View Full Version : Moronic adverts

Tartan Gannet
3rd Aug 2001, 03:08
I know we have this thread under various guises from time to time but the advertising people still treat us as total morons.

Recent example. On Classics FM there is a most annoying advert for WATER of all things. Not bottled water but plain old H20 TAP WATER. Now this adver has a smug voice saying " What could be more refreshing than a glass of water from the tap on a hot day..? " Well, for a start a nice cold glass of lager, or a chilled white wine. Even a suitably cold can of a soft drink would be better. In most homes tap water in hot weather is at best tepid, not refreshingly cold. The idiot on the ad then goes on to talk about "delicious" tap water. Absolute Sh*te"! at best tap water is tasteless and bland, at worst it has the tang of the chemicals used to purify it. Since we cannot chose which water company supplies this commodity to our homes, nor where they source it from, this advert is tedious, superfluous, banal, and insulting to the intelligence. Id love to drown the patronising moron who reads this advert in a few million gallons of the stuff!

Now what adverts, on Radio or TV most annoy you good folks out there. :mad:

3rd Aug 2001, 03:38
Yes that's a stupid one. Advertising tap water with the intention of what? At whose expense? I hear most of it still leaks out of the pipes before it gets to the taps.

Besides, the water in my part of Oxfordshire is chalky. Fine for coffee and tea, usually, but for drinking and ice cubes I prefer a nice bottled variety.

There's a water bar in LA with over a hundred varieties.

tony draper
3rd Aug 2001, 03:42
Slightly of topic I suppose.
They are heavily advertising that movie
Jurassic Park 3 at the moment, just watched a pirate copy of same, I know, I know I shouldn't.
If you have the chance to see it and you're over eight years of age don't, it has to be the singularly daftest film I've seen to date apart from Iron Eagle. its not even possible to suspend you're disbelief.
Good Dinosaurs as usual.

[ 02 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

3rd Aug 2001, 07:02
What p!sses me off are cable channels advertising each other. HBO advertises an upcoming Discovery channel documentery on fossilised dinosaur sh!t, Discovery advertises Larry Kings interview with some burnt out has-been on CNN, Nickalodeon advertises Frasier on Star World RIGHT in the middle of a Ren & Stimpy suspense thriller, etc.

3rd Aug 2001, 12:13
I really hate that one where the couple are in a restaurant and she asks if he'd like to stay the night, and then starts to say 'Do you have.........., and the t*sser responds in a very loud voice, (as everyone at the other tables stop and watch this poor embarassed girl) 'Protection, yes I do etc etc' Not sure what he's advertising, I think it's chewing gum. He is one of the most nauseating guys on TV at the moment. Since they have American accents I assume it was made for that market, but it hasn't managed to make the transatlantic leap very well.

I haven't yet managed to watch it without leaping to change channels.

Rallye Driver
3rd Aug 2001, 16:48
The Shake 'n' Vac ad with the woman dancing round her living room usually gets the vote as the worst ad ever. But apparently it was incredibly successful in selling the product - so there must be an awful lot of morons out there. The sort of people who bought pictures of horses running through the surf from Woolworth's.

Another ad which defies belief is for Dorothy Gray Salon Cold Cream (back in the fifties). For this a model was smeared with radioactive dirt - verified by a Geiger counter - then used the cream to clean the dirt and radioactivity off! :eek:

View this ad an other 'gems' on www.TVparty.com/emcomm.html


Stiff Lil' Fingers
3rd Aug 2001, 17:06
I'm with you on that one Velvet. Nauseating!

Keeping the water theme, there's an add for Brita water filters. A couple are bickering and after a while he makes a cup of tea. "Mmmm that's a lovely cup of tea" he says. She replies "Incorrect, that's my cup of tea". Now I'm not usually a pedant about such things but this one annoys me as her response is totally inappropriate to his statment - it just doesn't sit right.

The ads that really annoy me are the chocolate bar ads. When the person involved effortlessly tears off the the wrapper in a perfect band rather than having to use their teeth, leaving a raggy bit of plastic/paper. They also never seems to get caramel all wrapped round their teeth either!

