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Wherethefoxhat
14th Jun 2001, 14:44
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For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rule when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get
points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any
points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is
played. Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed........................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..................... 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.............................-1
You leave the toilet seat up.............-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
in the snow..............................+8
but return with beer and no liners...................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's her cat............................-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party..... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy......-2
Named Tiffany............................-4
Tiffany is a dancer......................-10
With breast implants.....................-18

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday..................0
You buy a card and flowers.................0
You take her out to dinner............... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night...........-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team........-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal...........................0
The pal is happily married...............+1
The pal is single.........................-7
He drives a Ferrari.....................-10
With a personalized license plate (G0A-69)........-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie...............+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate......+6
You take her to a movie you like......-2
It's called Death Cop 3...............-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly......-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to lose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...........................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one
too.".................-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding...............-10
You say,"Where?"........................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"...-100
Any other response.......................-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression....................0
You listen, for over 30minutes............+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar
>experience........+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do"......................-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..............+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen
asleep............-200



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You know my parents said when you go to Australia.....wearthefoxhat! think about it

Feeton Terrafirma
14th Jun 2001, 17:58
I must concur that the party is a no win situation. I'm sure parties (as opposed to sports bars) were invented by women, for women, as tool to use against men.

Isn't it strange how it's always the fault of the man?? ALWAYS??


Please note that there are no winking smiling icons in this post. The subject matter is far to serious for that.

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I'm not a PPRuNe addict. (just need one more post)

[This message has been edited by Feeton Terrafirma (edited 14 June 2001).]

Grainger
15th Jun 2001, 01:04
That's how it is round my place.

I do something wrong, then my life's not worth living for hours if not days, depending on the severity of the offence.

She does something wrong and if I have the temerity to mention it, before you know it's all been twisted round and somehow my fault - life not worth living again etc.

Equality ? When do we get that then ?

[This message has been edited by Grainger (edited 14 June 2001).]

McD
15th Jun 2001, 05:51
Well done! I must say, that after reading JB for nearly 4 years now, it takes a VERY good post to inspire me to "laugh-out-loud-until-my-sides-hurt" laughter. Your post did it! The parts about the Physique and the Big Question were especially hilarious!!!