28th Jul 2001, 02:02
which kind of tourists are the fattest, complains the most, whines like gyro's running down and thinks the sun shines outta their limp pampered fag asses..........

AMERICAN TOURISTS !!!!!!! YOU SUCK ... come to Africa to experience the bush, then you complain about, the heat, the insects , the animals - either too many, too scary , too few , not the right ones, when is the elephant going to attack the impala DUH,
the plane is too small, not enough space, seat belts are too short NO YOUR TOO F****ING FAT, then they want seatbelt extensions, in a blodday C206 , why is is so bumpy, you made the plane bump too much NEWSFLASH - its called thermals - so F*CK OFF

28th Jul 2001, 02:06
Oh my Skaz, now settle down have another beer. It will be alright in the morning.

Life is sooooo unfair. :eek: :eek: :eek:

28th Jul 2001, 02:36

Unfortunately, I have to agree with you. As an American living in Europe for the past 10 years, I'm not fond of American tourists either. Wandering around the continent, Americans are a blatent example of too many burgers and too little brains.

When I travel, I try to avoid the groups of these pork-shanked women and men. Americans on their own, however, are all right in my opinion. But they usually travel as a tour group and you can see the bus rise up like an old Citroen when it is unloaded. Second worse are the Germans.

"Hey, Mabel, take a picture of that funny donkey with that big thing hanging out from its underside. Wonder what that is?"

With arses so huge, how do they even fit in cattle class of an airplane?

28th Jul 2001, 02:47
Picture this: I've just spent 4 weeks in China, have gotten used to the proportions of the women there, not particularly fat or overnourished, rather quite attractive as a whole.

First thing I see when I pass through immigration in Hong Kong coming out of China, are 2 very large western women of undetermined origin, like 100 kilo each.

I tried to reverse course through immigration the wrong way. Seemed like the smart thing to do at the time.

I'll agree with the bigass part, even though I'm from U.S. but I work with a lot of brits, and geez you guys sure are a whingy lot!

Ducking for cover now!!

It's not a matter of where I am, it's a matter of when I am.

28th Jul 2001, 04:13
huh? people actually agree with me....and americans at that...

ps i hate the dutch as well, they always throw up on gameflights :D :eek:

28th Jul 2001, 08:33
Yankee go home!

But leave your money. :D

28th Jul 2001, 09:02
I remember a US fat-assed cow loudley complaining how small the 737 seats were. Bitched and bloodey moaned. She was right though, her fat burger-stuffed guts slobbered all over the armrests and her huge bull-frog ass was too tightley squeezed in to permit a rapid evac if necessary. And christ was this 45yo bull elephant ever f*ckin ugley! The caked-on make-up, liver spots, 5 inch fake nails, and the huge rocks on her fingers all added to the horible nausea. But the solution was simple, she buys the adjoining seat too and lifts up the intervening armrest. Either that or she gets off and books the next barge to HKG. She paid.

[ 28 July 2001: Message edited by: Slasher ]

Tricky Woo
28th Jul 2001, 17:11
Ah, but Slasher, would you have shagged it?

28th Jul 2001, 17:17
They provide some amusement while waiting to get the heck out of Kenya. The game goes thus:

Try to pick the Americans out of the crowd of arriving visitors....That's right, they're the ones mobbing the clothing store in the arrivals area to buy khaki safari vests with lots of pockets so they'll blend with the locals.

Part two is to avoid getting crushed in the stampede.........

29th Jul 2001, 01:12
Look you all, I vigorously defended the American position on the spy plane incident a few months ago, and almost came to blows with some of the posters (if I could have reached through the tube and touched them).

American tourists are a whole different issue. Yes, they are obnoxious and obnoxiously larded. Yes, I cringe in a restaurant when they DEMAND the English menu which the poor Spanish (or whoever) waiter does not have.

Is the food safe to eat, they demand of the same waiter. NO! should be his reply. Is the water safe to drink? NO! should be his reply. Are the toilets clean? I wouldn't go in there, should be his answer.

