View Full Version : How do you get rid of that smell after a crap?

14th Mar 2002, 01:59
Wotcha,. .. .Here in Madrid, the city the world left behind in 1985, many a night out has been had involving one or two small helpings of beer.. .. .We all know the results the next day, all those destroyed red blood cells have to leave the body somewhere, and what better way to go than in a dump.. .. .The smell however is not pretty and my flat doesnīt have very good ventilation from the loo. In fact, the window leads out to the kitchen. My flatmates arenīt too impressed, being sheltered spaniards, they arenīt quite used to the english lager lout stinking the place out every morning.. .. .We donīt have any air freshner either! However, this masks the smell rather than gets rid of it. Anyone know how to actually get rid of the smell for good in double-quick time?. .. .My cousin suggested lighting a match after youīve done it, but I really donīt think that would be wise.. .. .Any ideas? Iīm gonna get booted out the flat if Iīm not careful! Cheers.. .. .DVR6K

14th Mar 2002, 03:03
What smell?. .. .And whose crap?

14th Mar 2002, 03:21
Try flushing twice ... There might be a 'rogue log' stuck in the S bend!

14th Mar 2002, 03:30
Throw in an M-18.

14th Mar 2002, 03:53
He who smelled it....Dealt it!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" />

14th Mar 2002, 06:43
Mine smells of roses. Never considered that sweet smell a problem.

Tartan Gannet
14th Mar 2002, 15:02
Actually the striking a match ploy DOES work. Somehow the sulpurous smell from the match blends with and neutralises the smell of the poo. However, smoking a cigarette makes matters worse for some reason. . .. .Let's face it, all human sh*t smells! Its the presence of Indole and Skatole in the faeces which causes this, made worse by the break down products of certain foods and drinks, Guinness, Newcastle Brown and Real Ales, being about the worst for generating evil and mephitic odors.. .. .After drinking dumps smell worse because the looser stools passed then always smell far worse than the firmer ones passed by someone who has stayed on a normal diet and not gone on a bender the previous night.. .. .Im sure that somewhere in Spain it is possible to buy air fresheners of the Airwick type, otherwise Joss Sticks or incense can mask the pong.. .. .I do have to say that I once worked with a very pretty Spanish girl. She was teetotal but still stunk out the toilet every time she went for a dump. I can only assume this was from the Spanish food she ate with its spices and other strong ingredients.. .. .To be honest, why worry about this? There isnt a person in the world, from Prince to pauper, who's Sh*t doesnt smell!. .. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

14th Mar 2002, 18:03
The match thing really works, but there's a way to improve upon that as well. Go out and buy yourself a sturdy candle -- something that won't fall over and burn your house down -- perhaps a 3-inch diameter type or something similar. . .. .Make sure the candle is on a safe, sturdy surface, fairly close (but not TOO close <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" /> ) to the toilet, such as a sink countertop. . . . .Light the candle BEFORE you begin your "business", and leave it burning until several minutes afterward (but don't forget about it!). It really does help to reduce, not just mask, the smell.. .. .(... umm, errrr, yeah, a "friend" told me about how well this works <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="redface.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> ). . . . <small>[ 14 March 2002, 13:10: Message edited by: McD ]</small>

Brit Abroad
15th Mar 2002, 03:32
My advice would be to throw a bit of Paella down the toilet after flushing away your dump.. .. .It won't improve the smell, but at least you can lay the blame on your flatmates <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

15th Mar 2002, 10:37
Flushing helps get rid of the smell - or so I've been told.. .. .Apparently, the button or lever on the top has something to do with it.. .. .Close the door while you are laying a depth charge pattern. . .. .Also, try facing towards the front, leaves less of a skidmark. . .. .If none of the above works, and you're going to get tossed out anyway - then go out with a bang. Big feed of vindaloo, several litres of eastern european unfiltered/cloudy Pilsner and pack your bags. . .. .You can also spread the blame by making a fuss when your roomies lay a turd - even if it doesn't pong.

The Nr Fairy
15th Mar 2002, 11:20
At work we've just had automatic air fresheners installed, we were using cans of freshener.. .. .These ones really make a difference - an automated squirt of freshener every now and then and, because the loos are right opposite the front door to the office, the difference has been immediately apparent.. .. .Or the other explanation is the guy who does the pongy poos in our office has been out for a few days . . .

15th Mar 2002, 18:10
Great people of PPruNe land, I thank you all for your suggestions, DVR6Kīs turd no longer stinks out the loo.. .. .A box of matches has been installed close to the loo and is already nearly empty.. .. .Wonīt do the candle, coz I wouldnīt trust my flatmates to blow it out any further than I could throw them.. .. .However, youīll be pleased to hear that now, one of my flatmates is extremely ill (Iīm told itīs not due to inhaling my fumes), so now the place stinks of chunder. Any ideas for that??. .. .Iīve got a chilli con carne planned for St. Patricks Day on Sunday, so if Guinness is the offending ale for the worst beer turds, all hell is gonna break lose on monday morning. Bring it on!!!

15th Mar 2002, 19:18
Don't forget to remind your flatmates that as you are English you only stink whilst curling one off, unlike your foreign chums who probably ming all the time.

15th Mar 2002, 19:27
Nosurrender, I do hope that your post is in the spirit of the famous British sense of humour?

15th Mar 2002, 19:27
Piperdriva is right.. .. .you see you have to maintain your seal on the toilet while letting them go, then flush, while remaining on the thing. . .. .A good portion of the foul air will go down with the water when flushed.. .. .Then you get up. . .. .You see the problem is most people (who won't admit it) want to look at their craps, hmm ... checking for blood, or other indigestables they may have eaten while blitzed the last night (rings, $$$, condoms filled with drugs, etc....) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" />

Biggles Flies Undone
15th Mar 2002, 19:31
McD is that a SOP or did you learn it from a certain Englshman? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

15th Mar 2002, 22:50
I was just about to say that BFU is the leading expert on defecatory matters in this place but I see he has already added his tuppence worth.. .. .I live with this very problem on a daily basis and have over the years tried every product on the market to deal with my partner's "problem". The very best air freshener on the market is Woods of Windsor's Orange & Cinnamon. Not cheap and not particularly easy to find but it works and it genuinely is a nice fragrance.

16th Mar 2002, 00:57
I just usually take a shower.

16th Mar 2002, 01:28
Well, I have a development.. .. .I have to admit, I like the smell. The fact the loo ventilation window looks out onto the kitchen and doesnīt shut properly (fantastic spanish engineering in action there) is by the by as they say. Somewhere.. .. .My Chilli con Carne had a rather "turdy" taste to it this evening since I made it in the aforementioned kitchen shortly after taking a dump in the aforementioned toilet. However, I wouldnīt say this taste was a bad thing, in fact, I reckon it improved it. Certainly helped to economise on chilli powder.. .. .So there ya go, problem solved, I like it and I donīt care anymore!!

16th Mar 2002, 01:38
So the obvious answer is to move the cooker into the bog. Problem solved. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />. . . . <small>[ 15 March 2002, 20:38: Message edited by: sanjosebaz ]</small>

Hooking Fell
16th Mar 2002, 05:49
I'm with Tartan Gannet on this one: striking a match is the cheapest and most effective way to deal with it .. .. .The new Mrs. Hooking Fell certainly approves of this method (as long as the matches - or at least match boxes - have been provided upmarket hotels and clubs).. .. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

16th Mar 2002, 09:02
Ya, and you light the whole damn box!. .. .You either have to have a window, or a "Do not Enter if You Want To Ever Smell Roses Again" sign.

16th Mar 2002, 11:13
If turd exceeds 2 lb please lower with rope provided. As for smell,you should be down the back of the garden anyway , <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" /> so who cares??

16th Mar 2002, 14:29
Saw a sign in the toilet at a flying club that said "Please take all waste with you". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" /> . .. .Nice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

TAF Oscar
16th Mar 2002, 17:31
RW-1,. .. .of course in Holland we find this inspection of the recent stomach contents quite normal, which is why the majority of WC installations here include an "inspection shelf", or plateau well above the water line. This has the bonus of avoiding the unpleasant side effects of depth charging, but does also tend to lead to increased personal aromas. As we take the term "closet" literally there is no argument about this being the smallest room, and it can get quite difficult to breathe. We combat this by strategically locating a certain type of house plant (one that grows well in the gassy swamps of Curacao) in the closet to make sure there is still some oxygen, this combined with the aforementioned box of matches usually allows the evacuee to escape unharmed.

16th Mar 2002, 17:44
Gentleman (and others) . .. .On choking a darkey or laying a cable...one must provide ones housemates with a "courtesy flush" on intial down bubble. Prevents a prolonged time frame which inevitably adds to aromorous effect. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

16th Mar 2002, 20:00
Tartan G its not only that all human sh!t stinks, ALL sh!t stinks! Name one species whos sh!t doesnt stink? (apart from Playboy babes, etc).. . . . <small>[ 16 March 2002, 15:02: Message edited by: Slasher ]</small>

18th Mar 2002, 12:41
I have three guineapigs. Their sh!t does not stink (their pee does if they have too much celery though).

19th Mar 2002, 01:00
5hit out of the window?

19th Mar 2002, 02:00
Go down the pub immediately afterwards? (Avoiding return for a couple of hours)