View Full Version : Get rich quick schemes

Tricky Woo
8th Mar 2002, 19:03
Yep, we've all been skint for far too long. Wanna be able to afford that Learjet? That holiday home in Monaco?. .. .It's time to make some money in the time-honoured fashion: quick, dirty and lazy, preferably by taking advantage of naive widows and orphans.. .. .Post yer ideas here, and I'll award prizes for the better ones.. .. .As is my wont, extra points will be awarded for ingenuity and vindictiveness.. .. .TW

The Nr Fairy
8th Mar 2002, 19:22
How about starting lawsuits against ski resorts who allow customers to injure themselves to the extent they need hospitalisation and a helicopter ride ?

8th Mar 2002, 19:23
I do have a surefire way of getting the cash rolling in, with the minimum of effort.. .. .However, since a considerable amount have been spendt on R&D, I must unfortunatly charge £10 for the use of this information.. .. .Inquirires by email only.

The Nr Fairy
8th Mar 2002, 19:25
I forgot to add this one.. .. .Marry Ann-Nicole Smith.

8th Mar 2002, 19:27
Impose a ten franc fine on every swiss person being rude and aggressive in ski queues. You'd be a millionaire by lunchtime.

8th Mar 2002, 22:06
Quite some time ago, I had this marvelous idea! Rather than using quick scams (such as the stock market or selling snake oil) I figured that I should go and get, ehm, whaddyacallit, eduficated.. .. .In debt up over my ears (oh boy, the availability of cheap beer does empty your wallet fast!) and a couple of years later, I'm beginning to have a sneaky suspicion that the joke's on me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> . .. .Now I have another great idea. I'll start an airline. That way, I'll get rich fast. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> . .. .Cheers,. . /ft

Brit Abroad
8th Mar 2002, 22:41
The safest way to double your money:. .. .1) Take a £10 note out of your pocket.. .2) Fold it in the middle.. .3) Put note back in your pocket.. .. .Simple.. .. .(Do I win a prize ?)

Send Clowns
8th Mar 2002, 22:56
My favoiurite is the one suggested in "Lock, Stock ...". Start a company selling very dodgy products. Have the customers send in the cheque to your company's polite name. Write back apologising that the supplier has let you down, with a refund cheque, drawn on an account with a distinctly dodgy sounding name, and see how many present the cheques. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

8th Mar 2002, 23:21
My favourite is the fake ATM machine scam.. .. .It takes people's cards, does everything it should (including registering their PIN numbers) and then tells them "Sorry - out of cash".. .. .You then produce duplicates of their cards, skim their accounts, and reuse that day's stack of cards on tomorrow's unlucky punters...

9th Mar 2002, 02:00
TW,. .. .Have several [email protected] into a nitrogen cooled container.. .. .Take said container to a Rodeo and pass it off as. .highly prized bull semen.. .. .Make tons o$$$$.. .. .Only two things can go wrong:. .. .1. You can't make enough to sell profitably.. .. .2. The borne calves curiously have your looks, . .raising suspicion amongst the ranchers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" />. . . . <small>[ 08 March 2002, 21:01: Message edited by: RW-1 ]</small>

Ken Chan
9th Mar 2002, 02:48
The best one I've read about so far is the one John Grisham's The Bretheren. The guys, who are in jail, put a homosexual personal ad in the back of one of those magazines. A few high-ranking american politicians respond to the ad and after a few exchanges of friendly letters, the Bretheren revealed their identity and extorted them for money. They even got out of jail because they managed to nab a presidential candidate. great novel because it has an implication about a certain spy agency. seems quite realistic to what happened in 2000 election

Admin Guru
9th Mar 2002, 04:02
There is no such thing as a "get rich quick scheme", as anyone with any budgetry or fiscal knowledge knows.. .The only self respecting way of making money is to work very hard. People that "win, or get gifted" large amounts of collateral will never feel the benefit of having earned their keep.. .. .Play the game of life as it is meant to be played gents.

9th Mar 2002, 04:36
BE CAREFUL. Tricky may just be trying to come up with some new ideas from us honest guys! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

henry crun
9th Mar 2002, 04:44
AdminGuru, I have a strong suspicion that you have completely missed the point of this thread.. .. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" />

gravity victim
9th Mar 2002, 05:06
An enterprising ten year old at my school raffled a ten bob note, sixpence a ticket. He claimed to have made three quid. Probably now somewhere in the City- or in jail......

