View Full Version : Queen mum

tony draper
2nd Aug 2001, 12:32
Just watched the morning news items on the old Queen mum, now I wish the old lady no harm ,but she must be aware that the media are just following her around waiting for her to die.
The lovies will wet themselves with delight when this happens,they probably have endless hours of lovie drivel already in the can,ready to be instantly edited for some airhead newsspouter with doulfull expression to announce the event , we will then be subjected to the same hysterical crap we had when Diana died.
God I hate those media lovies, why can't there be a outbreak of ebola virus in fleet st or wherever those mincing truffle sucking scumbags lurk.

2nd Aug 2001, 12:47
I figure I'll go on holiday for a month when she kicks the bucket - Aussies, please tell me that your lot won't give a damn when it happens :)

Just the thought of the crap the Daily Mail is going to spout fills me with dread....

Come to think of it, wasn't there a newspaper trial run a few years ago that got out of hand? Production assistant saw the ready-prepared "free Queen Mum tribute special", called family down under....

Tartan Gannet
2nd Aug 2001, 12:51
Tony I agree with you wholeheartedly.

Now like you I have no ill will towards the Queen Mum, a good woman who performed her duties well, supporting her late husband who was ill equiped for the job he was thrust into and who could have debunked to Canada with her daughters when the last war was declared but stayed in London to see things through with those who DIDNT have that choice.

On the main issue of all the sacharine, creepy, schmaultzy coverage that will be pumped out by the media, both electronic and printed, when she dies, I am totally with you. By all means respect ought to be shown, as with the death of any person of note, eg US Presidents, Popes, etc, but that should be it. I would think that the load on Internet services and the demand on video and DVD hire shops will go through the roof when the Old Lady does pass on and our TV services are swamped by obituaries and tributes.

2nd Aug 2001, 13:32
For many years HMTQM has been the most popular member of the Royal Family. Over those years she has never given an interview, but has carried out thousands of traditional Royal engagements.

Perhaps there is a lesson there for the rest of the family?

2nd Aug 2001, 13:34
It pains me as an Aussie to have to announce that there is still a sizable hard core of monarchy groupies here in this, the 21st century. Always had me scratching my head in bewilderment, but I confess to having more than a passing interest in the Queen Mum's, er, wellbeing.

You see for almost ten years I have had the old dear as my core selection in DeathLotto (the game you win when somebody else's number comes up). Therefore it usually brings a frown to my face when I happen to glimpse footage of said personage tippling away happily on her gin and looking disgustingly healthy. But since the pool started again recently after somebody had Jack Lemmon, I sincerely wish her the best of health for at least a few months. A ten year investment deserves a reasonable return.

Interestingly enough, a friend of mine has been hanging on to Jack Lockett, Australia's oldest man, in the same competition. At 110, he too looks a generation younger and shows no signs of being prepared to shuffle off this mortal coil, to the point where we have speculated on the possibility that he and the Queen Mum are probably having an affair, contributing to their youthful vigour. Sigh. C'est la vie.

DX Wombat
2nd Aug 2001, 18:34
Perhaps Fleet Street ought to be renamed "Ghoulish Vulture Street" or something similar. I too wish her no ill but feel that she has earned the right to a little peace and privacy for however long she may be around.

Tricky Woo
2nd Aug 2001, 19:11
The Queen Mum?

She's a bloody marvel, the Queen Mum, considering she's now over 100 years old. She doesn't look a day over 94, so she still has the fresh, youthful glow of a nonagenarian.

And just imagine, she's still fully compus mentus, in spite of having survived a hard life of privilege, stupendous luxury and unlimited wealth. (On reflection, this point is a good one, seeing as most of the Royal Family are away with the fairies...)

Gawd bless her, and all who sail in her, that's what I say.


2nd Aug 2001, 19:49
I agree with Tricky - Gawd Bless 'er!

(She'll need it when she's swinging from a gibbet with the rest of 'em - if I ever get my way - hee hee!)

WxJx ;)

A Republican and not a Monarchist at all, Oh no...

You want it when?
2nd Aug 2001, 20:15
Tricky - Right On.

DX & Tony - no journos in Fleet St anymore so you're wishimg me ill / bubonic plauge which is a bit unfair :D .

On thread - shes an old girl but a good un. I just wish her daughter would step down and let Charles have a crack at the plate :p

gravity victim
2nd Aug 2001, 20:39
A man in the know assures me that the Queen Mother actully passed on in 1983. Since then she has been replaced by a series of fairly basic robots developed by DERA scientists, programmed with simple phrases such as 'Everybody's been so kind', 'What lovely flowers', etc.
A problem with walking software was covered by announcements about hip replacements.

The current robot is now in dock for a major systems upgrade to cope with extra waving, more phrases and so on, to prepare for the Queen's upcoming Jubilee celebrations. :D

2nd Aug 2001, 21:11
Gravity Victim :D :D :D :D :D

I almost spluttered a mouthful of coffee over a colleague after reading that!

WxJx :rolleyes:

3rd Aug 2001, 01:34
:D I have no interest in the Royal family and loathe the pathetic press coverage they get.

However, I am interested in what will happen when the Queen Mum dies. Will her funeral be on a Saturday like Di's and thereby deprive many people from an extra 'public holiday'? Or will it be mid week and we all get a day off work to do something more interesting than work or watch a funeral on TV?

[ 02 August 2001: Message edited by: Thirteen-Twelve ]

tony draper
3rd Aug 2001, 01:39
Personelly I would prefer to attend Tony Blairs funeral, join the line to p*ss on this grave, but jesus, imagine the length of the queue. ;)

Nil nos tremefacit
3rd Aug 2001, 02:56
Yep, a few years back someone inadvertently ran part of the Queen Mum obit sequence. Wonder if she reacted the same as Alfred Nobel when he first saw what people thought of him (all the good works are to do with the sh*t obit the papers gave him whilst he was still alive).

Don't know if the Queen Mum is going abroad again soon, but a few years ago BZN ran an exercise to prove you can return her in a coffin with full ceremonial if need be - purple curtains by the cargo doors etc. The whole thing worked around the provision of a serviceable VC10 C1/C1K. Doesn't matter what effort is put in, it's stll freight in a VC10, the greatest indignity known to man!!!! I'd rather be buried at sea. :rolleyes:

Tartan Gannet
3rd Aug 2001, 03:46
Tony Draper, with you all the way on that too. I'd like to witness the Post Mortem as well and see if his smile has a life of its own and how the policies are formed in his rectum.

3rd Aug 2001, 09:40
From the first post what is a lovie. :confused:

3rd Aug 2001, 09:55
I have nice pic of the Queen Mum that any true Crown-respecting British family would proudley hang in the living room. Available to anyone if you e-mail me.

Just dont forget WHO your asking the pic from! ;)

Tartan Gannet
3rd Aug 2001, 10:52
ISI a "Lovie" more often spelt "luvie" orignally meant an actor, or someone given to over dramatic gestures, all gushy, over the top. I would think that Tony Draper is using the term to describe the type of persons who go into overdrive when some celeb dies. I can see the tabloid headlines already, "The Nation's Grandmother" etc, etc. Another one of their favourite phrases is "Golden Girl" as with the deaths of Diana and Jill Dando. It is this sort of emotional person who will be wheeled out in droves when this type of event occurs.

3rd Aug 2001, 13:09

I thought the original 'luvvies' were the Emma Thompson/Ken Branagh/Stephen Fry etc..etc.. set that were in the Cambridge Footlights in '81.

Agree with what you say about being 'gushy', 'overcome with emulsion' etc.... :rolleyes:

God help us when QM dies. Remember Diana's funeral, when the meeja told us we were all 'overcome with grief'.
I'd just moved to Luton that weekend - Loads cars parked at Junction 11 of M1, but the Arndale centre seemed pretty full..... :D :D

Suppose there'll be no need to organise a tabloid boycott (PPRuNe or oetherwise) then..... :D :D

Tartan Gannet
3rd Aug 2001, 14:09
Swashplate. I agree with you on the specifics. I was using the term generically.

I recall the death and funeral of Diana. Dont get me wrong, I was sorry to see this woman die in such a tragic manner and feel she was very badly served by the Royals, (Charles in particular), and the Establishment. That however was that, no grief nor tears from me, just sorrow.

All the hyperbole "The Nation Mourns our Diana" "Golden Girl laid to rest" etc, left me cold. I DIDNT buy a teddy bear or flowers to leave at the railings near our Old Town Hall, nor sign a book of condolence. On the Saturday of the funeral the usually crowded centre of Reading, Broad Street, was a ghost town, rather like the final scenes in the film "On the Beach". I was able to walk at speed with nobody in my way, get served in those shops which didnt close as soon as I entered. God alone knows what the place will be like when the Queen Mum pops her clogs?

