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gas path
24th Feb 2004, 05:44
GP's daughter came home from school today, locked herself in her room and sobbed her heart out!
When we finally got to the bottom of it, she is being bullied at school, not just one or two but a whole crowd. This bullying is taking the form of verbal and mental abuse. Mrs and me went to the school and confronted the head of year who promised blah! blah! blah! but as you can see I don't have much faith. Any ppruners had any dealings with this and how best to manage it?:( :(

Loki
24th Feb 2004, 05:52
Write to the Chairman of the Board of Governors at the school and describe your experience, including the response of the head teacher and /or head of year. Ask what the school policy is on bullying (there should be one). If this policy has not been followed in respect of your child, write again and cc your letter to the Educational Welfare department ( Principal Education Welfare Officer) at your local government offices.

Coconuts
24th Feb 2004, 06:00
Yes my beautiful, clever 17 year old niece had to be recently removed from her school as her ex friends turned on her, posssibly out of jealousy. The bullying took the form of ignoring her & excluding her rather than direct taunts. Her mother told me she was miserable, coming home & sobbing her heart out in the bedroom, & her schoolwork had deteriorated considerably. This was particularly serious since she was in the second last year before taking the final major school exam. She's as happy as larry now, has been sent to the school that gets the highest marks in Ireland where they cram the two years into one intense year, costs a small fortune but if she's happy & it gives a good headstart in life her mum feels it's worth every penny.

Not saying it's the solution to all incidents in school bullying, it does appear because of the easing of discipline in schools & the increased social problems including those at home the incidents of bullying have increased. Very often the bullies have problems & low self esteem themselves & there in as much need of help as the poor victim.

I wish you & your lovely daughter the best of luck.

Coco

Dead_Heading
24th Feb 2004, 06:18
Its always the intelligent children being picked on by the less so in my unfortunately quite considerabal experiance. I am at a school where I am happy now, with a group of close friends, but bullying tends to die dwon at my age. Best advice if you're bullied, it helped me!:

"They bully you because they are jealous. In the future you will be well paid and succesful, wheras people like them will be in low wage jobs, wishing they were like you. "

Hope that helps, It helped me get through years: 5, 6, 7 and some of 8.

gas path
24th Feb 2004, 07:05
Wow!
Thanks for the advice and words of encouragement folks!
Time will tell, I'll see what transpires tomorrow.

Dead_Heading
24th Feb 2004, 07:10
Aye, best of luck to you and your daughter.

Parapunter
24th Feb 2004, 17:20
Bullying is terrible. The other option is to stand up to those doing the bullying. By definition, they are cowards, picking on those they think they can dominate. I only ever had it once, at work. In the end, I locked the door and offered the guy a fair go there and then. Unsurprisingly, he backed right down & the thing was fixed.

It may not be appropriate or even desirable to do this, but in my experience, it worked. Good luck GP.

maninblack
24th Feb 2004, 20:21
I had problems with Daughterinblack being bullied at a state school in the UK because she was an American.

I put on a suit and tie and went for a quiet, calm and reasoned chat with the head at a pre arranged meeting.

The head could not have been more supportive and the incident was dealt with in very swift and blunt terms.

It turns out that I was lucky in that the head had been bullied at school and whilst she is a very tolerant and open minded woman she turns into Ghemgis Khan as soon as bullying is mentioned.

So, book a meeting with the head, wear a suit and tie, speak clearly and calmly, and present it as a request for help rather than a complaint.

airship
24th Feb 2004, 20:29
And get her on the tatami to a black belt ASAP!:O

GroundGirl
24th Feb 2004, 20:45
My friend's son was being bullied at school, it was his first year in secondry and a group of older kids were swanning round all the younger kids taking their dinner money etc. This kid waited until he knew a teacher was in earshot and walked up to the bully and said 'here is my dinner money again for you' Needless to say he was left alone afer that.;)

timmcat
24th Feb 2004, 21:52
I was bullied at school to a moderate degree, all psychological, although I sometimes think that can be worse. At least your daughter has had the guts to tell someone.

I've heard that this (http://www.bullying.co.uk/) site can be really helpful.

Hope all works out OK.

gas path
24th Feb 2004, 21:55
Thanks folks!
Major drama trying to get her into school today (BTW she is in year 9) but succeeded in the end although she was adamant that no way was she staying!
Had a meeting with head of year and told her that as they had a duty of care I wanted it resolved today, and, that I would be writing to the chair of the board of governors.
The head of year and her line manager (I can see an upsidedown pyramid forming here:hmm: ) promised that the culprits would be interviewed and I believe made to confront GPj.
Have another meeting with school tonight and I'll see what has transpired!
As for today, she is spending the day with a pastoral support teacher and being let out of school prior to afternoon registration.
Tomorow, if we can get her there! she will be moved to another tutor group.

BTW No sign of the school head although the meetings were held in his study:*

keyboard flier
24th Feb 2004, 21:56
Every school has an anti bullying policy. So ask for a copy, it tells you what the school actions are in the event of bullying and how they deal with it.
My 7 year old niece is experiencing bullying at her school and the course of action I have told my brother is to first see the headteacher, then the board of governors, then the LEA if he does not get satisfaction.

DishMan
24th Feb 2004, 22:00
No1 daughter was being psychologically bullied and we didn't know. Final straw came witha "letter" "Found" on our doorstep by the girl in question. She was supposed to be best friend...
Said letter was in Ducth copied from the back of a very X-rated horror movie and reworded to be direct at my daughter.

I took it to her teacher who instantly recognised the writing and the head dealt with it. Or so we thought.....not a single word from the bullies parents who smiled and said hello as if nothing had happened. Head teacher was astounded to hear and discovered bully had not passed letter on....finally all was sorted, it went on her scholl record that in the French system is your passport through school - no matter that they were Canadian - the school report card goes with you.
Result: No 1 daughter refused/afraid to establish friendhsip with any one person in case it goes the same way.
After two years, she is a level headed young lady (12) and refuses to be pressured into being a special friend. She wants and intends to be friends with whomever she wishes and if that's not acceptable tough! She will not stand for anyone else picking on anyone and has come through her bullying a star. But the tears and hurt were h e ll.

So Many sympathies and support he suggestion of dressing smart nad calmy and reasonably talking to the teacher+head. (If they are worth their salt and consider the children in their care they will deal with it.) If you are unlucky and it persists, then take it to the Parent Teacher's Association....there may well be others in the same situation. then the board or local education authority. Whatever, don't let it go. She needs t osee "society" supports her NOT the bullies!

gas path
24th Feb 2004, 22:06
Thanks for the link TC, it makes useful and interesting reading!

GroundGirl
25th Feb 2004, 00:45
GP, I hope that it goes well today and that GPj is happy in her new tutor group - it might giv her the chance to make some good friends and enable her to be happy at school (although I seem to remember never being happy whilst I was there - now I wish I was there again!)

Good Luck :ok:

reynoldsno1
25th Feb 2004, 05:03
r1jr attended a state school in the UK for 18 months, age 9. She was taunted about her "looks" (she is part "oriental", as they would say in the UK, though she is often taken as part Maori in her native land). She told us about it, and we told her it was ignorance and she should assert her Kiwi identity (although she also had a pronounced American accent at this stage, after attending school there with no problems). Being a resourceful kid, she quickly identified all the other kids being bullied or taunted and organised them into a self-support group (also called a gang, I think) - that the bullies then suddenly realised was far too much for them to handle. It all stopped very quickly, and she became the "Kiwi kid".
No problems back home now, either .... perhaps the karate lessons help.....

Capt.KAOS
25th Feb 2004, 05:55
My oldest daughter, being a quiet yet very intelligent girl, suffered a lot from bullying by less talented girls, who compensated their stupidity by constant harassing her. I had to change her from school because the management did not adequately reacted to the problem, this being 10 years ago less of an issue as it is now. Although the new school was a big improvement, her present eating disorder might have been a (part) result of the problems at the first school. Anyway, school change can do a lot of good, starting with a clean slate.

Currently many schools in our country issue a contract that forbids pupils to bully their school mates. Everyone has to sign such a contract which eventually could lead to being expelled from school in case the contract is breached. My youngest daughter did signed such a contract. Having learned from her sister's experiences, she learned to defend herself and kicks @sses if necessary, even boys if she has to... ;)

gas path
25th Feb 2004, 20:58
Hhmmm! Found out last night that her school work is beginning to suffer, the teachers had noticed, but nobody had begun to question why. Today was another struggle to get her to attend, but succeeded in the end.
The year head is going to broaden the 'investigation' but at the end of the day I feel that she is going to have to face her tormentors and clear the air.
It appears that the other parents will be informed, whether they care or not is another unknown.
One glimmer of hope is that they will soon select their options and be more 'streamed' so hopefully that will dilute the aggressors.
Fingers crossed.
Still no sign of the scool head. So I am going to put a formal complaint in writing so that he has to respond.

DishMan
25th Feb 2004, 21:57
Copy the complaint to the Board of Governors.
Sounds like this head is neglecting a duty of care. His/her boss(es) need to be aware.....it may also spur the head into a procative/positive response knowing that the Board is being informed, rather than a sweep under carpet response.

Good luck!

(PS My mother was a deputy head for donkey's years and the Heads she worked for and she were all "Old School". Bullying was NEVER tolerated in any form. They really believed in and cared for the kids in their charge.)