View Full Version : Help, pilot broken

tony draper
14th Jun 2001, 18:37
Hello , I wonder if you nice people can help me,my name is tony, since they closed the big place down, and let me outside,I have lived in the cellar of mommies old house.
I do ok here,the furry things come and I eat them, I've got new pajamas but they don't even have the belts and buckles on them like my old ones did.
I like living here and if I don't forget to take my pill the fat man hardly ever comes and whispers in my ear now
Last week the nasty man from up the street Mr Angry the Pilot came and started shouting at me, I got very frightened, and I did the the bad thing to him, I know I'm not supposed to do the bad thing to folks, the furry things its ok, but not folks, but I was very scared
Mr Angry stopped shouting at me he sat on the floor an just sort or gurgled.
I waited a long time but he just sat there, so I had a look at him close up, I think his head was a bit broken so I went and got my little tool box to fix it, I'm good at fixing stuff.
Well you'l never guess what I found,he had one of them white things like on the pirate flag stuck inside his head, no wonder the poor man was always shouting,
So I took it out and sure enough he stopped gurgling and went to sleep. his head looked a bit floppy now but was ok once I put the eyes back in the holes right way round.
He was still asleep the next day, and I started to worry, what if Mrs Angry comes looking for him? wanting him to fly a aeroplane thingy for her.
He was really sound asleep and just wouldn't wake up even when I hit him with daddies big hammer.
I waited till night and went to ask mommy what to do, but the man with the hat was there and he chased me so hard I dropped my shovel.I wish mommy didn't live with the dead folks in that place with all the stones.
Sometimes you can get things to work by putting them back the way they were.
so I tried to put the white pirate thing back but his head had stopped being floppy it was all stiff, it didn't matter how hard I bashed it with the hammer it just wouldn't go back in. I broke both the eyes as well.
Don't know what to do now , Mr angry has started to smell funny just like the room with the tiles at the big place and the furry thing keep squeeking at him and wanting him to play with them.
Mommy told me if I kept doing the bad thing to folks that they would put me on Mr Nasties aeroplane and he would fly me to Merica, where there was lots of folks like me.
He better wake up soon or they'l give his aeroplane to someone else and he will be really mad.
I forgot to take my pill last night, so the fat man came and whispered in my ear, this time he was nice , he said don't worry tony Mr Nasty doesn't need anything inside his head to fly a aeroplane.

[This message has been edited by tony draper (edited 16 June 2001).]

Feeton Terrafirma
14th Jun 2001, 18:46

Sometimes I worry that I might be hangin with the wrong crowd. Other times I'm sure


I'm not a PPRuNe addict. (just need one more post)

14th Jun 2001, 18:58
That confirms it!!!!!!

14th Jun 2001, 19:36
Don't worry Tony, if you ask nicely, I'll get Gerund to come along and help you. He's really very good at solving problems like yours.

Tricky I think you could put your delightfully twisty little mind to help out this poor unfortunate soul.

Okay, so what to do with a broken pilot, does he really need the pirate white thing, though I think the broken eyes might (only might) not pass the vision requirements. Have you tried to glue them back in, may be a bit glassy, but put that down to him being on earlies. Find a pair of very dark sunglasses, he probably had a pair with him, check his pockets. His smell - hmmmm, strong aftershave.

Tony, now this is very important, does Mr Nasty have a jacket on and does it have 2, 3 or 4 gold striped bars at the bottom of the sleeve. Oh, and does he have a hat - we could cover up most of the damage if you put his hat back on his head, carefully tucking in any stringy bits.

One last thing, try to keep the furry thing from playing with his fingers, he might damage the ends if he accidentally nibbled them. And don't tell the fat man that those nice people in Prune have decided to help you, he might take away your pooter.

Let me know what happens, and if Mrs Angry turns up, just say you saw Mr Angry go off with a young lady to the airport and that he was being very kind to her and cuddling her because she seemed rather sad - that will keep her occupied for a time.

