View Full Version : Are you a geezer ?

Brit Abroad
3rd Aug 2001, 17:35
It's just so true!
Here's a list of things that you will require on your road to Geezerdom

1. Reebok Classics - you cannot claim any Geezer status without these, must be gleaming white, gold stripes are best down to yellow or orange which are considered a bit pikey by the Geezer hierarchy.

2. Tight dark blue Levis 501's or designer jeans - a must for that casual Geezer look, pull them as tight up your arse crack as possible for extra points. Discard them after 3 washes because they'll be too faded.

3. Gold jewellery - quality doesn't matter here, what counts is size and quantity, the bigger your jewelry the more of a Geezer you are.

4. Pucka Motor - Any chunk of **** will do as long as the wheels cost more than a thousand pounds and the stereo is so loud people experience a sonic boom when you drive past. Add a sticker saying "Mission aborted, gone for a spliff" just to show that you're tough enough to smoke weed, as well as "a bit of a nutter".

5. Football Knowledge - Read every piece of **** you can find about football and memorise it word for word. Then next time you're down the pub, spout it out like you're Jimmy f*ckin' Hill making sure that everyone can hear you and note what a Geezer you truly are.

6. Lying Skills - Whatever happened to you the night before always double it to increase your Geezerness. For example if you drank 8 pints tell everyone you drank 16 pints, if you had a little disagreement with a small man at the bar, tell everyone that you had a huge fight with 2 massive geezers etc. etc. (Also never admit to puking up or losing control in any way whilst drunk or you will be classed as a "MUG")

7. Ability to act "hard" - even if you are a weedy c**t who is sh*t scared of everyone, when you are with 20 of your biggest mates you can shout at people who are on their own, try to pick people who won't say anything clever, old people seem a popular choice. (Remember to stop this act when you are on your own or you will get beaten sh*tless)

8. Strut - Although you are probably very insecure (usually penis size or sexuality) develop a walk which says "I'm the don, and I mean f**king business". The more threatened/insecure you feel the more you should exaggerate your style.

9. Slip-on shoes with big buckles - Essential for getting into most nightclubs.

10. Music knowledge - House and UK garage are the only acceptabe choice.
Anything with real instruments in it should be described as "heavy metal **** " whilst out with your mates, even though you can't wait to get home and listen to the shitty new Oasis album. The gayer and more irritating the vocals the better it is, although once it gets in the charts you must stop listening to it, but everytime it comes on claim that you had it on import or white label 3 years ago. Also if you can blag that you're a DJ you'll score a lot of extra geezer points.

11. Shirts - Try to wear a smart shirt at all times, pastels, bright orange or lime green are favourite colours. Fake designer labels to aim for are Ralph Lauren, Versace, Calvin Klein.


3rd Aug 2001, 17:51
ok i'm not one of those
so what am i? :confused:

Bobby Guzzler
3rd Aug 2001, 20:07
So Brit,

How many geezers do you see on the flighdeck, seems to be a regular occurrence by the way you talk about it? I personally haven't seen that many pilots fitting that description - maybe its because I dress like that and deem it normal. :cool:

Nice one, sorted! I want to try and look more intimidating so I'll follow your advice this weekend!

;) C'mon ladies!

3rd Aug 2001, 23:58
Can someone PLEASE tell me how the f*ck do I pronounce "Versace"?

Is it bloodey "Versayss" or "Varsarchee"?

tony draper
4th Aug 2001, 00:02
Ver sach chee, I think, or thats how we pronounce it in Geordie land ;)

PS. my next door neighbour had one ,nice dog, but I prefer a Jack Russel. ;)

[ 03 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Fat Boy Sim
4th Aug 2001, 04:46
Heh,Steady on thats me!

4th Aug 2001, 07:43
Obviously not.

4th Aug 2001, 10:14
Drapes is that "sach" as in "sarch" or "sarsh" or "satch"?
Sorry to keep harping. I only found out last month what "Tarjay" realy was!

tony draper
4th Aug 2001, 12:37
"Ver Sarch Chee" is how those southern fops would pronounce it Mr S,

A Geordie would say' "Giza one iv thim Vee sachi boiler soots, marra, its the pit dance the neet"


[ 04 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Kaptin M
4th Aug 2001, 13:34
That's pronounced "Tar-zj-eh", Slash...it's important to get the "zzzj" correct!!

4th Aug 2001, 14:14
Thanks Drapes! :) Youve contributed to a 1,387% overall increase in my sophistication factor! (which was f*ck-all to begin with).

Yeh thanks KM but I didnt know how to spell "zzzj".

5th Aug 2001, 17:54
Thankfully I don't qualify there, but the fact that I'm a girl might have something to do with that!