View Full Version : Free Flights

African Queen
1st Apr 2004, 06:06
Free to Air - the new Global Carrier

A new Global low cost carrier was launched today.

Called Zero, the "no cost" airline will have all fares the same
regardless of the destination.

The idea is based on the Free to Air television networks which do not
charge viewers, but recover costs through advertising revenue.

The "free to air" airline will not charge passengers for the flight. It
does not however mean that the airline is necessarily "no frills", or
"no thrills".

In fact the options are quite extraordinary.

Transport to the airport must be booked through the Zero reservation
system at the time of booking the "free air fare". One has the choice
of an airline bus ($30) or limousine (starting at $70 for a Honda,
through $150 for a BMW and $300 for a Rolls Royce or Ferrari).

Luggage is carried on a "user pays" basis. No luggage equals no cost.
Hand luggage only is $30 per bag, with coats, umbrellas and camera bags
at $5 each item. Laptops are $50 each, with the additional cost
justified on the additional security screening and reduced dwell time in
the retail areas because of queuing at security. The airline has
exclusive rights to retail in its passenger terminal areas. Passengers
can actually get rebates for baggage - every shopping bag taken on board
with goods bought at the airport retail shops gives earns passengers $5.

Hold stow baggage is charged at $200 per standard suitcase. This again
is justified on cost recovery for the baggage reclaim system cost and
operational costs. Of course the passenger has the choice of not paying
this, by not having any hold-stow baggage.

The food and beverage service proposed is extensive and will be charged
at the accepted rates for hotel mini-bar and in-room food service costs.
Phone calls can be made in-flight, again at costs modelled on the better
hotel chains.

For long haul flights, pillows and blankets can be rented at $30 per
item. Eye shades and ear plugs at $5 each. A full selection of current
release movies will be shown on personal DVD screens, with a nominal $20
per viewing.

However, the principal revenue stream is reported to be from
advertising. The airline exterior will carry paid advertising
(calculated on air time), uniforms for airline crews will feature paid
advertising in the form of logos, which may cover up to 50% of the
uniform (similar to the sponsors of major sporting teams). The
announcements at boarding, take-off and prior to landing will be

It is expected that the major cola companies will bid vigorously for
exclusive rights on Zero, as will the major beer and whisky brands.

Asked to comment on the likely success of the ground-breaking venture, a
representative from Airbiz, the aviation business consulting arm of the
Airplan Group, commented that the chances of success were Zero.


The Nr Fairy
1st Apr 2004, 06:34

1st Apr 2004, 06:39
These brilliant pieces seem to pop up at the beginning of April year after year...

1st Apr 2004, 06:41
Yep, an April fool's post if ever there was one.

1st Apr 2004, 06:58
Have you seen the Ryanair "Kids go free" offer on Ryanair.com ?

1st Apr 2004, 07:34
I LOVE that! I'm sending my kids on a flight immediately!


1st Apr 2004, 07:56
Virgin have an interesting offer!


1st Apr 2004, 08:13
Gave me a warm feeling to see that despite all the troubles of the last few years we still have a sense of humour. Long may it continue. I even started to fall for the airline called Zero, must investigate that business model <g>

2nd Apr 2004, 21:26