Best ads - has to be Castlemaine XXXX "Snowy, I can see the pub from here!"

gravity victim
3rd Aug 2001, 17:53
"Oh Mister Ambassador,with these Ferrero Rocher you really spoil us"

I'd rather
3rd Aug 2001, 18:16
Gravity Victim - I'm sorry, but you miss the point with the Ferraro Rocher ad. It is SO bad that it has transcended the genre and actually become a thing of wonder. (Went to a party based on it once - an absolute scream).

I agree with the Brita water filter couple - the one where she's doing the sit-ups is particularly bad. And you get a look inside their perfect fridge; filtered water, orange juice, nothing half-open/decomposing and ONE bottle of wine...I wouldn't like to meet the sort of person who's impressed by that ad...

itchy kitchin
3rd Aug 2001, 18:45
Pure Sh*te Vol 3

A: Meeting the girls?
B: Yes.
A: And you're eating onions?
B: Yes, I love 'em.
A: She's going to love you're onion breath.
B: Nah mate, I've got doublemint!

Need I go on? :D

gravity victim
3rd Aug 2001, 18:57
There are so many ads that have obviously cost loadsamoney, and equally obvoiusly are not going to sell zip to anyone. I stood in amazement staring at a huge poster in central London for a new high-powered Hoover vacuum cleaner (desperate effort to regain ground from Dyson).
The slogan was "At last - A Turbo that women can drive."
I wonder how many machines that little gem sold to the ball-busting female lawyers and media types in the area? :confused:

3rd Aug 2001, 22:33
Try www.adcritic.com

The downloads may take a little while but some are worth it. Try the PETA badcat one.

Send Clowns
3rd Aug 2001, 22:48

I suggest you pop to the tap now and have a drink. In your area it is Thames Water, and has come against bottled water in blind tasting several times, and come top. Originally done by a consumer group (could have been 'Which?') to give a lie to the claims of bottled water distributors' ads.

This then leads me onto : irritating ads for bottled water. The stuff is still water! OK, so I will drink it here (Bournemouth water is sometimes foul, like swimming-pool water). I also have it good authority (a hydrogeologist, no less) that it is less healthy than tap water. Evian's current one is especially crap. Remember, Evian backwards spells naive :rolleyes:

Squawk 8888
4th Aug 2001, 00:49
What I alway find amusing is the way people are willing to pay a premium for "mineral water". That's just a euphemism for dirty water! Has it not occurred to them that we build filtration plants for a reason? :rolleyes:

Nil nos tremefacit
4th Aug 2001, 01:22
PowWow water bought out 'Crystal Spring' of Long Hanborough (between Kidlington and BZN). Crystal Spring it was not - it comes from a local bore hole! The hole is bored into oolitic limestone (Cotswold stone) - not a lot of crystals there.

Heineken are winding every one up with the Paul Daniels singing ad - genuinely awful!

4th Aug 2001, 05:23
And that one where the female barrister pauses for a second, and the judge says, "I URGE you to...." and the barrister starts to swing her hair around like a frigging lasso...., :mad: :mad:
I'm glad to say that I've got no idea what the ad's for!

5th Aug 2001, 00:27
mmmmmm so sickly sweet, i think im going to puke :(

tony draper
5th Aug 2001, 00:44
There are some good ones,
I like the one where the old granny is over for dinner and says.
"He's not really your dad, we never knew who your dad was" :(

The Guvnor
5th Aug 2001, 01:24
*Nil nos Tremefacit's* post reminds me of the Only Fools and Horses episode where Del Boy comes up with the Peckham Spring mineral water which sells like hotcakes ... and glows in the dark!

2 sheds
5th Aug 2001, 02:03
I know it's contrary to the thread, but sometimes, some ads just make up for the bad ones.

My favourite at the moment is the man from John West who kicks the grizzly bear in the b*ll*cks to relieve him of the salmon, so that "John West gets the best"! You can totally sympathise with the bear when you see - and hear - his reaction!

5th Aug 2001, 02:57
Have a look at www.adcritic.com

5th Aug 2001, 16:22
On the subject of water, there is the (apocryphal) sign in a hotel somewhere assuring diners and guests of the quality of the local drinking water:-

"All the drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the management."

Sometimes it does not pay to advertise at all!

Tricky Woo
5th Aug 2001, 16:30
Remember the mock Thunderbirds advert?

Parker has a day off, so a half-p**sed Lady Penelope takes the pink Rolls Royce for a spin. She can't drive for s**t of course. Her wildly swerving car causes a tanker truck to crash into an oil refinery, with typical Thunderbirds results... boom, boom, KERBOOM!!!

Zoom onto Lady Pen, who says in a posh, bimbo voice "Whoop-si-daisies'.

I can't remember for the life of me what they were trying to advertise, but I nearly p**sed myself with laughter.


5th Aug 2001, 16:38
What about the saccharine sweet Werthers Original adverts!

5th Aug 2001, 21:12
"mwwwwmphh urrghhghhlf grlgrlllffgh..."

"Dave ? No, it's me Dave"


"I was talking through a snorkel !!!!! " :rolleyes:

OK so we know the waves from mobile phones will rot your brain but why do the companies seem so proud of the fact ?

5th Aug 2001, 21:34
There's one I've seen a couple of times recently - I think it's for Bacardi Breezer or something similar, where there's a bloke standing ouside the ladies toilet collecting bottles from the girls as they go in.
At least the ad is honest as it seems to suggest "Drink this, it will make you wee a lot". :eek:

Squawk 8888
5th Aug 2001, 22:51
Mastercard had a good one a few months back. Well-off fella sitting on balcony at hotel watching car race. While he calmly pours himself a drink and sits down to watch the race, a young woman is pacing around the balcony having a tantrum, screaming at him, throwing stuff, the whole bit. Subtitles give the various prices of the airfare, hotel, drinks etc. and the only sound is the roar of the engines. The final line is "Loudest sport known to man: Priceless" :D

5th Aug 2001, 23:49
Bill Hicks hit the nail on the head when going on about crap adverts. "What about showing a girl sitting with her legs wide open moving a Snickers bar in and out of her p**sy. Now that would sell millions......"
Spot on...... :D

6th Aug 2001, 01:19
I do like the WKD adverts. They're quite funny.

brown trousers
6th Aug 2001, 01:46
Best three ads on at the minute :

1. John West Salmon....."ooh look an Eagle!!"

2. Heineken / Paul Daniel adverts

3. MTV Ringtones ad with man in Red Y Fronts :eek:

6th Aug 2001, 02:02
nothing worse than when your driving somewhere with the car windows open and a local radio station on at high volume and the dreaded advert comes on when you are at a set of lights in a town center.

:( :( :(

6th Aug 2001, 03:33
I agree with the john west one, particularly when the bear does the 'sharp shoe shuffle'! That has me in stitches! Also like the advert with the cat in the nightclub (bacardi breezer?). The best one of those is when there is a guy trying to pull the girl he's with, and the cat just looks over the girls shoulder as she is carrying him and gently licks her just wind the guy up. Very cool!
Hate those loan ads that the companies make themselves instead of getting an agency in, the worst being that one where its set up like a TV game show.... grrrrrr irritating!

6th Aug 2001, 05:45
How about "Lick your hemorrhoids with Preparation H."
Nawww.. :D

Squawk 8888
6th Aug 2001, 09:00
Or perhaps "The new Miracle Ear hearing aid is really something to shout about!" :D

6th Aug 2001, 20:40
Big Red L,

I suppose that could confuse the meaning of the warning on Snickers: "May contain traces of nuts"!

My least favourite is the stupid Boddington's(?) beer advert showing a male cow WITH AN UDDER! :rolleyes:

[ 08 August 2001: Message edited by: ShyTorque ]

6th Aug 2001, 22:04
anything involvin the words:

"No Win no fee!"

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Tartan Gannet
6th Aug 2001, 22:55
Eastenders "Everybody's talking about it!"

Really??? I havent heard a single person talking about it except the speaker of this obnoxious advert

8th Aug 2001, 06:37
I just wish my missus was as happy as the girls on our "feminine-hygiene" ads when that time of the month comes around.
She sure as hell doesn't go frollicking ½ nude on the beach, or dance with all her friends and all the other CRAP you see... :rolleyes: :D

8th Aug 2001, 09:12
I dont know if this is just in Australia but the stupid new Visa ad with the guy whose gone shopping. When he gets to the checkouts all the lines are full except the 8 items or less one so he puts his groceries through 6 different registers and swips his card on all 6 with this stupid grin and dodgy music playing the whole time. It gets so annoying and its just so cheesy and corny

Drop and Stop
8th Aug 2001, 13:05
There was one ad about sub-titles (Close Captions for the deaf) a couple of month’s back (in Oz). The ad had been running for a few weeks when some bright spark finally worked out that deaf people were in-fact deaf :eek: and could not possibly work out what the ad was all about without the inclusion of, yep you guessed it, sub-titles...

8th Aug 2001, 13:43
My all time favourite was in 1976.

Picture of country house with lots of servants standing outside.

Commentary: 'These days, not everyone can afford servants to keep the house clean'....

Zoom in on maidservant.

Commentary: (as pic cuts to vacuum cleaner) ...'but everyone can afford a Goblin housemaid'

For some reason, it wasn't on for more than a week or so!

8th Aug 2001, 15:32
Tom the Bacardi breeze cat makes me smile - "you been out chasin' birds again Tom?"
also, here in the land of lush pastures and glistening streams there is an advert for bottled water that says something like "the water has been filtered underground for 800 years to bring you the ...blah..blah" yet they have a 'best before' date on the bottle. This also raises the question, does water go off ? is there a need for a 'best before' date ??

tony draper
8th Aug 2001, 15:49
I don't know why, but I cannot stand any radio station with adverts, like a lot the only time I listen to radio now is in the car.
I tolerate advertising grudgingly on tv but for some reason radio ones drive me ape **** .

Tartan Gannet
9th Aug 2001, 08:46
Tony Draper, again I totally agree with you, (and NO for those who may think otherwise Tony Draper is not TG under a different handle but a real person).

I have been listening to Classic FM in the evenings and if I wake during the night for a few months now. The music is good, the popular classics that most ordinary people enjoy, not the off the wall sounds found on BBC Radio 3, no Messien, Webbern or Stockhausen here. I abandoned the BBC World Service after having listened for many years as I was fed up with the slushy liberal intellectual bias in the news coverage, a real nest of gushy touchy feely "we are all guilty" etc PC vipers.

My only criticism of Classic FM is the adverts. I have already attacked the Tap Water Advert but this station has the annoying habit of self advertisement of the most banal nature. These are not trailers for future programs, I have no problems with this, but merely telling the listener that he is listening to Classic FM and extolling its own virtues. I think we knew this already.

Apart from that, its a good station and, unlike the BBC World Service does not send my blood pressure through the roof, even if the adverts are pants.

9th Aug 2001, 12:08
So is it the registry office or a full church do for you two ?
;) ;) ;)

Tricky Woo
9th Aug 2001, 13:42
Hi All,

There has been much confusion and gossip lately regarding Herr Draper and TG. So much, in fact, that TG has felt it necessary to write a refutal, while Herr Draper wisely remains silent on the matter. I think that the world is now ready for the truth. Please be seated...

Herr Draper and TG are NOT the SAME person. But then again, TG and Herr Draper ARE indeed the SAME person. How can this be? Shum mishtake, shirley? They are in fact the famous comedy duo known to the world as Hinge and Bracket. After a brief spell of success during the 1970's and early 1980's, (glamour, Hollywood, nice house in Catford, etc), their popularity declined. Now, they've been reduced to this: JB regulars. Oh, unhappy world.

I'm not sure which is Hinge and which is Bracket. Any ideas?

I hope this helps.


9th Aug 2001, 15:17
Tap water in East Anglia has got to be one of the worst ever. Taste foul, leaves an inch of scale on the kettle within a couple of weeks if you don't filter it. And Anglia Water still has the cheek to advertise how great it is!

Car insurnace ads-"Admiral-Its worth a try!" with a t**t in a Nelson get up.
Adverts with forgotten celebs-"The Courts Sale is Now ON"
Definetly the EastEnders Ad-"Everyone's talking about it!" really -most people I know don't give a s*** about it!
Possibily the most irritating radio ad-I think its meant to be, and it suceeds-is the ads for Sci-Fi Channel. "Experiment , er, in, irriration ..beeeep!" etc
On the topic of radio, I hate songs that feature police sirens when I'm driving-gets me every time!

[ 09 August 2001: Message edited by: Captain James Bigglesworth ]

9th Aug 2001, 18:21
Tricky, oh humorous one,

One major flaw to your argument re TG / Draper - Hinge & Bracket were singers although some may question how applicable that word is to the dynamic duo. Do we have any evidence of the duos melodic capability??? Is TG a whiz on the comb and paper? Until we have a positive answer to these points I think any comparison to H&B should be put to one side!

The Arrowman

9th Aug 2001, 18:26

...for those of us too young to remember!!!! :D :D

tony draper
9th Aug 2001, 18:26
Jesus wept whats happening? ,is it pick on tony draper day?, bugger this I'm off ;) ;)

We must proceed with caution here Draper, our name is being whispered abroad,note is being taken of our post numbers and such,this is contrary to what was planned.
It is possible we will be brought to the attention of the authorites, perhaps it is time to call this operation off, and proceed elsewhere, our master plan will work it is just a matter of time, if not here then elsewhere.

Praise be the horned one.

[ 09 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

9th Aug 2001, 19:05
Tricky, I had the same idea, but I saw them rather as these two, http://www.sound.de/interviews/sparks.html .
I think Tony will forever be the creepy one after "A broken pilot!" :)

.........errrrmmmm, no offence Mr D, .........errrrrrrmmmm or TG!

Tricky Woo
9th Aug 2001, 19:14
Herr Draper,

What's your problem?

Here's your big chance to dress up in a frock. There are places you can go to for a weekend with like minded fellows, (Mental picture of a roomful of ex-military types, wearing flowery dresses, combat boots, puffing on pipes). Very discrete, you'll find.

Be careful though, those chap are forever misunderstanding the true meaning of the term 'pearl necklace'.


9th Aug 2001, 19:34
Ahem, back to the topic.. ;)

The thing advertisers are looking for is not for the likes of you and I to heap praise in their works (although they love that, naturally!). Surprisingly however, they don't care one jot if you hate their output either.

No, their Holy Grail is an elusive quality known as 'Recall' (I'm sure I don't need to explain); this is how they judge the efforts and effectiveness of both themselves and their peers.....not to mention justifying their enormous salaries, junkets in Cannes and corporate communal c*ke-buckets to their clients..

After all, who could forget 'W-o-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-h-h-h-h-, Bodyform.....' and what it was advertising?

WxJx :D

[ 09 August 2001: Message edited by: WeatherJinx ]

tony draper
9th Aug 2001, 19:42
Nah ,Dressing in ladies garments has never been Drapers bag,as we used to say in the sixties,I do have a strange recuring dream of being clad in tight leather garments jackboots, smeared with lurpac butter, and for some strange reason having a brass firemans helmet on ones head and carrying a large bull whip.
Of course there will be those Freudians among you that will interpret this as some kind of sexual nonesence,that is due to your own dirty minds, the dream is perfecly normal and innocent.

Anyway Draper must get back to running his movie title stall, draper may just have invented a new art form, far more efficient than the twenty word novel .
:( :(

[ 09 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

9th Aug 2001, 21:39
Not even if TG wears a kilt Tony :D

Oh you mean the wedding's off - velvet sadly puts hat back in tissue lined box. Having been possibly the only person from Prune to have met TG, I can honestly say that he is not Tony Draper (trust me I know about these things).

Always thought those fireman's helmets were rather sexy ;) However, I don't think that will sell Lurpac butter hon.

tony draper
9th Aug 2001, 22:16
Draper is entitled to wear the kilt and is a Munro on his mothers side, the family own vast tracts of lands in that dark place ,or so I'm told.
Unfortunatly, I am unable to claim my birth right, Ones ancester Mad old Obediah Draper chose to take his fifteen sons and join the jolly old Duke of Cumberland and put a bit of stick about at a place called Culloden.
Long bloody memories them Jackobites have and very little sense of humor. :(

[ 09 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Tartan Gannet
9th Aug 2001, 22:55
Velvet, thank you for vouching for my bona fides and that I am not a figment of the imagination nor for some a bad dream.

I too am entitled to wear a kilt, but as I have upset H.M. enough so far I have no wish to annoy this large creature any further by stealing his trade mark and wearing such a garment. :D

All the best,


[ 09 August 2001: Message edited by: Tartan Gannet ]