9th Mar 2002, 05:45
Concur, henry. I think Admin Guru just had a SoH bypass... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" />

pants on fire...
9th Mar 2002, 12:05
(This example is targeted at the Helicopter community!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" /> . . . .Cloning!. .. .It's the greatest idea since sliced bread! . .. .I will clone anybody for $3500, cash up front. Fully Guaranteed or your money back. . .. .If I clone you with all your skills, you will automatically retain them as you mature (or your clone matures). As soon as you're legal age to hold a rating, you'll just start flying and automatically have thousands of hours, and years, of experience. (Actually, maybe someone has beaten me to it, there's a load of people like that out there all ready!) . .. .None of that Robbie flying for you, my son. No pencil whipped log books for you! As a 19 year-old, you'll regale them with your flying exploits in Vietnam in 1970, even though you weren't born until 2002. (Damn, maybe someone has beaten me to this cloning game already, I know the guy with that story already!) . .. .My cloning plan, will allow you to completely plan for your retirement, better than any 401K, ESOP, stock options, or any financial instrument. By taking advantage of this plan today, you will be able to reap the benefits in order to retire in 2021, so don't delay - lets mess with that DNA today!. .. .Some retirement planning examples: (based on Y2002 dollars - real results will be better still!) . .. .Example 1. Tour pilot. Selects 8 clones to provide for retirement. . .Investment - $28,000. . .Income in 2021 - $72,000. Now who couldn't retire on that? . .. .Example 2. EMS pilot. Selects 5 clones for retirement (free medical etc, at the hospital). . .Investment - $17,500. . .Income in 2021 - $150,000. Wow, you'll be able to retire to that yacht you always dreamed of. . .. .Example 3. Fire pilot. Selects 12 clones, (lots of space in the tent). . .Investment - $42,000 (he can afford it). . .Income in 2021 - $780,000. Man, he'll spend the winters in Hawaii, summers at his mountain cabin and even own an old 2000 A-star just for flying to the store! . .. .Example 3. Offshore Pilot. Selects 16 clones (7/7 schedule, so needs enough to make a complete crew). . .Investment - $56,000 (he can feed them rig food.) . .Income in 2021 - $1,280,000. Yessir, look out. He'll have the fanciest trailer in the whole world - it won't even have wheels! And the biggest rig, and a whole pack of (cloned) coon dogs! . .. .Example 4. Corporate Pilot. Selects 4 clones (needs to maintain the standards, plus don't need too many crew.) . .Investment - $14,000 (now he knows a sound investment when he sees one!) . .Income in 2021 - $1,000,000 plus stock options. Will actually have done at least 2 stock splits on the clones whilst they are growing up, so will in fact have 8 clones, with a follow on batch of 8, maturing in 2025 with an agreed option to split 4 ways, with a reverse leveraged option to separate the corporate travel department into a new operating division and IPO, realizing a minimum of $40 million per clone for a grand total of $2.56 Billion. WOOOOOOOOOOW! Now thats a deal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! . .. .---Remember these are only examples at today's $$$, actual results will obviously be better!!!---- . .. .Example 5. pants on fire... . .Investment - not 1 penny! . .Retirement income in 2002. Approximately $10 million in untraceable cash from a bunch of complete moron's who can't see far enough to see a get rich quick scheme when it stares them in the face. Summers on the yacht on the Pacific Coast, with winters split between Hawaii, Florida and one of my places in Aspen (the one I bought from that guy from Enron). Between the expenses of maintaining my various leisure toys, and the continued income from bogus cloning schemes (and similar well though out schemes) to various professions, it is extremely unlikely that I will be seen in public at any time. . .. .This is almost as cunning as when we were 'cryogenicaly freezing people' around the back of the Dairy Queen, a couple of years ago. . .. .To take advantage of this special cloning offer, send a LARGE stamped envelope, with a toe-nail clipping, strand of hair, finger or similar (do not send Semen!), along with cash, bankers draft, wire transfer or other non negotiable financial instrument for $3500.00 per clone, plus $1500.00 S&H (includes feeding, etc, for first 6 months)per clone. We will ship you your clones by US mail, as soon as they are 6 months old and have passed our rigid quality control tests. . .. .Send money and DNA source to: . .Mr pants on fire... . .Scheming Scams International, Inc. . .P.O Box 212. . .Virgin Islands.. .. .edited due to the unavailablity of UBB <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />. . . . <small>[ 09 March 2002, 07:12: Message edited by: pants on fire... ]</small>

Dale Harris
9th Mar 2002, 12:27
Guru????!!!!! What happened to the old balaclava and .357 Magnum method? Easy to get away with if you know how........

