PDA

View Full Version : Alternative meanings for Medical Terms


Velvet
22nd Jun 2001, 18:23
The Other Medical Dictionary


ARTERY - The study of paintings
BACTERIA - The back door of a cafeteria
BARIUM - What doctors do when patient dies
BOWEL - A letter like A,E,I,O,U
CAESAREAN SECTION - A Neighbourhood in Rome
CAT SCAN - Searching for Kitty
CAUTERISE - Made eye contact with her
COMA - A punctuation mark
D & C - Where Washington is
DILATE - To live longer
ENEMA - Not a friend
FESTER - Quicker
FIBULA - A small lie
GENITAL - Not a Jew
G I SERIES - A soldier ball game
HANGNAIL - A coat hook
IMPOTENT - Distinguished, well known
LABOUR PAIN - Getting hurt at work
MEDICAL STAFF - Doctor's cane
MORBID - A higher offer
NITRATES - Cheaper than day rates
NODE - Was aware of
OUTPATIENT - A person who has fainted
PAP SMEAR - A fatherhood test
PELVIS - A cousin of Elvis
RECOVERY ROOM - A place to do upholstery
RECTUM - Dang near killed 'em
SECRETION - Hiding something
SEIZURE - Roman Emperor
TABLET - A small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS - Getting sick at the airport
TUMOUR - More than one
URINE - Opposite to YOU'RE OUT!!
VARICOSE - Nearby
VEIN – Conceited

Dr Jekyll
22nd Jun 2001, 18:35
SYNDROME - For no apparent reason.

Davaar
22nd Jun 2001, 19:48
1. "Now we'll just do the blood-work": Introduction to Hell.
2. "Procedure": nothing to do with rate 1 turns on an SBA.
3. "I stuck the needle in your toe because I thought you were asleep": takes the retaliation from murder and puts it right in justifiable homicide.

[This message has been edited by Davaar (edited 22 June 2001).]

What_does_this_button_do?
22nd Jun 2001, 19:50
CUBE: Completly unnecessary breast examination

sprocket
23rd Jun 2001, 02:32
Velvet, and here's me thinking the pap smear was a campaign against a popular Greek doctor!

Slasher
23rd Jun 2001, 16:43
THROMBOSIS - The other rock band competing with Osmosis

CARDIAC ARREST - Your heart is going to jail.

MYOCARDINAL INFARCTION - The legal term when my local bishop is pooftered.

EMBOLISM - The religious belief of brain worship.

EUTHENASIA - Thai, Jap, Chinese and Korean teenagers.

LOBOTOMY - Surgical removal of one bum-cheek

ANAESTHETIC - A gas that makes you lose your memory.

OzExpat
24th Jun 2001, 13:32
Pffffffffffffffft!

"Yes, well that was very good, Mr Higgins", the kindly Doctor said, using his very best bedside manner, "but I really wanted to hear your heart."

------------------
Dispela olgeta samting i pekpek bilong bulmakau!