View Full Version : Herr Draper's Question & Answers Thread

Tricky Woo
5th Nov 2001, 18:53
Hi All,

We have long observed that the mighty Herr Draper has an infinite capacity for answering questions on any subject. He is a barely tapped resource that I feel Mankind would be unwise to neglect any further.

The Delphic Oracle has got nowt on this bloke, lemme tell you.

Look deep within yourselves and you will find nagging mysteries that have vexed you for many years or indeed many decades. So come on, ask away. Here's your BIG chance to resolve a lot of the world's biggest scientific, philosophical and social mysteries.

A few points of order:

i. Questions must be stated clearly, one post at a time, addressed solely to Herr Draper. As a mark of respect, He must be referred to as 'Mr Draper', 'Herr Draper' or 'Mentor Draper', and NEVER as 'TD' or (shudder) 'Tony'.

ii. Would be non-Draper question-answerers must resist the temptation to chip in, otherwise he'll get nasty again. And so will I, and I'm from Manchester, so watch it.

iii. No question is too technical or too simplistic... although truly stupid questions will be rightfully sneered at.

iv. Long lists of cut 'n' paste questions found somewhere on the web are banned, 'cos they're crap, and not very original.

Don't be shy; the ability to gain knowledge is a wonderful thing...


5th Nov 2001, 18:58
Mr Draper,

I put two black socks in with my load of laundry in my dryer last night, but when it was done one sock was missing!

I know that no one disturbed the drying cycle, as I locked the door, I also checked the exit vent and it's vicinity for a blownm sock, none to be found, besides the screen was intact.

Please de-mystify this baffling occurance for us all.

5th Nov 2001, 19:05
Mr Draper,

What is the meaning of life?

Evening Star
5th Nov 2001, 19:54
Mr Draper, Master Of All Wisdom :)

How do I use plastic cutlery in the restricted space of Y class without bending the plastic or making a mess :confused: ?

tony draper
5th Nov 2001, 20:15
The black sock is still there only now its a different colour.

A movie by the Monty Python team.

Hold plasic cuttlery at the very tip utilise fingers more.

5th Nov 2001, 20:55
Esteemed Signor Draper:

I am a fan of old American movies, especially cowboy and war films. But I need help.

Why do US troops (and this also applies to Private Ryan and Band of Brothers) never do up the straps of their steel helmets? You see the poor sods wading ashore under fire, holding a carbine in one hand and their hat on with the other. Every time one jumps into a trench to report to his officer, his first action is to push the helmet up so that it no longer covers his eyes.

Why, esteemed sir, why?

5th Nov 2001, 21:03
Mr Draper. I need your help here. Last night i done a dreadfull thing, something i am ashamed of and i feel bad today. Your advice to prevent me from doing this again would be most welcome. The thing i done is this, I put a knife in the Fork compartment in the cutlery drawer... :eek: I didn't notice untill this morning so its been like that all night...!!! How can i prevent this from happening again..?
I need your help..... :confused:

tony draper
5th Nov 2001, 21:41
B*gger this,its hard work,glad that Tricky wasn't in the French foreign Legion with me.

Tricky "Sergeant, don't worry about that machine gun nest, Draper will run across and ask them to stop shooting at us".

Sergeant, "right oh Tricky, mon ami".

Hmm, forgot what the questions were now,ahh yes, re the knife and fork thing,electronic aversion therepy is available on the national health now, a couple of electrodes are clamped to err nether regions, you are stood in front of the cuttlery draw, and dared to mix up knives and forks, should you choose to place the knives in the fork compartment , the results are interesting to say the least.

The helmet thing is what we in show biz call artistic licence, same with fearless American fighter pilots they never have the oxygen thingies fastened up.
How is one to show off fifty thousand dollars worth of dental work or ones latest hair transplant with helmet clamped to head or oxygen mask to face, err I think thatshould be the other way round.

[ 05 November 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

5th Nov 2001, 21:53
Es tut mir leid, Herr Draper, aber du hast nicht answered ze qvestion. It isn't just in the movies, it happens on the newsreels too. Original newsfilm of Iwo Jima or whatever, shows plenty of dangling straps, and one-handed riflemen.

:confused: :confused:

tony draper
5th Nov 2001, 22:30
Well the probability is that the cameramen were just drafted Hollywood luvies.
"Right lads your gonna be on the noo's back home, undo those straps,try and look like proper Hollywood movie soldiers". ;)
Remember every RAF pilot during the war had a pipe forced into their mouths and their hair plastered with brillcream,if ever they appeared on camera, every photo of my old Dad shows him thus, thought he never smoked of used hair products.

[ 05 November 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

5th Nov 2001, 22:32
Esteemed obergruppenfuhrer Towers.
Why is it that of one is in a queue it is the slowest moving but if one moves to the queue that appeared to be moving faster it slows down and the queue one moved from speeds up.
Or does this only happen to me !!!!!.
I think Einstein was working on this when he died .

pax anglia
6th Nov 2001, 00:46
My liege....

Why is there only one Monopolies Commission,
but more importantly what is another word for Thesaurus?

tony draper
6th Nov 2001, 01:11
Can't really be of much help here, Draper always liked to have the little railway engine when he played that game but seldom won alas.
As for the other question,unfortunatly Dinosaurs are not Drapers field of expertise. ;)

6th Nov 2001, 02:21
Dear Mr. Draper

There has been a question that I have laid awake at night worrying about. Could you please answer it for me?

Thank you, con-pilot.


6th Nov 2001, 02:46
King Draper,

Why has OldCrossBound and his previous namesake, JesusLovesMe, abandoned us? It was such a funny distaste in our mouths, and we all craved it.

6th Nov 2001, 03:10
Excuse me, pardon me, not wanting to tread on toes but... that helmet thing.

I think I read somewhere that if you were under artillery fire or being bombed, the blast wave of the resultant explosion could force under the helmet and if the strap was fastened - rip your head off.

tony draper
6th Nov 2001, 03:35
Mr Con ,perhaps.

Mr Latvia, Draper is given to understand Mr OCB, incured the wrath of the Tower and was excommunicated.

Mirkin About
6th Nov 2001, 06:44
Sir , a question of ettiquette on which I would like your learned opinion. When one is answering the call of nature, in the upright manner of the male of the species, and one is joined in the endeavour by an associate, at the conclusion should I ?

A: Flush and risk splashing the as yet unfinished associate with mine , his and the water.

B: Not flush and risk being considered less than Hygienic

C: Stand around looking like I haven't finished and then wait and see if I can involve said associate in the dilema and risk being splashed when he flushes and I get mine,his and the water.

D: some other cunning solution which I am yet to grasp.

Presented for your consideration.


[ 06 November 2001: Message edited by: Mirkin About ]

Bally Heck
6th Nov 2001, 06:56
Herr Draper, Shir.

Where ish the pink war machine.

Q hash given me a cunning devishe with which I can destroy the bloody thing if only I could find it.

Yoursh shisherely.

Jamshe Bond

6th Nov 2001, 09:45
Sir Draper,
I really don't quite understand why all the fixed wing pilots dislike us rotary folk.

6th Nov 2001, 10:24
Dear Mr. Draper,

Greetings and salutations O wise one, may thy shadow never grow less and thy camels never have fleas.

My question is this ... last night after washing the dishes I noticed that the water vacated the sink by means of a clockwise spiral. Until now it has always employed the anti-clockwise direction of travel.

What is the meaning of this? Is the sky about to fall? Has there been a rip in the fabric of the universe? Is it an ominous sign of troubling times to come?

Your advice and, if possible, some reassurance would be appreciated.

Tricky Woo
6th Nov 2001, 13:29
Well well well... I knew that Herr Draper was talented at this sort of thing, but I had no idea that his abilities reached quite so far.


Sgt Draper: "Machine gun nest 'as bin destroyed, Sir, and it only cost us seventeen f**kin' men, beggin' yer bleedin' pardon, Sir".

Capt Tricky: "Righteo. Carry on... Oh, and Sergeant"?

Sgt Draper: "Bleedin' 'ell... Yes Sir"?

Capt Tricky: "Go easy on the grenades, there's a good chap... can't have the blighters thinking we're windy now, can we"?

