View Full Version : Worst pun of all time?

13th Feb 2004, 19:11
And not from Davaar, Unwell_Raptor or Aerbabe either.....

In 1843 Sir Charles Napier sent a single word message to be communicated by telegraph back to London. It simply read, "Peccavi" latin for , "I have sinned".

He was, at the time, engaged in the military conquest of the province of Sind in Pakistan..... *groan*

Anyone know of a worse one, barring discussions on water slides and razor blades of course?

13th Feb 2004, 19:14
Veni, vidi, velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around.....

13th Feb 2004, 19:25
Veni, vidi, vini . . .

I came, I saw, I got pissed . . .

13th Feb 2004, 19:48
It's an old favorite of mine & I've put it on here before, so soz, but, seen in the window of a camping shop in 1980:

"Now is the discount of our winter tents".

Groan.:{ :{

13th Feb 2004, 20:00
"Time wounds all heels." - Groucho Marx

and with some help from the Internet:

Over an antique shop: "Remains to be seen."
At a brothel: "It's a business doing pleasure with you!"
In a butcher shop window: "Never a bum steer."
On a junkyard fence: "Edifice wrecks."
On a plumber's truck: "A flush beats a full house."
Over the psychiatrist's couch: "I shrink, therefore I am."

13th Feb 2004, 20:28
Better to copulate than never.... :}

13th Feb 2004, 21:13
And not from Davaar, Unwell_Raptor or Aerbabe either..... :confused:

Time flies like an arrow;
Fruit flies like a banana. :=

None of the above
14th Feb 2004, 03:26
A headline from an Essex based newspaper bemoaning underfunding in the County Library Service and a shortage of stock in one particular branch:

"Book lack in Ongar".

14th Feb 2004, 03:51
A man went into as baker's shop.

"Good Morning Sir" quoth the baker "what can I do for you today?"

"A dozen buns my good man, if you will" came the reply.

"Sir, I am sorry, but I cannot fulfil your order as we do not sell buns." was the riposte.

"How so?" retorted the gent. "is this not a baker's?"

"Indeed sir, but we do not sell buns on principle."

"Principle?" was the incredulous retort

"Yes, sir, principle.

Because, you see,.......

A bun is he lowest form of wheat".

14th Feb 2004, 04:09
....And I have the sinking feeling that Davaar's effort will be even worse..... :ugh: :uhoh: :ooh:

14th Feb 2004, 04:16
Davaar's very quiet... Is he a pilot? Maybe he's sick with flew. :ugh:

14th Feb 2004, 07:44
veni vidi V.D. - I came I saw I got a strange infection. . . .

Ian Corrigible
14th Feb 2004, 07:50
I think this was one of Gary Larson's:

668: the neighbor of the beast


Anthony Carn
14th Feb 2004, 14:39
An echo.

(with thanks to henry crun) :O

henry crun
14th Feb 2004, 14:59
That's strange, there's an echo in here.

14th Feb 2004, 16:58
On a wall,long ago in the Latin Quarter,with a paint spray can and two meters high letters :
And "I'm a Marxist,Groucho style"

sandy helmet
14th Feb 2004, 19:10
Sign leading to Ken Kesey's ranch, (the author of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest")...
"No left turn unstoned"

14th Feb 2004, 19:24
Family ranch in Texas named "Focus", by the head of the household.

Because its where the sons raise meat.

14th Feb 2004, 22:22
To Chaffers:

And not from Davaar, Unwell_Raptor or Aerbabe either.....

Never make love in a cornfield; Your friends will only chaff.

15th Feb 2004, 03:48
It's a well known fact Alaska has the best Eggs Benedict.

There's no place like Nome for the Hollandaise.

15th Feb 2004, 04:36
Groan - its like reading Sun headlines:\

15th Feb 2004, 04:48
The late Frank Muir told of a white-water canoe expedition that went wrong.

On making camp the canoers were freezing, so they lit a huge campfire. It was not enough to dry them out as there was a strong icy wind blowing. In an attempt to shelter they pulled the canoes into a circle. Unfortunately one of them was too near the fire, and ignited with a whoosh.

The moral of the story is:-

You can't have your kayak and heat it.

West Coast
15th Feb 2004, 05:26
From old Westerns
"Lets head 'em off at the pass"

15th Feb 2004, 05:45
There was a shark swimming along when he came across a squid. The squid looked pale and ill and so the shark took pity on him and carried him along on his back. After a while, the shark ran into his mate charlie. Hi there Charlie he said. Charlie said Hello. Then the shark threw the ill squid at his mate and said . .

Charlie, here's the sick squid I owe you

15th Feb 2004, 06:08
some police here have been investigated for a possible rape of a woman, one of the people doing the investigation came out and said 'we want to put these allegations to bed as soon as possible'

15th Feb 2004, 12:22
The Neanderthal encouraged the cute Cro-Magnan:

"Darling, you know I can't make you pregnant. At worst, it's only a little bestiality..."

tony draper
15th Feb 2004, 15:54
Anybody remember the scandle involving the leader of the Liberal Party, Jeremy Thorpe and a young chap called Scott, a few decades back??
I seem to recal the headline

"Scott of the Arseantic"


15th Feb 2004, 16:06
Mr Draper - I remember the Scott/Thorpe trial well, but that as a headline? I am not disputing that it was used - it just that it sounds like something the Sport would use and it predates that high brow paper by 20 years.

tony draper
15th Feb 2004, 17:11
You may well be right Mr phnuff, but I remember it being used, I thought it was a witty play on words at the time, a cut above the norm for puns and such.


15th Feb 2004, 18:16
Mr Draper - I seem to remember:

"I'll be b*ggered if I'll join the Liberals"

Anthony Carn
15th Feb 2004, 18:31
Jeremy vowed to reform.

Then, whilst entering a lift one day with a colleague, he was noticed to be eyeing up the lift boy.

"I thought you'd vowed to turn over a new leaf, Jeremy !" says the colleague.

"I will", says Jeremy, "After I get to the bottom of this page !"


surely not
15th Feb 2004, 19:48
One from the recent scandal about Prince C

Q. Why doesn't Prince C use bookmarks?

A. He prefers to turn his pages over.

15th Feb 2004, 21:11
I opened the door and influenza.

16th Feb 2004, 06:57
Ach! One must so often recognise, even confess, one's mediocrity.

I am just reading "At War", the latest collection from Flann O'Brien (Dalkey Archive Press, ISBN 1-56478-328-6):

p. 105 "... they conclude that every man who keeps whisky (or even whiskey) in his house must necessarily drink it. Nothing could be further from the drouth".