Where are these people coming from? America, I guess, where 20% of the people don't even know that Washington, D.C. is the capital. Fifty percent can associate London, but can't associate it with the U.K.

But if you're born and bred in Kansas City and it is 1,500 miles to the east coast and 1,500 miles to the west coast, I guess your life centers around Kansas City. You've heard of Chicago and St. Louis, but that's about it.

When I went to high school in the U.S. we had something called geography where the teacher taught and told us of far-off lands and their native customs. I understand that now geography courses do not exist in the U.S.

I personally know a couple who went to Hong Kong for a vacation for two weeks. "So show us the photos," said I when they returned. They proudly showed the Sheraton Hotel in which they stayed in and the MacDonald's where they ate. "And where are the rest of the photos," I asked.

"That's it," was their reply. "We didn't want to wander around that strange city."

"You didn't even go to a Chinese restaurant?" I inquired.

"Heaven forbid," the lady of the house replied in horror. "Someone, I don't know who, but someone did tell us that they served dogs and cats and said it was chicken."

I guess that at the end of the day, it all tastes like chicken.

29th Jul 2001, 01:20
Yeah, but every nationality are obnoxious once they join together in a group and go abroad. Americans are big and fat and camera laden and whining; Germans are revoltingly noisy and steal sunbeds, Brits go around looking like boiled lobsters after lying in the sun on the first day for about 20 hours and then complain when they can't get any chips in African villages, French...well, they're just plain obnoxious and they keep talking French and expect everyone else to understand. Most of these people are fine as individuals; what is it about group travel that does it?

29th Jul 2001, 02:53

In some respects I would like to disagree with you. Let's take them country by country and see what we can get:

Japanese -- Group travellers. No noise. No complaints. Many cameras. Photograph only where allowed. Might as well have stayed home. Fuji film OK. Kodak NO OK.

Swedes -- Still wear yellow and blue T-shirts proclaiming they are Swedish, neutral to the whole thing, and therefore better than the rest of the world. Barf on the sidewalk at night. Sidwalk pizza comes out yellow and blue in national colors.

Brits -- Red-headed pale and freckled, they don't tan, but burn. Look for ex-pat restaurants where they serve "English Breakfast" all day and night. Instead of hitting the beach, male member finds bar where favorite football game is being shown on satellite along with four to six pints of good ale -- for starters.

Finns -- Might as well leave them at home, because at least the husband/partner won't even remember the vacation except the five-vodka charter flight to and the five-vodka flight from. Other member has to turn him over every four hours by the pool, never mind the sea.

French -- Mystery to me. I don't think these people travel much out of their home region. If they do, they keep pretty much to themselves.

Russians -- New money bandits. Much gold chains. Wife, girlfriend, mistress, much more studded with stuff on her fingers than Americans. Kind of shy and in the background unless with other Russians when they get belligerent. Like to speak English so the whole world knows that they are not from some frontier depot. Favorite spots: Cyprus (many offshore companies), Israel, Rome, London.

Germans -- Today's ugly Americans of the 1950s. Mallorca is a province of Germany. Instead of Gazpacho it's sauerkrauk soup, a ham hock, and Blue Nun wine, and don't forget all the German beer. You haven't even left Bavaria and you can take your "lederhosen" with you and no one will even turn an eye if you walk down the middle of the street in this outfit in Palma at 36C.

Canadians -- We're North Americans. Where the hell else would you be from? Everywhere -- shorts T-shirt, rucksack, there is a maple leaf emblem, so as not to confuse them from those people just south of "Oh, Canada!"

Americans -- If you look at a few posts above, you will have already figured out what I have to say about Americans.

OK, this is just my own tongue-in-cheek survey of the tourist lot that comes to southern Europe each year. I will take all criticisms.

(edited only for typo)

[ 28 July 2001: Message edited by: LatviaCalling ]

tony draper
29th Jul 2001, 03:33
Well tis our differences that make us interesting, thats why this EEC is a crock of **** , they want to blend us into a homogeneous whole, cultureless classless, one currency one language one folk.
The EEC is wasting its time, it seems to be American culture that is spreading, at least in the english speaking world.

