View Full Version : Dennis Miller and Individual Responsibility

18th Feb 2004, 14:04
Individual Responsibility

Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but we have become a culture of buck-passers, Winona-riding across ethical boundaries with impunity and then blaming everyone but ourselves when we get caught. These days there are more people pointing fingers than a Superman sighting over Beijing.

We're so used to people denying their guilt, that when we hear somebody actually take responsibility for their actions, we get that confused look on our face people always have when their cat starts dry humping a Great Dane.

They say it takes a big person to admit when he's wrong. Which explains why jockeys are such bastards.

One Hollywood executive now blames the gay Mafia and the New York Times for ruining his career. The Gay Mafia and the New York Times don't run Hollywood. It's a group of Lancaster County, PA, Amish farmers who get their messages from the alien crops circles. Why do you think X-Files got canceled? They were getting too close to the truth, man.

The guys from WorldCom and Arthur Anderson get to stand before Congress with caviar eating grins and take the Fifth instead of admitting they ****ed up and ruined thousands of people's lives. If they're losing any sleep over it, they're doing it on three hundred thread-count Frette sheets. Meanwhile the hard working every man has to sit and watch his retirement money go down the drain. I just hope every time these Worldcom execs dine in a four star restaurant with their exorbitant bonuses they think about the chef in the kitchen who lost half his 401K plan as they bite into what they think is foie gras.

The reason I find this all so infuriating is because I have always taken pride in being able to say, "Hey I'm sorry. My personal assistant screwed up."

What lifts my ass off the can is when people who have smoked for fifty years are amazed when they get lung cancer. Last week I read about someone who smoked eight packs of cigarettes a day for sixty years and then decided to sue the tobacco companies because one day he was coughing up radial snow tires. A jury awarded him 200 million dollars, and I suddenly realized that this is the only country in the world where you can make a fortune if you're just willing to dedicate your entire life to do everything completely wrong.

Next step, fat America will start blaming restaurants for being open.These are the people who drink a carry-out tray of three-thousand-calorie iced mocha cinnamon coconut coffee frappe drinks with a softball sized hunk of whipped cream on top and refuse to believe this sugary-mega- lactose bomb could have anything to do with them splitting their Banana Republic Capri pants bending over to pick up their copy of Shape Magazine. It's only a matter of time before some 800 pound greasy urn out there decides to sue McDonald's because his heart sounds like a one legged clogger. I'm pretty sure the only reason it hasn't already happened is because our courts don't have a drive thru window yet.

In the Catholic priest sex scandal, almost as shocking as the acts themselves was the way the local dioceses refused to take responsibility for their clergymen, instead shuffling them more frantically than a croupier with obsessive compulsive disorder.

I have no patience for the idea that society forces us into our misdeeds. For every person with a bad childhood who becomes a serial killer, there are a thousand who learn from that experience to be better parents to their own kids. For every guy from a poor neighborhood who grows up into a criminal, there are a thousand who work hard and build a decent life for themselves. For every misguided soul raised in a permissive hippie atmosphere who turns into a John Walker Lindh, there are a thousand more who become the gentle stoner cashiers trying to push the new Phil Lesh solo album on you at Tower Records.

And parents, you need to stop blaming the schools. The teacher needs your help, because you raised a little monster who couldn't be more spoiled if he was an unrefrigerated crab meat po' boy.

This week Michael Jackson blamed the fact that his last album sold only two million copies on "racism." Is there anything more inspiring than seeing the cause of black oppression being taken up so unselfishly by a white man? Come on. Between skin bleach, hair relaxer and that scale-model Barbie nose, it seems to me that the only person who obviously has a problem with Michael Jackson's race, is Michael Jackson. You and your brothers were a cute kid band 30 years ago but we've moved on, okay? Nothing personal. You had your day, but it's over. Happens to everybody. You don't hear Neil Sedaka bitching. Come to think of it, you don't hear me bitching. So put the mike down, stop grabbing whatever is in your crotch these days, and try updating your music with the same frequency that you do your own mug. I guess what I'm saying is, at least in Michael Jackson's case, allegations of racism should be taken at face value.

Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

18th Feb 2004, 14:14
"""Now I don't want to get off on a rant here""" - Well, you certainly failed there :ok:

Awesome tirade RT !! I just hope your Remington SR8 is locked up where you can't get it at this particular moment in time :E :E

18th Feb 2004, 18:54
Amen to that, RT. I too am sick of hearing from an apparently inexhaustible supply of victim-mentalities that it is someone else's fault.

Current affairs programme a couple of nights ago. Spotty youth spouting off that there was nothing to do in his local area so of course he stole people's cars and then set fire to them.

Perhaps someone could explain to him and his responsibility-challenged brethren that they actually have the option of not doing these things.

18th Feb 2004, 19:06
Enough already RT..

But dont stop - please..

Had just finished a serious chuckle on the security issue - ah, but oh so true, and now got to get a tissue from snorting (unintentionaly) my coffee...

I wait for the next instalment...


tony draper
18th Feb 2004, 19:19
A classic RT, great stuff, gonna save that one.

18th Feb 2004, 20:26
Brilliant, this is what Dennis Miller should stick to and leave Monday night football ('mercan) to the pros.


18th Feb 2004, 20:26
I gather from the title of the thread that Dennis Miller, whoever he may be, is the author of said rant rather than Rolling Thunder himself? Sounds like a P.J. O'Rourke clone, but whoever he is, add me to the list of those who nod their heads and say, "right on, bro" or whatever the modern equivalent is.

It's bloody hard being a liberal these days simply because of the whole vexed issue of personal responsibility and what happened to it anyway? Put me down as solidly conservative on this one. We all have choices to make; the one we choose defines us as a person. As Mr O'Rourke himself once said....

"One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, itís remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driverís license."

Amen to that.


Mr Chips
18th Feb 2004, 20:32
Great post, and I may have to print and frame it!

At the risk of sounding serious...

Current affairs programme a couple of nights ago. Spotty youth spouting off that there was nothing to do in his local area so of course he stole people's cars and then set fire to them.

I am a Scout Leader, which of course is not everyone's cup of tea... but I do get annoyed when arson at Scout Huts is put down to...

"Bored Youths"

if only there was something they could take part in to occupy theur time. it could be an organisation... perhaps with a building. Oh no, the little gi... sorry, disenfranchised little darlings have just torched it!!!


18th Feb 2004, 21:37
Dennis Miller is perhaps the best social commentator on the tube today. The program where he had Christopher Hitchens as a guest was something to behold. Remember that one, RT? :ok: :cool:

18th Feb 2004, 22:30

I think you rock, but it's not my fault. Well said.:ok:

19th Feb 2004, 01:05
Civil Liberties
February 22, 2002
Dennis Miller

Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but due to the ongoing war against terrorism, Civil Liberties in this country are becoming more carefully scrutinized than the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue in the men's room of a fertility clinic.

The balance between a free society and a safe society is a difficult one. If you come down too heavily on the side of freedom, you risk handicapping the police, letting criminals run rampant. Come down too heavily on the side of security, and you risk adding eight to ten minutes to my wait to get onto an airplane. Hmm...

I'm in favor of the government taking any measure it feels would make us more secure, with one condition: that it not upset our democracy's time-honored system of checks-and-balances, whereby the executive branch promotes it, the judiciary branch confirms its constitutionality, and the legistlative branch is paid off to quietly kill it.

The Bush administration has given almost carte blanche to the FBI in way of wiretaps and reading e-mails all under the age old rubric that anyone who isn't doing anything wrong should have nothing to hide. OK, then how's about Vice President Cheney turn over those minutes from that meeting with Enron executives instead of making the General Accounting Office pry them away from him like they were Jack Nicholson's Lakers tickets?

Advocate of law and order though I am, I have to admit that there's something kind of creepy about having the hand on the on-off switch of civil liberties belong to John Ashcroft. Do you really want the decisions about how much freedom is too much being made by a guy who refers to dancing as "Satan's palsy"? This guy makes Jesse Helms look like Freddy Mercury.

We as a nation need to know that some one is in charge of our safety. And that man is Director of Homeland Security Tom Ridge. Tom's job is to put us in a perpetual state of heightened alert by issuing a string of terrorist warnings that are more vague than the plot of David Lynch's film Mullholland Drive.

Helping Ridge out was the passage of the USA PATRIOT Bill, which actually stands for Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism. You know, if Congress wasn't spending so much time inventing clever acronyms, we might have Osama bin Laden's lifeless husk on display at the Smithsonian by now.

You notice the one group that isn't complaining about the new government power to eavesdrop on attorney-client conversations is the lawyers. They just see it as an opportunity to double-bill because now they're talking with two people instead of one.

Currently the ACLU is upset because Arabs and Muslims are being unfairly profiled. Unfairly? You always hear that the majority of Muslims and Arabs are law-abiding. Hey, the majority of any group is law-abiding. But you don't leave your front door wide open at night just because the odds are in your favor.

While I think some sort of profiling is necessary, I am troubled by the way it's being interpreted by the irresponsible. For example, there was Louisiana Representative John Cooksey, who called on police to pull over anyone wearing, quote, "a diaper on his head and a fan belt around it." You hear how ignorant that is? Completely overlooks the threat posed by people with a parachute around their nipples and a lemon zester dangling from their Adam's apples.

Now human rights advocates are up in non-arms about our indefinite detention of suspected terrorists. You think it's inhumane to detain them here? If we really wanted to **** 'em over, we'd send em back to Afghanistan.

So, fine, round up whoever you need to, but if it turns out they're innocent, at least send them out with a washer/dryer, some rice-a-roni, and "Open-Ended Detention Without Trial: The Home Game" to make sure there's no hard feelings.

There's a lot of squawking about us someday being forced to carry a national ID card. What's the fuss? My only problem with a National I.D. is that everyone who gets their picture taken at the DMV looks like a terrorist.