[This message has been edited by Velvet (edited 14 June 2001).]

tony draper
14th Jun 2001, 22:05
Hello velvet,you sound nice, would you like to come to tony's cellar and be his friend?. Theres lots of room and plenty of the furry things for you to eat.
The big man with the white coat and all the keys, said I would never make any friends outside the big place, well I did so there.
I'm nearly finished the friend I started making last month, she's very pretty I just need a few more bits from the place with the stones.
Hmm, I wonder if the big man with the white coat and the keys woke up yet, he always stood with his hands in his pocket and laughed when they hosed me down, so I don't think he really needed his hands,did he? they look real nice on my friend ,bit hairy though. :)

ps, Mrs Angry doesn't seem to mind Mr Angry the pilot staying with me, the milkman always stays a long time in the morning and talks to her.

[This message has been edited by tony draper (edited 14 June 2001).]

15th Jun 2001, 01:24
Oooh .... Velvet's got a 'lil friend!

Be gentle with him sweetie ...


[This message has been edited by RW-1 (edited 14 June 2001).]

Le Pen
15th Jun 2001, 02:19
how come you've got friends who come to visit? No one ever visits me anymore. No one has visited me since I drilled the hole in my head to let the insects out. Now they just keep away. I have seen people in the fireplace here but thy never stay. I think that they will be warm, but, they just turn to dust.

Tony, please can I be your friend? I am so lonely now. The whistling sound that comes fopm where my ears used to be is making me VERY tired.

I would like a friend.

I hope you want a friend.


tony draper
15th Jun 2001, 02:43
Hello Mr LE PEN,I would like another friend, but I only have three hooks in my cellar to hang friends from, and I've got to keep one for my new friend Velvet.
Still ,if you tell me were you live I will come and talk to you, I like people that make me laugh, if you talk to me and make me laugh I will bring you here with me I promise ok, not much room in my sack though, although when I think about it, I don't have to bring all of you....just the talking bit. http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

15th Jun 2001, 03:02
tony, I just don't know what to say! good god.

Velvet - please stay away!!

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 14 June 2001).]

tony draper
15th Jun 2001, 04:14
Mr Gerund doesn't want to talk to tony,
Mr Gerund says to tony's new friend Velvet, stay away.
Mr Gerund don't like tony.
Do you know were Mr Gerund lives my new friend Velvet?. :)

Code Blue
15th Jun 2001, 04:20
You could always put the broken pilot with the other young lady from the bath tub.

btw what did you do with her in the end?

tony draper
15th Jun 2001, 04:49
I believe that young lady was Mr Tricky Woo's problem, one was involved in a purely advisory capacity as it were. nought to do with one really,
WHAT? what? Oh you must excuse me, the fat man is at one's ear again. ;)

[This message has been edited by tony draper (edited 14 June 2001).]

15th Jun 2001, 11:30
Tony, I like to play with knives..... but now they only give me sponges. Can I come round and play?

tony draper
15th Jun 2001, 12:30
Knives bad, make folks come to pieces,can't fix.
Mr Nasty called tony sponger?, did bad thing,
not with knives, tony has -----little axe.

Le Pen
15th Jun 2001, 14:36
Thank you for talking to me.
I have made a special effort and would like to send you a finger that I found as a sign of friendship. The man on the radio with no batteries said that I should return the finger and the body back to the family who lost it but I cant remember where I have left it because the man with the voice has said that I cant hear him because I don't have any ears left after i tried so hard to stop the whistling in my head now that the insects have gone I am still very lonely and want a friend the finger said it would be my friend but I want to send it to you because I want to be your friend if you have any room in your sack after Velvet has been and could you take only a small part of mr Gerund because I am scared of him and he threatened to hurt a cat that i have been talking to and if you have room in your sack will you please take the finger because it will want to be your friend too.

thank you Tony.


15th Jun 2001, 14:45
Hullo Tony, how are you this morning. No you're right the big man with the white coat didn't need his hands, but if you want to make them look prettier, I would recommend shaving the hair off. If you do it very carefully, you won't hurt her and just think how pleased she will be.