Sgt Draper: "Bleedin' windy, Sir? F**kin' never, pardon me f**kin' French, Sir".

Capt Tricky: "Still, Sergeant, only seventeen men for a whole machine-gun nest seems a bit on the low side. Can't have Jerry laughing at us, can we Man"?

Sgt Draper: "Would 'ave bin a lot f**kin' less, Sir, 'cos Tyke chucked a lucky bleedin' grenade... so I shot a few more of our own to make it look a bit more heroic, like".

Capt Tricky: "Good chap, carry on, Sergeant".


6th Nov 2001, 14:18
Oh wise one, why is there no Junction 6 on the M27? Who took it?

tony draper
6th Nov 2001, 14:30
Please !please gentlemen/ladies, this is too much,Draper has his estates to administer, rents to collect, peasents to have flogged, one has crofters to evict and common land to enclose,turnip thieves to hang, and many other things that call on Draper time.
Draper's other duties call, could some kind person take over question answering duties for a few hours.

6th Nov 2001, 15:02
but mr draper i must know

why doesn't thames rhyme with james? :confused:

tony draper
6th Nov 2001, 15:14
Ah Well!, one last one then, Tamesis is the correct name of that river, Thames is probably just one of those cockney rhyming slang thingies.

Tricky Woo
6th Nov 2001, 17:32
Ok, I'll take over for a few hours. Can't say that I compare with the Mighty Draper, but I'll give it my best shot...


Those horrible egg-whisk things that you lot bumble about the sky in, are truly works of the Devil. If anyone disbelieves me, then ask yourself a question: Why is the P1 position on the right-hand side? It's because they're designed primarily for left-handed people, which as we all know is a very sinister characteristic indeed.

Evil, evil, evil. We fixed-wing pilots know what you lot are up to, and we're ready. God is on our side...

Methinks this is a trick question designed to catch us out. If so, I advise you to get up much earlier in the morning.

Clearly your ship has just sailed across the Equator. If this is surprising news to you, then I suggest you get your charts out, study them carefully, plot your last known position, then chuck 'em overboard, and use your GPS instead. Might need new batteries.

Mirkin About,
Urinal ettiquette is indeed an art that many men fail to learn. Clearly this is a mark of a true gentleman. If you don't know now, then there's a fail-safe way of avoiding colleague-splash... p!ss in a cubicle. Of course your colleagues with then think you can't p!ss in the company of other men, but this will be far less of a surprise than if you p!ssed on the shoes. I hope this helps.

Blame those greenies that run Itchen Valley Country Park. One minute they're bitching 'cos no one goes there due to crap access, and the next minutes they're obstructing a convenient motorway exit.


6th Nov 2001, 18:28
Commissar Draper.
I have nothing to ask.

6th Nov 2001, 19:24

I'm still confused on the sock thing, although herr Draper states it has changed color, I conducted the following experiment last night:

I loaded the following:

2 black socks
2 white socks
1 pair of blue jeans
1 pair of dingducky's Undi, oops, forget I said that :D

Anyway I loaded it and set the cycle.

When done I was physically missing one of the aforementioned black socks! :eek:

I did look at the machines nameplate, but it only said "Maytag", there was no mention of it's sock disentegrating capabilities, and i also checked my deturgent, which said "fresh scent Tide" but made no mention to sock acidity, so I believe that is out.

What is happening? :confused:

Tricky Woo
6th Nov 2001, 20:11
Why not.

I'm afraid that Question Master etiquette forbids me to answer your further question. Brother Draper has spoken, be thankful for that.

Bally Heck
Second page of Jet Blast and sinking rapidly. It happens.


Tricky Woo
6th Nov 2001, 20:52
Right, that's the end of my shift for now. I'm sure that Frère Draper will be delighted to return to duties now...


tony draper
6th Nov 2001, 21:00
Oh Bug*er, Draper was going to ask
Mr 18Wheeler if the constelation of Orion was upside down in his night sky.
Come to think the moon must be upside down from there also.?? ;)
It was always daytime when Draper was there.

7th Nov 2001, 01:15
So, are questions more important than answers?

If so, where does that leave the honorable Woo and comrade Draper?

7th Nov 2001, 01:24
Tone, are Sunderland AFC going to be relegated this season?

tony draper
7th Nov 2001, 01:50
Didn't realise Sunderland had a football team ;)

tony draper
7th Nov 2001, 01:53
WOW!!!look at this critter, wonder what that daffy Aussy Crocodile Hunter guy could do with this. :eek:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.scientificamerican.com/news/102601/1.html

[ 06 November 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

7th Nov 2001, 11:56
Dear Mr Draper,

Why are men such complete and utter b***ards sometimes??

Thanking you in advance,


7th Nov 2001, 14:05

We have to be love, it's EU law.... :D :D

tony draper
7th Nov 2001, 14:58
Well Miss Min, it has to do with big words and chromosomes.
Yer xx chromosome owner enjoys domesticity
and monogomy, whereas yer xy chromosome owner, prefers debaunchery and polygamy. ;)

Tricky Woo
7th Nov 2001, 15:02
Not the sort of crocodile you'd want dropped on your foot.

"That ain't a crocodile, mate... now this is a real bloody crocodile".

Might make an interesting exotic pet, though. Stop the kids from nicking one's apples. Unless they're Scouse kids, of course.


tony draper
7th Nov 2001, 15:08
Wonder why things grew so big back then?, hmm, mebbee skin was cheaper. ;)

7th Nov 2001, 16:25
Don't be fooled by the photo folks. The modern croc is about a hundred meters away, and the ancient croc probably measures only a few centimeters in length. :p

Until one reads the text... :confused: :p

7th Nov 2001, 17:31
Why do women pay ridiculous amounts of money to buy what a rich gay designer tells them they should be wearing? On the same theme, why did any woman EVER fall for shoulder pads?

What happens to videos between the time there are 87 copies of them under the New Release section and the time they disappear, never to be seen again, leaving only Carry On movies and To Sir With Love in the $2 section?


7th Nov 2001, 18:02
Da, Commissar Draper, Orion is in fact looking a bit different from where I am.
Instead of alert and ready with his bow & arrow, he's more reclining and sucking down a beer.
As one does ...

Tricky Woo
7th Nov 2001, 18:11
Herr Draper,

The theory I read in the 'Ladybird Book of Dinosaurs' is that the dino-gigantism was probably due to their supposed intolerance to anything but small fluctuations in their core temperatures.

Dunno if this counts for crocs, though.

Seem to remember that you made a similar comment regarding your Jack Russell. This means that skin was probably more expensive in those days.

Inflation, huh?


tony draper
7th Nov 2001, 18:50
Yeh, but we also had gigantic mammals right up to the end of the ice age, Sloths the size of Elephants, Elephans the size of, errr very big Elephants,Irish Elk, Cave Bears, and huge Carnivorous Kangaroo's in Australia, huge Chinamen called Giganthropus.
And the Bigmac was a foot across then.

Tricky Woo
7th Nov 2001, 19:53
Hmm, good point.

I wonder if there have been a number of arms races between herbivores and carnivores?

Salad-munching animals get bigger so that little carnivores can only snap pathetically at their heels. (Munch-munch, f**k off pip-squeak). Then the wee carnivores can do one of two things: either form yappy hunting packs and bring down the biggies and provide a bumper meal for all the family a la hyenas; or alternatively grow bigger and hunt solo.

Personally, if I was a hunter, I'd go for the second option.

After a while everything is so sodding big that the slightest change in the eco-system brings 'em all tumbling down to a more reasonable size... until the next arms race.

Wait a few million years and we'll be up to our necks in two tonne stoats chasing after three tonne rabbits. The South Downs'll collapse due to the burrowing.

You heard it here first.

Tricky Attenbourgh

8th Nov 2001, 04:58
I think I shall dedicate myself to medical research now, and try and sort that errant genetic fault on the chromosome out....I mean to say...debauchery and polygamy sounds like much more fun!


tony draper
8th Nov 2001, 05:05
Do you require any training in playing Doctors and Nurses,Miss Min??. ;)

Any way to get back on topic, Draper's new Cosmological theory hints that perhaps gravitational attraction was much less in the past, so what would have been a ten ton critter now, only weighed two ton's then.
You see the black hole at the earths core has inexplicable expanded in the last couple of million years and brought the event horizon closer to the surface.
Carefull Draper, much too strong a hint that.

[ 08 November 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

[ 08 November 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Tricky Woo
8th Nov 2001, 16:34
Too late, Herr Draper... the cat's out of the bag now. You thought that your subtle hints and misdirections would confound me, but it only take the slightest clue for the Professor Woo to put two and two together...

It's all so clear to me, now...

The mass of the Earth was indeed less in prehistoric times. Obviously so. Thus the Earth's gravity was less, and dinosaurs, mastodons and the like were free to grow as large as they bloody well liked, so there.

However, all those leaves kept adding more and more mass to the earth, giving tyrannosaurs arthritis and brontosaurs back ache. Stegosaurs actually died of indigestion, but that's a different story.

A sad end to once proud creatures.

However, a theory without a meaningful prediction is always less than satisfying, so here's one:

All of those hugely fat Americans from the Mid-West will be totally extinct by the end of the following century, as the Earth's gravity increases still further from fallen leaves. I can see all those empty white-painted churches; the odd rotted baseball cap; the freeways littered with the hulks of rusted pickup trucks; the landscape scattered with wet pages blown from unread bibles. A bleak future, although one we must confront bravely.

As we all know, Nature abhors a vacuum, so I guess that the Mid-West will be immediately repopulated by millions upon millions of skinny Scousers, thereby reboosting the baseball cap industry.


8th Nov 2001, 17:02
If nature abhors a vacuum, am I then justified in not doing the hoovering?

Tricky Woo
8th Nov 2001, 17:08
That sounds like a question directed at Herr Draper.

He never fails.


8th Nov 2001, 19:19
I wish it said that all of my Aviation related baseball caps (you mean there are other types?) are CLEAN, ones needing it are washed when necessary, but I worry lately if one of my prized caps may join a black sock in limbo .... :D

8th Nov 2001, 19:23
If the meaning of life is a Monty Python film, was the meaning of life different before it was made, and in what way?

9th Nov 2001, 02:35
Dear Mr Draper,
I have two questions.

1. There has been some debate of late in more than one journal regarding flight theory. Namely, what principle provides lift for an aircraft? Is it the pressure differential on the airfoil or is it the reaction to altered airflow?

In short, Mr Draper, who lifts your wings? Is it Bernoulli or Newton? I humbly ask for your opinion, or rather your ruling on this matter.

2. On a more serious note; if you live alone does the remote control to the VCR still go missing?

Thankyou for your time sir.

tony draper
9th Nov 2001, 03:21
To be frank Mr R,never really understood myself why the air going over the top of a aerofoil feels it necessary to catch up with the air travelling the shorter distance under the wing, why, are they connected in some way,? this smacks of action at a distance.
Draper doesn't hold with these heavier than air machines anyway, taint natural, One is still reserving judgement on these horseless carriage thingies, that have recently appeared in this bailyick. ;)
Draper is given to understand that some of the posters on these forums lacking proper jobs scratch a living messing about with those blasted flying machines, perhaps they would be of more help in your quest Mr R. ;)

As for your second question ,hmm well thats more in the realm of the Philosopher, its a pity OCB was banished, he could have informed you of the various thoughts on the subject contained in the holy books.

[ 08 November 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Mr Creosote
9th Nov 2001, 06:34
Whatever happened to the humble Telephone Sanitiser. Back in the 80's, a man used to come round once a week at work to clean my phone - now it hasn't had a decent clean for years. Are we all going to get sick from some nasty bug caught from a dirty telephone?

bugg smasher
9th Nov 2001, 08:59
Professor Tricky,

I have been forced to vacate my thread next door in the face of scandalously preposterous scientific theories proposed by your good self, in this very establishment no less, to which I will not willingly lie down for unless persuaded to do so by a professional masseuse with large and supply rounded glandular assets. There also happens to be a large pink steel contraption of dubious purpose and origin double-parked out front.

The Midwesterners, Sir, have displayed perspicacity unequalled by few creatures on this Earth. By wisely absorbing the resources of the good Midwestern prairies in equally divided measure, one-half animal, one-half vegetable, and one-half man-made, they have greatly reduced its mass and achieved, in a unilateral stroke of nutritional brilliance, a delicate and proportional balance of the Newtonian gravitational constant that serves to keep them securely pasted to their Jeep Cherokees, after the fashion, no less, of a recently fallen apple. And this, astoundingly, in the face of the ever increasing gravitational threat posed by the dastardly leaf production of pre-consumed but necessarily non-existent trees from which aforesaid apple is alleged to have fallen. Mr. Spielberg, I beg you, if there is not sublime inspiration for a movie here, there is surely a just and lucrative lawsuit.

The fact that every McDonald’s, Burger King and Taco Bell has drive-thru windows is elegant testimony to their subcutaneous genius. And this achievement, by the way, my hasty friend, remains an unchallenged accomplishment by any other region on this planet, skinny bag-o’-bones [email protected] all of em’.

They will surely hear of your blasphemous theory, you can consider yourself fortunate indeed that aforesaid gravitational considerations dissuade them from straying too thunderously afield. Otherwise you might be subjected to the unfortunate weight of their windy and righteous wrath.


tony draper
10th Nov 2001, 02:18
We have had snow here for the last few days, this caused Draper to think, what a lot of time and money is wasted spreading salt on the roads making them safe to drive upon, and shovelling the filthy stuff from footpaths, so one can walk upon them without danger.
Draper has come up with a solution to this vexing problem and will comence experimental work on same tomorrow.
Draper proposes to mix super glue with molecular hydrogen, this will be sprayed onto clouds from balloons, this lighter that air material will commence to stick to snow flakes before they can begin their decent, thus the snow will fall upwards ridding the world of this problem forever.

10th Nov 2001, 03:07
Mr Draper.

Please be extremely careful of ill thought-out experiments with snow. I can see straight away that this sort of thing will cause all sorts of problems.

Firstly, there will be a snow-shovel industry collapse thus adversely affecting my part of the world. Due to the local demise of the coal industry, all unsold coal shovels had to be converted to snow configuration at great expense to the manufacturers. This autumn, they have been stockpiling their products in anticipation of a severe cold snap forecasted by that amateur weather man in Cornwall who has been right more times than Michael Fish (once). Huge shovel parks are already ruining the landscape down here. If you are successful in making snow go upwards, it will be very, very bad. No coal, no snow, only one thing left to shovel. This could lead to riots at the sewage works and massive pollution of the the countryside, especially on the sides of hills.

People need snow. Think of all the overtime lost by those council gritting workers. Think how Autoglass might go bust if no windscreens get broken by grit this winter. Think also of the toboggan industry, it will go rapidly(!)downhill. The Christmas card sellers would be hard pushed to shift those thousands of cards depicting snow scenes because no-one will remember what snow is. Mitten knitters will be unable to feed their children this winter.

I suggest that you delay your experiments to the summer when it will do no harm. :rolleyes:

10th Nov 2001, 03:12
Herr Draper,

While whether or not to pursue your experiment in summer or winter is indeed up to you, although ST does make a point.

I wished to ask why you had not learned the lesson from the Hindenburg ...

Please use molecular helium instead, just in case, just as light I imagine too. :)

tony draper
10th Nov 2001, 03:48
Damm!, every time Draper comes up with a new scheme to earn a honest crust, it is shot down or stolen.
Gifted minds are seldom appreciated in this society, ah well Draper,back to the drawing board.
Hmmm, roads and footpaths made from compressed salt perhaps?.
The earths axial tilt straightened up perhaps, thus doing away with winter?.
One could move to the colonies, Australia perhaps,the sun is said to shine constantly in those latitudes nah, how would one cope without electricity. :(

Bio Warrior
10th Nov 2001, 09:17
Oh Oh Oh *hand is raised from the back of the class* Mr Draper sir can you answer a question for me pretty please?

"Why do pilots have big watches?"

I mean a good percentage of them jump around between time zones, do they have watches which somehow swap time zones, highly sophisticated satalite James Bond type things and if not what good are they?

Please answer my question oh learned sir because kitten is confused

-Bio (kitten on a learning curve)

10th Nov 2001, 12:12
Bio, any FA worth her salt could tell you the answer to that one Dear. :D

But I wouldn't want to try and step into the Great Draper's shoes here, so I won't....errrrm....answer. :D :eek: :)

10th Nov 2001, 17:10
Herr D,

Another reason I have just thought of and I must be right because I did O level chemistry.

All that hydrogen (H) would combine with the spare O's in ozone (O3). This would make an even bigger hole in the ozone layer and lots of water (H2O), which would fall through the hole. The result would be more snow.

HaHa, mad scientist, you will not succeed! :p

tony draper
10th Nov 2001, 17:37
Draper has many times heard cabin crew refer to pilots, by a name that suggests they are fond of self abuse, perchance they suffer from poor eyesight due to this and require a large dials on their watches in order to see the numbers thereon.?. ;)

10th Nov 2001, 18:41
The wretched Draper is attempting to change the subject having been hoist on (by?) his own petard re snow. As a kind-hearted soul I am prepared to let him escape from this net, since in my neck of the woods sightings of snow are somewhat less frequent than sightings of Nessie or Tasmanian Tigers, and I am therefore singularly ill-equipped to discuss such matters, except to recommend to Draper that certain heretofore undisclosed parts of Oz do in fact have crude generators for the running of essentials such as computers and stereo systems.

Before I ask the esteemed Draper my next question, I note that not even the most determined female even bothered trying to justify shoulder pads, such is their shame at being so convincingly duped.

But to the subject at hand, which the Honourable Member for Mackay has decided is the Russian submarine Kursk;

Newspaper graphics at the time carefully explained to us the gravity of the situation, helpfully providing us with little diagrams about where the survivors were in said sub as the batteries gradually died. (Or whatever)

What always intrigued me was that the Kursk was (say) 120 metres long and was lying in (say) 100 metres of water. Did it not occur to anybody else to lasso one end of the hooer and lift it into a vertical position, whence the sum total of man's ingenuity could surely have come up with a method involving enormous balloons of getting the bugga out of there?

Granted the inhabitants of said vessel would find themselves unceremoniously deposited on top of each other at the front (or back) end, and matters of avoirdupois would pose matters of some technical difficulty, but.....

we put a man on the moon ferchrissakes!!


11th Nov 2001, 04:04
Mr D,

I can't find my Pprune badge anywhere.

I last it saw by the stereogramophone downstairs and Mrs Eric swears (a habit I'm trying to get her out of) that she's not "tidied it away".

Please tell me where it is. :confused:

[ 10 November 2001: Message edited by: Eric ]

11th Nov 2001, 04:10
Sire D,
Does Greys still have a Grab a Granny night...and still you still go ?

11th Nov 2001, 12:32
Mr. Draper Sir,
My new lady and I were getting on real well. At least until last night in bed, when she asked me if I had any secret fantasies. I didn't really want to open up, but she insisted.So, reluctantly at first, I told her about my dream of a country airstrip,boundary fenced with 14 rows of electrified razor wire, constantly patrolled by a pack of mean, hungry German Shepherd dogs, a couple of turbo diesel Landcruisers with ultimate suspension, full bar work, long range tanks and gunracks, and a 150 hp Piper Supercub with no VH numbers and 20000 liters of avgas in drums in a concrete bunker.
She'd got her clothes on and was out of here before I had the chance to mention the perimeter security and the pipe cannons that shoot golf balls and Emu Bitter cans filled with concrete.
Should I call her and promise to feed the dogs more often? :rolleyes:

Tarek Nor
11th Nov 2001, 21:36
Mr Draper

Whats the best way to deal with a large
number of unwellcome anti western terrorist
sympathisers who seem to be loitering with
intent ?

tony draper
11th Nov 2001, 22:31
Connect them up to the national grid, **** on their feet, then throw the switch. ;)

12th Nov 2001, 15:42
Mr Creosote

They were all shipped away in the 'B' ark..... :D