29th Jul 2001, 04:18
I have been involved in Tourism/Aviation all my working life, we have lived in in the Far East, The Middle East, PNG, England, Scotland (that should do it)and Australia and so I am able to offer my expert opinion (unless Send Clowns wants to disagree).
The only tourists I enjoy dealing with are the Japanese. They are the ONLY ones who possess manners! They are NEVER a bother.
They are the ONLY ones who never ask for discounts, 'is this your best price?' etc etc. I'm sorry to say but the visitors that give us the most grief are Americans and the English.

29th Jul 2001, 04:34
Damsel, surely the only reason we ask if "this is your best price", is that we are finally waking up to the fact that we have been ripped off for years and at last know that if you ask, you just might get.
The Japanese wouldn't want their agent to lose face by asking them the question and thereby acknowledge that they know that they're being ripped off.

29th Jul 2001, 07:28
Don't forget that the Japanese are visiting from a place where they don't bat an eyelid at being charged $15 for a cup of coffee.

To the poor bewildered Japanese tourist everything is so cheap that its not worth bargaining.

Through difficulties to the cinema

29th Jul 2001, 09:58
Latvia, I have to take exception to your post about people from the midwest.

I'm originally from St. Louis, and you would be surprised how many Americans ask what state Missouri is in.

I kid you not.
It's not a matter of where I am, it's a matter of when I am.

29th Jul 2001, 14:25
White sneakers, anytime, anywhere. Why ???? :confused:

29th Jul 2001, 15:34

How very complimentary, old chap. Quite why we would only have four pints of your very reasonably priced ale, I don't know. Along with, ahh what do you call it, oh yes 'totty' in so great supply, I can think of no better place.

p.s. As an Englishman, I made it to said beach. They have bars there too!


[ 29 July 2001: Message edited by: Cough ]

pax domina
29th Jul 2001, 19:49
I'm so self-conscious that the white trainers stayed at home this European jaunt, in favour of some inconspicous brown Clarkes.

Of course, most of what I have to say about tourists has previously been said on JB . . . including the rant about how toll collectors are there to collect tolls, not to give you directions.

But wait . . . there's more!

A friend of mine used to live near the Florida Mall. Some weekend afternoons would find us there playing "tourist, tourist, local", as well as doing some shopping.

Ah, that wonderful game . . . spot the tourist. Actually, it was more "spot the European tourist" (North and South Americans being *no fun*). Once spotted, it was guess the country of origin time, this being confirmed by sneaking up close enough to hear them speak.

UK tourists (people of colour excepted) come in three colours - white, pink and red. So, to some extent, do the Germans - but they usually remain white, or perhaps acquire a tinge of pink.

German tourists can be distinguished from UK tourists in several ways. The older, male version is more likely to be wearing socks with sandals. In general, the Germans look more glum. And third, and perhaps most important - those sandals they are wearing, are they Birkenstocks? :)

There was one young English couple who did manage to fool us. We could tell they were tourists (women who live here don't go to the Mall wearing a top that clearly has a just a bikini top underneath it, let alone a wrap-around sarong-type skirt as well), but were genuinely shocked when we heard them speak. These people were *tanned*!

Of course, favourite footie team shirts are always a fairly reliable indicator. They are almost always worn by men, except for the comparatively rare sightings of an entire family group (right down to the sprogs and sproglettes) decked out in Liverpool, Everton, Arsenal or Man U gear. This spotted at EPCOT a few years back, and I will say that UK native and Hampshire resident *46 to go*, when confronted with the spectacle, was moved to murmur "Oh dear" with a shocked look on her face. :D

Greetings from a place where you actually see "Welcome to Florida - Now go home!", "I'm not a tourist, I live here", and "Warning - Armed Native" stickers on cars.

pax d - stays with relatives and friends (and not ex-pats either) when abroad, except for those two nights at the Thistle for the Bash

29th Jul 2001, 20:35
Agreed, in regard to American tourists. The atypical group is from the midwest, fat tall men, round blue rinsed women. Never been out of the country before and doing Europe in two weeks. They don't all complain loudly but there's always one or two.