9th Mar 2002, 12:30
I would like to have the money saved by fairing/feathering the whopping big tail fin on the whopping big radar antenna at LHR that has rotated for as long as I can remember. It must have moved more tons of air than the Pyramids weigh. To give someone the benefit of the doubt it must have a function although I can't see what, unless it is to fair the antenna into wind if the power fails. If I see it faired/feathered in the near future I will expect credit for the idea and a continuing series of deposits to my account.

Lima Xray
9th Mar 2002, 17:22
Marry the only child of childless – but very rich – couples. Then bore them to dead with your flying stories <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="cool.gif" />

Lima Xray
9th Mar 2002, 17:31
Become a politician! Take the ministry of employment and treasury and get school leavers to deliver brown envelopes home to house stuffed with ‘brownie’ ideas. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" />

A Comfy Chair
9th Mar 2002, 17:33
It is actually quite simple..... .. .You RUN one of the get rich quick seminars..... .. .People pay an absolute fortune thinking that they are going to learn how to get rich quick.. tell them some bullshit, and then take their $5000 for the privalege.. .. .Not a bad way to go I think.

Lima Xray
9th Mar 2002, 17:34
..... :confused then hide your cash in the NHS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="confused.gif" />

Al Weaver
9th Mar 2002, 18:14
Place and ad for crew members after announcing a corporate shuttle jet service using 73s equipment to shuttle a group of employess back n forth daily 5 days a week between two cities 500 miles apart. Then charge a modest fee to process the applications based on selection criteria by low bidder wages.

9th Mar 2002, 20:10
Duh!. .Buy a product at 10c/unit. .Sell same for 20c/unit. .Make 10% profit <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" />

9th Mar 2002, 20:30
coodashooda shouldnt that read 100% profit duh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="confused.gif" />. . . . <small>[ 09 March 2002, 15:31: Message edited by: rover2701 ]</small>

9th Mar 2002, 20:45
Well, here´s one from sunny Spain.. .. .1. Build a hotel by the side of a motorway just outside Madrid and give it a dodgy name.. .. .2. Charge your "customers" an absolute fortune for a room.. .. .3. Your customers will invariably be whores who will make their weary way down to the conveniently placed bar underneath the hotel full of blokes gaggin for it.. .. .4. Bird goes upstairs, bloke does too, bird charges bloke, bloke pays, bird gives you cash for room for that night and makes a tidy profit to buy a new vat of thrush cream.. .. .There ya go, it´s been proven to work many times over in Madrid so there´s no stopping you.. .. .All the above information was provided by collegues you understand. Ahem.

10th Mar 2002, 00:49
Oh hell TW, this is just too easy.. .. .Buy high, sell low.. .. .Hummmm, is that right?. .. .Let me look into this, I'll get back with you.. .. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" />

10th Mar 2002, 03:39
hire a van poodle over to heathrow pop over to a friendly airline remove a large wad of cash from the warehouse and amble back home loaded up with free money, sounds daft but i am sure its possible.

10th Mar 2002, 13:16
Buy booze by the bottle and then sell it to others by the shot.

10th Mar 2002, 19:03
Sorry Rover, just indulgin' in an old joke about my economic illiteracy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

10th Mar 2002, 19:24
(I think this was attributed to Will Rogers). .. .Buy good stocks, wait till they go up, then sell 'em. If they don't go up, don't buy 'em.