Are you pleased that I sent Le Pen to be friends, he's really nice too. If you take away his talking bit, he might be a tad quieter, but if you bring a present of lots beer he'd really be quite co-operative (wait until he's drunk most of it before you do anything though).

Don't you mind Gerund, my darhlin' little goblin', we won't tell him about our secrets. If I send you some more friends will you play nicely with them.

Has Mrs Nasty finished with the milkman yet, perhaps if she gets lonely we could find a friend for her too. I know a man with very pointy teeth, he says he'd like to invite Mrs Nasty for a drink, but he can only come out after it gets dark. Can I send him over?

tony draper
15th Jun 2001, 15:46
Hello Velvet, Feel full this morning, lots of fury thing's to eat last night, miss my boiled egg off mommy in the mornings.
Sleep most of the day and go out to play at night.
Mr Jones next door not looking well last night ,went thru hole in cellar wall and up thru hole I made in his floor, nice man he lets tony use puter, though I have to untie his hand so he can log on for me, he started to look very thin, mebbee bring some of the furry thing's to keep him company tonight, do you think he will like that?.
Velvet nice name, tony like it, reminds tony of lady doctor at big place with nice blue eyes,she showed tony things, she loosened straps so tony could point at shiney things on table, "they're called scalpules tony" she said, nice things, tony have them in little tool box now , hmmm, very good for making new friends and getting new bits from the place with the stones.
Yes, blue eyes, very nice lady doctor with blue Velvet eyes like the song, pity blue eyes don't last long,they got broke and furry thing wanted them to play with, they were spoiled anyway.
Are you still coming to see tony? can you bring tony new shovel?, lost last one, not sure where now,head not work properly,lady doctor lied to tony, scalpules inside head did not fix tony,
Hmmm, pills running out fat man shouting in ear now.
Have you got blue eyes like the song Velvet?

[This message has been edited by tony draper (edited 15 June 2001).]

Captain Latte'
15th Jun 2001, 18:33
Tony, how does the fat man like your collection?

If someone even mentions the word Clarisse, I'm outta here! :)

Life's like that........

15th Jun 2001, 19:35
Tony, I'm sorry I failed you on your line check. Didn't realise it would unhinge you.

15th Jun 2001, 19:36
Velvet -

If you give that guy any hint of where I live, as in 100 mile radius, I'll never sleep again!! And I'm getting worried about you too now. Oh god - all is not what it seems. How could I have been so stupid.

Fellow Ppruners -

If I suddenely stop posting, call the police, get Danny to give them my e-mail address and get them round here QUICK. Pleeeeeease!

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 15 June 2001).]

tony draper
15th Jun 2001, 19:57
Tony is leaving now, fat man says men coming for him, men with the electric sticks like they had in the big place,tony not going back to big place, tony go and find new cellar, make friends with new furry thing's.
Have the thing daddy hide in cellar, makes folks fall down asleep,hmmm says on box, Thompson Sub Machine Gun MK11 Cal.45,daddy showed tony how to put shiney brass thing in.
Sounds like someone out side my cellar, just a minute until tony makes them fall down,
Oh, loud tony's ears ringing, can't hardly hear fat man,why does he always whisper?
hmmm will have to find new Mr Jones with a puter, don't worry tony will be back he knows where you all live, now where's little axe and tool box.
Good by Velvet--------for now, oooh blue eye's--- nice

[This message has been edited by tony draper (edited 15 June 2001).]

15th Jun 2001, 20:28
Gerund my sweetie, I thought you were made of stiffer stuff than this - what happened to the guy who disposed of five (yes count them) five bodies. Now about that burning, you were saying my dear........... :)

Tony, my little goblin', I've found your shovel - I know the man didn't want to let me have it, but he doesn't mind now. He won't bother you again when you go to visit your mother. It is a very nice shovel, I made a new place for you. When you go there again, perhaps if we go together, I can tuck you up nice and cosy in the bed next to her - I've found a nice wooden bed with a soft lining. You'll be very comfortable in there. It even has a roof to keep off the rain. Once it's shut you'll be safe from the fat man and you won't need those pills again. I've even made you a special bedtime drink.

I've velvety brown eyes not blue.

Did you remember to thank Mr Jones nicely for allowing you to use his pooter.

15th Jun 2001, 20:40
There's one HELL of a difference when one might be on the receiving end!

ickle black box
16th Jun 2001, 01:22

I wonder if you are mis-understanding who you would least rather know your address, out of the people who involved in this present predicament.

I'm sure Confusicus once said "I've seen some scary e-forum friends in my life"

[This message has been edited by ickle black box (edited 15 June 2001).]

16th Jun 2001, 02:01

Glad to see you making good friends!

If you cannot find another friend for Mrs. Nasty, just give her that stiff finger Le Pen sent you, she will find a use for it.

Gerund is just doing what we yanks call "Playing hard to get."

He likes you and would like you to be his "bestest" friend. But he is afraid of letting you see him too soon, for he is not handsome (affidavits are on file), so he is playing hide and seek, you will have to go search him out. Perhaps the others here will give you subtle clues to his location, adn you can go from there, a nice game! :)

You must tell us all about the nice visions that you will see after drinking Velvet's bedtime drink...

G 'Night!


[This message has been edited by RW-1 (edited 15 June 2001).]

Bio Warrior
16th Jun 2001, 02:13
Mr Draper hello

My name is Bio and I'm Le Pens friend the talking cat and I would like to say hello... because I hear you have furry things and I like furry things I was thinking we could be friends. Velvet is my cousin and she told me to tell you I have green eyes and being a cat I can see very well in the dark.... when you get your new cellar maybe I could come and visit and we could hunt furry things togeather and have a meal?

Belief is nine tenths of understanding

Mergatroid Alowishus
17th Jun 2001, 00:13
Air rage. Those people ain't got a chance with Tony. Whatever airlines hired him, didn't check his psychological test properly.

20th Jun 2001, 16:35
Hello Bio. Are you a furry thing too?

Shall we go Up Above and eat some more..?

They don't understand, do they?...

Bio Warrior
21st Jun 2001, 07:21
Hi cats sister of mine
It would appear that Mr Draper is afraid of us cats (I ponder whether this is because we are MUCH more skilled at the art of catching furry things than he is and as such he is intimidated...)
I am sad that he doesn't want to be my friend but it would seem I have come across a money spilling idea... if Mr Draper is afeared of us felines we could hire out our presence to those in need of Tony Draper deterent (Gerund for example) .... Now darling G' I'm sure you will see the humor and irony in this considering your dark threats of thrashing at our first aquaintence http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif .... your only chance to survive this dark threat is to have Bio Warrior Kitten and hunter of furry things at your side 24 / 7 .... :)

contented and happy purrs


Belief is nine tenths of understanding

16th Dec 2001, 13:49
be afraid
be very afraid :eek:

Kermit 180
16th Dec 2001, 14:25
Is this for real? Man, call the looney police. :eek:

Boss Raptor
16th Dec 2001, 14:35
'Ummm...lighting fires, flickering, crackling...nice'


'Torture...pain, snivelling, beast, cut you, scream...ahhh'

I learned everything from Blue Peter...

Anyway both the above should not be tried at home or if you do always get an adult to help you!


tony draper
16th Dec 2001, 14:40
Whats going on ??? has Draper been caught in a time warp, Draper didn't post that, its a conspiracy, Drapers payed his dept to society . ;)

Kermit 180
16th Dec 2001, 14:54
The comfort of distance... :)

Kaptin M
16th Dec 2001, 15:17
Poor Draper - I completely sympathise with him. I too used to fly for an employer who had an aircraft of the vintage and (sub) standard condition that you obviously are trapped in...same crap food (furry little things) - I believe B.A. call it "inflight refreshments". Ha! Refreshments my ass!

It's uncanny the effect the night flying has on you, as well...that back-of-the-clock stuff does funny things to one's mind at 3am, and then just as you think it's okay to nod off, that fricking Chief Purser (Mr Nasty) insists on entering the cockpit with blasted LOLLIES of all things! "Here's your little pill to raise your blood sugar level," the pr!ck says, as though it's some sort of medication.
The F/O has sworn he's going to stick those candies into that fat Purser's purse, one day.

Now get your head together Mr D., this night flying stuff should be only for passengers and freight!

Velvet, what did you do with that lovely little colleen from the Emerald Isle? Maybe she'd like to help Mr Draper. :D

The Guvnor
16th Dec 2001, 16:34
Kermit 180 - don't get too comfortable ... BioWarrior is a Kiwi cat!

tony draper
16th Dec 2001, 17:12
Draper using the skills he aquired from his Boys Own Sherlock Holmes Annual(1931),has deduced that this outrage has been perpetrated by some rouge Admin,.
Drapers powers of deduction suggest this because, had this been copied and pasted by a civilian, the first post would bare todays date, it does not.
Had Draper himself reposted this the same would apply.
Had some scoundrel plagerised Drapers name,and registered, the machines would have rejected this because it already exists.
This has been engineered by someone with the authority to enter the secret places on pprune, (such as the litte known Gay Pilots forum), and with some conciderable skill with these computer thingies, so, who else but a admin could do such a thing?.
Ergo, this is nothing but a foul attempt to blacken Drapers name by harking back to a time when Draper had a few personal problems. ;)

[ 16 December 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Ed Winchester
16th Dec 2001, 17:39
Either that, mr d, or somebody (dd) ventured past the first page of topics into the 'dustier and slightly curled up at the edges' pages, found your chilling memoirs and replied - bringing it back to the top again.

Just a thought, and I don't have many so I will savour it. :D

tony draper
16th Dec 2001, 17:51
Draper concidered that possibility Mr W, one belives this thread is safely locked away in the archive beyond the casual prying eye, and one is not allowed to reply or post in that sanctum.
Hmmm, this is a puzzle, one must excersise caution, one has enemies, one of these must have escaped Draper attention and is still breathing.
Hmmm now them, where has one put ones little axe.

16th Dec 2001, 21:27
Aye Mr. Draper, the past has caught up with ya, the men in white coats are just around the corner

Can ya still acces PPRuNe from the big place or is Jet Blast going to be quiet from now on?

The Guvnor
17th Dec 2001, 03:43
Not wishing to grass anyone up, but I'd say that dingducky is the miscreant responsible for bringing to light your unfortunate past, Mr Draper!

tony draper
17th Dec 2001, 04:03
Hmm This is of course a possibility MrG, Miss D could have been driven beyond the bounds of acceptable behaviour, by the loss of items of her clothing.
It is possible she is labouring under the mistaken belief that Draper is the miscreant that deprived her of her knickers.
This is ludicrous of course, Draper hails from a generation that, should the need arise one would simply order these items from ones tailor ,as these people were the souls of discretion, and were famed as suppliers of wigs, padding, ladies clothing for the nether regions ect, in large sizes for the gentry, indeed demand for this hobby made up a large degree of their business.
One hardly needs to sculk about the place lifting these items from ladies clothes lines. :(

[ 16 December 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Kaptin M
17th Dec 2001, 06:07
:eek: Mr ? Draper, are you two-timing us here on PPRuNe?
Was this a simple spelling error, or was it a subconcious confession?
""Draper using the skills he aquired from his Boys Own Sherlock Holmes Annual(1931),has deduced that this outrage has been perpetrated by some rouge Admin"

...and then THIS :eek:
"...that Draper is the miscreant that deprived her of her knickers.
This is ludicrous of course, Draper hails from a generation that, should the need arise one would simply order these items from ones tailor ,as these people were the souls of discretion, and were famed as suppliers of wigs, padding, ladies clothing for the nether regions ect, in large sizes for the gentry, indeed demand for this hobby made up a large degree of their business.
One hardly needs to sculk about the place lifting these items from ladies clothes lines." :eek:

17th Dec 2001, 09:47
I'm afraid I may have had something to do with the resurface of this thread.