Surprisingly having been to the States you can see the exact same scenario in any tourist area. With the same reactions from the locals as you get overseas. It seems there are two types of tourist, the invaders and the visitors.
What we mostly talk about here are the invaders. Admit it how often have you sat there with a local friend and cringed as a bunch of your fellow countrymen rumbled past at their embarassing worst.
I've been there.

Kaptin M
29th Jul 2001, 21:12
So why do we have to continuously have it rammed down our (collective) throats that big-assed women are "beautiful"??!!
Now sure, there ARE exceptions - good lookin', tight-muscled chicks - yo, Go-Girl and Reddo, you two fly the flag.. - but in general, we guys are turned RIGHT OFF by big, fat-assed Mommas who think they have the LEGAL RIGHT to be big, fat-assed Mommas without comment!!

Wake up to yo'selves, Mommas....we white and black boys are turned on today, by yo' little tight figger...just as we were hundred years ago.
No womens' Lib gunna give yo any more sexsappeal now, than it woulda given yo' 20 years a go...that sexsappeal comes from YOU!!, and all that you've done to nurture it, and keep yourself lookin' good!

So Ladies, we guys keep trying to put our best "foot" forward to win your hearts. If YOU want to keep our interest, let's play Romeo and Juliet, rather than "Kramer vs Kramer"!!

Love, hugs, Peace and Kisses,

30th Jul 2001, 01:01

Hmm, depends on who you're talking to. I guess people from East St. Louis would wonder in what state Missouri was? After all they live in a completely different world -- Illinois. Even more confusing is Kansas City, where the larger part of the city is in Missouri, and not Kansas.


Old sod, I was talking about the Mediterranean vacation spots, not drab old Latvia. Oh, yeah, we can get good and cheap ale here and excellent "totty," but by the time you pay for the airfare, you come out about even. Not too many bars with satellites to pull in Leeds United.

Lurk R
30th Jul 2001, 09:29
Going by an email a friend sent, this all seems to ring true.

This friend of mine (a fellow Aussie) travelled to China and then UK for an extended holiday. He spent a large amount of time in Northern Scotland and travelled out to places like Mallaig, Mull of Kintyre and hundreds of tiny little towns. He has travelled extensively and said that this was some of the best scenery in the world. Subsequently ends up in Glasgow and comes across a busload of American retirees who have spent the total of 3 days in Scotland announcing loudly to all and sundry that since they had been to Edinburgh and Glasgow, "they had done Scotland". He just laughed to himself knowing that they hadn't even touched the surface and would never realise either.

As far as Japanese tourists are concerned, purely a personal observation - not a criticism as I believe everyone to their own, etc. I have travelled extensively around Australia and I was fascinated by the number of times Japanese tourists would be taking photographs of each other. What struck me however was that frequently we would be at some spectacular scenic lookout or waterfall or majestic sunset or some other magical photo opportunity. Invariably, the photo opportunity was behind the photographer whilst the subjects were standing in front of a bus stop or public toilet!!!

Windy Militant
30th Jul 2001, 17:00
Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder! After the 1997 Riat at Fairford I was wandering into Tesco's in Swindon. As I approached the entrance I noticed a crowd of swarthy gentlemen in Arab head gear brandishing bags of shopping,laughing and beaming ecstaticly as they took turns taking snaps for the album. Seems they were ground crew for one of the display teams that had been bivvied on the County road over the weekend! Made me smile to think of what they made of our bazar's for a change.

30th Jul 2001, 17:56
This is true, I was there.

On Hadrian's Wall, a bunch of Septics in a minibus turn up to a tourist shop. After a few inane questions to the person behind the counter like "so, where do we go to see the wall" (duh, you've just driven alongside miles of it), the classic - "So, like all this stuff is actually, like, original?".

