View Full Version : Bumper Sticker Quotes

30th Mar 2004, 20:15
Following the T-Shirt quotes, anyone seen any good bumper quotes?

Papa Charlie
30th Mar 2004, 20:22
"My other car's a broom stick"

30th Mar 2004, 20:23
"Glider pilots do it quietly"

30th Mar 2004, 20:24
"Your mother's ugly and you dress funny"

30th Mar 2004, 20:24
"If I were in an F16 I'd be home by now"

30th Mar 2004, 20:25
"So many pedestrians, so little horse power"

30th Mar 2004, 20:55
"This Vehicle is Protected by Smith and Wesson"

"I'd rather be flying" :p

30th Mar 2004, 21:00
Seen on a van in Lagos.

Simeons portable toilets.
(Shit business is our business)


None of the above
30th Mar 2004, 21:08
'Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers'

Seen in the US on me hols........

White Bear
30th Mar 2004, 22:04
Texans are proof that Indians fcuked buffalo

30th Mar 2004, 22:10
"Hire a Teenager, (whilst they still know it all)".

"Only Milk and Juice comes in 2 litres"

"Be Nice to Your Children, they will choose your Retirement Home"

Ian Corrigible
30th Mar 2004, 22:30
So many to choose from. Top 6:

* Keep honking; I'm reloading.
* Jesus is coming; everyone look busy.
* Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
* So you're a feminist ... isn't that cute!
* I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
* Jesus loves you ... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.


30th Mar 2004, 23:09
With apologies to EyesToTheSkies:

"If I were an F16 I'd be home by now"

[at least that what it says on my bumper]

Lon More
30th Mar 2004, 23:16
I've eaten all my vegetables, now what do I do with their wheelchairs

333 - only half a beast

Some mornings it's not worth chewing through thr leather straps

31st Mar 2004, 00:49
Honk if you've never seen a drive by :E

31st Mar 2004, 01:40
This vehicle stops for blondes and brunettes. For redheads it'll back up a hundred feet.

Mrs. p made me remove it.:sad:

Stiff Under Carriage
31st Mar 2004, 05:38
Sorry, don't mean to affend.

"Save the Whales, Harpoon Fat Chicks"

Aileron Roll
31st Mar 2004, 07:02
if you can read this you are to close

31st Mar 2004, 08:09
On the back of a landie....'Don't follow me, you'll get stuck'

On the wheel cover of a landie.... 'Jeep Recovery Vehicle'

'The car I just drove over, was a toyota'

31st Mar 2004, 08:50
"Save the whales ...collect the whole set!"

"Fertilize the bush...doze in a Greenie!" (seen on a bulldozer at a timber-mill)

"My other car has already been stolen!"

Solid Rust Twotter
31st Mar 2004, 08:53
On a rusty VW Beetle in South Africa:

"I used to be a Porsche before I pissed off a witchdoctor!".

On the back of a huge 18 wheeler:

"Test your airbag here!".

31st Mar 2004, 08:58
On the back of a lorry laden with traffic cones -

Makers of fine jams since 1979..

31st Mar 2004, 09:10
After chatting up the cute blonde sat in the passenger seat and then getting a very dirty look from the ugly brunette who got behind the wheel of the pick up truck, seen on the back bumper as they drove off was:

'Washington, DC, Gay and Lesbian Alliance'. It was pretty funny in context, I think!

31st Mar 2004, 09:25
If you want more inches, . . . . .STROKE IT

If something hasn't broken on your Toyota, it's just about to

On my daughters 1954 Landrover - "Classic NOT plastic"

On my 172 , when I grow up I want to be a Boeing

TRAS Bloke
31st Mar 2004, 11:41
Seen in Alabama

If I knew what I know now, I would have picked my own damn cotton.

astir 8
31st Mar 2004, 12:58
Sex is like English rain
You don't know how long it's going to last
or how many inches you're going to get

(Sticker next to the "trust me, I'm a nurse" one)

Stoney X
31st Mar 2004, 14:25
Instead of the usual 'xx years in the business', a local waste removal truck has the following written above the windescreen:-

25 years gone to waste

31st Mar 2004, 15:16
Helicopter pilots get it up quicker :ok:

31st Mar 2004, 16:12
Seen in the USA (guess they know what they're talking about :E )

"My other car is in my ex-wife's garage"

31st Mar 2004, 18:35
"If I want you up my ar5e I'll kiss you first!":ok:

31st Mar 2004, 18:58
"Nuke Gay Whales For Jesus"

Capt L
1st Apr 2004, 03:04
'Driving is for pussies who can't fly'

1st Apr 2004, 04:05
On a chevy in Detroit in the mid 80's



1st Apr 2004, 06:05
Seen on numerous vans requiring a good wash :-

'If only my wife was this dirty!'

1st Apr 2004, 07:55
"US Marine Corps, Taking Out The Garbage"

Paranoid Parrot
1st Apr 2004, 08:57
On a helicopter pilots car:

Happiness is a big chopper

1st Apr 2004, 09:02
On the back of a then-ancient VW van some decades ago -

"Filth Test, Do Not Wash"

Not even a sticker, just written by "clean" in the filth.

engineless john
1st Apr 2004, 12:21
On another volkswagen bus

"I beat up 4 hippies and all I got was this lousy bus"

1st Apr 2004, 13:35
Seen on a car of a very attactive female.

"The answer is yes. Now what's the question"

I'm not joking sir
2nd Apr 2004, 18:29
"Missing: wife and dog. Reward for dog."

2nd Apr 2004, 20:00
If you don't like the way I drive, stay of the sidewalk

2nd Apr 2004, 20:47
I love animals, they taste great.

Aussie Mate
2nd Apr 2004, 22:14
"I love cats, I just can't eat a whole one"

2nd Apr 2004, 23:12
Death Is The Number One Killer!

2nd Apr 2004, 23:22
If you can read this, thank a teacher.

My other car is also a Porsche (no prize for stating the source of that one).

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Mae aelodau cymdeithas yr iaith yn y gwneud hi yn yn llysoedd (on my car, briefly).

Recycled teenager

Hoot if you want me to slow down.

And a vast range of "xxxx do it yyyy" -
skin divers/in rubber suits
teachers/with class

silly walks
2nd Apr 2004, 23:23
sterlize stupid people

3rd Apr 2004, 01:31
Seen on blondes bumper

You wanna ride my ass at least pull my hair !

3rd Apr 2004, 05:40
Driver carries no cash. He's married

Horn broken - Watch for finger

I want to be Barbie! The bitch has everything!

3rd Apr 2004, 06:17
On an ex-girlfriend's car:

"If it has tits or wheels it will give you trouble"

I should have read the signs...

3rd Apr 2004, 06:25
My other sticker is funny.

3rd Apr 2004, 07:02
"Caution - Car Frequently Sideways" .... on an old redneck ute.

3rd Apr 2004, 08:02
Take your pick!!


