View Full Version : I have used a sunbed & fathered children

9th Nov 2001, 01:17
I have just received the Questionnaire
Anyone have any comments!!
and I wonder why there have been few replies
:eek: :eek: :eek:

Mirkin About
9th Nov 2001, 03:07
How did the sunbed feel about being used ? Are the kids cute ? Who do they take after ,you or the sunbed?Sounds like an experiment Herr Draper would carry out in human/machine hybridisation. :eek:

tony draper
9th Nov 2001, 03:27
Wasn't there a movie called, Son of Sunbed,? about Arab sailors and such. ;)

9th Nov 2001, 04:18
I can't help thinking of the dangers of fathering children on a sunbed!! Don't those tubes burn your [email protected]? and what if they should break? bits of broken glass would fall into the crack! Nuff said I think!

Feeton Terrafirma
9th Nov 2001, 14:26
I didn't know I was supposed to use a sunbed........ honest. Don't make me use a sunbed and do it again, please don't make me father children again.............. please no more :eek:

Kaptin M
9th Nov 2001, 16:36
Oooops sorry - I mis-read it as, "I have used a sunbed and feathered chicken."

11th Nov 2001, 12:05

This is without a doubt your best post ever!


12th Nov 2001, 15:47
Still working through this form (btw anyone else get one) and it seems that I have to tell them the day I stopped smoking. Now the sunbed did smoke or was it steam and it was a friday.

DX Wombat
13th Nov 2001, 09:48
I always wondered why some people referred to children as "Little rays of sunshine" The answer would appear to have just been revealed. :D :D :D It's a bit worrying though, what with all that radioactivity going on in the sun. Is it safe to be near one? :eek: :D

Kermit 180
13th Nov 2001, 09:56
Research over many years at extreme expense indicates that 'Rays of Light' are in fact physically safer to be around than sunbeds. However the reverse is true for the mental state of the specimens tested.

Kermie :rolleyes:

13th Nov 2001, 11:53
DX Wombat Having been exposed to your "Little rays of sunshine" for the last 15 years, the definitive answer to your question is:
No it's NOT safe to be near one, let alone more of them! :eek: :D :mad:

All small humans should be clearly labelled with one of those governement health warnings, preferably on their foreheads AND on the back of their jackets.
Children may seriously damage your mental health, destroy your sex-life and reduce you to abject poverty!!


DX Wombat
13th Nov 2001, 19:35
This would appear to explain why I am suffering from Pernicious Insanity. To quote something I once saw on a poster "Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children" :eek: :eek: :eek:

DX Wombat
14th Nov 2001, 06:51
Sounds a good idea Flaps but perhaps the wording ought to be "WILL" not "may" By the way, don't they suddenly develope a severe allergy to daylight once they reach their teens only crawling out of bed when the hours of daylight are nearly over? I have also heard that they lose the power of intelligible speech, a reluctance to be seen anywhere near a person more than a year or so older than themselves and a liking for an incomprehensible, deafening racket which they fondly (and erroneously) describe as music? They also seem to develope a wondrous capacity for partying for days at a time - pity we lose that skill eventually :D :rolleyes:

16th Nov 2001, 13:37
Never used a sunbed but I have been blessed with 6 little rays of sunshine. Some of them even talk to me.

"Dad, I'm broke" is the usual expresion of familial care for the aging father.

"Dad, I've lost my driving licence again (speeding). Can I borrow your car?" was my favourite.

Yes Flaps you are spot on. They are dangerous to you mental health and can reduce wallet thickness rapidly.

16th Nov 2001, 23:28
Wombat evrything you've heard is TRUE!
You need to add one other significant factor though. Once they hit puberty, they fall victim to raging hormonal storms which totally inhibit rational thought and considerate behaviour. :eek: :mad: :eek:

And ss LowNSlow points out so correctly, it only gets better, the bigger they get....


DX Wombat
17th Nov 2001, 18:51
Something still doesn't quite add up though. If they really are as bad as you say they are why is it that people keep adding to their collection? Surely anyone with any sense would realise what they had got once they had one of these little dears and restrict the number to one, or does possession of just one curdle your brain to such an extent that ANY rational thought is impossible? In spite of this I still think they are quite incredible. :confused: :confused: :D

17th Nov 2001, 19:04
That's rather like asking a chocaholic why they keep putting weight on... :D

17th Nov 2001, 19:58
I had failed to be convinced by the first that they were anything other than cute loveable and adorable. If I had known what I know now I would still probably have done it but I had hoped that they would get cheaper after leaving home.

I did not however realise that they would continue to be a drain on finite financial resources and in fact head for the familial coop like bloody homing pigeons. When all is said and done a source of joy and pleasure even if at a pretty stiff price.

"Dad I am thinking of going for my Masters" did not bring tears of joy to my eyes rather than tears of pain for a sorely bruised wallet. I cannot think back that far but am pretty sure that a sunbed didn't figure in the equation, I do seem to remember a big soft mattras played some part of it though.

[ 17 November 2001: Message edited by: Paterbrat ]