PDA

View Full Version : I found a female language dictionary!!


HugMonster
15th Jun 2001, 18:34
Keywords and their meanings:

FINE:
This is the word they use at the end of any argument that they feel they are right about but need to shut us up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES:
This is half an hour. They SAY that it is equivalent to the five minutes that our football game is going to last before we take out the trash, so it's an even trade, they reckon.

NOTHING:
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with a huffy "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows):
This is a dare, one that will result in her getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows):
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

(LOUD SIGH):
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men.
A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

(SOFT SIGH):
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

OH!:
This exclamation, followed by any statement, is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night."
If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

THAT'S OK:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's OK" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done."That's OK" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO:
This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's OK."

THANKS:
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say, "You're welcome."

THANKS A LOT:
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A LOT," when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only say "Nothing."

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...

------------------
Breeding Per Dementia Unto Something Jolly Big, Toodle-pip

OzExpat
15th Jun 2001, 21:45
Thanks a LOT Huggie, that's just FINE! :)

------------------
Dispela olgeta samting i pekpek bilong bulmakau!

Nil nos tremefacit
16th Jun 2001, 23:43
I DID IT EXACTLY HOW YOU TOLD ME
This actually means 'I cannot think why I have f*cked up the job, so I am now going to blame you.'

YOU DISTINCTLY SAID...
You have just started to argue with the previous comment so now she is confirming that it is all your fault.

FINE
(As before, but preceding 'DO IT YOURSELF'.)
You are still arguing the unarguable, it is clearly your fault!

In order to avoid the previous deep sigh, just accept you are to blame and all will be well.

;)

Feeton Terrafirma
17th Jun 2001, 14:10
Huggie, I owe you much. For the past 24 years I thought I was going something wrong in my marriage, but when I asked I got "NOTHING" and when I asked further I got "it's FINE". After several experiences with "FIVE MINUTES" I bought her a new watch, and later offered to teach her how to use it. This resulted in GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) and a "LOUD SIGH".

Purely through empirical trial and error I discovered that "SOFT SIGH" can last as long as "FIVE MINUTES" by doing as you suggest, however any hopes of it lasting longer are wasted, as there will be something that you should have done which you of course haven't done because you are to scared to move or breathe.

The other day I offered to arrange for her car to be serviced. After a "PLEASE DO" I made the arrangements with the mechanic and advised my wife. This got "THANKS A LOT" and apparently I KNEW (means shouild have known)she was getting her hair done that day, and "DELIBERATELY" (means I meant to stuff up) booked the car service at the same time.

I can give many other examples but I don't have a week to compose the post. :)

------------------
I'm not a PPRuNe addict. (just need one more post)