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tunneler
20th Jun 2001, 20:39
"Air Franco"

As of today, the 20th of June 2001, myself and Eff Oh are delighted to announce the
formation of the new airline "Air Franco" based out of EGPF (Glasgow International
Airport). Below is a rough run down of the airline and our recruitment policies as well
as plans for the future. If you have any enquiries please do not hesitate to contact
myself or Eff Oh at our respective email addresses.


FLEET
At this moment in time we are aiming to acquire at least one, possibly two, 777-200
IGW aircraft. These aircraft will be fitted in a low density arrangement with a few
small changes from other 777 operators........ These differences are listed below.

Rows 1-10
These rows are exclusively set aside for crew rest, there will be 2 king sized beds, as
well as a full entertainment centre (PS2 or better), a jaccuzzi is being looked at
however we feel that this may have to give way for the several cases of Miller that will
have to stock this area. Within this crew rest area there will be at all times at least one
member of Cabin Crew on call at all times (see below for Cabin Crew details)

Rows 10 - 40
This is the passenger part of the aircraft. Seats will generally be of a higher standard
than BA Club, with increased baggage allowances. With the wide body layout of the
777, we envisage a 2-2-2 layout with a maximum number of passengers in the region
of 150 - 180.

The aircraft will also be equipped at the Chief Pilots wishes smoke generators at the
trailing edge of each wingtip. These will be used for the flight crews days off from
sceduled flying when we will perform in airshows and also to announce our arrival at
the destination. (Running breaks have been mentioned for the SOP manual.)

The aircraft livery has not been finalised yet, however the tail art has been decided
upon. This tail art will encompass a modern design of our company mascot "Pedro the
Donkey" wearing his lucky red sombrero. This motif will also appear on all ground
vehicles etc.

ROUTES
At the moment we are unable to confirm details of routes and timetables, however we
envisage that we will operate to the following destinations from Glasgow.

Summer
Barbados, Larnaca, Cancun, Ibiza, Johannesburg, and possibly Tenerife.

Winter
Barbados, Cancun, Johannesburg, and the Maldives. (Reduced flying in winter months
due to Cheif Pilots holiday arrangements. Details of these holiday arrangements are
found in the Winter schedule.)

Generally speaking, all flights will depart no earlier than 0900 Local, and no later than
1300Local. This will allow our crew to enjoy the flights during the day as opposed to
being stuck in the ****ing dark all night long.

Every flight will be night stopping at the destination - largely speaking this is due to
JAR flight time limitations, however within Europe (ie Larnaca, Ibiza and Tenerife)
this decision is purely made of a selfish nature by the owners (we want the holiday).
When the flight time is 5 hours or less, the aircraft will not depart for 48 (forty eight
hours). When the flight time is more than 5 hours the aircraft will not depart sooner
than 110 hours after arrival. Again this is to allow the crew to socialise, sun bathe and
recuperate from the hell that our flight timetable will be. :)

SOP
Our operational procedures have yet to be finalised, however with such a small
number of pilots working for the airline (namely tunny and eff oh - possibly a couple
of other will be need pleae see the recruitment section) it is envisaged that the SOP's
will concentrate on good CRM, with a good deal of emphasis placed upon making as
many funny PA's as possible. Also within our SOP's it will state that Cabin Crew may
be called to the cockpit to administer to any sexual needs the flight crew may have
during the cruise. (This is strictly forbidden during climb/descent phases of flight and
also in turbulent weather.)

Our standard arrival wherever possible will be in the form of either a low pass of the
nearest beach to check out the talent or when this is not available a 300kts IAS
running break at 500ft AGL will be carried out. This is our standard arrival procedure
and any bullshit from ATC will result in a visit from the boys to sort things out.

Standard departure will ALWAYS involve a full power take-off. Whenever the pilot
flying decrees aircraft will be hand flown into the cruise when auotpilot will be
engaged and a Cabin Crew attendant shall be called :) . Noise abatment will not apply
to Air Franco as we have big 10dubya in our back pocket. (Details are to follow for
you dubya - recruitment may help you....)

RECRUITMENT
Air Franco is NOT an equal opportunites airline.

Flight-Deck Crew
We are currently interviewing qualified pilots for the holiday/sick cover for our 2
pilots. No applications are requested for cockpit crew at this time.

Should this situation change and we require applications from qualified pilots we will
select on the basis of whether or not you are a ******. Successful aplicants will
recieve around £100,000 in their first year rising by approxiamtely £20,000 per anum
until a maximum of £240,000.

Company car upto the value of £50,000 is also included.

Cabin-Crew
This is where Air Franco aims to excell itself within the aviation industry. Applications
are sought from young ladies (no male applicants at this time thank you) who fit the
following criteria.....
Age - Between 19 and 26 (retiral at 28 is mandatory)
Height - MUST BE between 5'6 and 6ft.
Weight - MUST BE UK dress size 12 or lower.
Looks - MUST BE attractive.
Bikini lines will be inspected at interview.
It will also be beneficial to your application if you have bi-sexual tendancies.

Brief Job Description - All cabin crew who fit the criteria and pass the selection tests
(to be conducted by messers Tunny and Eff Oh) will be expected to be able to deal
with the following in the line of duty, in addition to cabin safety.

-Sexual favours towards other crew members.
-All night orgies at EVERY nightstop.

In return for the above duties all staff will benefit from a top notch renumeration
package. Basic salary for Junior crew members starts at £40,000 p.a. with flight duty
pay double the indusrty avergae (whatever that is at the moment).

More senior cabin crew (promotion is based on a grading system conducted by
management and passenger opinion) will recieve upto a maximum of £75,000 pa.

Females meeting the requirements are invited to apply in writing with a full CV and a
Full length semi naked colour photograph to........


Air Franco
Glasgow International Airport
Glasgow.

Please mark all correspondance FAO Tunny and Eff Oh.

All further enquiries can be directed to the above address or view our website
www.airfranco.co.uk (http://www.airfranco.co.uk)

Flypuppy
20th Jun 2001, 22:04
All this sounds strangely familiar, but with another aircraft type.....

Like the concept though, let me know when you are recruiting.
Another Scottish based airline, eh?

[This message has been edited by Flypuppy (edited 20 June 2001).]

126.9
20th Jun 2001, 22:12
Please forward bank account details into which prospective pilots are expected to pay their salaries, pensions and life-savings in order to secure employment!

Thank You.

PaulDeGearup
20th Jun 2001, 22:19
I'm sooooooooooooooo unhappy !

I can't afford to join :-(

Eff Oh
21st Jun 2001, 01:17
Flight Deck applications will be accepted within the coming weeks..... Cabin Crew are being "tested" :) as we speak!! New aircraft are presently in the pipeline. However we have suffered a slight technical problem in purchasing aircraft, as my recent visit to Boeing Field revieled..... Apparently there is a waiting list for B757/B767's. You cant just fly one away!! :rolleyes: Also (get this) Mr Boeing doesn't take Switch or Visa!!!!!!!! :) Oh well. We are currently accepting applications from pilots who have unlimited access to B737 size aircraft upwards....Ownership preferable!!!!
Florida trips are also on the agenda, as is Goa. All pax duty free must be surrendered to cabin crew upon commencement of taxi, (this will not be returned on landing!!) :) Rowdy or drunken pax will be imediately flown to Bagdad where a low approac and go around will be flown dropping the BAS**RD from the wheel well. They will carry a note upon thier person stating..."I AM AN AMERICAN SPY... DO YOU KNOW SADDAM IS MADD AS (MAD ASS) BACKWARDS????" :)
More will follow..........later!!!!
Eff Oh.

Mycroft
21st Jun 2001, 01:24
I thought that with a trolley dolly setup as above,it was standard to start salaries at maximum and then reduce (due to depreciation) until retirement. Also as pension is based on final salary this should please stockholders

ExSimGuy
21st Jun 2001, 11:45
Dear Mr. Air Franco,

Have you considered the economics of doing your own crew training? A slightly second-hand VC-10 flight sim can be picked up cheaply from BOAC - sorry, the name changed recently, I meant BA - at LHR Cranebank.

By replacing all of the old electronic-valve-thingies with the modern transistors, and a bit of re-programming, this could be converted quite easily to represent a 777, thus saving all that boodle that has to be paid to BOAC for renting sim time.

