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Ric Capucho
31st Mar 2004, 07:42
This is the Mission Log for the first Human Mars Mission of 2024. The crew is made up of an international team of eight, led by John Carter, a Brit.

Strangely enough, every team member comes from a different country, and even more strangely, there are four men, and four women.

The log was found many years later in strange circumstances... well, read on...

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Day One.

Well, it's been a very exciting day, I must say. We were loaded into the Space Shuttle, strapped in, and made ready for blast-off. As you can tell, everything went with barely a hitch, although that crack in the cockpit window is getting bigger. The Boeing ground engineer told me not to worry about it, but bloody hell, if that window finally gives way, there's going to be a heck of a breeze coming through the cockpit.

As I said, everything went ok, and I'm writing this in my bunk in the International Space Station. Not the nicest bunk, but the ladies insisted on the clean ones in the Yank module. We blokes are stuck in the Russian module, and the green mould doesn't do much to brighten the place up.

I have to say I was a little annoyed with Ivan as he'd forgotten to bring a few things. I told him and told him, again and again, that one can't very well pop out to the local petrol station for a spare loaf of bread, but that's what happens when you trust as bloody Russian. Daft sod at least remembered to bring plenty of ciggies, but you'd think a tin or two of beluga caviar wouldn't be too much to remember. Anyways, he was rather disrespectful, and not a little belligerent.

I'm going to keep an eye on him.

Juan and Guiseppe were very helpful, and we had the group supplies pulled out of the SST and stashed into a corner of the ISS in next to no time. Guiseppe keep waving and smiling at the girls, but I think Yvette's indifference to him was clear to everyone. It takes more than a slimy Iti to catch the eye of a beautiful, well-bred French girl, let me tell you. I'd swear Guiseppe looked more stupid than he did during the training, when Helga told him to "Fcuk off".

Helga's space suit seems a bit tight about the chest. I'm very worried about that, and I'm keeping a close watch on the matter. A woman's space suit should be close-fitting, I suppose. She should have cut her hair, as Command ordered, but I have to admit it would have been a damn shame. Anyway, blonde hair is thinner, so she can wrap it up or something.

Siobhan keeps giggling behind her hand whenever she looks at me. I think she likes me. She's really not my type, a bit too much meat around the hips, if you see what I mean, but I suppose her Irish accent makes up for a lot. She spent an hour or so in consultation with Ivan during the unloading, and her eyes seemed very bright afterwards. I suppose Ivan can be a laugh, with his funny Russian ways.

Candy was a bitch as usual. Good tits, nice arse, big mouth. She's going to have to work at it to get into my good books, I can tell you.

Anyways, tomorrow we have a long day, as we have to get the Mars Explorer Module ready for departure. Ivan's already switched on the power, and it should be heated up nicely by the morning.

And then onwards to Mars...

John Carter