. Got MP3 player now.

Thats why in classifieds there are so many ad's like

'Mains operated shoelace tying machine' 'As new' 'Only used once' 'Need quick sale' Only 300.

Toe spacers, what are they about? I've seen them in Boots... Does anyone have a problem keeping their toes in the right order? Have you ever woken up and found they have swapped around for a laugh, so you can't get your shoe on? I mean who needs toe spacers?

My favorite financial waste though... I had a mate who as a lad did the electric train set phase. His Dad (bless) built this set in the loft, all modelled nicely, with a mountain that the train went through. Ohh it was grand. Shame was, that after probably 1000, and 6 months, my friend had progressed to underage drinking and rock music.

To this day i believe the train set remains, complete and un-used in the loft.

Glad my parents didn't let me have one.

6th May 2004, 02:08
Ah yes, those stupid little stoppers to "keep wine". I'll be honest and say that I have thrown out quite a few of them by putting them back into an empty bottle and chucking the bottle out (Yeah.......I'm thick!)

6th May 2004, 09:07
Ha, another one. This plastic thing for doing microwaved poached eggs. Never used.

16th Aug 2004, 09:35
It has been three months since we visited here. In that time, The Juicer has not made a single appearance.

Further, the garden vac/mulcher/shredder thing, whatever it really is, has yet to leave its box. I kid you not. The sellotape is still in place.

One's new compressor, however, has had three actually useful workouts in less than its first week.

Point to the Y-chromosomers, I feel.


16th Aug 2004, 17:18
Home pasta makers, and I wonder how many "Thighmasters" are gathering dust.