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9th Mar 2002, 04:44
These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing how a little proofreading helps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> . .. .Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.". .. ."Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.". .. .The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.. .. .The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus". .. .Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.. .. .Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.. .. .At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.. .. .Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.. .. .The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.. .. .For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.. .. .Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.. .. .Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.. .. .Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer and medication to follow.. .. .The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.. .. .Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.. .. .Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.. .. .The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.. .. .The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

DX Wombat
9th Mar 2002, 05:18
One from our parish bulletin: The Dead List is pinned up at the back of the church, please make sure your name is on it" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

11th Mar 2002, 07:36
Saw this once on St Johns BB in Adelaide:. .. .FUND RAISING. ."Due to a printing error in last weeks bulletin, please be informed that there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St Peters on Tuesday night, NOT a peter-pulling contest at St Taffys as previously published. Any inconvenience or confusion is regretted". . . . <small>[ 11 March 2002, 03:37: Message edited by: Slasher ]</small>