Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers

[Animalclub]

1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and
need the delay to make the flight.

2.If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the
farthest gate within the terminal.

3.If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be
delayed.

4.Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

5.If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence
as soon as you touch pen to paper.

6.If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the
boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.

7.Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.

8.The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to
you.

9.Guys, the best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.

10.The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the
more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

[PAXboy]

11. The meal selection that you wanted? The person next to you just got the last one.

12. They slurp their lips as they tell you how tasty it is.

13. Soon after the turbulence begins he realises that he did not want the food. :yuk:
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"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you any different." Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

[TightSlot]

and...

The best looking Crew members and those with the nicest smiles always work the other aisle.

[amanoffewwords]

If the pilot(s) tell you the flight will be smooth, it won't

If you have two pieces of luggage in the hold, the first will come off the carousel very quickly, the second will take ages

Whatever passport Q you stand you will always be behind the one with the dodgy visa

You never see the people who are asked to identify themselves to a member of the cabin crew, however hard you look round, and it's never you anyway, and never find why they were called but are itching to.

[DeepC]

The person in the seat behind you who is explaining to the surrounding three or four rows of seats the inner workings of a particular airline, aeroplane and/or airport will have travelled on that airline, aeroplane and/or airport a maximum of two times previously.

If you are travelling as part of a larger party, everyone's baggage will come of in the first 20 or so bags apart from one person. That person's luggage will be last if it comes out at all.

[amanoffewwords]

Also,

If you arrive early at the airport and succeed to change to an earlier flight to the same destination it is inevitable that it will be delayed and your original flight will leave on time and arrive before you do.

[answer=42]

Your luggage will be sent to LAX. Irrespective of your destination.

There is only one exception to this otherwise infallible rule. If your destination is LAX, your luggage will be sent to NBO. And there it will stay.

[PAXboy]

You will reach Duty Free in good time.
You will browse with an eye always on the clock.
You will have your passport, credit card and boarding pass ready.
You will be at the till, already knowing which gate you have to go to.
No one standing in the queue in front of you will have done these things.
The next words that you hear are:
Will the last passenger still delaying flight ... :*