Yes, law enforcement has had its powers expanded. But we should not get hysterical. We're not living in a police state. For most law-abiding citizens, Big Brother is not watching us. And the only people longing for an America that looks more like 1984 are the original members of Whitesnake.

As a matter of fact, Big Brother can watch me all he wants as long as he gets counted in the ratings.

As addicted as we had become, pre-September 11th, to practically unbounded liberty, we must now squarely face the fact that everything has changed. All the principles we took for granted before are now being philosophically patted down by uniformed Federal employees. My kids will grow up in a world where a single day may entail going through a series of metal detectors, undergoing a full-body biometric scan, passing multiple interrogations while being extensively recorded on camera, and having to produce numerous forms of identification just to move about freely. And believe me, it'll be even worse once they leave the house.

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Boss Raptor
19th Feb 2004, 01:11
Very well put...and that is how many in the rest of the World now see the US as well I believe

20th Feb 2004, 13:13
Middle East
Dennis Miller

Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but if history is any indication, a lasting solution to the current conflict in the Middle East has a snowball's chance in Hebron.

When I think of all the wars that have been fought over possession of the very cradle of the world's three major religions, I can't help but wonder if maybe God is slowly turning agnostic. You have to just marvel at the stun-gun absurdity of fighting to the death over what happens after you die.

Hey, I've got no clue what's going on in the Middle East. All I know is, you have two Abrahamic religious groups enmeshed in a conflict whose modern incarnation dates to the 1917 Balfour declaration, with territory disputes that remain unresolved despite the Wye River Accords and U.N. Resolutions 242 and 338... but I probably just sound like an ignorant American there.

For 80 years, Palestinians and Israelis have been killing each other over the same arid strip of hardpan. That's four generations of Arabs and Israelis who have grown up in a perpetual state of war. No wonder it's impossible for either side to fathom the concept of peace. In the Middle East, "Peace" is what you rest in.

Palestine, though generally barren, was desirable to the Jewish people because it is the birthplace of the three main monotheistic religions: Islam, Judasism, and Cubs Fans-- no, Christianity. Now, if God gives you a slice of land on a piece of desert and calls it the Promised Land, you gotta ask yourself: Promise Land? Hasn't God ever been to Cabo?

Look, you have to admit that Israel is in more of a no-win situation than a Ballpark Frank entering the Westminster Dog Show. They're a democracy trying to abide by Western norms in a region that does not play by those rules. I guarantee you, you plunk Switzerland down somewhere between Syria and Iraq, and they're going to be thinking about how to kill somebody with a Toblerone.

And to the suicide bombers: how are you helping to improve the lives of your people when you so patently disregard your own life? And really, isn't this 72 virgins thing just a little overrated? I mean, after three or four, doesn't the thrill kind of wear off? And by Virgin 23, you're going to be begging for a pro, someone who knows when and when not to use their teeth.

I guess my main objection to suicide bombing is how commercial its all gotten. Back during the old intifada of '88, a guy strapped some explosives to his chest, walked into a building and blew himself up. Now he's got to make a video, pose for eight-by-tens. Maybe I'm old school, but whatever happened to the suicide bomber who just did it for the love of the hate?

It doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong. The second you resort to suicide bombings, you automatically become more wrong than Mike Tyson showing up for the premiere of "Divine Secrets of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood."

You know, I don't understand Yasser Arafat's game. Ehud Barak offered him arguably the best deal of any Israeli leader in recent history, and Arafat pissed all over it like he was Ozzy Osbourne taking a whiz on his loud neighbors barbeque.

On the other side of the sandbags, you have Ariel Sharon. Now, Ariel Sharon has never been a guy who knows verses 3 through 5 of "Kumbaya." But this recent intifada has hardened him like a dead guy on Viagra. At this point, Sharon believes the only time Arabs and Jews will share the land is when they're under it.

The sad truth is, everyone in this thing just needs one good hard slap-upside-the-head of common sense. Hey Sharon, stop building settlements and pretending the Palestinians are going to go away. Hey Yasser, stop buying explosives with European money and wearing a map of Israel on your headscarf. Hey Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah, stop talking peace but refusing to meet with the Israelis. Hey Chester the Cheetah, stop packing your bags of Cheetos with 97% air and half a coke-spoon of orange powder and laying that "Contents of package may settle" bullshit on me.

What is my answer to the age-old problem in the Middle East? Simple! Give the Palestinians CASINOS! It worked here in the U.S. for our Native Americans. Look, all religion has done is to jump-start a grudge war over it's individual beliefs and at least in casinos everyone can get along, have a few drinks, play a little Black Jack and forget their problems. You don't even have to build a lot of new buildings because they already have a thousand-year-old Holy Land theme going on over there. "C'mon, seven. Baby Jesus needs a new pair of shoes!"

Look, trying to separate the Middle East equitably is like trying to cut a water balloon in half with the back of a comb. And I know I'm not the guy who should be telling people to end their decades old grudges-but if I can forgive that mother****er Sinbad for beating me on Star Search, than Israel and Palestine can certainly get their shit together.

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.