See my post on page 6 of the penguin thread....

Kermit 180
17th Dec 2001, 12:01
Seems to me the Dingster is trying to deflect attention away from herself while she plans a world takeover. How about a let off for Herr Draper!

Hmmm, ponders the possibility of "Free Draper" teeshirts. :D

17th Dec 2001, 16:52
Mr Draper there is an obscure Australian film called "Bad Boy Bubby" I believe you should see.

21st Sep 2002, 17:36
To relate to Techchicks missing socks, I was looking for DingDucky's missing undies.
And stumbled on the only thread that has even sent shivers down my spine.

Drapes, you really scared the s**t out of me for a few days, did you know that? :D

tony draper
21st Sep 2002, 17:58

21st Sep 2002, 19:28
Wrong sex Drapes! :D

21st Sep 2002, 20:26
A furore normanarum libera nos, O Domina! :D

tony draper
21st Sep 2002, 20:32
Ah well ORAC, we don't say that much now, them modern scandyhooligans is a bunch of wooses . :rolleyes:

22nd Sep 2002, 12:15

them modern scandyhooligans is a bunch of wooses

nemo me impune lacessit



tony draper
22nd Sep 2002, 14:29
Cave' Canus. :rolleyes:

22nd Sep 2002, 14:58
Arsus rectum bolla

(latin was never my strongpoint)

22nd Sep 2002, 15:18

Cave' Canus.


vir sapit qui pauca loquitur



22nd Sep 2002, 15:31
Quidquid Latine dictum sit, altum videtur. :D

22nd Sep 2002, 16:17
veritas vos liberabit'


respondeat superior



22nd Sep 2002, 16:44
Who's this "Domina"? I'd like to meet her!

Cave Canus intrigues me - I know "cave canem" means "beware of the dog", but Canus isn't in my diccy.

It would be the Scots that chose "Nemo me impune lacessit", wouldn't it!

aka Cepheus

Beatus vir qui non abiit in consilio impiorum.

22nd Sep 2002, 17:21
Keef, for a man of the cloth, your inclinations are deplorable! :D

And for the rest of you lot, as my kids would say fac ut vivas ;)

tony draper
22nd Sep 2002, 17:39
Carpe cerevisi,res melius evinissent cum coca.

22nd Sep 2002, 18:13
Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi...........

tony draper
22nd Sep 2002, 18:18
Tum podem extulit horridulum!. ;)

22nd Sep 2002, 18:47
Stercus accidit. :D

22nd Sep 2002, 19:02
Du ber ikkje betre bør i bakken enn mye bra vett.
Du legg kje i veg med verre niste enn for mye øl.


Captain Stable
22nd Sep 2002, 20:39
Specially for Keef - Canis Angelicus

Capt Vegemite
22nd Sep 2002, 22:44
Like yer ancient Greek sayin's best.."We came we saw we concreted"

22nd Sep 2002, 23:02
Illiud Latine dici non potest ....



23rd Sep 2002, 13:09
Video et taceo.:)

23rd Sep 2002, 13:27

My God!! I was actually going to reply to this post.
HELP!! Get me out of here....disconnect the modem ....QUICK!!

26th Sep 2002, 20:48
Sorry, but this is all Greek to me.

El Grifo
26th Sep 2002, 23:51
Do you do kids parties ???

:eek: :eek:

27th Sep 2002, 00:04
Jeez, the only Latin I can think of is 'Mons Veneris'. :p

27th Sep 2002, 08:35
Tinnie, targeted knowledge instead of useless erudition. ;)

27th Sep 2002, 12:21
Flaps, I thought Mr. D's past misdemeanors were safely buried in the past. Now that you have reminded him of the dark times will he remain stable

or will the voices return.............

will he find his box of scalpels........or the spade?

Maybe that's what happened to, dare I say the name,...dingducky

I'm listening carefully for the patter of his furry friends feet.......

28th Sep 2002, 15:35
Hiya Flaps.

'Introitus' also comes to mind... :)