Naturally, the point of my post is to offer my services for said engineering conversion work and for the ongoing maintenance of said sim. Last time I worked on it we managed to achieve an average of 4 hours per day "up-time", but that could be doubled with the "transistor conversion" and, with only Tunny and Eff Oh to train, we could rent out the remaining sim hours (when I am not practicing my one-engine Carnarsie approaches) and make the Franco Sim Centre a profitable cost-centre.

Salary expected for this task would be on a par with the Chief Pilot.

Please respond to [email protected]

EGPFlyer
21st Jun 2001, 13:29
Hey Franco, eetz your good buddy, El EGPFlyero. You no geev me a flying job? Hey buddy, I geev you 10 pesos? Or how about a night with my llamas....I know you like thees mucho!

------------------
EGPFlyer
Exactly what DID happen to that coke?....
[email protected]

Eff Oh
21st Jun 2001, 14:09
EGPFlyer:- Of course you have a job with Air Franco!!! We have drawn a list up of suitable candidates for flight deck crew. This was carefully collated through much discussion, in the car an the way back from the pub! :) (We were having a business lunch you see!) We have many positions available throughout the company. The following posts have already been filled:-

Chief Pilot/Director of Flight Ops + Partying:-
Eff Oh.

Fleet Manager/Director of Cabin Crew Recruitment and Selection:-
Tunneler.

Director of ATC leasions (Que jumping + No slot delays.):-
10W.

Director of Donkeys and Vodka mixing:-
EGPFlyer.

Director of Recruitment:-
Eff Oh's Bird.
(She is a professional Recruitment Consultant. However I have not yet disclosed our recruitment policies, especialy the cabin crew bit. This is in fear of recieving two black eyes....and getting dumped!!! :) )
I will break this to her gently!

And with careful consideration to the above post, and the need for some training. (Does a B757/B767 rating cover a B777??? :) I wish!)
Director of Training, Sim Sessions and BOAC Memorobelia:-
Ex Sim Guy.

Flight Deck applications are now open. As are cabin crew. (Ladies come work for us. Tell you friends....As long as you fit the required criteria!) Further posts are also open to application. Thes should be applied for as Ex Sim Guy has done.

If you think that you have what it takes to join a young dynamic company, such as Air Franco. Then please post your reasons for joining, for any post apart from the ones mentioned above! :)
We are trying to source a picture of our aircraft's colour scheme. Watch this space!!

Eff Oh.

Flypuppy
21st Jun 2001, 15:01
Flight Deck Crew Application:

Dear Air Franco,

I would like to apply for the position of First Officer with your company as I have information on Tunny that would be deeply embarrasing, should it become public knowledge and a copy of Paintshop Pro that can produce realistic pictures of any of the senior management in compromising positions with any range of farmyard animals.

I feel this is a position in which I could expand my career prospects. If not please re read the above.

I look forward to your speedy reply.

F. Puppy

Eff Oh
21st Jun 2001, 15:57
The colour scheme reflects sunshine, happiness and the party atmosphere which is at the core of Air Franco. The aircraft (reg G-DONK)is the first in the fleet which will be …….
B737-800
B757-200
B767-300
MD90 (Coz I want a go.)
F16 (For low density routes!! :) )
The wide bodied aircraft will have a strip club, sauna, and bar. This is to relieve the stresses of modern airline travel of both passengers, and crew!!! We at Air Franco are always keen to hear from financial backers. So if you have a spare….errrrmmm…say…errrmm £500 million please don’t hesitate to contact us!!! :) :) :)
I did have a picture of the aircraft and colour scheme. However due to a slight technical problem (I am consulting the QRH as we speak) I cannot post it just now!! Sorry folks. :)

Flypuppy. You are just the type of person we are looking for. Willing to use bribery and corruption to get what you want! Having spoken with Tunny about you post, he agrees that you are not suitable for a position as first officer with Air Franco. However please accept our offer of a position as Captain on our B777 fleet. We will be in contact with details on the course!! :) :) :)


[This message has been edited by Eff Oh (edited 21 June 2001).]

Slasher
21st Jun 2001, 16:21
Dear Air Franco

I was woonderin lad if I join do I get ma own bagpoipes and shellaley? And canna live in a real Scort castle overlookin a leck with a monster in it?

Thanks.
---------------------------------------------
Slasher. Of the original McSlasher clan.