Watch out for quantum ducks, QUARK! QUARK!"
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"All generalisations are false."
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle."
"Forget the Jones's, I keep up with the Simpson's."
"Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death"
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"
"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Conserve toilet paper, use both sides."
"REHAB is for quitters"
"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her/him sleep"
"All men are Idiots, and I married their King!"
"E. coli Happens"
"SAVE A TREE: Eat a beaver"
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather....
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."
"Tow-ers will be violated"
"Work is for people who don't know how to fish"
"Sex is a misdemeanor. . .the more I miss it, the meaner I get !! "
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus."
"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
"Your kid may be an honour student but you're still an IDIOT!"
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."
"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the Inland Revenue."
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
"Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.! "
"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."
"Wink, I'll do the rest!"
"I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!"
"No Radio - Already Stolen"
"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."
"Real women don't have hot flushes, they have power surges."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker."
"How do they get the deer to cross at that red road sign?"
"Support Search & Rescue - GET LOST!"
"If you don't like the way I'm driving, YOU come and get these handcuffs off!"
"If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?"
"Attention: Driver carries less than £20 in ammunition."
"Horn broken, watch for finger."
"Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready."
"Supporting Britain's Militant Agnostics... we don't know, and you don't either."
"Inland Revenue: We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
"Witches' Parking - All others Toad."
"Never drive faster than your Guardian Angel can fly."
"Few women admit their age, Few men act it! "
"I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar!"
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
"Assassins do it from behind!"
"Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!"
"Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist."
"Inland Revenue: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. "
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
"Which came first? The woman or the department store?"
"LAWYER: A cat settles a dispute between 2 mice."
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"Missing dog and wife. Reward for dog."
"Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put It In Reverse?"
"Pardon my driving. I'm reloading."
"Don't look back, they might be gaining on you."
"Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it."
"There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead."
"I have an answering machine in my car. It says: I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving."
"Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!"
"LOVE: two vowels, two consonants, two fools."
"According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."
"Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill."
"Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
"Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!"
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am"
"First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.."
Seen on a woman's car: "Men call us birds, we pick up worms"
"Don't come knocking if the car is rocking"
"Save Water - Take a bath with your neighbour's daughter"
"Forget about World Peace.....Visualise Using Your Turn Signal ! "
"Warning: Dates in Calendars are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?"
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at maths."
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"i support publik edukasion"
"The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette."
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder..."
"There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles."
"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "
"Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. - Dorothy."
"I is a college student."
"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."
"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."
"I'm out of bed and dressed. - What more do you want?"
"Please let the cars go first"
"I am smelly, I am slow, I am noisy, I am diesel, I am sorry!"
"Give a girl some test-tickles to see if she laughs?"
"After me - you're first!"
"I've told you a million times not to exaggerate!"
"Earth first!" (We'll strip-mine the other planets later)
"Support your State Troopers - Drive really fast."
"YES this is my truck. NO I wont help you move."
"You're driving a car. It isn't a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant."
"My karma ran over your dogma."
"Guns don't kill people" (postal workers do).
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"If you are close enough to read this, I am close enough to slam on my brakes and sue you."
:p :p

3rd Apr 2004, 10:01
"Jesus saves......Backham scores of the rebound"

"Save mice.................Eat Pussy"

3rd Apr 2004, 10:46
'Dial 999, make a cop cum'

'The devil made me do it officer'

:E :E :E :E :E :E

3rd Apr 2004, 11:06
"Don't like my driving? Dial 1-800 EAT SH*T"

"My other car's a Porsche" ---- in the back of a Rolls-Royce

Vortex what...ouch!
3rd Apr 2004, 13:14
Actually I do own the road.

3rd Apr 2004, 22:30
seen on bottom of number plate of motorbike.

"My other toy has batteries"

It was a chick riding it ... The bike i mean


3rd Apr 2004, 22:34
On the back of a T-shirt of a Harley rider:

"If you can read this, the bitch fell off":E


4th Apr 2004, 07:09
"I'm hung like Einstein, and smart as a horse."

Whiskey Kilo Wanderer
4th Apr 2004, 08:36
“Pilots make smoother approaches”

Stuck on my car when I wasn’t looking. If you’ve seen my normal approach you’ll know why!

4th Apr 2004, 10:00
Resist the dominant paradigm

4th Apr 2004, 11:46
Here you go people just a few for your amusement

1) If the car is rocking …………………. Don’t come knocking
2) Don’t laugh …………………… your sister may be in here
3) Caution, vehicle frequently sideways
4) Officer I’m not speeding, I’m just flying low



6th Apr 2004, 21:13
Seen on a Rolls:

"Fcuk the poor!"


7th Apr 2004, 04:30
Insanity his hereditary "you get it from your kids" :{