Golden Monkey
30th Jul 2001, 18:02
I stayed in Banff for a bit a couple of years ago with a fellow Brit who was working in one of the hotels. Serious questions from American tourists included "Where do you put the Elk at night?", and "Do you have saddles so we can ride? (the Elk)".

Some seem to feel the world outside of their borders is one big theme park where everything is laid on for their entertainment! It's a shame an entire nation is tarred by such encounters but unfortunately America's ambassadors overseas do not travel well, by and large. No pun intended.

31st Jul 2001, 01:11
Damn glad that when I go abroad, that I act like me, not the "Typical" american tourist. :)

When I was stationed in sicily, what bothered me about some of my comrades was their expectance that the natives would know english!

I had a listing of translations, and in one trattoria i waited behind 3 friends who would giv eup and just point and hold up a finger for how many.

My reading of the list for what I wanted must have sounded the worst ever, but the gentleman behind th counter got me what I wanted, plus a large drink. He then told me in perfect english "Because I make the effort."

My point, that most "amnerican tourists" fail to do: We are now guests, thee natives don't have to do anything for us.

Man, Italy was a great 3 years of my life, I can't remember much of the Italian I learned for lack of use on my return, but boy I had fun going into downtown Catania, I hope it hasn't been to badly damaged by Etna. nor the people I met in my time there in the early 90's.

Nil nos tremefacit
31st Jul 2001, 01:39
I know that 'troops' and their families aren't tourists, but heard in Kaiserslautern last year,"We're American, we can do what we like." This having ordered drinks and then decided to leave before either consuming or paying!

In Brussels at the cafe in the Atomium I watched an American start to swear at the girl behind the counter who wouldn't accept US Dollars instead of Belgian Francs.

I know from the hospitality and warmth that I've received in the States that these people aren't the norm, but what appalling ambassadors. At least we have decided to remove the passports from the English hooligans that give us a bad name at soccer matches. Will George bush remove the passports of fat men in pink check jackets and tartan trousers? He should!


31st Jul 2001, 02:02
A few years ago in either Gatwick or Heathrow (I can't remember)I was queuing up at departures behind two large American Ladies waiting to board.
Outside a British Caledonian jet taxyed past and I heard one of the women say " Ooh Caledonian, I don't like the sound of that! I wouldn't like to fly on a plane from there!"
I couldn't stand by hearing this and so explained to them that Caledonia was the Roman name for Scotland to which she replied "Oh Scottish- that's OK then"

How ignorant can you get?

I also heard a disappointed American in the Edinburgh tourist information office ask directions for Dunkirk!! :mad:

pax domina
31st Jul 2001, 04:06
Now, once upon a time, *46 to go*, the rat who was her sig oth at the time, one of his mates, and his mate's girlfriend Lisa (an ex-hotel manager from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina) went on a weekend trip to Paris. Now, *46 to go* happens to speak fluent French, and none of the others spoke French at all.

They were under the Arc de Triomphe (sp?) and she was translating an inscription from a tomb of the unknown soldier: "From the Great War, 1914-1918". Lisa (imagine a voice that could strip the finish off of furniture), "Ya mean, he wuz only *four years old*?" :rolleyes:

31st Jul 2001, 05:52
I've had similar experiences to RW-1.
Here's one for you Brits and Americans. Being Irish I'm often mistaken for one or both. This is borne out by friends who have had the same experiences. Particularly in Europe, when they hear us speak we have been greeted with a surly response or a 'no unnerstan inglese' or a feigned puzzled look. Normally this all changes when it's established that we're Irish. Suddenly they speak perfect English and can't do enough to help, they knock huge amounts off the cost and apologise for their behaviour, explaining that they thought you were English/American.
Now I would like to think that it was the innate charm of the Irish that wins them over but more likely it's a prejudice against Americans and particularly the English.

No doubt there are all kinds of reasons for this historical and personal. But I suspect as RW-1 pointed out it's all to do with attitude. I was in Montreal recently, some of my friends had problems in shops. I had none because I know a little French and used it. It was amazing the effect a few oui's had.

I also had a very useful English phrase: 'I am not American'.

As they saying goes 'When in Rome........

Bob Hawke
31st Jul 2001, 06:39
Hey, nobody has bagged the Auzzie tourist overseas. I have heard some disgusting stories, but by far I have witnessed the worst in the travelling American. Sorry chaps, but that's life.

Maybe not enough Auzzies travel overseas, can only be found in super low budget countries, 'cause the pacific peso is so same weak.

Bali again, dear?

[ 31 July 2001: Message edited by: Bob Hawke ]

31st Jul 2001, 22:19
I recall many years ago being with my then g/f in the ar of the Argyll Hotel in Inverary, admiring the amazing range of whiskies they had behind the bar. Two shelves, each about 15' long, with not a single brand repeated further along the shelf - all single malts. We were talking to the barmaid about them, and she said:-

"Yes, but it has its problems"
"What sort of problems?"
"Well, we tend to get American tourists in here saying 'Give me a shot of your best scotch' and so we tell them there isn't a "best", that they're all different, and it depends what your personal taste is... but they say 'No, there has to be one that's better than all the rest - give me a shot of that'. And so we pick one at random, and pour it for them, and then they look around and say 'Ummmm - do you have a coca cola I could put with that?'"

Aggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Sacrilege!

Would you go into a great restaurant, demand the best food on the menu, and then demand HP sauce to put on it??? Well, maybe Slasher would... :D

31st Jul 2001, 23:07

Being an American, I lived in Montreal for three years and had no problems because I was a "foreign tourist." Who they don't paticularly fancy are the Brits (colonials) and the Canadians who don't speak Quebecois (sp).

I once went to Paris with a group of French Canadians and the whole restaurant staff was doubled up with laughter when they spoke and kept asking for more. Funniest thing they'd ever heard -- about 300 years behind the times.

The French Canadians couldn't figure it out. The restaurant gave us free bottles of wine just to hear these people speak and I just sat there in blissful ignorance with a smile on my face uttering nothing.

1st Aug 2001, 02:06
I guess I'm just practical in the matter, but seems odd some expat's don't try to learn the local language. Our company has several in China/Taiwan, and I know others that have been stationed there for years, some upward of over 10 years, but they don't know enough Chinese to get a taxi to take them from point A to B.

But then, I've ordered a drink in a restaurant, in Mandarin, had to do the dance about waitress didn't understand, finally get it through to her in English no less, then here her tell the barmaid, in the exact same mandarin I used, what I wanted. I've been told it's because they don't expect Chinese to come out of a western face, and it throws them off. Also gather there are four different dialects in use in this particular town, so quite possible no one understands anyone else, Chinese or not!

1st Aug 2001, 06:39
Actually Latvia, it was mainly my American friends who led me to believe they that. In fact at the border they Canadi<n customs hassled the Yanks with us and ran checks on them. But let two car loads of Paddies through with a jolly 'Welcome to Canada'.

I heard that about French Canadiens in France too. I believe that the racing driver's Jacque Villeneuve's father Gilles accent or dialect was so difficult for some French journalists that they interviewed them in English. Surely a record.

1st Aug 2001, 07:07
On behalf of Americans everywhere I apologize, we didn't realize y'all was so delicate.

1st Aug 2001, 07:48
At the risk of offending the delicate ears of French waiters everywhere, Qu'ils mangent de la calice de marde!" :D

[ 01 August 2001: Message edited by: pigboat ]

Mr Creosote
1st Aug 2001, 08:17
I have to say it's the Northern English that give the Brits their reputation for whinging. They're the ones who used to have their holidays in Blackpool, but are now venturing farther afield - only to find that egg and chips isn't on the average continental breakfast menu. :D They're also the ones who so rarely see the sun at home, so as soon as they get off the jet are plonking themselves on the beach and turning themselves into lobsters.
The Southern English are more cosmopolitan, aren't so narrow-minded, and will more readily accept that things are done differently in other countries.