11th Mar 2002, 01:26
I knew a guy a few years back who sold those ink refills for inky printers.. .. .He'd found out you could buy a 20-gallon drum of the stuff for 200 quid.. .. .Measure out 20 ml at a time, charge people £14.99 a pop and spend the rest of the day driving around in your Porsche.. .. .Wish I'd thought of it... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />

12th Mar 2002, 03:25
I think you got that the wrong way round Con pilot . .. . . . It`s sell low , buy high <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

12th Mar 2002, 13:21
The trick is to buy lots of shares with money you haven't got, then wait for the price to go up and sell them again before you have to pay the guy you bought 'em off in the first place.. .. .Alternatively (and this is the sneaky one) - sell a whole bunch of shares that you haven't got, then wait for the price to go down and buy them at the lower price before you have to hand 'em over.. .. .Apparently this really works although I wonder why anyone is stupid enough not to demand their money the moment they hand anything over ... ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="confused.gif" />

Tricky Woo
12th Mar 2002, 14:04
Grainger,. .. .Great idea.. .. .This is known in my business as buying and selling short. Many a millionaire has been created from this practice, even if it is teeny weeny bit illegal.. .. .Unfortunately, as many people turn into millionaire debtors this way too.. .. .Maybe we could make an amendment to the practice and simply not cough up when the market turns against us? That way we're on a win/win.. .. .Need to think about this.. .. .TW

12th Mar 2002, 15:10
I went to school with a young man who became a pilot. He discovered that cocaine is a lot cheaper in other countries than it is here, so he brought some, (well - er - a lot) to the UK.. .. .He didn't actually get rich, but he will have no worry about accommodation costs for the next fifteen years or so.

13th Mar 2002, 09:20
How to make a small fortune in aviation?????. .. .Start with a BIG fortune!!!!!. .. .(Ask Richard Branson). .Te Hee hee ...

Biggles Flies Undone
13th Mar 2002, 17:05
True story, but you had to be the first to do it! Advert placed in newspaper ‘Guaranteed way to make money – call *******’. Upon making the call a recorded message was heard along the lines of “Get a paper and pencil and write down the number I will give you in 30 seconds.... “ Etc. etc. Message ended with the statement that the number would get you through to BT Premium Line Rentals where you could set up a premium rate number and receive 50% of the revenue generated by calls to that number. Then all you had to do was find a way of getting people to ring the number. The whole call lasted 2 mins and the guy got £1 for each call. Despite many complaints, it was clear that he was doing exactly what he advertised and, therefore, could not be stopped. A friend who worked for BT at the time told me that the guy cleared well into six figures before the calls tailed off.

14th Mar 2002, 07:52
Tricky Woo, I got it. No really man, this will work.. .. .Set up booths just outside of all airline terminals and sell,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, wait for it!. .. .Fingernail clippers!. .. .Everybody either leaves their fingernail clippers at home or the security screeners take them away. You land after a long flight, break a fingernail on the airplane or when you try to get your luggage and guess what? No fingernail clippers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. .. .But you walk outside with a broken bleeding fingernail and lo and behold there is a fingernail clipper booth.. .. .Man we will make a fortune. You with your connections in Switzerland (you know, Swiss knives and all that stuff) and my expertise in marketing we can’t miss.. .. .But we got to keep this to ourselves. Whatever you do don’t say anything to anyone else, our secret. Because if idea got out, say on the Internet, well you know what would happen. So mums the word.. .. .Let me know what you think.. .. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="cool.gif" />. . . . <small>[ 14 March 2002, 02:53: Message edited by: con-pilot ]</small>

14th Mar 2002, 10:30
How to get rich quickly . .. .1 Invent a time machine. .2 Travel to tomorrow. .3 Get the racing results. .4 Go back. .5 Sell a list of winners for £5. .. .You could sell at least 10 lists per day Good grief, that's ....umm.....err...50 quid a DAY!. .. .Well...it is pretty early in the morning.

Gunner B12
14th Mar 2002, 11:18
Probably an urban myth but apparently there was a guy who put an ad in the paper which simply said "Send $5.00" Apparently lots of people did and he couldn't be done for it as he hadn't promised anything in return.. .. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

Tricky Woo
14th Mar 2002, 13:24
con-pilot,. .. .An intriguing idea.. .. .Two booths in the Arrivals Hall selling non-transportable goods, eh?. .. .We could build on this marvellous idea to sell all sorts of items that are routinely confiscated at the scanning machines, i.e. deoderant cans, lighter fluid, lighters, bleach, pen-knives, giraffes, car batteries, semi-automatic rifles, uranium, etc, etc.. .. .All we have to do is to have another two booths in the Departures Hall where we can collect such illicit goods off departing travellers at a greatly reduced price. Such goods can then be transferred to the arrivals booths, and sold at full price, and the job's a good un.. .. .Very elegant.. .. .TW

14th Mar 2002, 13:47
Simple,. .. .Buy a large number of tickets to Wimbledon tennis club for the relevant two weeks. Sell them at a large profit to the Americans who do not realise everyone else will be accross the road at the All England club.