By all means respect should be shown, but NOT the media circus we will have imposed on us. If I can go back to Churchill's funeral, I remember that this was handled with decorum and dignity. As discussed on another thread we have dumbed down and becoming too American in our behaviour these days. Just compare a disaster, say Ladbroke Grove here in the UK, a few quiet tears perhaps but most people on the TV being interviewed,professionals and ordinary witnessess, will behave in a dignified manner. Contrast that with the USA in similar circumstances. Lots of loud "Boo! HOO! HOO!s" and wailing with hyper over emotional Yanks giving an OTT performance on camera which would make the late Vincent Price blush!

Let us return to the British Stiff Upper Lip and some decorum please.

tony draper
3rd Aug 2001, 14:57
I think of the Dunblain massacre, and the Lockerbie crash, thats when it all started.
The way the media behaved there pointed the way things were going to be, once the media discovered how much tv time they could fill with this hysterical pointless rubbish they were sold.
It was a disgrace the way the news media behaved , air head breakfast tv presenters discussing rasberry flavoured knickers one morning then with phoney mournful expression wandering round those places shoving microphones under the noses of anything the moved, the next.
I don't know how the hell some of the people of those town didn't strangle the sick bastards.
Thats when my deep all abiding hatred of the media started, personelly my heart sours like a eagle when I here of one of the scumbags being scragged on some foreign shore, not that that happens very often they hardy put themselves in danger, of course a slight flesh wound is ok for ones career, or the odd dead cameraman,but what the hell its only the ones in front of the camera that count.
We want the news, we wish to be informed, but those sick f*cks are way out of line.
Like I said, if a major ebola outbreak occurs you will not see many of the mincing ninnies reporting live from that story.

[ 03 August 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Tartan Gannet
3rd Aug 2001, 15:37
Trouble is Tony, the reporter is now more important than the news. In the old days, say 1950s and 60s the newscaster gave us the facts, perhaps with an on site report from a correspondent if the issue was important enough, and we were left to make up our own minds. Now we have all the razzmatazz, the ballyhoo, the spin. If a disaster takes place, say an explosion at a factory with quite a few fatalities, then the whole circus somes to town, wailing relatives, especially if they are foreigners, instant experts on the subject as with Learmouth on Aviation, "WHY OH WHY! " agony aunties, emoting about it, and of course the ritual phrase, "teams of special counsellors will be on hand to help the survivors". Then the lawyers home in looking for a fat fee, but of course they pour out faux sincerity and sympathy "We want JUSTICE for the survivors and the dependents of the deceased" Bullshit! Finally we have instant expert again prognosticating "Can it happen here?" with Peter Snow type graphics.

What sickens me is that people are NOT left in privacy with their grief. Now there have been many cases of this, but the one which I recall with disgust was when Princess Grace was killed in an RTA. Television showed the Grimaldi family at the funeral and zoomed in on a tearful Prince Rainier. This was outrageous, a distance shot was all that was needed, say from the back of the Church, with some footage of the Archbishop giving the sermon/ eulogy.

"This is Tartan Gannet for NBG TV from the disaster in Ongo-Bongo Land where the death toll now passes the 2000 mark - now back to the studio where NBG Golden Girl Tracy Megamamms will demonstrate the new line in self cleaning knickers that's sweeping the High Street...."

[ 03 August 2001: Message edited by: Tartan Gannet ]

3rd Aug 2001, 15:40
Gravity Victim - one of the funniest posts I have read in a long time - excellent!!

Can any city types give me the cheapest quote available on a two year option on a "return ticket to Bhutan" air ticket??? Is 2 years long enough??? Will I be safe from the media in Bhutan?? Any advice gratefully received... :)


Tricky Woo
4th Aug 2001, 21:08
Just heard that it's the Queen Mum's 101st birthday today. Happy Birthday!

Also heard that yesterday the wobbly old dear had a blood transfusion for anemia. It just goes to show that while you can never get blood out of a stone, you can get buckets into a fossil.

Gawd bless her.


The Guvnor
4th Aug 2001, 23:21
The way Princess Margaret looked today, I wonder if the Royals get a discount for bulk state funerals?

Phil the Greek's been looking a bit shaky as well recently!!

4th Aug 2001, 23:30
Personally I like Phil the Greek - in the UK we seem to all be so scared to tell something as it is, this chap makes a few gaffes but generally he's on the ball.
As for the Q Mum............. I couldnt give a **&$.


