View Full Version : My arm hurts like a bastard

Tricky Woo
6th Mar 2002, 16:33
Hi All,. .. .Just thought I'd share my weekend's experiences with you all.. .. .Walking in my ski boots through the restaurant at the top of the Schönried ski run, I involuntarily entered an impromptu ice-skating competition. One thing led to another, and I ended up on my back, with my right arm dislocated.. .. .Marks from the judges.... .. .5.9 5.7 5.8 5.9 4.6. .. ....not bad, although I reckon that French bitch was biased.. .. .Dangerous places, restaurants.. .. .After a few minutes of brave tolerance of intense pain, a nice chap, with a red cross on his back, arrived, helped me stand up from the floor, helped me sit down, gave up on trying to straighten my arm, and then called for a helicopter.. .. .After another few minutes of agony, my upper lip began to quiver ever so slightly.. .. .I don't think anyone noticed.. .. .The helicopter arrived, and a kindly quack with a small medical pack entered the restaurant, and walked past the throngs of unconcerned diners tucking into their bratwursts and chips.. .. .Bastards.. .. .The jolly sawbones stuck a drip into my hand, and then, after giving up on the first vein, and sticking another drip in, administered the best news of the day: morphine!. .. .Just in time, too, as the muscles in my upper lip were going into spasm. Great stuff, that morphine. Hit me like an express train, and I was away. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!. .. .Herr Doktor: "Ve vill haf to move your arm into another position if you are to get into der helicopter".. .. .TW(on morphine): "Hmm, that sounds like a bad idea".. .. .Herr Doktor: "Ist der morphine vorking"?. .. .Well, what's a man to do under these circumstances?. .. .TW(lying bastard): "No effect yet, doc".. .. .Another injection of morphine, and a most elated TW had his arm straightened, and then was walked to the nice red helicopter.. .. .A brief chat with the pilot established that I'm a fixed wing PPL, and that the only reason why them eggwhisks fly at all is because they're so damn ugly that the ground repels 'em.. .. .The pilot looked at the doctor.. .. .Herr Doktor: "I had to gif him two shots of morphine".. .. .The pilot nodded knowingly.. .. ...... .. .Nice view of the Saanen valley from the helicopter.. .. ...... .. .Hospital, wheelchair, X-ray, then a cluster of people in white coats.. .. .Different doctor.. .. .He made it clear that it was time for the reinsertion of my arm into the shoulder socket. Two shots of morphine or not, I knew a bad situation when I saw one.. .. .TW(somewhat concerned): "Any chance of another dose of morphine"?. .. .Herr Doktor 2: "In my opinion it ist not necessary for more morphine".. .. .TW: "Damn... er... what're you doing? Who's he? Why's that man holding me down? Momma! MOMMA!!! AARRGGHHH"!. .. .Dangerous places, hospitals.. .. .TW

Send Clowns
6th Mar 2002, 18:32
Hahahahaha, well at least you got a helicopter trip and a good high out of it. I understand from a friend who has tried it (legally, as a painkiller, not heroin) that morphine is quite fun.. .. .Hope you feel well soon, Tricky mate. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" />

6th Mar 2002, 20:30
Good one, TW! I laughed to tears !. .Especially the one about the ugly eggwhisks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> . .. .BTW, the american writer Dave Barry states that guys don't like quacks because they are in constant concern of being prostate-checked. Was that the case or was the two-shots enough to make you forget about it?. .. .(from: "The Dave Barry guide to guys": a must to every Jet Blaster!!!)

6th Mar 2002, 20:31
It is criminal that you have to feel so bad before they will give you something that makes you feel so good. . .. .Bastards.. .. .(Acknowledgements to TW)

6th Mar 2002, 22:05
Arrgh TW, hurts like a [email protected] .. .was at the restaurant at the Klein (sic) Matterhorn, top of red 7, about three weeks ago. Fell down stairs in ski boot and dislocated my knee.. .ahh how the swiss air turned blue. no helicopter, put sodding knee back in myself and skied home.. .. .did the same thing last year trying to 'do a mogul run' (sort of do jumpy turns...don't ask) down the shiny, tiled steps to the chalet kitchen at 4am with a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of vodka as my poles. ended up upside down, leg at funny angle and all the skin off my knuckles. Suprisingly it didn't hurt. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" />

Capt PPRuNe
6th Mar 2002, 22:20
Tricky Woo, you jammy sod! Three years ago I was skiing at Val D'Isere with a group of friends and we were on our way down to the valley at Tignes to meet up with some more frinds from our group when I took a fall. It wasn't a particularly bad piece of piste but I landed akwardly and realised I had dislocated my shoulder. It was extremely painful and I too almost suffered from that lip quiver you mention. I didn't let it get the better of me as there were a number of girlies in our group and they were making such a lovely fuss of about me being so brave and all that!. .. .As we were still quite high up the mountain we could see down to the Pisteurs place by the cable car and someone had gone down to call for assistance. In the meantime I was feeling very uncomfortable as there is nothing you can do when your shoulder is hanging on by muscle and skin and you can feel two bumps where your shoulder only had one.. .. .Anyway, after about 20 minutes a Pisteur arrives and calls for assistance on his radio. I see the helicopter down below start its engine and I am thinking this is going to be fun. Little did i know that the helicopter wasn't for me and about 15 minutes later another Pisteur arrives pulling a sledge! uh oh... I now realise that I am to be removed from the mountain the hard way. The strap me in to this sledge but there is no way to get comfortable with the shoulde hanging off. It is a bit like having your arm twisted behind your back and someone pulling on it... all the time and occasionally giving it a good old tug for good measure.. .. .Morphine? Hah! Real men don't nned Morphine. My rescuer set off down the blackest runs he could find, I presume in the theory that they offer the most direct route down the mountain. All I know is that I am getting covered in a freezing mist of tiny ice particles thrown up by this sadistic Pisteurs skis as he carves his way, almost vertically down the mountain. Every icy bump causes even more excruciatng pain and when there is a smooth flat bit I begin to suffocate as the powdery ice crystals clog up my nose and mouth and they find their way in to the tiniest of opening under the cover on the sled.. .. .FInally we come to stop by a road. My rescuer gouges out some breathing holes where he recons my nostrils should be and asks for the first time "Ca va?". I am paralytic with pain and immobilised with hypothermia and shaking uncontrolably by now. I manage another trembling smile before I realise I am now becoming delerious with the thoughts of getting to hospital and being given massive doses of narcotic pain killers. We wait another 10 minutes or so before one of my companions arrives having scared the [email protected] out of themselves when they tried to follow this mad pisteur down a black ice run and this was their first season skiing!. .. .When the ambulance did arrive I had to sign all sorts of forms before they would set off for the 10 minute drive back up to the infirmary in Tignes. Finally I am escorted to the X-ray room where the Doc's gorgeous nurse strips me down to my undies and then X-rays my poor shoulder which looks very sorry for itself. I notice my right hand hangs about four or five inches lower than my left one! By now the shaking due to chock, pain and hypothermia are starting to register on the Richter scale and the nice nurse gives me a blanket to wrap around as I will have to wait about another half an hour for the Doctor. Still no Morphine! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" /> . .. .FInally the doctor arrives and has a quick look at the X-rays and tells me that luckily I hadn't trapped or chipped anything and that he could fix my shoulder. "Great!" I think! FInally I am going to get something for this excrucuating pain! WRONG!!!!!! I have to lie down on a blanket on the floor and the lovely nurse straddles me (I may have really been hallucinating in my delerious state by this time and so fantasy may have become reality for me) whilst before I even realise what is going on, the doctor pulls and twists my right arm, sticks his foot in my armpit and pulls... and pulls... and pulls. I imagine my arm extending about six feet and that surely my arm will snap off, just like pulling the arm off a plastecine man when suddenly... 'POP' and my arm is back in a relatively normal position. One more pull and twist with another resounding 'pop' and all the pain has gone! Relief! Oh the relief!. .. .I have sudenly gone from the equivalent pain of hanging by my arm (twisted behind my back) to no pain (relatively speaking). I feel so much better. The doc sends my friend off to the pharmacy to get a prescriptions of pain killers and a fancy velcro strap system to hold my shoulder in place. As for the Morphine? What morphine? The French obviously know that we north of England lads don't need woofy morphine. That's for the girlies!. .. .So Tricky Woo, you big girls blouse. You've been living the the good life for too long in Switzerland and you've gone all limp and mushy! Morphine indeed! I was back skiing after two days, although I did not use my sore shoulder if I fell. A well practiced paratrooper roll would make sure I landed on the good shoulder. Mind you, I nearly dislocated that one so I stuck to the nursery slopes after that. My first accident in 18 years of skiing!. .. .Morphine! Pah! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" />

6th Mar 2002, 23:29
Aye Tricky, ya did all that just to hang out with proffesional pilots and get high.. .. .Would be lot less painful to just attend a PPRuNe bash <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> . .. .Can relate to the pain after a parachute jump in 1982 when I broke AND dislocated bones.. .. .Here is to a speedy recovery with lusty nurses and medicinal schnapps... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

6th Mar 2002, 23:53
Morphine... good stuff... was on it for about 6 days. Had some great dreams, and some reallly interesting conversations with my two mothers. Like you say, TW, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

tony draper
7th Mar 2002, 00:16
What a bunch of soft buggas this generation is,at one time men had their legs and arms sawn off with just a swig of rum and a bullet to bite on.. .Mother nature came up with he own way of dealing with pain,withour recourse to chemicals, its called screaming. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

7th Mar 2002, 00:16
Ouch. I hope it hasn't ruined your sex life.... . . . <small>[ 06 March 2002, 19:18: Message edited by: mad_jock ]</small>

7th Mar 2002, 02:43
Sorry to hear your hurtin Trick,. .. .An acupuncture series of treatments might assist in pain management.. .. .Of course use a licenced individual please, sticking pins into yourself at random may only make things worse .... .. .Get well soon.

DX Wombat
7th Mar 2002, 03:24
Sorry to hear about your accident TW. Nasty injuries dislocations and all that pulling around to relocate the offending bit doesn't help you feel too good. Keep moving it gently, you don't want it to stiffen up. . .Mr Draper, the administration of morphine is for the benefit of the medical staff attending the casualty, it means THEY don't have to cope with the screams. Doctors can be delicate little flowers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" /> Hope you soon feel much better TW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" />

7th Mar 2002, 03:32
Tricky, sorry to hear you have been poorly - that skiing is a dangerous thing. Thank god for nurses.. (!)... oh, alright...and doctors too.. .. .M.

Hagbard the Amateur
7th Mar 2002, 03:57
Tricky, apart from my sympathy all I can communicate is "Fukken Ouch!" Get well soon and if you can, forward me the details of how to get guaranteed morphine treatment with a REGA pickup.

7th Mar 2002, 12:01
Skiing, flash restaurants, drugs and helcopter rides. You realy know how to party TW ! Well done for giving the wirlybird driver some stick to. I broke my ankle skiing here in OZ. The ski tip went under a tree root. I got a sled ride and morphine in the form of a lolly pop (like a chubba chub) to suck on the way down the hill, great stuff but they wouldn't sell me any of them later on <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" /> . The cold seems to have a way of making everything hurt twice as much for some reason, bad luck about the arm TW hope it gets better soon.. . . . <small>[ 07 March 2002, 07:02: Message edited by: Throttlemonkey ]</small>

Big Tudor
7th Mar 2002, 14:33
Poor Tricky Woo. Serves you right for partaking of the fine sport whilst us minnions are trapped in the snowless UK. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> Oh how the heart yearns for the wide open piste and the knee deep powder.. .Sampled a vast array of painkillers a few years ago following a back injury. Intravenous morphine, voltarol and a bottle of entonox to sniff on. Brilliant. Even enjoyed the nice ride in the big yellow bird that the RAF sent for me. Think I asked the loadie to marry me as well. Hopefully he said no. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

Tricky Woo
7th Mar 2002, 18:42
I've read and reread the instructions and documentation that came with my ski boots, and nowhere does it mention that care should be taken when walking on wet café floors.. .. .Irresponsible bastards.. .. .Dollar signs are lighting up behind my eyes now as I fantasise about the forthcoming product liability lawsuit that I intend to bring against the manufacturer.. .. .That Davaar is an ambulance chaser. I reckon he'd sort me out on a no win, no fees basis.. .. .TW

Celtic Emerald
7th Mar 2002, 21:19
You're not alone. I decided to take up ice skating once, the only thing I was any good at was skating forwards very fast! Trouble is I didn't know how to stop so I just roared at everyone to get out of me way! Eventually I skated myself into the casualty ward, no real harm done thank Gawd but that ended my dreams & visualisations of me twirling on the ice like an Olympic iceskater. The 'Iceskater from hell' would be a more adequate description of me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" /> . .. .Emerald

tony draper
8th Mar 2002, 00:30
done it meself, me shoulder was alright, but me body was dislocated from it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" />

8th Mar 2002, 00:38
Awww....poor Tricky...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" /> . .. .Remember, this place is full of Legal Eagles, as well as the esteemed Mr Davarr.... .. .Mr Flying Lawyer for one... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="cool.gif" /> . .. .HINT: P'raps play them off, one against the other, to get the best deal...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

8th Mar 2002, 01:05
[email protected] poorly shoulder <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" /> . .. .You wanna try givin' birth!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

8th Mar 2002, 01:30
Very close, Tricky. In fact we handle that business through our wholly-owned subsidiary down the street, round the corner into the mews, knock at the plain brown door with the sign: "No Hawkers; No Solicitors". It's kind of a lawyers' in-joke. My, how we laugh!

8th Mar 2002, 04:12
So there I was, a romantic dinner with my fiance at the fanciest restaurant that I can afford, and the evening is ruined by this stupid ba$tard who slips up and falls @rse over t1t because he can't hold his drink. Ends up dislocating his shoulder, and gets carted off to hospital...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" /> . .. .Sorry

Travelling Toolbox
8th Mar 2002, 05:06
Ouch TW!! Hope you mend quick. Hey Capt Pprune, oh exhaulted one, I thought PISTE is the conditon you needed to be in to end up with TW's war wounds. Now you're telling me it is something to do with skiing?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" />

Who has control?
8th Mar 2002, 14:17
So what type of Helicopter was it??

Tricky Woo
8th Mar 2002, 14:22
A shiny red helicopter.. .. .TW

Who has control?
8th Mar 2002, 14:26
Doesn't show the blood then. And lets face it, all helicopters look the same anyway. . .. .Sorry to hear you'd taken a tumble though.

Tricky Woo
8th Mar 2002, 14:31
It does show up the blood.. .. .The helicopter was white at the start of the season.. .. .TW

8th Mar 2002, 14:38
Morphine? Here in "our very lovely but backward country" we get two Tylonol's, and if we still bitch, they'll throw in an asprin.

9th Mar 2002, 02:04
Oh Dear Tricky! From the title of the thread I thought I was going to have to suggest that you immediately cease and desist from doing it yourself and find yourself a girl friend!. .Tricky stuff this frozen water -- but hope it's not giving you any after effects ...