14th Mar 2002, 13:55
It’s just come to me in a flash.. .. .You and some mates could get together and get one of those new fangled computer thingy’s.. .Then you could attach it to the phone line and aviation type people would dial in and sort of “hang out” You could sell advertisement space and make a killing. You could turn into a despotic ruler drunk on power.. .. .Nahh… on second thoughts, it would never catch on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

Who has control?
14th Mar 2002, 14:12
Take one brand new, crinkly-fresh £5 note and a colour photocopier. Insert fiver into copier, ensure machine is set to double sided. Set quantity = 1000, press GO button and stand back.. .. .P.S. this method will not work with 20p coins and the 'enlarge' setting.

15th Mar 2002, 03:41
You know what Who has control?. .. .A lot of my former passengers had that exact same idea.. .. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="cool.gif" />

Evening Star
15th Mar 2002, 13:43
gunner b 1 2. .. .Not a myth, as I saw it in 'Private Eye' classifieds a few years ago. Pretty neat scam as unless you have a tight padlock on the wallet it must be tempting to send a fiver for the sheer hell of it.

16th Mar 2002, 04:39
Are you kidding?. .. .Padlock or none I'm not even remotely tempted.. .. .Enough of my money gets taken in the night by the beer monster. You know, the one that creeps in while you're asleep, hits you over the head, pours something foul tasting into your mouth and steals your cash.

The - Elite
17th Mar 2002, 04:39
Take out £25000 unsecured loan then close your account change your name and send back all correspondence marking envelope 'not known at this address'.. .. .Easy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" />

17th Mar 2002, 06:12
I just found this in my e-mail, I'm a tad busy at the mo so I shall just have to leave it to somebody else to rake off the profits:. .. .MR. JOSEPH OKOLI. .ORIENT BANK (NIG.) LTD.. .IDUMOTA BRANCH. .LAGOS. - NIGERIA.. .. .Dear Sir,. .. .I am Mr Mr.Joseph Okoli, Bank Manager of Orient Bank of Nigeria, Lagos Branch. I. .have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.. .. .On June 6, 1997, a Canadian Oil consultant/contractor with the Nigerian National. .Petroleum Corporation, Mr. Barry Kelly made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for. .twelve calendar months, valued at US$25,000,000.00 (Twenty- five Million. .Dollars) in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his. .forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and. .finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Nigerian National. .Petroleum Corporation that Mr. Barry Kelly died from an automobile accident. On. .further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL, and all. .attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless.. .. .I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Barry Kelly did. .not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his. .Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$25,000,000.00 is still sitting. .in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the. .end of each year. No one has ever come forward to claim it. According to. .Nigerian Law, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will revert to the. .ownership of the Nigerian Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.. .. .Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you to stand in as the next of kin. .to Mr. Barry Kelly so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into. .the hands of some corrupt government officials. This is simple, I will like you. .to provide immediately your full names and address so that the Attorney will. .prepare the necessary documents and affidavits which will put you in place as. .the next of kin. We shall employ the service of two Attorney for drafting and. .notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of. .probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. A bank account in any. .part of the world which you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of. .this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into. .your account for us to share in the ratio of 70% for me and 30% for you.. .. .There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done. .by the Attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful. .execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately. .via the private email address below. You can also reply via my e-mail. Upon your. .response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that. .will help you understand the transaction.. .. .Please observe utmost confidentiality, and be rest assured that this transaction. .would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance. .to invest my share in your country.. .. .Awaiting your urgent reply via my email. .. .Thanks and regards.. .. .Mr.Joseph Okoli. .. .Ooops, I forgot to include the return e-mail address which you will need to get the means to collect your millions, that is :. .JOSEPH OKOLI" [email protected] enjoy losing er I mean spending your cash!!!!!. . . . <small>[ 17 March 2002, 01:20: Message edited by: Sensible ]</small>

pants on fire...
21st Mar 2002, 22:00
This one really works, it is currently active and never fails.. .. .And in the manner of the very best GRQS, it alters the criteria and conditions mid-stream!. .. .Unfortunately it involves real people, with real aspirations. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" /> . .. .http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=012545;p=