5th Aug 2001, 01:00
Any suggestions as to a name for that crawling ,simpering ,fawning, grovelling ,"isn't she a marvel", "the nations favourite granny", sh** eating expression that people seem to adopt when in proximity to Brenda's old dear?
Oh and can anybody remember a single memorable word the old trout ever said?
The Nation WILL mourn!!!(By order of the Sun)

chipped prop
5th Aug 2001, 02:29
kor blimey mates, the media are going to need prozac when the doctors are beheaded for not keeping her twitching.Thank gawd we have a large royal family with which we lavish loadsa lov, money and affection on to keep us and our fellow commoners in our places. Thank gawd for the media letting us know the colour of her dress with matching hat and gloves at any given time surely life would not be the same without this info.

2 sheds
5th Aug 2001, 02:30
Hey Swashplate....

How come *you* were not overcome with grief?

I think I would be if I'd just moved to Luton!


How about a competition to forecast the ghastliest sick-making tabloid headline for the day QM pops off?

5th Aug 2001, 03:37
2 sheds, why bother with the headline comp, they're all going to read, "A Nation Mourns". :rolleyes:

5th Aug 2001, 11:45
I just noticed that the Queen Mum thread was directly above "The Ashes" so, thinks I, lets get the old dear a bit further away.

Now, I'm a staunch Republican when it comes to the royal family. I mean, I can see the point of a Head of State, but why drag in the whole bloody family?

On the other hand HM The Mum reminds me of my old gran, so I feel a bit sympathetic. Here you go yer Majesty, have leg up from me.

Through difficulties to the cinema

5th Aug 2001, 15:58
The QM had a blood tranfusion - I never the Royal Family were blood donors? Are they, or just blood suckers?

5th Aug 2001, 17:00
Hey 2 Sheds!

Wasn't overcome with 'emulsion' coz I had other things to do like getting the flat sorted and preparing for new job!!! :D :D

BTW, I'd just got out of Oldham!!!!! :eek:

Did you see the excellent Chris Hitchins doc on the Diana phenom a year after the funeral?

Apparently, some guy in London at the time who didn't express grief was spat on & hit by the populace!!!! :eek:

I think we all know what the headlines will be :rolleyes:, but I'd advise my fellow PPrUNe'rs to avoid public places!!!!!

5th Aug 2001, 17:15
Avoid public places... shouldn't be too hard!
Got a computer at home, now what could I do to keep me occupied????? ;)

DX Wombat
6th Aug 2001, 02:54
You want it when - please read my post again. CAREFULLY this time and you will see that I am not wishing anyone ill

6th Aug 2001, 15:39
Good grief! She's back next to 'THE ASHES' again! Is this an omen? :eek: :eek:

"Here yer majesty, let me give you another leg up. There you go, now take it easy. Oh! just a minute, you left your 'Senior Service' behind, no point in giving them up at 101 is there?

Through difficulties to the cinema

6th Aug 2001, 15:54
Personally, I love Phil The Greek's comments - I was in stitches when I saw recently that young tyke got his come-uppance regarding joining the forces. I'm surprised the Government Minister of the Day, didn't come out and promise him a job with the boys who fly there and then as compensation for hurt feelings about his weight.

I bet the boy was so upset he had to go home and consume his own weight in chip butties :)

So, the Queen Mum is 101, so if the Queen lives to the same ripe old age - poor old Charles will be in his dotage before he gets a shot at the crown (if we still have a monarchy). I remember years ago an famous astrologer predicting that he would never be king - wasn't in his birthchart or something.

Still looks like we'll be getting extra holidays next year to commemorate the Golden Jubilee - so that'll be nice ;)

[ 06 August 2001: Message edited by: Velvet ]

6th Aug 2001, 17:59
Agreed, Vel - Phil the Bubble is OK by me. Ditto his Ma-in-law, who by some reports I've heard has a good sense of humour. Apparently it is well-known that a significant proportion of her household staff are gay. She was entertaining some delegation, said "Where is everyone?" (meaning her staff) and phoned downstairs saying "I don't know what all you old queens are doing down there, but this old Queen wants a drink"

The Guvnor
6th Aug 2001, 19:48
I'm sorry, but I can never look at the Royals without having flashbacks to Spitting Image ... I can just see their version of QEQM now!!

Chimbu chuckles
7th Aug 2001, 09:12
More than once in the last few days I've popped onto JB only to see the Queen Mum on top of 'Slasher's Knob'!!!

Quite a mental image that :eek:

Still as a Republican,I don't mind the QM, at least she has some dignity unlike most of her relloes.


7th Aug 2001, 13:49
Says a lot about the pluses for having a Gin or two,am at present enjoying my Rums too much to change old habits.However time will tell. :cool: