View Full Version : Teenagers 'using crisp packets as condoms'

Biggles Flies Undone
10th Feb 2004, 00:20
From Ananova:

Teenagers are being forced to use crisp packets and cling film as a form of contraception because they cannot afford condoms, a sexual health expert says.

Full article (http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_864316.html?menu=news.latestheadlines.uknews)

Just imagine the effect of Salt & Vinegar residue on a chap's sensitive parts :sad: :{

10th Feb 2004, 00:25
You can always re-use them by kicking the f**k out of them!!!!

(Sorry, sorry, sorry!)

10th Feb 2004, 00:27
Hey they could always try a packet of McCoy's ridged :E - but probably best to avoid the Balti Curry flavour ones :uhoh: .

Somehow I get the feeling there has to be a prawn cocktail flavour gag in there somewhere . . .

10th Feb 2004, 00:37
I've always found a Walls Magnum to be a perfect fit

10th Feb 2004, 00:39
I bet all this happens in Stoke.

At a risk of offending some PPRuNers I'll just say that my cousin was sat in a pub in Stoke last week with his mate. Mate nudges cousin and says: "...you won't believe this..... look out the window". My cousin turns, looks out the window and there stood on the pavement, happy as larry, a boy of about 10 years of age, pulling his plum with nary so much as a second thought for all the passers by watching. :eek:

No word a lie.


10th Feb 2004, 00:39
Last time I had a lady, ahem, get intimate. She commented on this fact and that it tasted like I'd been using Cheesy Wotsits bags on my member. I felt a tad embarrassed admitting that was my natural odour. :} :yuk:

Anthony Carn
10th Feb 2004, 00:41
No doubt the crisp manufacturers have already spotted the marketing opportunity..............

"Salt and Vinegar Stroke" variety. :}

10th Feb 2004, 00:51
Salt and vinegar - ouch !!!

Hey were there not a Hedgehog variety some time ago . . . . . . eee

10th Feb 2004, 01:06
Suspect you're not alone, TC - I'm no expert (smiles winsomely) but I recall there was a bunch of kids at my school formed a band and thought it was a great laugh to call themselves the Cheesey Helmets .... come to think of it, it was quite near Stoke .... is there a theme running through here?

Onan the Clumsy
10th Feb 2004, 01:08
Reminds me of the old joke about the guy who goes to see the doctor about his old chap. The doctor asks him to drop his pants which reveals a bright orange penis and then the doctor exclaims "My God! what do you get up to in the evening?"

"Oh not much" replies the patient "I just normally watch TV on the couch and eat a bag of Cheetoes.".

10th Feb 2004, 01:09
I use a Pringle's tube :E

Smokey bacon would be OK, they've already got the flavour of Pork inside them.

Roast Beef Curtains flavour?? Would you buy them?

Lon More
10th Feb 2004, 01:18
Winkles - for the smaller gentleman

10th Feb 2004, 01:22
:O I was joking Stockpicker....just incase anyone really did think I was telling the truth!!

Think of the sound-track to all this crumpled adolescent lurve-making. I remember when I was a lad, silence was everything to avoid being caught. A crunchie, noisey crisp bag isn't going to help in that department.

Parents the world over will be doing a double-take when they call upstairs..."Darren!! What are you going upstairs with Tracey for?"
"It's ok mum, we're just taking a couple of bags of crisps...."

Mac the Knife
10th Feb 2004, 01:55
Is there anyone with even a minimum of sexual experience who believes this? I'll buy the clingfilm (just), but crisp packets? Have a little think about the mechanics....

I suspect the kids were pulling the esteemed Mr Greenhouse's...urr...leg.

10th Feb 2004, 02:02
I just want to know how they kept them on!?!

Anthony Carn
10th Feb 2004, 02:14
I assume the [email protected] use "Salt & Shake" ? :confused:

10th Feb 2004, 02:54
Wouldn't a Pringle tube be more appropriate for this type of protection :ok:


Onan the Clumsy
10th Feb 2004, 03:04
I'd rather use the bag from a loaf of bread. Much less noise and not salt.

10th Feb 2004, 03:29
...would that be a French stick, then...?
It seems gary Lineker has a lot to answer for...

10th Feb 2004, 03:36
Gary Lineker = french tickler?


Mac the Knife
10th Feb 2004, 03:54
Enough of this theorising!

I have purchased 3 packs of Cheetos and eaten them (...burp..) After much persuasion an incredulous Mrs. Mac has washed them thoroughly (they look a bit small) and they are now in the tumble dryer.

We will let you know tomorrow...

Onan the Clumsy
10th Feb 2004, 04:06
I can almost hear the pitter patter of tiny feet.

Why three? Feeling lucky? ;)

Lon More
10th Feb 2004, 04:23
Alberville Never heard of Durex tape? Ask an Australian

simon brown
10th Feb 2004, 04:32
Its my understanding that the Welsh have an inbred afinity for sheep, as they used to use sheeps' intestines as condoms.........its just they couldnt fathom how to get them out of the packet


10th Feb 2004, 04:38
Lon More

Probably the most embarrassed I got during my time in Oz was when I was sitting in the office and the gorgeous secretary asked me for the 'Durex'

What hapened next??

:O :O :O

10th Feb 2004, 05:19
You just use a rubber band wound round a couple of times.
This also has the advantage of restricting the blood flow out of the member, keeping it erect.
That's useful because you can't feel a thing with a crisp packet stuck on the end of your manhood.

Thinks, wouldn't it be cheaper buying a condom than all these other bits and bobs?

10th Feb 2004, 05:40
I'd prefer to use a couple of layers of bubble wrap. Safe, silent.....

and it would seem bigger.

Onan the Clumsy
10th Feb 2004, 07:54
Better still, strap your wristwatch around your scrotum for an hour or so. The radiation from the phospherescence will kill off all the sperm :ok:

10th Feb 2004, 08:09
If they are substituting crisp packets for condoms, what are they substituting for femidoms? Giant size crisp packets?
Or do femidoms not exist anymore? Its not like they were the best idea in the first place......:rolleyes:

Evening Star
10th Feb 2004, 16:10
Strange fit and noise? Am sure it is no different from f**king a femidom:sad:.

Anthony Carn
10th Feb 2004, 18:53
Supermarket chain "Safeway" should expect this to boost sales of own-brand crisps.

They should sell them in packets of three.

How's about a special brand for rapists "Salt and Battery" (Bad taste, I guess. Or even a bad taste).

Picture the scene......Midnight. Darren's Ford XR2i. Romford refuse tip. "Tracy" sticker on the passenger side. Furry dice swinging to the rhythm......

*scrunch*........*scrunch*........*scrunch*........*scrunch* ........*scrunch*........ *scrunch*........

"Ooh! Darren! Faster!"

*scrunch*....*scrunch*....*scrunch*....*scrunch*....*scrunch *.... *scrunch*....

"Faster Darren!"


"Oh! Tracy! Yess! Yess! Ye-e-e-e-e-e-sssssssssssssssssssss......"

POP !!!!!!!

:uhoh: :mad: :{

Biggles Flies Undone
10th Feb 2004, 18:59
When I posted this news, I had a feeling that one PPRuNer in particular would have a field day with it..... Well done, AC - more classic posts :ok:

I suppose, on reflection, that this new form of contraception adds a new perspective to the old phrase "I heard you coming".... :E

10th Feb 2004, 20:54
OK, OK, I've got to ask...
'Whats Durex Tape?'

When working as a draftsman in the US, I embarrassed myself by asking someone for a rubber, and when asked where one of my colleagues was, replied 'Oh, he's next door having a fag'.

10th Feb 2004, 21:09
At the time of writing, the thread directly under this one is titled 'I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it'.

I wish..:ugh:

Mac the Knife
11th Feb 2004, 01:37
Official report on "I have purchased 3 packs of Cheetos...."

Packet 1 - split on application

Packet 2 - more successsful - p#n^[email protected] successful - bloody uncomfortable for both parties - fell off after a dozen strokes.

Packet 3 - never got round to it - stayed happily bareback.

[No tiny feet Onan, took the missus to the vet years ago]

Conclusion: Kevin and Trace were taking the pi$$ out of Mr. Greenhouse.

Note: This paper has been submittted to the British Journal of Reproductive Medicine.

11th Feb 2004, 01:41
Now I understand the term "crisp poke":E


Onan the Clumsy
11th Feb 2004, 01:45
took the missus to the vet years ago Wouldn't it have been cheaper to do it yourself? ;)

Mac the Knife
11th Feb 2004, 02:13
Onan, if it ever fails I can sue the vet.

Don't fancy sueing myself :=

fly babe
11th Feb 2004, 02:21
Why limit contraception devices to crisp packets? Hows about choccy bars...

Twix fits!

A Mars a day helps you work rest AND play...

and you get two fingers with a Kit Kat...:ok:

Lon More
11th Feb 2004, 02:59
Kolibear Durex tape is a brand name, like Sellotape is here it is used generically - in this case genetically? - down under.

Almost used a femidom once; ex was on a feminist streak, horrible thing, (femidom not ex) about as much fun as shagging a shopping bag, binned it in the end and used a proper condom, red, strawberry flavour and with little hands on the end

11th Feb 2004, 04:14
Thanks Lon.............I couldn't have gone the rest of the week without knowing that!

Buster Hyman
11th Feb 2004, 09:28
Well, I suppose if there were any accidents, you could call them a Chip off the old block! :} :ouch:

Takan Inchovit
11th Feb 2004, 16:20
Tried the bubble wrap idea but the constant popping drove my nuts!

The empty crisp/chip packets work just fine, but you have to wait until after the girlfriend goes home. :E

11th Feb 2004, 22:27
Tried the bubble wrap idea but the constant popping drove my nuts! Errm, err, well there's nothing else to say is there:eek: