View Full Version : Welcome to London Luton

11th Feb 2004, 00:19
A play in four acts.

Scene: Ten-minute drop-off car park at Luton Airport. It is Sunday evening.
Dramatis personae: Bumpff (a punter) and Jobsworth (a uniformed attendant).

Act 1 (time 1842). Bumpff is alone in his car, the only vehicle in the waiting area. Jobsworth approaches car, peers through open window:

Jobsworth (aggressively): “Are you watching the time on your ticket?”
Bumpff (smiling politely): “ Er, well…”
Jobsworth (triumphantly): “You’ll have to move – your time’s up!”
Bumpff: “Of course… Thank you.”
Bumpff leaves, does a circuit of roundabout and returns.

Act 2 (now 1845). There are now three other cars waiting, all ignored by Jobsworth, who takes up station by Bumpff’s car and repeatedly checks watch. There is no dialogue. Bumpff leaves again and returns.

Act 3 (now 1857). Repeat of Act 2.

Act 4 (now 1904): Mrs. Bumpff arrives at last ex late CDG flight. Exeunt all.

I could understand such action by a Jobsworth at LHR T3 or some other busy airport but this was an almost deserted Luton.

11th Feb 2004, 00:21
Anyone else have visions of 'Blakey' from 'On The Buses' when reading that?

11th Feb 2004, 00:30
:O Aaaaaahhhhhh'll get you Timmcat

What can I say, a jobsworth is a jobsworth no matter where in the world he is.

fly babe
11th Feb 2004, 02:37
I wondered why pax laugh at me when i announce "Welcome to Londons Premier International Airport, Luton"!

11th Feb 2004, 04:02
Maybe because it's so far from London!!!! ;)

11th Feb 2004, 06:55
Has the twerp in Luton got a brother?
I went to Safeway in Gibraltar last week. Parked up in the 70% empty car park. Just about to walk off, when this aged moustached figure in a cloth cap, wearing a Safeway anorak, sprang from his hiding place,behind another car, to tell me that if I didn't move my car in three hours he would clamp it. Two hours in Gib is enough!:mad:

11th Feb 2004, 07:31
Maybe because it's so far from London!!!!

Yes but it has got a polytechnic, I mean university, probably specialising in 'media studies'

11th Feb 2004, 11:27
Credit where credit is due. This guy not only had a Masters in watch-reading he also had an honours in text messaging - that's why I obliged and moved on, just in case he was scrambling the clampers.

11th Feb 2004, 14:06
scrambling the clampers.

That sounds like a Kenneth Williams quote for some reason.

Went to Luton AP once, like Ulyanovsk on a wet Wednesday, amazingly shoddy dump, but at least Uly has an excuse.

Bern Oulli
11th Feb 2004, 16:09
There is nothing wrong with Luton that a deep impact event could not improve. (I used to live near it.)

11th Feb 2004, 16:53
:eek: Thats spooky IB4138 , I've had a run in with the same fella' (unless they employ several jobsworths with 'tache's). He warned me not to drop litter, when I hadn't dropped any, was just walking through the carpark eating a roll, he piped up from across the car park that he hoped I wasn't about to drop litter on the floor. Feckin' knobjockey.

11th Feb 2004, 18:09
He said "knobjockey"! (Huhhh-huuhhh)

Remember that story floating around about the lady who saw a arab guy getting off a bus and dropping his wallet. She ran over, picked it up and chased after him and gave it back. The guy thanked her and said "What ever you do, don't go to Luton Airport".

"Why is that? Will there be some terrible terrorist action? she asked"

"No, it's a sh*t-hole"

12th Feb 2004, 05:56
Mr Jobsworth was doing the motoring public a favour. Stay more than 10 minutes and it will cost you around £30 to leave the drop off zone via the barrier. Say more than 20 minutes the exit barrier fee is £50. Note that this is a drop off zone and not a waiting area as per the double yellow lines.:ok: