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dingducky
29th Oct 2001, 14:54
When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.

As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if f you value your life.*

If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

Do not take *anything* from the dead.

Eric
29th Oct 2001, 15:42
And if you're investigating a suspicious noise NEVER walk backwards, and NEVER stop in front of an open door :eek: :eek:

ShyTorque
29th Oct 2001, 17:58
Always service your car properly and keep it full of fuel.

Don't shower alone....

Don't EVER make friends with a women with her own iceaxe.

Don't put your fingers in electric sockets.

Sorry, that last one is just general advice :)

sweety
29th Oct 2001, 18:29
Switch off the lights and pretend you are not at home!

Don't be alone, even if the only person you can be with doesn't turn you on! ( alittlesillyreally)

If you have alot of stuff you don't like any more, give it to "Trick or Treaters"!

If you notice that the person's you've called to be with you so you wouldn't be alone eyes are turning yellow get rid of him straight away.

Now when I read all that I think What a ****, but I guess I'm just scared......so I don't know what I'm talking about!?

Will anybody be there for me? If I'll have to stay alone!?

:(

Loki
29th Oct 2001, 23:34
When the car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, during a terrible thunderstorm, at 1am, phone the AA on your mobile. Do not go up to the desrted mansion with the overgrown garden. Do not ring the doorbell, and if you hear organ music from within, run like hell!

HugMonster
29th Oct 2001, 23:40
"There's a light over at the Frankenstein place...
There's a light burning in the fireplace..."

:eek:

TR4A
29th Oct 2001, 23:52
1. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

2. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

3. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

4. I your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

5. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

6. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had a full tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

7. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

8. If the walls of your house start to bleed and a disembodied voice tells you to "Get Out", listen to the damn thing.

9. That door to door salesman with the green complexion and strange maggot looking things oozing out of his skin is not here to sell you a vacuum cleaner, ginsu knives, or the holiday of a lifetime.

10. You know the monster isn't really dead, I know the monster isn't really dead, so why the hell are we hanging around clapping each other on the back?

11. Never, under any circumstances, have sex in a car on a moonlit night after watching that spectacular meteorite shower.

12. That car behind you that's flashing it's lights just wants you to stop so they can kill you. Unless it's to warn you about the homicidal maniac hiding in the back seat which means your dead anyway so you might as well drive into that tree. Not that it really matters because a mad scientist is just going to reanimate your body so that you can feast on the brains of your friends and relatives.

13. Do not, under any circumstances, bury dead relatives in an old Indian burial ground.

14. Do not, under any circumstances, bury live relatives in an old Indian burial ground.

15. Old abandoned houses are not ideal places to have sex.

16. Do not talk to the clown that's hiding in the drain, regardless of how many balloons he offers you.

17. You can not kill homicidal maniacs that wear hockey or Halloween masks, or ones that carry chain saws, so don't even try. Just leave the country.

18. When your insane relative that you kept locked in the basement or attic comes to kill you, don't come crying to me.

19. A country town that appears to be populated with nothing but children is not an ideal vacation spot.

20. Neither is a beach town where there is a large shark swimming about.

.. . . and MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL. . .
REMEMBER TO FLOSS AFTER EATING ALL THAT CANDY.

sanjosebaz
30th Oct 2001, 00:00
... and if you are considering testing your new teleport machine on yourself, take some fly spray in with you :p

[ 29 October 2001: Message edited by: sanjosebaz ]

PlasticCabDriver
30th Oct 2001, 00:24
Don't forget, if you are attending a high school reunion, in an abandoned school, in a thunderstorm, with all the doors inexplicably locked and your old school friends being horribly murdered one by one (including the 'used to see each other cheerleader/quarterback popular couple' who have just nipped off to have a shag), the very best idea is to split up and go and search in the basement.
It is an even better idea if there is a power cut and the batteries on your torch have just run out.
But, if you are the 'dorky' one, or the old school nerd, you may as well sit down, have a beer and chill, because you always survive until morning.

[edited for crap spolling]

[ 29 October 2001: Message edited by: PlasticCabDriver ]

Lestat
30th Oct 2001, 09:55
I guess you could have lots of fun teaching the neighbours annoying brats some latin then........

:D :D :D

Quote: If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

dingducky
30th Oct 2001, 11:08
don't go wandering around in a white nightie! ;)

Grainger
30th Oct 2001, 13:54
would that be with or without the undies, ducks ?

Dammit, now I've got to go and sit in that bucket of cold water again.... ;)

divingduck
31st Oct 2001, 01:14
Geeezzz....lots of Buffy and Angel fans out there obviously.....

Not that I EVER watch those programs.... :D

Never ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to.. (ATCO maxim)