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Rupert S
17th Feb 2004, 18:23
A quick quesiton, I need to perform brain surgery on my brother. Anyone got any experience in this field, I could use a few tips before getting out the old Black and Decker and going through his skill.
Thanks in advance.

Jerricho
17th Feb 2004, 18:31
First question has to be why do YOU need to perform brain surgery on him?

Secondly, I didn't realise Penguins had opposable digits, thus the use of any form of implement would be quite impossible. Or is this why you're looking for help.

mini
17th Feb 2004, 18:33
...practice on the MIL first...

:E

deltafoxtrot
17th Feb 2004, 18:33
i have no experience at all , but i would suggest that you might check that he has a brain before you do anything too drastic. Small holes drilled into the skull should ascertain this.

You also might find, if you do need to operate, that a crow bar would be a useful addition to the b&d

Hope this helps

df :8

Stockpicker
17th Feb 2004, 18:45
You might want to wait until you've sobered up as well - there is evidence of delirium tremens in your post, indicated by the use of the word "skill" rather than "skull" (unless you're identifying the precise nature of the brain element you propose to remove). I find not being drunk helps a lot when performing complex surgery, though one can get away with being a bit plastered for ENT.

swh
17th Feb 2004, 18:47
Try this with gcc....

#include "anatomy.h"
#include "clippers.h"
#include "razoh.h"
#include "lights.h"
#include "hospital.h"
#include "recover.h"
#include "drugs.h"
#include "gnu_drugs.h"
#define DIY
char make_op_look_like_it_was_done_like_a_pro[ff00hh];
void main()
{
while(!AWAKE)
{
monitor_vitals();
if !(DIY)
drugs
else
gnu_drugs;

play_crap_music();

think_about_what_the_nurse_is_wearing();

if (first_time_labotimity)
{

shave_head();

crack_skull();

take_bits_you_want();

disable_blood_clot();

disable_splitting_headache();

replace_skull();
}

write_something_to_the _family(good_news);

display_message(fees_for_service);

do_nothing_loop();

do_some_stuff();

if (still_not_recovered)
{

play_game_of_golf();

do_nothing_loop();
}
}
if (detect_awake())
disable_golf_game();
if (fast_too_hot())
{
administer_antibiotics();
}

if !(system_ok())
crash(get_cart)
else
discharge();
while(racking_up_bill)
{
sleep(5_nights);

get_user_input();

go_home();

sleep(5);

go(post_op_consult);

}
create_success();

Ozzy
17th Feb 2004, 19:43
First, bite his head off, it makes it much easier to clamp it in the vice before drilling commences. In fact, access thru the neck makes it easier to get at the pituitary gland if that's what you need to get at.:ok:

Ozzy

Rupert S
17th Feb 2004, 20:42
interesting paramaters there, swh.

Onan the Clumsy
17th Feb 2004, 20:46
Rupert I think what you are looking for is actually trepanning

swh Interesting, but it looks as if you're missing a closing parenthesis :ok:

BlueDiamond
17th Feb 2004, 21:21
Rupert, you need to have a word with Mr. Draper ... he's very experienced with such procedures. He hasn't done any for quite some time though.

Just ask him how he fixes broken pilots.

:E

Anthony Carn
18th Feb 2004, 00:05
Oh dear !

Just when Drapes was showing signs of recovery, you had to mention that thread.

:\ :rolleyes:

Rupert S
18th Feb 2004, 05:50
no, not trepanning. I was thinking of going right in, having a little feel around. perhaps perform a partial lobotamy. Thanks for your advice all, i think I'll use DFs suggestion amongst others. Thanks guys! I'll let you know how my brother's doing tomorrow (operating now... better wash my hands).
:ok:

deadheading duck
18th Feb 2004, 18:47
swh

can't we have a little fun, and build it using microsoft c++ rather than gcc. the inherent bugs will make it much more fun!

dhd.

Tuba Mirum
18th Feb 2004, 19:58
Brain surgery? It's hardly rocket science, is it? :confused:

Rupert S
18th Feb 2004, 20:45
I once had a quantum physics teacher...
"come on guys, this isn't rocket science... it's quantum physics"