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Islander Jock
29th Oct 2001, 13:34
I know this topic has been done before but flying JHB - PER today on approach after all final cabin checks were complete came the announcement from purser "Keben Croo - SIT, STAY"
:)
The pax loved it.

sanjosebaz
29th Oct 2001, 13:43
A while ago, following a gusty cross-wind arrival, the captain announced:
"Apologies for the last 5 minutes, but just think what that would have cost you in Disneyland!"

RW-1
31st Oct 2001, 02:13
Airline passengers can be very demanding and hard to please... hence the following true story. Miami to New York is always a tough audience. Everyone who boards the plane wants cards, kiddie books, and anything that is "free". One passenger asked for everything that wasn't nailed down, and just couldn't be placated, so when the meals were served, it wasn't a surprise that he tugged on the flight attendant's apron while she was serving coffee with the following complaint.

Pax: "Oh, miss, miss...this steak...it's such a bad steak...I can't eat this steak...I've never had such a bad steak."

F/A: "I'm sorry sir, let me see if I can take care of that steak for you."

The F/A put her coffee pot and tray on the floor, picked up the steak from the passenger's plate and proceeded to spank it while saying, "Bad steak, bad steak!"

She put the steak back on the stunned passenger's plate and said, "I'm sure it will behave now, sir."

Picked up her coffee pot and went on through the cabin.

---------

After a particularly rough flight, the airliner pilot addresses his passengers:

"The turbulance we passed through was rough, but we are through it now."

The pilot was unaware that his PA switch was stuck on, and leaned over to the co-pilot and said "Boy, was that rough! What I need now is a hot woman and a cold beer."

A flight attendant in the rear of the aircraft heard this, and ran forward to warn the pilot.

As she neared the cockpit, an elderly woman passenger stopped her saying "Don't forget the beer!"

sirwa69
31st Oct 2001, 15:06
Their all old stories, so's this but it is my favourite.

The BA flight to Saudi Arabia was about to land and the Captain made the following announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are about to land in Riyad. Please set your watches back 600 years to local time"

Alledgedly he got sacked for that, shame. :D :D :D

Bally Heck
31st Oct 2001, 15:12
I was on a BM flight once. During the safety demo, the cabin manager, a very camp chap indeed pointed out that the lifejacket was:

"fitted with a light that illuminates on contact with the water and a whistle to attract the attention of passing sailors" :)

Evening Star
31st Oct 2001, 20:00
Pretty cool announcement on a KLM flight last week.

"Please remain seated until we have come to a halt and the seat belt sign is switched off. That includes the gentleman who has just stood up .... yes you sir, thats right, you with the glasses .... would you please sit back down .... thank you."

Impressively effective I thought. Gave the rest of us SLF a good show as well.

Celtic Emerald
31st Oct 2001, 20:25
On an Aer Lingus flight to Lourdes filled with pilgrims back in the 60's/70's the captain forgot the PA was on & said something derogatary like 'What a load of religious fanatics in the back praying all the time' or something to that effect(they were all probably reciting the rosary as they were prone to do). In the very religious, conservative Ireland of the time it didn't go down at all well but secretly alot of people thought it was very funny and I'd say the poor captain got a right telling off!

Emerald

LowNSlow
31st Oct 2001, 22:09
On a flight to LHR from Jeddah a pal of mine was given a load of grief by a local gent for consuming some of Scotland's finest while still in Saudi airspace. As soon as said gent thought he was in "infidel" airspace he played tunes on the call button to get some booze.

The FA, who had witnessed the previous exchange,politely asked him what he wanted.

He wasn't very happy when she refused to serve him alcohol as he was a Saudi national. :D

He then had the cheek to ask my pal to get him a drink. No prizes for guessing the answer to that one ;) ;)

henry crun
1st Nov 2001, 01:39
During the Korean war a USAF C54 was about to depart Japan for Korea.
A grizzled old master sergeant was giving a safety briefing to the handful of passengers.

"In the event of a ditching there is under your seat a sort of rubberised overall which is called an immersion suit.
That'l keep you warm while you are drowning"

PaperTiger
1st Nov 2001, 22:16
Post-landing announcement on a low-cost (blue and turqouise) Canadian line.
'Ladies and gentlemen, we are able to offer low fares by having volunteers clean the cabin between flights. If you would like to help us, please signify by standing up before the seatbelt sign goes out'.

Celtic Emerald
6th Nov 2001, 21:11
I was sitting beside a guy on a flight once & he told me a story about flying in Africa once as a pax. As the aircraft was landing a part fell off the plane.

Over the PA came the captains soothing voice with was possibly meant as reassurance:

'Well atleast it didn't fall off in midflight' :eek:

Emerald

con-pilot
6th Nov 2001, 21:52
The best one I ever heard was one a Southwest Airline flight.

After a very firm (hard) landing a Flight Attendent got on the PA and made the following announcement,

"Ladies and Gentlemen we would like to apologize for that hard landing. But it wasn't the Captain's fault, it wasn't the First Officer's fault. (pause) It was the asphalt."

I have used that a few times myself.

(Edited for spelling as usual.)

;)

[ 06 November 2001: Message edited by: con-pilot ]