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Cyclic Hotline
22nd Jun 2001, 23:38
Profane parrot upstages admiral

BY ALAN HAMILTON

ADMIRAL Sir Alan West, Commander-in-Chief Fleet, was addressing fellow officers in the wardroom of the frigate HMS Lancaster during a tour of the Gulf when a high-pitched voice from a side room cupboard shouted “Arse”.
Mildly perturbed but with steely resolve, the admiral continued with his briefing. “Bollocks,” said the voice.

Further choice epithets not unfamiliar below decks followed without regard for the fact that serious top brass could hear them. “Slag,” said the voice.

It could have been worse. Sunny, the 18-month-old African grey parrot who is employed as the Lancaster’s mascot and who usually lives in a cage in the wardroom, has an extensive repertoire.

She can quote the words of Sir Michael Caine, “Zulus, thousands of ’em” , whistle the theme tune from Steve McQueen’s The Great Escape, and remark in the manner of a macho Australian, “Show us your growler”.

The Lancaster’s officers had thought Sunny should stay out of sight during the admiral’s visit, but the voice refused to be silenced. “F off,” it said.

One of the Lancaster’s ratings said: “Everything was going OK until the word ‘arse’ was blurted out from the cupboard. The Commander-in-Chief looked a little stunned at first, but fortunately he just carried on as normal. God knows what he was thinking.”

The crew had taught Sunny her bad habits, another rating said: “Now she shouts ‘arse’ and ‘bollocks’ every other minute.”

In future, if senior officers come aboard, Sunny will be banished from the wardroom, as she can no longer be trusted to observe naval discipline.

When she returns to Portsmouth next month at the end of the type 23 frigate’s six-month tour, she needs to mind her As and Bs or she might find herself an ex-parrot.

Tarbender
23rd Jun 2001, 13:44
OK, <font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size="2">in the manner of a macho Australian </font>I have to ask WTF is a "growler"




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Before I started drinkin this road was straight!

mad_jock
23rd Jun 2001, 14:04
Muff

Flypuppy
23rd Jun 2001, 16:04
Hairy axe wound I am told is the Ozmate term.

Slasher
23rd Jun 2001, 16:22
Sunny sounds like THE perfect pet for me! I can teach him to answer the phone when crewing rings.

OzExpat
24th Jun 2001, 12:21
So what exactly are you saying Slash? Could it possibly be interpreted that your folks in Crewing already understand ALL those words? http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif :)

Wonder who taught them... :)

Take my advice and save yerself the trouble of owning the animal. Record the same words on yer answering machine! :)

Just imagine it...

Crewing : Hello Captain Slasher, this is Crewing calling and we need...

Machine : Arse ... bollocks ... fuhk off .... squaaark ... [click]

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Dispela olgeta samting i pekpek bilong bulmakau!