View Full Version : new gadget

1st Apr 2004, 10:32
A new gadget of interest to some JBers is apparently being test-marketed in the English Home Counties today, prior to roll-out nationwide.

The model range comes in various forms, the most advanced of which is a Bluetooth-enabled chip. The technology differs down the range but the principle is the same, so I'll just describe the microchip.

This is implanted in the brain, at a point at which it can communicate with the brain's reasoning and memory. Its Bluetooth microcircuits are responsible both for passively powering the chip (as in supermarket goods tagging) and searching out web-linked bluetooth-enabled devices. Once it has identified such a device, it automatically downloads the Daily Mail and transfers it to the user's brain, thus ensuring that the user's opinions remain fully aligned without the effort of reading the newspaper or actually thinking.

Negotiations are continuing with Fox News for a US-localised version. Possibilities of a French tie-in with the FN party newspaper are rumoured to be bogged down in disputes over who won the hundred years war.

a is dum
1st Apr 2004, 10:39
Dear mr 42,

Thank you for this usefull heads-up on that new gadget.
I have only one question, you say it "communicates with the brain's reasoning". What, as in my case, you do not have a brain which reasons. Can it be adapted to communicate with other body parts like, for instance, the @rse?


1st Apr 2004, 10:46
Good question, Mr is Dum.

Should the user's native reasoning module be inoperative or if the user prefers to upgrade, the chip does have the capacity to provide replacement functionality.

However, the beta-test versions do tend to produce consistent knee-jerk reactions in response to anything foreign or to any new ideas.

a is dum
1st Apr 2004, 12:00


:\ :\ :\

1st Apr 2004, 12:21
I can assure you, Mr is Dum, that this product is clearly superior to the competition (http://www.satirewire.com/news/0010/international.shtml). I draw your attention to the small print at the bottom.