Flypuppy
21st Jun 2001, 16:30
Eff Oh,

Thank you for considering my employment application. I would be glad to accept your offer of Captain on your 777 fleet, but dont forget I still have the negatives (or at least I will have once they have been downloaded from www.tunnysfarmyardsex.com). (http://www.tunnysfarmyardsex.com).)

I assume I can anticipate a speedy career progression and generous secondary benefits.

Best regards,
Captain F. Puppy

Flypuppy
21st Jun 2001, 16:37
Hey Slash, Whats with the Oirish accent?

PilotsPal
21st Jun 2001, 18:36
Whilst I anxiously await departure of the first flight to the Maldives, I am most disappointed to note that whilst my fellow travellers (male) will be adequately catered for by the most highly qualified cabin crew (female), I am seriously hacked off to note that no cabin crew of the appropriate gender (male) will be available to cater for my in-flight requirements.

My requirements are not excessive (one inch above the national average will do) but to expect me to rely upon my trusty electric toothbrush (cheers Flaps!) for 11 hours simply won't do.

Deal with it guys, or there's sugar in the fuel tanks!

love,

PP

PSS. Just a suggestion, but could they wear kilts, please?

10W
21st Jun 2001, 19:52
And what's all this about 'ATC leasions' ?

Is that some kind of fancy name for carpet burns ? How many of the cabin crew are you expecting me to check out for you ??

I can give you a good rate for bulk orders ;) Subcontracting to Scottie is also a possibility :)

I'll go get ma kilt !!

------------------
10 West
UK ATC'er
[email protected]

flapsforty
22nd Jun 2001, 00:55
Dear Messrs Tunny & Eff Oh,
Please allow me to congratulate you on the astute business plan you have formulated for Air Franco. No doubt another wondrous succes in the history of Celtic Aviation is about to be born. But then, no less is expected from gentlemen with your acumen and experience in the field.
However, I do foresee a slight problem with the hiring of Cabin Crew to fit both your own and your future passengers exacting specifications!
While not whishing to cast any aspersions whatsoever on the Human Resource qualifications of Mrs Bird Eff Oh (Lady Bird Johnson any relation?), I do wonder if she will be able to fully comprehend what will be needed from the young women you are seeking to employ?
We are after all talking a very specific area of expertise here, and while by no means wanting to push myself upon your enterprise, I do feel that perhaps my own track record plus my many years of intensive study on this very subject matter, might be benificial in securing the services of the exact type of young females you are looking for.
On top of finding the FA’s to suit your needs, I would be happy to train them in all required fields, since I do feel I have a wealth of experience to share with the younger generation.

Renumeration for my efforts need not be exorbitant; encouraging fine young enterpreneurs like yourselves is it’s own reward. 4 guaranteed seats a year (Business Class) to the Maldives will do nicely.

Madam PP, please lay to rest your fears regarding In Flight Entertainment, and the meeting of your on board needs! Due to youthful enthusiasm no doubt, Messers Tunny & Eff Oh seem to have overlooked the fact that on these long trips, a double cockpit will be needed to meet JAR OPS requirements. This means that both messers Slasher and Flypuppy will be at our service at least half the flight, and I am convinced that with these 2 splendid specimens of virile, able and eager manhood, we will be able to save our toothbrushes for more trying times. :)

Yours,
flapsforty

----------------------
Expert In-Flight Resource Consultant

Eff Oh
22nd Jun 2001, 01:37
Thank you for your application Flapsforty. As you pointed out Ms Bird Eff Oh has in fact a better understanding in the field of IT Recruitment. Although a very talented Recruitment Consultant, she doesn,t seem to understand our recruitment needs, (and even mentioned that men be included!!!) :rolleyes:
With this comment I thought it prudent to terminate her contract of employment forthwith!!! Consequently we are now in need of someone such as yourself. Imagine my delight when I saw your post! :) Therefore I would like to discuss your application with the other members of the board. However may I say that I think you are more than qualified for the position, and look forward to participating in your training courses!! Namely CRM!! :) etc etc.....

Pilots Pal:-
Fear not!! Inflight "entertainment" will be provided for our lady guests. The form that this will take will be decided by our team of female consultants...errrmmmm....whom we will...well...errrmmm...consult on that matter!!! :) All pilots WILL wear kilts and full Scottish national dress.

As for our credentials in the Airline industry...well....I will only divulge my own as I may make some mistakes in my collegues backgrounds!! :) After a cushy life as a Scheduled Pilot working for the UK's 2nd biggest scheduled airline. (Recently changed their name to 3 letters.) I decided to give it all up for a Charter job flogging punters up and down to the Canaries/Greece et all, in the middle of the night! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/frown.gif (Now working for another company with 3 letters!!)
Therefore my life as an F/O more than qualifies me to run an airline!! :) Easy peasy!! Rostors will not exist in Air Franco, you will work when...and if you want! I will be open to bribes at all times, leading to promotions etc..(As I am sure the other member will be too!!)

Our major financial backer (I will call him Carlos), is a quite man who lives on an island in the Carribean. (He has asked that I do not disclose any more.) Carlos has seen the need to open a base in Havanna. This will be to operate scheduled services to and from the Carribean, Central and South America and USA. These flight will take place mainly at night. Carlos has negotiated withthe US government that to avoid light pollution, that no lights (Nav, landing etc) will be used on the aircraft. 10W will confirm that the airspace in this area is particularly busy, therefore for this reason it will be company SOP to fly below 500ft AGL. As this is below radar coverage there is no point in calling ATC. Additional cargo may be carried at the last minute. Carlos has taken care of this, so no need to include it on the loadsheet! :) Applications for our Havanna base are also welcome at any time.
As for Air Franco Mainline, bases will be wherever you want! Take the plane home. HQ remains at EGPF (Glasgow International.)
Eff Oh

Scottie
22nd Jun 2001, 01:58
:) :) :) :) :) :)

Slasher
22nd Jun 2001, 10:18
Sawry Flypoop, I gairve miself awair din I! I alwaez get miself confioozd when troiyn Scort arksents an forgettin mi Oirish roots! Oim never airble to sort it oat with any grrrrett degrrrrrree of sookcess.
===========================================
Slasher. Of the original O'Slasher clan.

[This message has been edited by Slasher (edited 22 June 2001).]

Boss Raptor
22nd Jun 2001, 13:30
Can I join? Advisor to the board on 'Protocols' with secondary responsibility for non destructive testing of staff and hot section inspections (females only of course!).

However I keep having horrible visions of a large plump gentleman with glasses and 'trust me I am a CEO' smile who actually thinks a plan not to dissimilar would work...ugh!!

Flypuppy
22nd Jun 2001, 13:41
Only Partially checked out?

flapsforty
22nd Jun 2001, 13:45
Dear Mr.Eff Oh
Your speedy and kind reply to my enquiry is most gratyfying. Howevere, I do fear that you may have slightly misunderstood the nature of my proposal. In light of the fact that I am presently (and will be in the foreseeable future) gainfully & pleasurably employed by an airline that does in fact handsomely value the contributions that might be made to it’s continuing succes & profitability by those of us above the greriatric age of 28, I am offering myself to you in the role of independent consultant !
A significant difference, dear Sir! :)

Regarding the matter of CRM training for cockpit crew, it does exceed the scope of my initial offer, and as such is subject to a re-negotiation of terms.
While most pilots certainly do have the potential to learn, their mind set & and level of skill is generally such that to effectuate a succesful change, a large amount of ”unstinting effort” is required from the part of the trainers. I do feel that in this case I will have to call on the expertise of the Ladies Red & Tarantella, both well versed in the difficulties faced when trying to channel the efforts of aspiring pilots into usefull channels. A premilinary training scheme was in fact already discussed by ourselves last year at The Ash, and a tentative title for our forthcoming training manual was decided on. ”Follow The Red Arrows”, short but inspirational in an aviation sort of way, wouldn’t you say?
To ensure complete succes in this arduous task, I propose that a seminar on this subject will be held at the next Bash. Attendance limited to female ppruners would insure that decorum & propriety will be upheld at all times, and guest speakers could include such experts in the field as the Ladies Xenia, Flyblue & AerBabe. Should you wish your engineering staff to aspire to the same heights, I am sure that the Lady Mryia would be happy to take upon herself the training required. :)
The proposed seminar will be followed by a discussion in-plenum of past experiences which will yield invaluable insights into the difficulties faced in this most arduous of tasks.
Having personally contributed handsomely and unstintingly to the training of my own generation of aviators to the betterment of womenhood in general, I do feel that I must be allowed to abstain from any further hands-on participation. Youthful enthusiasm is a fine thing, but it does tire one out, wouldn’t you say?
However, I would be willing to set up appropriate and inspiring training schemes, and am assured that suitable young Course Mistresses can be recruted from pprune-ranks.

In the mean time, you seem to have hired 2 exellent gentlemen who can start forthwith, no training needed. Capt. F. Puppy has already been partially checked out by yours truly, and Nil Fault Found. :) And while none of us have to date had the pleasure of looking into the skills of Capt. Slasher, from his publications on the subject we surmise that an advanced level of skills can be expected. Perhaps the Ladies PP & Velvet could volunteer for a SIM-session with these golden aviators?
And as to the horror scenario of any "large plump gentleman with glasses" http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif participating in this new Airline, I believe we do all agree that no example of that particular species will be allowed anywhere near our comfortable and well equiped training facilities.
Standards must after all be rigorously upheld if we wish to succeed!!

Yours Truly,
flapsforty


--------------------
Expert In-Flight Resource Consultant

tunneler
22nd Jun 2001, 14:08
PP - Sorry but having discussed the matter further with Cheif Pilot Eff Oh and Capt F.Puppy (3rd in command it would appear now) we have decided that we will not be hiring any male cabin crew..... so you will sadly either have to get it on with the bi girlies we employ or come for a flight deck visit :)

With regards to the Havana base, we are keen to stress that this is Carlos' puppy, myself and eff oh shall NEVER be flying those flights, they will be subcontracted out to people who are willing to spend a few years in sing sing for big george dubya. However our aircraft may be utilised by our sister airline for these flights but it will be very much a "hands off" operation.

As of today we are negotiating with a well known british airline to take at least one of their concordes off of there hands and re-fit it with a 777 style flightdeck (commonality is being looked at with the rest of our fleet)

With the supersonic arm of the airline operational we will usually use the aircraft (G-FAST) for our own personal jollies (GLA-LHR in 30 mins anyone??) and for low level fly-bys at 0300 to annoy my neighbours :)

That concludes the latest Franco bulletin, applications for cabin crew are coming in thick and fast so ladies please be quick - interviews are expected to start around the 14th of July and will continue until I am admitted to the local hospital for exhaustion. :)

Tunny.

(note to fellow management re kilts on the flight deck. THERE IS NO FARKING WAY IM DEALING WITH AN ENGINE FIRE WEARING AN ITCHY SKIRT!!!!!!!)


[This message has been edited by tunneler (edited 22 June 2001).]

mad_jock
22nd Jun 2001, 14:36
Dear Sir

I would like to apply for the position of cruise pilot / cabin security. Although having relatively few hours and only qualified for SEP at the moment (I will be doing my MEP in Oct). I feel that as I am a fast learner and that I have flown the 777 many times on FS2000 (managing to get it on the ground more often than not), this shouldn’t be a problem.

With the amount of effort that has gone into recruiting, and training the cabin crew I think it is only wise that security is also provided so the punters don't damage the goods. As a regular at 2am in the Scotia pool bar and being one of the few survivors of a night on the piss in Paisley this should qualify me to deal with most situations down the back. Although sometimes the girls may be required to lend me their handcuffs and whips if the old bar of soap in a sock hasn’t done its job.

And a small question on terms and conditions. Will we be getting overtime for working fair week or can the management guarantee that we will have a stopover somewhere that half of Sticky Vicky’s and Claty Pats won’t be present.

Yours

Mad_Jock

PS I have my own kilt already, will Ancient Irvine clash with the normal uniform?


[This message has been edited by mad_jock (edited 22 June 2001).]

Flypuppy
22nd Jun 2001, 14:42
Intercompany memo:
Tunny, I am glad to see that my career progression has been in line with my expectations. I have been busy with Paintshop pro and suggest the following:

I will become 777 fleet manager forthwith, Eff Oh may find the position of Technical Advisor (777) more suitable.
PJDJ777 will be my personal F/O, valet and musical advisor.
I will require at least 2 female personal assistants at my disposal 24 hours a day 7 days a week (tall blonde uninhibited Dutch masseues will suffice).

Depending on how good the Photoshop results are I may require more secondary benefits.

Best regards
Captain F. Puppy
777 Fleet Manager
Air Franco

Eff Oh
22nd Jun 2001, 19:15
Flypuppy:- You are getting ideas above your station !!!! Tunny is fleet manager, and like Ms Eff Oh I am afraid I have to to terminate your contract!! :) If you have any evidence of Tunny up to no good with any sheep/inanimate objects then please do post them as I would be most amused to see them!!! :) (As I am sure we all would!!) After an afternoon in the pub I am sure that I am continuing in the Franco style! However I feel that any decisions regarding FLAPSFORTY'S future with Air Franco be delayed until I am more sobre than right now!!! :) Please standby for further deliberations....however I am sure that if you convey to you Cabin Crew that all sexual favours will be greatfully recieved, we will get on just fine!! :)
Eff Oh! :)

tunneler
22nd Jun 2001, 19:16
Capt Flypup - see me first thing Monday morning about a certain attitude problem we seem to have........... Its our ball and unless you start playing nice you'll be looking at a P45 :)

PilotsPal
22nd Jun 2001, 19:46
What? You refuse to supply me with the wherewithal for my full in-flight cabin service???

I can just see all like-minded ladies queuing up to fly with your airline - NOT! You can't seriously expect us to wait in line for a few hasty moments with the inevitably grossly overworked flight crew...

Am I at the very least permitted to bring my own personal cabin attendant (male) with me? My toothbrush has pretty good staying power but I had hoped for something a little less inanimate.

EGPFlyer
22nd Jun 2001, 21:47
G-DONK (http://www.geocities.com/bishybhoy/UnNamed.html?993231573050)

OK Folks,

As Director of Donkeys and Vodka Mixing here at Air Franco, it gives me great pleasure to show you a picture of our first aircraft in the fleet, G-DONK. This 737-400, leased (borrowed without their knowledge and quickly resprayed in tunny's garage) from Air Cuba will enter service in advance of our new 777 fleet. In accordance with our company SOP, the 1st class windows have been removed to allow maximum privacy to our 'resting' flight crews.

This is just the beginning for Air Franco....Expect much more in the near future!!!!


------------------
EGPFlyer
Director of Donkeys and Vodka Mixing
[email protected]

[This message has been edited by EGPFlyer (edited 22 June 2001).]

redsnail
22nd Jun 2001, 22:49
Well, after careful consideration I would like to offer my services as a route check captain. I am well versed in getting the best performances from the pilots that I am aquainted with. Trust me ;) My experience is extensive and my knowlegde of routing is not to be questioned.
I have a good working relationship with ATC and can negotiate some amazing clearances too.
If you don't give me a job I'll be forced to fly up to Scotland and go out drinking with you. Like Flypuppy, I too am not too shabby with Paintshop Pro and Photoshop. :)
Your call ;)

------------------
reddo...feral animal!

Flypuppy
22nd Jun 2001, 23:43
Intercompany Memo:

Eff Oh, Tunny,

You disappoint me. I thought you were businessmen with acumen and could understand a good deal when you see it. Now If Tunny is busy with the Concorde fleet acquisition, it is only logical that someone else will have to look after the 777 fleet.
It strikes me that we could be losing a significant niche market by ignoring the ladies, I propose an extension to our 777 fleet configured for ladies only. I suggest Pinky and Aerbabe as possible aircrew and reddo, tarantella and flaps forty can handle the recritment for the cabin crew.

Should you still consider my proposals to be above my station, you wouldnt want me placing pictures of you and Franco on the net would you Eff Oh (http://flypuppy.homestead.com/files/airfrancoboard.JPG)?

As for the threat of seeing a P45 Tunny, anymore of that talk and I will be forced to show the world pictures of your burd (http://flypuppy.homestead.com/files/tunnysbird1.JPG) frae Kirky.

We wouldnt want that sort of ugly situation developing ina sucha younga and vibrant airline nowa would we?

BTW there are plenty more pictures where they came from.......

[This message has been edited by Flypuppy (edited 22 June 2001).]

tunneler
23rd Jun 2001, 03:14
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

P45 retraacted forthwith!!!!

(Im sure she was in the bar tonight!!!)

{edited cos im a nice guy)



[This message has been edited by tunneler (edited 23 June 2001).]

Sick Squid
23rd Jun 2001, 04:03
Geez a job! I could do that! Go on! Geez one.

Geez it!

Boss Raptor
23rd Jun 2001, 12:26
Ummm...just think of all that lovely Scottish Enterprise funding we can squander/misappropriate...sorry utilise and invest...

Mine's a Jaguar XK!

Eff Oh
23rd Jun 2001, 19:05
Flypuppy, first class!!!! :) :) :) You got the job! Franco is not happy at you disclosing his face though! He has returned to the USA for plastic surgery. Dont worry I have smoothed the situation, and your job is secure! :)

As for a ladies only flight....well perhaps a wholly owned subsidiary of Air Franco...."Air Francesca" may be the answer to the problem?? :)
The female members of our team seem to have this "in hand", so I shall leave it up to you girls.

FLAPSFORTY as for the certain type of person you mentioned...Fear not , they will be exterminated at first sight!!! :) :)
Eff Oh


------------------

ExSimGuy
23rd Jun 2001, 21:28
What's that the burd is drinking - is it one of those Franco Airlines Specials?

Tunny,

When posting, please pause for a breath while laughing - the lack of spaces above makes the thing so wide you have to be running a 21-inch monitor to avoid having to scroll every line :mad:

(as there's plenty more to go on this page of the thread, you might consider a quick "edit" for us http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/frown.gif )

(thanks mate - much better now :) )

[This message has been edited by ExSimGuy (edited 24 June 2001).]

tunneler
25th Jun 2001, 04:33
excess beer consumpion alert - ill be phoninh in sick for 2morows flight :)

ExSimGuy
25th Jun 2001, 10:39
No problem Tunny,

I've got thouands of hours in 737, 747 classic (etc) sims so I'll do the flite and cover for you :)

Professor TailSpin
3rd Jul 2001, 19:35
I feel that although a relative newcomer to the wonderful world or Pprune, I have much to offer Air Franco, its subsidiary Air Francesca or its Caribbean sister company.

Therefore I would like to apply for the position of F/O or Captain on any of your fleets. My experience is as follows:

1000s of hours PIC on various commercial jets, TPs, light aircraft and military jets (trained at the Microsoft Academy of Flight)

Years & years of airport management experience at various locations across the known world (from the comfort of my own home no less!!)

Total ability to ignore and not be distracted by noises made by ATC or other 'authorities' (especially on those no lights, low flights in the dark over the caribbean)

Able to offer amazing service levels - 99% of all landings have been SUCCESSFUL! No fatal injuries have occurred as a result of my flying or airport management

Grow up in a military family, where I learnt discipline, survival and how to iron to an extreme level. Also familiar with weaponary (may be useful if 'Carlos' wishes to expand his operation in other areas)

Lived in many countries across the world, which has helped me build up a large directory of pubs, clubs, bars and 'places of interest' - can be made available for a small fee

I know many many student nurses who are currently extremely disillusioned with the state of the health service. Many of these girls may be interested in making a change in the career to another sector of the 'care' market. Once again, I'm sure this can be arranged for a small but suitable fee

I look forward to your response

ExSimGuy
4th Jul 2001, 00:13
TailSpin,

"dissillusioned Nurses"??? :) what's your email address? Are you coming to the next GatBash? are you bringing Nurses? Se my post on the subject of "the BBQ" regarding my obsession with Nurses (can't get excited about Effays as my daughter is now one and I get Freudian complications)

Nurses :)

Nurses :)

Nurses :)

PS, Tunny, Was my landing okay when I stood in for you? We did at least salvage the airframe, pity about the engines http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/frown.gif

Professor TailSpin
4th Jul 2001, 00:54
Hmmm, you do ssem to have this fixation with nurses don't you. When is the next GatBash and I'll see who I can muster up.

Did I mention that most of them are student nurses? All in their early 20s....hehe

Big Red ' L '
4th Jul 2001, 01:54
Can i have a job as a pilot..? I can fly all the planes on FS2000Pro anywhere in the world.....

I will be available for interview in Cardiff on the weekend of the 11th Aug or EDI one week later.

P.S. I will work for free for the first 6 months then you will have to start paying me. Used notes only please.....